Daily Writting by shibin11

shibin11UID: 3228029

TPO23综合

The lecture states that, although the three reasons for declination of yellow cedar sounds convincing, it suffers from several flaws on various grounds, as is presented below.

（两遍）The first reason in the text is that the use of the insect parasite leads to the death of yellow cedar. As is stated in the lecture, the yellow cedar's leafs and barks contains chemical which is poisoned. They not only do not suffer from the insect parasite, but also will damage the insects. Therefore the insect parasite could not be responsible for killing the yellow cedar. （还是不太懂那个什么health cedar什么resistance的那段话）

（一遍）The second flaw concerns brown bear to eat the tree bark of cedars. The bear do not be responsible to overall declination. The cedar exists in mainland and Island, but there is no bear in Island while the population of cedars in Island is still decreasing. On the contrary, the reason presented in the text is questionable.

（六遍）Furthermore, speaking about climate change, the text do not consider it completely. Most of cedars die in lower elevation which is warm instead of in higher elevation which is cold. If the freezing damage is responsible for the decline, we would expect trees die in higher elevation which is cold. But the truth is the cedar is killed in lower elevation. Therefore, the climate change can not be a reason for declining as well. （这个high又lower的warm又cold的把我弄晕了好吧。。说到底脑子没跟上听力，笔记没跟上脑子）

nikiniki333UID: 2673802

Most people do not like moving to a new place since they are afraid of leaving their comfort zone included familiar friends.（应该是including） That is to say, they are unable to complain with their friends when trouble comes to them. Or, they can not share fresh news with friends in time. The truth is, however, leaving to a new place does not equal to the loss of friends. (leave for some place)3 x6 [; d6 d- @8 K6 ^, J, k

Moving to a new city by no means hinders our friendship. By contrast, by virtue of different cities we lived, we have more topics to talk about which will probably improve our * tfriendship. Like last month, I met my high-school classmate, Stacy. She now studied in a nearby city.(一般现在式) We were so excited about the meet（meet 作名词不是相遇的意思了。用encounter比较好） and asked each other's life. We have a lot to say and she told me lots of interesting things around her, and invited me to play.（两个and连着有点别扭，要不把第一个and给去了，加成句号？）
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Technology offers us the opportunity to have a contact of friends no matter where we are.（contact with吧） First, if we want to share something happened around us,（something that happened?感觉这个比较好吧，要不这个something 和happen是主谓关系，用happened，感觉怪怪的，我乱讲的） we can call our friends immediately or have a video conversation on computer to keep in touch. Then we can still see and talk to each other just like what we used to do. Second, the transportation now is very convenient. If we miss our friends, we can come to see them by train or air just in a couple of hours.

Moving to a new city will also benefit our personal development. Potential are supposed to be developed in an unfamiliar environment since we depend on our familiar friends while troubles come. However, we can not get offers from old friends when we move to a new city. We have to be independent. In this case, people start to do things which are originally hard for them. They soon realize that is not that hard, and this lifts their capacity and confidence. (realize that it is not so hard是不是好点?realize后面that要引导宾从，好像就没主语了)

At last, I still insist to my point that it is good for people to move to a new city since it not only promote friendship, but also are(is) beneficial for people's personal development.(insist on sth, insist to do sth)

挑了些语法错误，是做语法题做出的毛病。。刚考完，胆颤儿着呢。。
条理很清楚啊， 学习。
看大家每段都有个引导词，to begin with,。。 finally什么的，我也就跟着来了。。还能多两个字词数呢。。

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

/Most people do not like moving to a new place since they are afraid of leaving their comfort zone included （including？） familiar friends. That is to say, they are unable to complain with their friends when trouble comes to them. Or, they can not share fresh news with friends in time. The truth is, however, leaving to a new place does not equal to （这个表达是否合理，值得进一步考虑） the loss of friends. - [1 E2 q( J8 G; m
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Moving to a new city by no means hinders our friendship. By contrast, by virtue of different cities we lived, we have more topics to talk about （share？） which will probably improve our friendship. Like last month, I met my high-school classmate, Stacy. She now studied （时态） in a nearby city. We were so excited about the meet and asked each other's life. We have a lot to say and she told me lots of interesting things around her, and invited me to play. （我个人认为，举例子的时候可以稍微透露一点interesting的细节，以此来吸引阅卷者的兴趣。例如，此处你可以稍微多用一两句话，介绍stancy近期的一个很不错的party，让例证更加丰满。个人建议。） 2 ~: n  e# V1 f; R7 l6 d （）

