阿达的托福作文练习本

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

加油

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

不过你句子用的很准确，不错

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

17# 水果的夏天 感谢你的建议和意见。我很认同你说的我的论证不够严谨这一块。

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

2月9日 独立作文

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working.

An online survey, conducted by Sina.com, China's largest portal website, shows that one out of six college students fail to find a job after graduation during the past three years. Recently, with sharply risen volume, hundreds of thousands are joining into the online discussion, that whether university should offer students more preparation before they graduate. My viewpoint is that both school and student themselves should do something to bring down the high rate of unemployment.

While technology is accelerating its pace in shaping the world, it is imperative that university provides new programs accordingly to help student better adapt to the shifting environment outside campus. Nowadays people live in a way inconceivable only a few generations ago. For example, before the invention of Internet, which was only a little more than a decade ago, it was mainly through television and newspaper that people know what was happening in other places. However, things have changed, especially after the flourishing of Twitter and Youtube, as well as other real-time message delivering & sharing tools and platforms. Nowadays, one could conveniently broadcast his/her daily life to people all around the world, as long as being given a cell phone connected to Internet. This major change has made entrepreneurs to reconsider the way of doing business. Many, like Facebook and Amazon, had made huge profits in the change. As it is with businessmen, so it should be with college and university. For instance, it would be very helpful to open new courses on how to efficiently collaborate with strangers on Internet, how to protect yourselves from Hacker attack, and so on. I believe that new courses and programs like this would benefit the student very much in building their career.

At the same time, student should also work harder to prepare themselves. As far as I know, many have spent too much time playing online video games, which is not doing any good to their career development. Moreover, there are other groups of students who are too much dependent on computer, either watching endless online TV shows or connecting to friends every minute, which always results in the failure of doing well enough in course study. As a college graduate student, I have witnessed so many of my friends, who have encountered great difficulty in balancing entertainment and school study. Most of them are totally unaware of the high rate of unemployment. Thus, it is high time for them to wake up and be more practical.

To sum up, I would like to suggest a joint effort both by the school and students. College and university should try to open new courses and programs to fit the shifting needs of society. Meanwhile, students themselves should also be more realistic and practical about the increasingly competitive and rigorous world.

nikiniki333UID: 2673802

An online survey, conducted by Sina.com, China's largest portal website, shows that one out of six college students fail to find a job after graduation during the past three years. Recently, with sharply risen volume,(rised population? volume这么用不知道对不。。) hundreds of thousands are joining into the online discussion, that whether university should offer students more preparation before they graduate.（hundreds of thousands能单独用不，google了下，发现都加of。。待解释） My viewpoint is that both school and student themselves should do something to bring down the high rate of unemployment.

While technology is accelerating its pace in shaping the world, it is imperative that university provides new programs accordingly to help student better adapt to the shifting environment outside campus. Nowadays people live in a way inconceivable only a few generations ago. For example, before the invention of Internet, which was only a little more than a decade ago, it was mainly through television and newspaper that people know what was happening in other places. However, things have changed, especially after the flourishing of Twitter and Youtube, as well as other real-time message delivering & sharing tools and platforms. Nowadays, one could conveniently broadcast his/her daily life to people all around the world, as long as being given a cell phone connected to Internet. This major change has made entrepreneurs to reconsider the way of doing business. Many, like Facebook and Amazon, had made huge profits in the change. As it is with businessmen, so it should be with college and university. For instance, it would be very helpful to open new courses on how to efficiently collaborate with strangers on Internet, how to protect yourselves from Hacker attack, and so on. I believe that new courses and programs like this would benefit the student very much in building their career..

At the same time, student should also work harder to prepare themselves. As far as I know, many have spent too much time playing online video games, which is not doing any good to their career development. Moreover, there are other groups of students who are too much dependent on computer, either watching endless online TV shows or connecting to friends every minute,（connect to感觉没有贬义的意思，chat?） which always results in the failure of doing well enough in course study. As a college graduate student, I have witnessed so many of my friends, who have encountered great difficulty in balancing entertainment and school study. Most of them are totally unaware of the high rate of unemployment. Thus, it is high time for them to wake up and be more practical.

To sum up, I would like to suggest a joint effort both by the school and students. College and university should try to open new courses and programs to fit the shifting needs of society. Meanwhile, students themselves should also be more realistic and practical about the increasingly competitive and rigorous world.

