issue190 饿死了还要art的一篇文章 待批

xbdebbUID: 142129

21>As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive , the use of public resources to support the arts is inappropriate and perhaps , even cruel when one considers all the potential uses of such money.
In the title statement , the author asserts that only when there is no hungry and unemployment , it is reasonable for government to support art. I strongly disagree with the author : whenever the times is , whatever the living condition is , it is necessary and crucial to support art in order that the society can  survive and thrive.
Firstly, if arts can not be supported to develop and thrive as long as there are still any people who can not make a living , then arts will never have the chance to develop , as there are always some hungry , no matter in the past , today , even in the future. In this sense , the author' s claim is ridiculous to assume such an absolute precondition.
Secondly, considering the hungry and unemployment , it seems that it is indispensable to support such persons in order that they can make a living , however, we should not neglect that even though  we  support them once and supply them enough foods and clothes even some jobs, we can not guarantee that all of which is eternal , when they use out the providers and lost their jobs again, will the government still supply again and again till their death ? Impossible! In this sense , supporting the poor only servers as diminishing their independence which is the bedrock of our human beings .Whoever the government or the poor does not wish to see such things happen.  However, on the other hand , let us see what will happen when the government support the arts ?  Once the arts are invented and showed to the public , they will provide them with spiritual support by encouraging them to work hard , to struggle against the bad lives .Once the poor assess the motivates to survive , it is not hard at all to find all kinds of ways to make a living , which in the long run resolve the hungry and unemployment . What a wonderful support ! No doubt about it!
Last, but not least , arts serving as a mirror make us and future generations gaze into insight the history of past which is a source of precedent and precondition to alert us to avoid making repeating mistakes.
Further, art can purify our minds to form a correct attitude toward life whatever poor or affluent. As a result , even if when we confront some difficult such as hungry and unemployment the title mentioned, we have the confidence to go through them and succeed . Beethoven a excellent composer is a fitting example . He once said ( ):" I am completely absorbed in my music , and nothing can prevent me from suicide except art. "  Simply put, the benefit of supporting arts over exceeds the one of supporting the poor only by material and economic funding.
In sum , without complete consideration , the author conclude such a ridiculous assertion . According to the analysis and proof above , we can safely and undoubtedly conclude that left to choose which one to support  the poor or the arts, we will not hesitate a moment to choose the latter one .

xbdebbUID: 142129

大家给看看吗

木耳UID: 123036

论述最好客观公正。带有强烈主观色彩或者是口号性的话最好少用，如：
What a wonderful support ! No doubt about it!Impossible!
几段都缺少例子，补充一些。
further那一段和第二段好象有些重复
还有你的总论点in order that the society can survive and thrive
survive 和thrive在征文中芬的不是很清，逻辑有些乱
还有政府不该资助穷人的论点不太合适不太合适，也有些跑题
我的提纲：
1和你的一样，不可能没有饥饿，贫穷；而艺术对人类发展是必不可少的，所以在任何时候都要给艺术适当支持
2艺术不是虚幻的，他同样可以是人们谋生的手段，所以资助艺术，在一定程度上也是资助穷人。
3艺术可以使人精神振奋，战胜穷困

其实最主要的缺点还是缺少例证，口号假设多了一些，文章显得单薄。多练练。

migrantUID: 135819

整篇文章很流畅, 观点也很好,特别是后两个,指出几出错误
we should not neglect that even though we support them once and supply them enough foods and clothes even some jobs(两个even在一起,感觉不太通顺)we should not neglect that despite we could support them once what they want, such as food, clothes and even jobs.
no matter in the past , today , even(or) in the future (更通顺一些)
use out
Whoever the government or the poor does not wish to see such things happen
Neither government or the poors wants to see such things happen.
However, on the other hand , let us see what will happen when the government support(s) the arts ?
Once the arts are invented and showed to the public , they will provide them with spiritual support by encouraging them to work hard 改为 Once the arts are invented and showed to the public, those arts will provide people with the spiritual supports by encouraging them to work harder.这样好像指带要更明确一点
it is not hard at all to find all kinds of ways to make a living 不需要所有吧?有自己的一种谋生方式就行了!
Last, but not least , arts serving(served)  as a mirror make us and future (later)generations(或 progenies) gaze into insight (可去掉或用副词形式放到前面去)the history of past which is a source of precedent and precondition to alert us to avoid making repeating(repeat) mistakes
without complete consideration
without careful consideration
the author conclude such a ridiculous assertion
the author's assertion is too ridiculous

