issue42

jennyleileiUID: 113742

谢谢木耳。
其他人给点意见好不好
每次都这样还每几个人看都丢到了三四页后
这不 今天又这样了
自己顶！
5555~~~我自己都帮好几个人看了作文，为什么没有人帮我？

blake_wangUID: 9871

快要考试啦，时间紧啊。
1,well, in paragraph 2 if a survey or statistics are provided your point will be more convincing.
2,paragraph 3's experiment conducted in US is quite good.but, details about which college and voices about some subjectives will increase the credibility of your example.
3,the main point of paragraph 4 seems too complicated, as you have many ideas to express in one paragraph. right?

jennyleileiUID: 113742

谢谢大家，意见都很好 偶按你们的意见把作文又改了一遍。
感觉比最初的好多了。