fanchen168的作文贴，求拍！

fanchen168UID: 2786527

我N战了已经，现在开始每天写作文了 希望各位大哥大姐强拍！多照顾！我刚来还不是很熟悉。

fanchen168UID: 2786527

10.10独立作文：

10月10日 20100306NA Some people believe that people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic; Others believe that people should focus on achieving realistic goals. What’s your opinion and why? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Why do people have dreams? Because people are not satisfied their present life and want to change. No one can deny that it is a good thing but different person have different attitude of life. Some people have a positive attitude that believes all things will become good and have great ambition to do what they really want to do; even the goals are not realistic. In contrast, some people more focus on achieving realistic goals because they are visible and touchable. Maybe both these two attitudes are reasonable but I prefer the first one that people following their ambition than focus on achieving realistic goals. The reasons are as follows:

Firstly, people don’t know how they are good without do something they believe they cannot do. Only by trying they can find the peak of their life. In other words, people should do something new to approach their ambitious dreams and goals. There is a good example, Steve jobs, CEO of apple. He was born in a normal family with little income. He is very interested in math and computer when he was young, when he was seventeen years old he developing his first software and sold it to a big company. And then, when he went into the university he face the choice that if he should pursue the dream that become a good programmer and designer. As people in that generation don’t know how computer can change the way people live. He prove it by his effort, so he study math and computer programming well and he is also a good printer because he think computer in that age is ugly and have a unfriendly interface. Like the MS-DOS operating system, it is very hard to use it by people who not good at computer language. So he decided to develop a new operating system with friendly interface and all people can use it easily. When he found the partner who has the same goal in computer, he abandons his bachelor degree to start the company. This is a hard choice because he abandons his college career. All in all, his success is the persisting of dreams.

Then, people who have ambitious dreams and goals can more focus on the right thing. If you live in a small circle you cannot find the way to change, you just do the same thing without any advancement. For example, if someone studies in a bad college, he or she will have no chance to access the most advance technology and thought. Even though they do well in their position, but that is less of value. So people need to have great ambition to make their dreams and goals become true. You know what you do with great advancement.

Finally, if someone only focuses the realistic goals, he or she will be tired and feel boring in it. As we all known that people never feel tired when doing something they want to do. If you doing something you interested in with great passion, you will have huge energy and power to do it. This is also a good memory when you effort in it. But when people become realistic, for example, some students only focus on their GPA and grades, so that they have no time to do the thing they are interested in, like play instruments and writing the poem. Day by day, people will become tired. But when they realize this, it is too late to catch the goal.

In conclusion, I think people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals with effort. But this is not a word. This is a long way to go. Just have a good plan, and try your bust to do it, you will find a new world.
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真心求拍！我的QQ 461 四个五 18
我还不知道和谁分一组
谢谢啊

lihao4263116UID: 3136971

看上去第一眼，表示鸭梨很大，字数太多，不晓得你30min能不能打完。
第一段，太过冗长，只需要简单叙述背景即可。另外，注意单复数，有个别错误。
第二段：people don’t know how they are good without do something they believe they cannot do.这句话我都没看懂，chinglish，语法也有严重错误。
Only by trying they can 也错误，应该是only by trying can they...后面的find peak是什么意思啊？发现高峰？用achieve不好点？
he developing his first software  。应该developed
he face the choice that if he should pursue the dream that become 应该是 he faced a choice whether he should pursue the dream to become.
so he study math and computer programming well and he is also a good printer because he think computer in that age is ugly and have a unfriendly interface  我想说，你之前说的和so后面说的有什么联系吗？
it is very hard to use it by people who not good at computer language这句话出现几处问题。我理解你要表达的意思，可以这么说：people who are not specialized in computer language have difficulty in handle it.
friendly interface ....friendly window
第二段语法就不说了，很烂。跟悲剧的是，你的论点论据没踩在点上。这是一个很严重的问题
后面也看了下。问题和前面很相似
几点建议：重新学一下语法。很直白的说，这么烂的语法作文能够上20分已经是奇迹了。如果语法不过关，再考几次t都没用，所以你需要补基础
还有，句式要多变，你的句式很单一，稍微变幻一下还用错了。
总之，打好基础，掌握更多的句型，另外单词量也需要提升，都是简单词汇。
语法，句型，词汇。这三点都是你的短板，好好努力吧