Technology offers us the opportunity to have a contact of （为何不直接用contact呢？） friends no matter where we are. First, if we want to share something happened around us （of our own?）, we can call our friends immediately or have a video conversation on computer to keep in touch. Then we can still see and talk to each other just like what we used to do. Second, the transportation now is very convenient. If we miss our friends, we can come to see them by train or air just in a couple of hours. （we can just do it, either by train or by air just in a couple of hours. 如何？）  * K( M. d& L4 d& X

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Moving to a new city will also benefit our personal development. (因你后面这句“潜力论”显得有些突兀和武断，可以考虑加上这一句，让人看起来更舒服。 According to the latest researches conducted by Stanford University, ...)Potential are supposed to be developed in an unfamiliar environment since we depend on our familiar friends while troubles come. However, we can not get offers from old friends when we move to a new city. We have to be independent. In this case, people start to do things which are originally hard for them. They soon realize that is not that hard, and this lifts their capacity and confidence. ( Y9 K4 n( N, o$ I

At last, I still insist to my point that it is good for people to move to a new city since it not only promote friendship, but also are beneficial for （此处修改为动词benefit，与之前半句形式对应，是否更加简练工整呢？另外，第三人称记得加s）people's personal development.


楼主的文章很不错，赞一个。
以我的经验，稍加努力，肯定在28+。

可以进一步提高的方面，我个人认为，是词句的打磨。

shibin11UID: 3228029

@nikiniki333
谢谢 一些错的地方自己看了第二遍都没发觉~
那个 studied如果改成she Are now studying in XXX。就和例子的时态不一致了好像。应该怎么改比较妥当?

@阿达
那个例子的建议 谢谢 我当时写的时候就很纠结觉得太平淡 下次写interesting一点~
potential衔接那边自己也没考虑清楚就写下去了
更精准的表达 这个 我会努力的 ~

shibin11UID: 3228029

2.9

100924NA College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working.

Time：1 hour
Words：409

Most of my friends attend college only for a good job in the future since in their eyes, college in any way guarantees a job after graduating. However, it is not rare to see that lots of graduates can not get a job no matter which university they graduate from or how good their academic performance is. I, therefore, strongly suggest that college should provide students more preparation before they start working.

College is not supposed to be the place only for teaching knowledge. They should teach students how to choose their working field. Say, business or science. Then, they are unwilling to face the problem of changing jobs again and again since they find no job are appropriate for them. Students can prevent it from understanding themselves better if university guild them to do it. In this case, they will not waste much time and encounter unnecessary difficulties.

University should not only teach students how to choose the working domain, but also skills which are useful in working, such as being cooperate with others. In the collage, universities can organize activities required teamwork. I am an art student.  My university once asked us to finish a very big picture in couple of hours. Everyone of the team was responsible for certain part of the work. At first, we argued with each other how to paint it by virtue of different painting style. No one was willing to take other's advice. But because the time was limited and we had to complete it as soon as possible, we figured out a compromised idea. To our surprise, the effect was much better than we thought. Similarly, teamwork is also essential to a job. One can not determine it without asking other's idea. Then, they need to communicate with team member and will probably get useful information from others. At last, the work will be done better since team member realize that they are the part of the decision making and will make more effort in it and do it more effectively. Such skills can be learned in the university, and used in working.

Some might say that there are so many students in the collage and they can not take care each of them. However, it will not take much energy to organize an activity and have a lecture for teaching them. I, therefore, still insist to my point that university should offer students more preparation before they start working.

总结：
自己读的时候也知道有些地方衔接地不好或者表达太罗嗦，但是不知道怎么改
总开头和段开头都想太久了 表达上太贫乏了 很多搭配都不知道怎么用才不会错不会怪 句式单一化严重不简洁没有出彩的动词

