阿达的托福作文练习本

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

本人是新来的，请路过的大侠多关照。本人已报名参加2012年3月4号的托福考试。
本人开此作业帖，用来练习托福作文（大作文）。

请各位大侠多多指导，针对本人的作文提出建议和意见。非常感谢！
另外，本人愿意参与到作文互改的活动中去。欢迎留下作文帖的链接，本人将抽空回访。

注：本人曾经参加过2010年3月的托福考试，28, 21, 24, 29, 总分102。因成绩过期，现重考。

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

2月6日 第一篇

When people need to discuss upseting or controversial problems with others, some people prefer to use e-mail or text messaging, other like to use telephone or voice messaging. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

When it comes to communication, people now have a variety of choices. For example, telephone is favored by many people for its incomparable real-time voice conversation, while e-mail is also liked many for its careful preparation and diverse content shared in communication. There are also other efficient ways, including text messaging and voice messaging, which, in essence, are combinations of telephone and email in different ways. Each way of communication has its own advantages.

Personally, when the issue on discussion is upsetting or controversial, I prefer using e-mail, for that I could articulate my opinion in a more efficient and favorable way. Unlike telephone call or text messaging, e-mail conversation enables me to think deeply about the issue before letting others know. I would have enough time to put my ideas in a fluent and logical way. More importantly, if other materials help in discussion, such as video and graph, I could attach them in e-mail very easily. In addition, before sent out, the e-mail would be carefully double-checked. This is very critical in discussing upsetting or controversial problems. Recently I have seen several times that telephone discussion ends in terrible quarrel, either because the speaker did not make his/her ideas clear enough, or due to the careless using of inappropriate or disrespectful words in conversation. Thus, before we press the button of "send", it is highly necessary that we check the way of writing, to ensure that it would not create misunderstanding or even conflict.

It has to be noted that telephone and text messaging are also very important supplementary tools to e-mail conversation. It might be better that we contact the e-mail receiver after they read it and reply, to emphasize our understanding and respect to them. In this way, a final agreement might be reached more quickly.

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

2月6日  第二篇
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can take care of their family members better when they live in big cities than in the countryside.


Since the advent of Economic Reforms in early 1980s, increasingly, Chinese are pouring to mega cities like Beijing and Shanghai. It is believed by many that they can take care of their family members better in big cities than in the countryside. Personally I hold a negative view on this issue.

It is true that living in big cities has a variety of advantages. The continuously booming economy in China has been offering much more work opportunities in big cities than ever. People generally are making more money. With more available money, life quality also improves. For example, the shopping malls in Shanghai are ever bustling with eager customers from morning to late evening. Moreover, people living in Beijing are much more likely to get enrolled in the volunteership of the 2008 Olympic Games, as well as visiting museums more often.

However, there are also several major disadvantages of living in big cities, which makes me believe that countryside might be better place to take care of family. Firstly, the high living cost in big cities always brings extremely heavy pressure. As the Consumer Price Index (CPI) keeps rising up, almost everything on market is experiencing a price rise, especially the real estate. According to recent data released by sina.com, one of China's most distinguished online media, the price of real estate in China's 130 major cities had risen by approximately 4 times on average during the past three years. While the work salary is not witnessing a major rise, the rocketing CPI means that people, especially the young ones, need to exert tremendous effort to save their incomes for a fairly long time. For so many people, instead of going out for fun and enjoying fancy meals in restaurant, their quality of living is actually declining. Secondly, due to the invariably slack pollution surveillance by Chinese government, the environment and ecosystem in big cities of China are severely threatened by the thriving industry. Data reveals that there are roughly 12 days in 2011, that figures show the air quality in Beijing are "Hazardous" or even "Beyond Index". A noticeably rising number of asthma and bronchitis were reported during those days.

I do admit that the flourishing social service and infrastructure offered in big cities are very attractive. Yet, considering the complex real situation in China, I prefer taking care of my family members in the countryside. After all, it is unworthy for us to work so hard that we can visit hospital more conveniently and frequently.

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

2月7日  第三篇
Some people believe that people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic; others believe that people should focus on achieving realistic goals. What’s your opinion and why?


Ever since they were very young, many people begin to have ambitious dreams. Even though the final goals seem to be far away and quite unrealistic, they very firmly stick to the dream. On the contrary, there are also groups of people who believe that people should concentrate on achieving realistic goals. I prefer the latter.

I admit that it is very important that people have ambitious dreams in life. In my lifetime, I have seen many people wasting their precious time in alcohol and drugs. Also, there are many more people, who work so hard every day. Yet, to be frank, they are actually busy working for nothing. In other words, they miss out in life. Some are different, especially those who have ambitious dreams and seriously follow their heart. After a long time of tremendous effort, most of them finally reach peaks of perfection in various fields. Thus, I have always believed that dreams and goals are quite indispensable in life.