开头段挺好的，向你学习，我一直不会开头，每次为了开头要耗上好几分钟
每二段，感觉有点离题，题目说为了work，学校是否要提供more preparation，感觉你在说要适应高科技的生活，学校要多教科技。还有例子用的时候，最好和要支持的中心论点都结合一下吧，说完一个多变，再说一下对学生的影响，学校又要怎样。就是感觉第二段举了好多例子的时候，我一时走神，以为在讲科技对生活的改善。
我晕呢。我是跑题大王，只是随便说说，待你给我解开迷惑。

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

20# nikiniki333
多谢 nikiniki333 的修改建议。

我个人认为我的第二段是没有跑题的。我花了大量的笔墨讲述科技发展带来的剧烈社会变化，是为了强调学校需要作出改变的紧迫性。紧接着，我把话题转移到中心论点上来了：应对如此突发剧烈的变化，学校也应该做一些事情，来帮助学生。As it is with, so it....

with sharply risen volume，是没有错误的。我照搬TIME MAGAZINE 文章的原话。volume有音量的意思。这句话的意思是，人们加入到这个讨论中来，音量越来越大。

hundreds of thousands，也没有错误。我只不过是用数量来替代主语，目的是避免重复使用people这个词。如果硬要加上，那就是hundreds of thousands of people...

connect to 的确可以考虑换成chat，可是我不确定是否美国的年轻人也像中国的年轻人那么喜欢聊QQ。据我所知，他们更喜欢email一些，对即时文字聊天工具使用并不是那么多。这里考虑到文化差异，我用了connect。

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

2月10日 独立作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should encourage their children to do their homework independently rather than help them to do it.


A recent survey, conducted by Sina.com, China's largest portal website, shows that 65% of Chinese parents, at least once, have helped their children do homework during the past three months. An online discussion on this issue is consequently triggered, with sharply risen volume, as whether parents should let children to do their homework independently or help them to do it. My viewpoint is that once needed, it is reasonable for parent to help children to do homework. Yet it also should be noted that they pay attention to how to help.

Nowadays in China, as witnessed by many, children have been assigned increasingly too much homework, which they find great difficulty in finishing by themselves. For instance, I have two younger cousins, both of whom are now Grade Three in a distinguished elementary school located in central Beijing. I see every day that their schoolbags are stuffed with text books and exercise books. Both of them stay very late at night to get homework done. They are frequently told, either by teachers or parents, that if they fail to finish all homework, they might not keep up with their classmates, which would lead to failure in future career. When playing video games with them together at holidays, I have heard their complaint dozens of times about the endless homework. Thus, before the school cutting down the amount of homework, it is highly necessary for the others, especially parents, to help their children out of the heavy homework load.

Moreover, both parents and children would benefit a lot from the joint effort in getting homework done. Through helping kids in their homework, parents are spending more time with kids, which is quite essential in maintaining a healthy relationship between family members. In addition, to a certain degree, the relaxing atmosphere would bring down the adults' high pressure from their daytime busy work. From the other perspective, children would be able to finish homework very efficiently. The interaction would not only help them do well academically, but also cultivate their respect and affection to parents.

However, despite of so many advantages mentioned above, parents should strictly pay attention to how they help the children do the homework. For example, it would not do any good to the children that parents merely do the homework for children, without letting children learn how exactly to fix the problems. In this case, parents' help would only result in children's laziness and failure in final examinations. Thus, parents should be extremely cautious of the way they help.

To sum up, I suggest that whenever needed parents should offer help to kids in their homework. At the same time, it has to be guaranteed that parents pay careful attention to the way to help.

以上文章为基于towardsBT 建议的修改版本。非常感谢！

MELODYSKIINGUID: 2841950

22# iBT20120304 OH~特指homework么……那我岂不是跑题了...= =

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

23# MELODYSKIING 那个布置作业的总贴中的题目可能出错了。原来的题目明显是一个病句（你支持还是不支持，A还是B），很可能是考生考完后的回忆版本。我后来在网上搜索了一下，得到原题。

LusotaUID: 2929567

阿达-修by lusota.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 10)

2012-2-10 16:58:56 上传

下载次数: 10

loveinwcUID: 3241878

楼主我改完了~~~蹲等回改~~~~（期待的眼神

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

25# Lusota 多谢你的认真修改！

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

26# loveinwc 多谢你的认真修改！刚吃完饭回来，马上回改。

towardsBTUID: 3236375

楼主的文章很赞！学习之~

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

29# towardsBT 感谢 towardsBT 的认真修改！的确是 pay attention to... 我昨天写文章的时候也觉得pay attention on有一些别扭，但是没有深究。感谢你提出来！