坏绿的眼睛UID: 3138294

不知道为什么 咱俩听的不是一个  我只能从语法上给你看看了
米啊奈  这两天太忙了 拖了这么久

TPO22综合! [; }, \- }9 [* W
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The lecture states that, although the three reasons for declination of yellow cedar sounds convincing, it suffers from several flaws on various grounds, as is presented below.这个开头句不错 9 [4 G( v  T6 o7 c8 a- o+ [
（两遍）The first reason in the text is that the use of the insect parasite leads to the death of yellow cedar. As is stated in the lecture, the yellow cedar's leafs and barks contains 是不是用INCLUDE比较贴切？chemical which is poisoned. They not only do not suffer from the insect parasite, but also will damage the insects. Therefore the insect parasite could not be responsible for killing the yellow cedar. （还是不太懂那个什么health cedar什么resistance的那段话）
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（一遍）The second flaw concerns brown bear to eat the tree bark of cedars. The bear do not be responsible to overall declination. The cedar exists in mainland and Island, but there is no bear in Island while the population of cedars in Island is still decreasing. On the contrary, the reason presented in the text is questionable. 赞一下这句
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（六遍）Furthermore, speaking about climate change, the text do not consider it 不知道这个用法地道不？ completely. Most of cedars die in lower elevation which is warm instead of in higher elevation which is cold. If the freezing damage is responsible for the decline, we would expect trees die in higher elevation  which is cold 是不是换个表达方式比较好 和前面重复了. But the truth is the cedar is 换成 was 吧  killed in lower elevation.这句是主系表结构吧 那前面是一般现在时  后面再一个IS很奇怪 后面用个过去式吧 你的意图也是陈述一个确实的发生过的事情 Therefore, the climate change can not be a reason for declining as well. （这个high又lower的warm又cold的把我弄晕了好吧。。说到底脑子没跟上听力，笔记没跟上脑子
b] 16# shibin11

wqr619UID: 3007621

加油~~~

shibin11UID: 3228029

综合（TPO22）

The lecturer states that, although three disadvantages of the Ethanol fuel, the alternative to gasoline, mentioned in the text, it is unconvincing on various grounds, as is presented below.

一遍The first flaw with the Ethanol fuel presented in the text is the production of carbon dioxide. As is stated in the lecture, Ethanol did not add carbon dioxide to atmosphere. Ethanol made from plants, and these plants actually absorb the carbon dioxide when growing them. Therefore, the production of Ethanol fuel actually removes the carbon dioxide from the air.

两遍（阅读部分就理解了好久好久才看懂）The second flaw concerns the reduction to foods of animals. Scientists can produce Ethanol by main components of plants which are not eaten by animals. Hence, the population of plants for animal will not reduce.

四遍（3times, 40percent那边纠结到我了）Furthermore, the text leads to a fact that the price of Ethanol and gasoline are not going to be always the same since no one can guarantee government’s investment in Ethanol will continue. According to the professor, however, once enough people start to buy Ethanol, the price will go down. Studies have shown that once there are three times of production, the price will drop by 40 percent. Therefore, the price of Ethanol can not be an disadvantage too.

小群群UID: 3091805

Most of my friends attend college only for a good job in the future since in their eyes, college in any way guarantees a job after graduating. However, it is not rare to see that lots of graduates can not get a job no matter which university they graduate from or how good their academic performance is. I, therefore, strongly suggest that college should provide students more preparation before they start working.. ]+ }$ q7 f0 W# w+ s
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College is not supposed to be the place only for teaching knowledge. They should teach students how to choose their working field. Say, business or science. Then,（什么意思呢？木有懂~） they are unwilling to face the problem of changing jobs again and again since they find no job are appropriate for them. Students can prevent it from understanding themselves better if university guild（是要写guide吧？） them to do it. In this case, they will not waste much time and encounter unnecessary difficulties. ! A8 B  F# K1 h8 G
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University should not only teach students how to choose the working domain（学到个新词 O(∩_∩)O~）, but also skills which are useful in working, such as being cooperate with （cooperating with///）others. In the collage, universities can organize activities (which)required teamwork. I am an art student.  My university once asked us to finish a very big picture in couple of hours. Everyone of the team was responsible for certain part of the work. At first, we argued with each other how to paint it by virtue of (新词)different painting. styles No one was willing to take other's advice. But because the time was limited and we had to complete it as soon as possible, we figured out a compromised idea. To our surprise, the effect was much better than we thought. Similarly, teamwork is also essential to a job. One can not determine it without asking other's idea. Then, they need to communicate with team member and will probably get useful information from others. At last, the work will be done better since team member realize that they are the part of the decision making and will make more effort in it and do it more effectively. Such skills can be learned in the university, and used in working. (可以顺势套一下题目，加一句学校可以多开展~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~以锻炼我们~~~能力~~)

Some might say that there are so many students in the collage and they can not take care+of 关注 each of them. However, it will not take much energy to organize an activity and have a lecture for teaching them. I, therefore, still insist to my point that university should offer students more preparation before they start working.9 a9 `$ y1 e* t! \4 h* bLzlz

小群群UID: 3091805

LZ的文章看起来挺舒服的~~~~~~

shibin11UID: 3228029

@小群群  
谢谢阿 应该就是字句都特别简单 我不会用深奥的嗷



2.10

101203NA Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.

Time：1 and half of hour
Words：411

Frankly speaking, my mother used to do my homework for me when I was a child. However, that brought me nothing except the laziness of pondering questions. I, therefore, strongly suggest that parents should encourage children to do their work independently.