However, it is much more necessary for people to prudently redefine their goals in life. For example, I dreamed to be a scientist in geology when I was a pupil student, so that I would be able to reveal the mysteries in ancient human history. As I grow older, hopefully wiser, I have thought very deeply about my goal in life, associating with the tough realities in so many aspects in China. Being a photography amateur, I love nature so much. Seeing so many rivers and lakes been seriously polluted by the booming industry is such a miserable experience. After several field experiments, volunteership and internship in environment research or protection, I finally decided to quit my Ph.D application and joined one of the most distinguished international NGOs for the protection of China's ecosystem. Both my Bachelor’s degree in Computer Science and Master's degree in Geography help a lot in doing my current job. While enjoying my work, I now feel very lucky that I made the change. I am sure that my experience is not an isolated example.

To sum up, I highly value the persistent chasing of ambitious dreams, yet I prefer more that people focus on the realistic goals at the same time. While achieving realistic goals one after another, it is very critical that people carefully redefine their life goals.

sodapengUID: 3242849

楼主。。。去https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... extra=&page=175 占座才有互改的。。。加油哈

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

5# sodapeng 哦，原来如此！多谢告知！

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

2月8日 独立作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country because they will lose their friends.


There are some people who believe that people should avoid moving to new town or country, for fear that they might lose their previous friends. This might be true a few decades ago, when communication technology was under development. However, after a serious pondering, I hold a negative view on this issue.

First, moving to new places nowadays does not necessarily mean that people would lose their friends. With the help of the flourishing and diversified communication technology, people now could connect to each other in a way inconceivable only a few generations ago. Text message, voice message, telephone, e-mail, MSN, and so on, all could very conveniently and quickly deliver message to others thousands miles away. Just a few seconds, people could reach to their friends by any of the above means. At the same time, both statistics from Facebook and Youtube show that people nowadays share their lives much much more than ever in history to the other. Never have people connected so tightly before. Although far away from friends previously living nearby, many people are maintaining very good or even better relationship.

In addition, moving to new town or new country would bring new friends to people's lives, which is very interesting and fun. For example, last fall my best friend Steve has left China for America to get a Master's Degree in Psychology at Harvard University. Through telephone and Internet he shares with me his incredibly wonderful life in Boston. He now has made dozens of friend from all over the world. They share great moment together, irrespective of culture, race and other backgrounds. Not long ago, Steve told me that he was planning a safari trip to Kenya next summer to watch the Great Wildebeest Migration, with the guidance of one of his classmate, who is from Kenya. He said he could not wait for that. Obviously he is enjoying his new life in America so much.

Thus, instead of worrying that people might lose their friends, I suggest people try more places to enjoy their lives. The advancement in technology would make it increasingly easier to connect to their previous friends. What is more, life would be so wonderful that people collect friends as life goes on.

nikiniki333UID: 2673802

7# iBT20120304
There are some people who believe that people should avoid moving to new town or country, for fear that they might lose their previous friends.(for fear that前面那个逗号需要吗？) This might be true a few decades ago, when communication technology was under development. However, after a serious pondering,（pondering好像只是ponder的动名词结构吧，直接after prudently pondering） I hold a negative view on this issue.
First, moving to new places nowadays does not necessarily mean that people would lose their friends. With the help of the flourishing and diversified communication technology, people now could connect to each other in a way inconceivable only a few generations ago. Text message, voice message, telephone, e-mail, MSN, and so on, all could very conveniently and quickly deliver message to others thousands miles away. Just a few seconds, people could reach to their friends by any of the above means.（just前有个连接词是不是更顺，空间 and 时间） At the same time, both statistics from Facebook and Youtube show that people nowadays share their lives much much more than ever in history to the other.（to是和share搭配么，share..with..） Never have people connected so tightly before. Although far away from friends previously living nearby, many people are maintaining very good or even better relationship.3 @/ v: N$ \; M8 i% ~

In addition, moving to new town or new country would bring new friends to people's lives, which is very interesting and fun. For example, last fall my best friend Steve has left China for America to get a Master's Degree in Psychology at Harvard University.（last fall..has时态。。疑问） Through telephone and Internet he shares with me his incredibly wonderful life in Boston. He now has made dozens of friends from all over the world. They share great moment together, irrespective of culture, race and other backgrounds. Not long ago, Steve told me that he was planning a safari trip to Kenya next summer to watch the Great Wildebeest Migration, with the guidance of one of his classmate, who is from Kenya. He said he could not wait for that. Obviously he is enjoying his new life in America so much.

