issue219

blake_wangUID: 9871

219 "Now that computer technology has made possible the rapid accessing of large amounts of factual information, people are less likely than ever to think deeply or originally. They feel unable to compete with -- much less contribute to -- the quantity of information that is now available electronically."

Recently the invention of new technologies such as the worldwide computer network and telecommunication network is improving the quality of our daily lives as never before. For example, our daily lives includes emails which make available convenient correspondence at home with friends, associates and even strangers and mobile phones which facilitate instant communication with families, boss and clients. Unfortunately, such an information revolution simultaneously brings new painful problems to people’s lives; humanities are in danger of loosing their born talents of meaningful and original thinking.
Take Internet webs, for example, tremendous quantities of factual information are stuffing the viewers’ brain while deeply rooted issues are neglected for lacking of enough time to ponder. Monica, one primary school student, told investigators in a recent survey that aims to research the influence of information technology with students’ capacity of reasoning, “ I download everything for my homework. Internet has prepared a bunch of answers well.” No wonder that principal of a public high school in Shanghai, the biggest city of China, urged more responsibilities on parents whose kids are surging on the internet daily.
Why do people surrender to the innovation of technologies that are introduced by human themselves and how can we regain our cherished talents of thinking that distinguished ancestors of humans from apes and even the animal kingdoms? I believe several critical actions ought to be taken.
First, the efficiency that has been brought by instant communication tools should not be canceled out by humans’ unlimited desires and wants to create higher efficiency in restricted periods which tend to jeopardize peoples’ leisure time. It seems we are burdening ourselves with our talents till the unbearable ends. Jose, one top manager of an information technology company once complained, “ I’ve always been an efficient expert when I was reading M.B.A. programs in Harvard. But lines of internet meetings, series of phone calls and even piles of emails drowns me out. So, don’t care so much about the thought of career as a professional manager.” Efficiency in turn makes more efficiency demands and thus leads to a cycling disaster. But after one management innovation of this company, new rules that employees were banned from additional work were carried out. This company received a rank of top 50 on the list of national productive enterprises the same year.
Second, information viewer should reduce times of their access to more information that even attempts a stoic character than they need. If people limit their temptation of preoccupation with new information to the same level as decades ago, more leisure time with families and deeply thought of important issues become possible. Statistics show that 90 percent of the population of college students became more interested in deep problems and such discussions with professors than only 30 percent of the same college of students who had only little interests in such problems after a campaign purporting to resist the temptation of meaningless dandling on the web.
Finally, meaningful talking among families and in companies can prevent interpersonal relationship crisis that has increased in quantities since high-speed electronic media replace our natural tendency of talking with others. Turning of TV, and talking with father and mother in the family for an hour after supper, or talking directly to your boss or your employees instead of a phone or an email, can produce more meaningful and long-term solutions to our current issues concerning generation gap and good relationship of employment.
In sum, several solutions to meaningful and deep thoughts are discussed despite the adversely influence of new technologies. Technologies alone could not change humanity into passively information receivers and organism under the control of machines that new technologies bring out. Humans can create more approaches to overcome the malign effects of high-speed information innovations and make good use of them someday.
(634 words)

imongUID: 140258

219 "Now that computer technology has made possible the rapid accessing of large amounts of factual information, people are less likely than ever to think deeply or originally. They feel unable to compete with -- much less contribute to -- the quantity of information that is now available electronically."

Recently the invention of new technologies such as the worldwide computer network and telecommunication network is improving the quality of our daily lives as never before. (as 什么 have never done before ) For example, our daily lives includes （include不好） emails which make available convenient correspondence at home with friends, associates and (and?with吧) even strangers and mobile phones which facilitate（facilitate不好，mobile phone本身就是instant communication啊） instant communication with families, boss and clients. Unfortunately, such an information revolution simultaneously brings new painful problems to people’s lives; humanities are in danger of loosing their born talents of meaningful and original thinking.

Take Internet webs(直接Take the Internet), for example, tremendous quantities of factual information are stuffing the viewers’ brain while deeply rooted issues are neglected for lacking of enough time to ponder. Monica, one primary school student, told investigators in a recent survey that aims to research the influence of information technology with students’ capacity of reasoning, “ I download everything for my homework. Internet has prepared a bunch of answers well.” No wonder that principal of a public high school in Shanghai, the biggest city of China, urged more responsibilities (?responsibility无关或者不够)on parents whose kids are surging on the internet daily.

Why do people surrender to the innovation of technologies that are introduced by human themselves and how can we regain our cherished talents of thinking that distinguished ancestors of humans from apes and even the animal kingdoms? I believe several critical actions ought to be taken.