migrantUID: 135819

我还觉得结尾可以改以下,有点象, 而且应该在写长点.
有什么不同意的我们可以再讨论.
问一句:你花了多长时间写/

xbdebbUID: 142129

最初由 migrant 发布
[B]我还觉得结尾可以改以下,有点象, 而且应该在写长点.
有什么不同意的我们可以再讨论.
问一句:你花了多长时间写/ [/B]

严格控制在４０分钟内，　５分钟检查，　开始红线有２０多个，现在只有几个了　嘿嘿　
结尾，　我认为就总结一下下了，　要是汉语我会喊要为共产主义奋斗是类的　
可是，　
我还是觉得结尾很不爽，　您都是嘛结尾呀？？？　！
我背了写摸板　，　可是不想用觉得是浪费时间，　凑字树

xbdebbUID: 142129

谢谢migrant　对我的细心批改，　我这人很粗枝大叶　嘿嘿
你的文章在那？　见识一下结尾　

xbdebbUID: 142129

论述最好客观公正。带有强烈主观色彩或者是口号性的话最好少用，如：
What a wonderful support ! No doubt about it!Impossible!（我想这样让ets有点新鲜的感觉　嘿嘿）

几段都缺少例子，补充一些。
further那一段和第二段好象有些重复

这提的很一针见血，　恩，　很感谢



还有你的总论点in order that the society can survive and thrive
survive 和thrive在征文中芬的不是很清，逻辑有些乱
还有政府不该资助穷人的论点不太合适不太合适，也有些跑题

可是我认为，　不这样写就觉得应该支持穷人了，你是从哪个角度写的？

最后我推断你的英语功底，底蕴很deep　嘿嘿

木耳UID: 123036

政府资助穷人和你的论点并不矛盾啊！不是说资助了穷人就不能资助艺术家了。如果要说的话，也要是批那种授之以鱼的资助方法，你好像也是这个意思。其实可以这样说：政府可以通过对街头流浪汉进行培训把他们都变成街头艺术家（我胡编的，别当真），使他们脱贫。这不是及资助了艺术，又援助了穷人？

我想这样让ets有点新鲜的感觉

新鲜固然好，不过任何论点都要有充足的论据，无论是例证，推理，还是合理的假设一种情况。

严格控制在４０分钟内

强悍！！我得50分钟。欲哭无泪~~~

xbdebbUID: 142129

又谢木耳，　你的那篇加精文章我可是打印出来眼读的，　很好，你的逻辑性很强　
不过有一出矛盾的地方，　前文说every　one　has　responsibiliy　可是举例时却说someone　who　has　no－－　大抵是这样的　
例外你句号后，　又加and干吗，　还是－－－
你最近没出新作，　很想看看，　我有铁了一篇　casebycase那篇，　有空侃侃！　真希望你看，你的意见很中肯！！

木耳UID: 123036

前文说every　one　has　responsibiliy　可是举例时却说someone　who　has　no－－　大抵是这样的
多谢多谢！

例外你句号后，　又加and干吗，　还是－－－
我记得见过这种用法，表示一种并列或是不强的递进。我再查一下。

新作当然有拉，一会就贴出来，供大家批判。
还有，刚才第一次打字还不是很熟的清款下在45分钟内打了篇500字的issue,虽说比起一个半小时的作品还差得远，不过总有进步。哈哈哈