Thus, instead of worrying that people might lose their friends, I suggest people try more places to enjoy their lives. The advancement in technology would make it increasingly easier to connect to their previous friends. What is more, life would be so wonderful that people collect friends as life goes on.(这个so..that..如此美好。。以至于。。，怎么翻译哦)

你写得很好啊，内容充实，用词丰富，向你学习。第一次批改作文，不知从何下手，就拣了几个自己有疑惑的词，还有待你给我解释哦。加油。

shibin11UID: 3228029

There are some people who believe that people should avoid moving to new town or country, for fearing that they might lose their previous感觉这个好像说的已经不是朋友了。。。 friends. This might be true a few decades ago, when communication technology was under development. However, 乍一看我还以为however是要说现在的科技是如何不同和发达。。。after a serious pondering, I hold a negative view on this issue.
/ C4 k+ d: W: j$ d

First, moving to new places nowadays does not necessarily mean that people would lose their friends. With the help of the flourishing and diversified communication technology, people now could connect to好像用contact to更合适 each other in a way inconceivable only a few generations ago. Text message, voice message, telephone, e-mail, MSN, and so on, all could very conveniently and quickly deliver message to others thousands miles away. Just a few seconds, people could reach to their friends by any of the above means. At the same time, both statistics from Facebook and Youtube show that people nowadays share their lives much much more than ever in history to the other. Never have people connected so tightly before. Although far away from friends previously living nearby, many people are maintaining very good or even better relationshipFacebook这些赞~.! C6 m# }. x9 c! e8 L' R! UF

In addition, moving to new town or new country would bring new friends to people's lives, which is very interesting and fun. For example, last fall my best friend Steve has left China for America to get a Master's Degree in Psychology at Harvard University. Through telephone and Internet he shares with me his incredibly wonderful life in Boston. He now has made dozens of friend from all over the world. They share great moment together, irrespective(这个好像是无关的意思，如果是说各自的应该是respective吧） of culture, race and other backgrounds. Not long ago, Steve told me that he was planning a safari trip to Kenya next summer to watch the Great Wildebeest Migration, with the guidance of one of his classmate, who is from Kenya. He said he could not wait for that. Obviously he is enjoying his new life in America so much.;

Thus, instead of worrying that people might lose their friends, I suggest people try more places to enjoy their lives. The advancement in technology would make it increasingly easier to connect to their previous friends. What is more, life would be so wonderful that people collect friends as life goes on.  

我个人比较提倡五段式 不过四段也高分的也是大有人在
一些词汇句子亮点很加分 思路和论证都不错 加油~~

nikiniki333UID: 2673802

对了楼主，作文互改了，别忘记了～:lol

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

感谢nikiniki333
的认真细致的修改！
我在for fear 前面加一个逗号，是为了断句，避免长句子让阅卷者读起来费力。

pondering的用法，还需斟酌。

share with是对的。

last fall 那里，应该删掉has。

that后面的从句是用来修饰life的，并非so that。

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

感谢shibin11 的认真细致的修改！

previous的用途，还需斟酌。


however的确有些突兀。


我喜欢connect，而且确认connect用在这里是准确的。


irrespective用在这里，没有问题。不问，不拘束于。

MELODYSKIINGUID: 2841950

11# iBT20120304 我看的是LZ2.6作文，语言结构都很好，我就不仔细标注了，基本木有语言错误。
可是觉得有点点偏题，讲了很多大城市的坏处，比如生活成本等，建议将这些和take care of family联系起来，就一两句的事~~
另外，LZ列举了很多数据，例子什么的，如果真的在考场上，30min内，恐怕难有准确数据，不过也可能lz积累深厚。
PS LZ中文风格...一东北彪形大汉立于眼前……哈~~仅PS..忽略忽略..

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

多谢MELODYSKIING 的建议，很受用。

我的例证和数据，都是凭借自己看新闻的粗略记忆写下的，数字是胡诌的，经不起考究。我以为托福作文主要测试的是语言能力，不会苛求文章内容的准确性（毕竟不是 news report）。为了举一些详实的例子来充实文章，我于是胡编了那些东西。

PS: 嘿，真巧，中国大陆，我去过很多地方，好像也就差东北没有去了。我乃江南一小生也！ ^_^

13# MELODYSKIING

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

我帮你看了2.6的，你的论据不是很充分，第一你说EMAIL可以think deeply，难道电话就不行吗？我可以再打电话前想好再说啊。或者写下来再说。第二，你说电话会发生quarrel,你可以说得更充分点，你还说是说不礼貌的话可是你没有点出为什么说出不礼貌的话，比如因为大家都不愿意理让，，for example,blablabla....