First, the efficiency that has been brought by instant communication tools should not be canceled out by humans’ unlimited desires and wants to create higher efficiency in restricted periods which tend to jeopardize peoples’ leisure time.（没看懂） It seems we are burdening ourselves with our talents till the unbearable ends. Jose, one top manager of an information technology company once complained, “ I’ve always been an efficient expert when I was reading M.B.A. programs in Harvard. But lines of internet meetings, series of phone calls and even piles of emails drowns me out. So, don’t care so much about the thought of career as a professional manager.” Efficiency in turn makes more efficiency demands and thus leads to a cycling disaster(vicious circle恶性循环). But after one management innovation of this company, new rules that employees were banned from additional work were carried out. This company received a rank of top 50 on the list of national productive enterprises the same year.

Second, information viewer should reduce times of their access to more information that even attempts a stoic character than they need. If people limit their temptation of preoccupation with new information to the same level as decades ago, more leisure time with families and deeply thought of important issues become possible. Statistics show that 90 percent of the population of college students became more interested in deep problems and such discussions with professors than only 30 percent of the same college of students who had only little interests in such problems after a campaign purporting to resist the temptation of meaningless dandling on the web.

Finally, meaningful talking among families and in companies can prevent interpersonal relationship crisis that has increased in quantities since high-speed electronic media replace our natural tendency of talking with others. Turning of TV, and talking with father and mother in the family for an hour after supper, or talking directly to your boss or your employees instead of a phone or an email, can produce more meaningful and long-term solutions to our current issues concerning generation gap and good relationship of employment.

In sum, several solutions to meaningful and deep thoughts are discussed despite the adversely influence of new technologies. Technologies alone could not change humanity into passively information receivers and organism under the control of machines that new technologies bring out. Humans can create more approaches to overcome the malign effects of high-speed information innovations and make good use of them someday.
(634 words)
看到一半就觉得这种风格以前没有见过，所以改得有所保留，会不会有好效果不敢判断，但是至少transition上还是要下功夫。

sacrabUID: 140880

219 "Now that computer technology has made possible the rapid accessing of large amounts of factual information, people are less likely than ever to think deeply or originally. They feel unable to compete with -- much less contribute to -- the quantity of information that is now available electronically."

Recently the invention of new technologies such as the worldwide computer network and telecommunication network is improving the quality of our daily lives as never before.  For example, our daily lives includes emails which make available convenient correspondence at home with friends, associates and  even strangers and mobile phones which facilitate instant communication with families, boss and clients. Unfortunately, such an information revolution simultaneously brings new painful problems to people’s lives; humanities are in danger of loosing their born talents of meaningful and original thinking. （introduction写得很不错，至少我这么认为）

Take Internet webs for example, tremendous quantities of factual information are stuffing the viewers’ brain while deeply rooted issues are neglected for lacking of enough time to ponder. Monica, one primary school student, told investigators in a recent survey that aims to research the influence of information technology with students’ capacity of reasoning, “ I download everything for my homework. Internet has prepared a bunch of answers well.” No wonder that principal of a public high school in Shanghai, the biggest city of China, urged more responsibilitieson parents whose kids are surging（surfing?） on the internet daily.

Why do people surrender to the innovation of technologies that are introduced by human themselves and how can we regain our cherished talents of thinking that distinguished ancestors of humans from apes and even the animal kingdoms?（这句话好长好长啊，有我风范，开个玩笑：）） I believe several critical actions ought to be taken.

First, the efficiency that has been brought by instant communication tools should not be canceled out by humans’ unlimited desires and wants to create higher efficiency in restricted periods which tend to jeopardize peoples’ leisure time（你是不是想说由于instant communication的高效，而人们又是追求高效的，以至于他们除了正常工作之外还加班加点？） It seems we are burdening ourselves with our talents till the unbearable ends. Jose, one top manager of an information technology company once complained, “ I’ve always been an efficient expert when I was reading M.B.A. programs in Harvard. But lines of internet meetings, series of phone calls and even piles of emails drowns me out. So, don’t care so much about the thought of career as a professional manager.” Efficiency in turn makes more efficiency demands and thus leads to a cycling disaster. But after one management innovation of this company, new rules that employees were banned from additional work were carried out. This company received a rank of top 50 on the list of national productive enterprises the same year.（觉得这段是在一个assumption上面论述的，就是 humans’ unlimited desires and wants to create higher efficiency，有点站不住脚 ）

Second, information viewer should reduce times of their access to more information that even attempts a stoic character than they need. If people limit their temptation of preoccupation with new information to the same level as decades ago, more leisure time with families and deeply thought of important issues become possible. Statistics show that 90 percent of the population of college students became more interested in deep problems and such discussions with professors than only 30 percent of the same college of students who had only little interests in such problems after a campaign purporting to resist the temptation of meaningless dandling on the web.

Finally, meaningful talking among families and in companies can prevent interpersonal relationship crisis that has increased in quantities since high-speed electronic media replace our natural tendency of talking with others. Turning of TV, and talking with father and mother in the family for an hour after supper, or talking directly to your boss or your employees instead of a phone or an email, can produce more meaningful and long-term solutions to our current issues concerning generation gap and good relationship of employment.

In sum, several solutions to meaningful and deep thoughts are discussed despite the adversely influence of new technologies. Technologies alone could not change humanity into passively information receivers and organism under the control of machines that new technologies bring out. Humans can create more approaches to overcome the malign effects of high-speed information innovations and make good use of them someday.
我觉得不是blake的风格不同，而是blake的文章没有说到点子上，文章应该阐述作者对题干文字的看法，然后用各种方法来证明自己的看法，现在blake只用了一段同意题干的看法，然后直接就去找相应的解决办法了，我认为不对，应该注重讲 computer technology 怎么是人们丧失critical thinking。
p.s 我以前看过很多篇research paper，自己也写过，发觉blake的文章象在写research paper,口气很象，而且也是引经据典的，你是不是也经常写research paper啊？

blake_wangUID: 9871

我先来反击sacrab的观点中的一个核心问题，imong的观点有空再回复。
我想sacrab肯定读过ETS6分范文，TOPIC是：“our declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no politician, philosopher,or was ever could. environmental problems are globle in scope and respect no nation's boundaries. therefore, people are faced with the choice of unity and cooperation on the one hand or disunity and a common tragedy onthe other."
作者的文章我这里暂时略去，如需要我到精华区贴过来。ETS的评论是：while acknowledging that environmental problems are serious and of global dimensions, the discussion explores the comlexity of international cooperation. such cooperation, the paper argues, runs into a variety of problems, and the writer offers persuasive examples to support that point:后面省略。
按理说，这篇文章应该论述：环境问题为什么需要国际合作，没有国际合作为什么就是悲剧。否则就是跑题。但是作者开头主旨就说国际合作解决环境问题有麻烦，文章主题部分一一列举了几个麻烦导致国际合作进行不下去了，最后作者呼吁没有国际合作解决环境问题悲剧就一定会来。
ETS为什么认为这篇文章没有跑题？
同样，我的这篇文章 “只用了一段同意题干的看法，然后直接就去找相应的解决办法了”，正如sacrab所说，确实是这个意思。难道真的跑题了吗？我也有问号。

民主表决一下。

sacrabUID: 140880

先转载ETS的要求如下：
The Issue task allows considerable latitude in the way you respond to the claim.  Although it is important that you address the central issue, you are free to take any approach you wish.  For example, you might


1.agree absolutely with the claim, disagree completely, or agree with some parts and not others
2.question the assumptions the statement seems to be making
3.qualify any of its terms, especially if the way you define or apply a term is important to developing your perspective on the issue
4.point out why the claim is valid in some situations but not in others
5.evaluate points of view that contrast with your own perspective
5.develop your position with reasons that are supported by several relevant examples or by a single extended example



Copyright ?2003 Educational Testing Service

我觉得那篇范文跟你这篇文章有所不同，虽然他在说明环保的国际合作上是没有一点论述，但其实那篇文章的观点是偏向negative的partially agree，正如你所引的ETS的评论，他全盘接受题干，但是又指出实际操作中有很多问题，来证明环保的国际合作不可能，他举的那么多例子都是说明这些问题的。我认为ETS的评语讲的就是这个意思。这个写法并没有跳出ETS对issue的要求：有position，且充分论证了position
你的文章和他不一样在，你有了自己的position,但是没有充分论述这个position，怎么做是证明不了为什么做的

blake_wangUID: 9871

给imong的反击：
1，(as 什么 have never done before ) －－－》我用的是as never before,我再考证一把，写的时候我也没底，可能是用法错误。
2，（include不好） －－－》你说到点子上了，这个include让我很难受，但是思索没有结果，只好先用着了，imong 真是厉害！有待寻找正确答案。
3，(and?with吧) －－－》好！imong的英文地道耶！只有看老外的文章才会有这个with，我这个细节老是出错。
4，（facilitate不好，mobile phone本身就是instant communication啊） －－》这个我的理解是mobile phone 手机是实现instant communication实时通信 的工具。不知道imong说不对的原因是什么。
5，(直接Take the Internet)－－》这个修改我同意，当时脑子受中文影响，细节难免走样。
6，urged more responsibilities (?responsibility无关或者不够)on parents whose kids are surging on the internet daily. －－－》imong真神了！我这个句子写的时候很难受，变换了两次最后也就眼睁睁忍着了。responsibility有关但含义不够，中文意思，应该是“督促家长采取更为严厉的措施来管理这些整天泡再网上的孩子们”。但是，我当时只想到 urge ... on....唉，水平有限啊。有待寻找正确答案。
7，the efficiency that has been brought by instant communication tools should not be canceled out by humans’ unlimited desires and wants to create higher efficiency in restricted periods which tend to jeopardize peoples’ leisure time.（没看懂） －－》这句确实有问题，主动词我犹豫再三，只好选用be canceled out by sth to do sth. 来表达“前者被后者的动作抵消”这个意思，这个用法问题大了，by sth to go sth 显然是错误的，be canceled out能否表示被抵消，我还犹豫。有待寻找正确答案。
8，cycling disaster(vicious circle恶性循环).－－》imong真神了！我当时是因为没想起来vicious circle?应该是cycle吧？，才编造了一个cycling disaster,估计老外也看不懂。
9，transition的问题是比较大，你说了我一回想，突然觉得很多句子连接词没有，受中文影响了，需要重新添加。要是考场上麻烦不小啊。这是个最大的问题。
多谢imong!

imongUID: 140258

说是叫做反击，实际上全部都给accept了
我原本打算好好学习的……

看来你自己都有意识到，那就好了，这样改起来有针对性，效率会高的。
很多东西可能是凭感觉吧，那个vicious circle也是我两天前碰巧书上看到的

facilitate是辅助的意思，和assist, accelerate差不多，用在这里我觉得不合适，因为你的例子是种属关系，不存在辅助的问题。个人看法

blake_wangUID: 9871

给sacrab的反击：
1,在ETS这篇饭文的写作手法上，我同意你的观点－"其实那篇文章的观点是偏向negative的partially agree .....但是又指出实际操作中有很多问题，来证明环保的国际合作不可能，他举的那么多例子都是说明这些问题的".
2,我写的这篇菜文的写作手法上，经过思考后，觉得存在你说的问题－“你有了自己的position,但是没有充分论述这个position”。
3，本来这篇菜文是想学习这篇ETS饭文的写作手法的，你觉得这个TOPIC有没有可能采用这篇ETS饭文的这样的写作手法？又该怎样立论？怎样展开？有空的时候帮我出个主意。
4，are surging（surfing?） on the internet daily－－》应该是surfing,而且这句表达或许换个说法更好，spend their days surfing on the internet.
5,the efficiency that has been brought by instant communication tools should not be canceled out by humans’ unlimited desires and wants to create higher efficiency in restricted periods which tend to jeopardize peoples’ leisure time（你是不是想说由于instant communication的高效，而人们又是追求高效的，以至于他们除了正常工作之外还加班加点？） －－－》这个句子你也说有问题了。对的。我觉得是从by 以后开始出问题的，by sth to do sth 用法错误。可惜还我不会改。
6，（觉得这段是在一个assumption上面论述的，就是 humans’ unlimited desires and wants to create higher efficiency，有点站不住脚 ）－－－》这个问题比较大，我写的时候隐隐感觉有些疏漏之处，觉得有人可能要不服气。但是我觉得我的assumption--"humans’ unlimited desires and wants to create higher efficiency"没有问题，而且我的例子中也暗示了公司不断的追求higher efficiency，这个assumption问题何在？
7，文章象在写research paper,口气很象－－－》这样对付GRE考试有问题吗？
多谢sacrab的指点。

sacrabUID: 140880

最初由 blake_wang 发布
[B]给sacrab的反击：
1,在ETS这篇饭文的写作手法上，我同意你的观点－"其实那篇文章的观点是偏向negative的partially agree .....但是又指出实际操作中有很多问题，来证明环?.

以下省略...... [/B]

1.我觉得这篇文章不能象那篇范文那样写（多半是我功力不够：（但有空会想的）
2.我想你的那个assumption主要是需要论证，不是人们脑子一转就可以接受的那种。所以我想你那个assumption其实可以作为一个论点，论述技术一先进，信息一多，人们就会不自觉的加班加点，然后举几个例子
4.research paper是我随便说说的啦，和GRE不搭界

GcanadaUID: 118286

blake,
其实你的这个文章我也是觉得风格不同啊!
而且我也感觉到你好象没有说的点上,至少有的段落是,
不过你的文笔很不错.
结构也很新,不会让人觉得腻!

blake_wangUID: 9871

to sacrab
2.我想你的那个assumption主要是需要论证，不是人们脑子一转就可以接受的那种。--->有道理。这段我写的不太清晰。
to Gcanada
谢谢你的指点，后面几段跑题了，这篇文章后半部分要重写啦。