First of all, finishing work by children themselves is kind of a personal development. For child, it is the gold time in their whole life to foster the thinking capacity, and copping ability. On the contrary, if parents replace them to do their work, they will probably lose the opportunity to improve themselves.  Parents have no right to take the perfect chance away, have they?

Secondly, children grasp the knowledge better when they are reviewing, and practicing after class. Just like what I mentioned at first, I did my homework with the assistance of my mother. That was so good to forget homework in the back since I knew I mother would complete it for me. Yet I soon realized that is not that good when final exams came to me. Even though I still remembered the teaching content in class, I did not know how to utilize it for resolving questions. Without the usual practice, the theory I remembered could not help at all. I failed the exam. After then, I always did my homework on my own. And I am more confident than before due to the sense of fulfill that solving questions lead to. Therefore, if children do their work independently, they can not only acquire knowledge better, remember longer, but also gain the confidence which can not be attained with the help of others.

Some might say that children are too immature to do work. They have no experience and without other's help, they can never make it. Yet the truth is, no one told Bill Gates how to make operating system, no one told Edison how to invent the electric lamp, and no one taught Walt how to invent the stream engine. Some might still say that children are incomparable with these smart adults since they are so young.   My point to this is that parents can guild them or give a little hints instead of replacing them to do it. They should still let children to enjoy the process.

At last, I still insist to my point which is that parents should encourage children to do their work on their own since it improves children and lets them have a better understanding on information.

shibin11UID: 3228029

综合（TPO2）

The lecturer states that, although the 3 advantages of assembling a group of people into a team should good, it suffers several flaws on the various grounds, as is presented below.

The first merit with being a team in the text is that the more the group members are, the wilder range of knowledge, expertise, and skills are available. As is stated in the lecture, some of them do not contribute to the group get free prize when success comes to the team. They not only do nothing, but also get the credit. Therefore, it could not be an advantage.

The second flaw concerns effectiveness and high creative solutions to finish the work. The truth is, that is time-consuming to reach agreement among group members. On the contrary, the advantage in the test does not exist.

Furthermore, although the reading contends that people who have a voice of making decision will feel better and individual can shine, the result is contrary. Once influential people feel about a program is not good, it will be thrown away without any discussion. Even though group members deem the direction might be wrong, the rest of the team will ignore it. But when the program failed, they start to blame each of the group.

wqr619UID: 3007621

楼主的论述很完整~~~赞~~~

wqr619UID: 3007621

综合（TPO2）# ^' ?, Z# `) u: l! C / w+ i2 J3 `8 b0 L$ nThe lecturer states that, although the 3 advantages of assembling a group of people into a team should good, it suffers several flaws on the various grounds, as is presented below. ! q6 {8 d) l7 I: c # g! I- d4 v5 i( ZThe first merit with being a team in the text is that the more the group members are, the wilder range of knowledge, expertise, and skills are available. As is stated in the lecture, some of them do not contribute to the group get free prize when success comes to the team. They not only do nothing, but also get the credit. Therefore, it could not be an advantage. % m3 l& c" r  @1 K/ t . `2 e3 G; u+ D The second flaw concerns effectiveness and high creative solutions to finish the work. The truth is, that is time-consuming to reach agreement among group members. On the contrary, the advantage in the test does not exist. ) Q3 L: g5 [  k, S5 C7 S8 v& u% l, ?0 ^/ C8 l+ r, U Furthermore, although the reading contends that people who have a voice of making decision will feel better and individual can shine, the result is contrary. Once influential people feel about a program is not good, it will be thrown away without any discussion. Even though group members deem the direction might be wrong, the rest of the team will ignore it. But when the program failed, they start to blame each of the group.

综合（TPO2）# ^' ?, Z# `) u: l! C / w+ i2 J3 `8 b0 L$ nThe lecturer states that, although the 3 advantages of assembling a group of people into a team should good, it suffers several flaws on the various grounds, as is presented below. ! q6 {8 d) l7 I: c # g! I- d4 v5 i( ZThe first merit with being a team in the text is that the more the group members are, the wilder range of knowledge, expertise, and skills are available. As is stated in the lecture, some of them do not contribute to the group get free prize when success comes to the team. They not only do nothing, but also get the credit. Therefore, it could not be an advantage. % m3 l& c" r  @1 K/ t . `2 e3 G; u+ D The second flaw concerns effectiveness and high creative solutions to finish the work. The truth is, that is time-consuming to reach agreement among group members. On the contrary, the advantage in the test does not exist. ) Q3 L: g5 [  k, S5 C7 S8 v& u% l, ?0 ^/ C8 l+ r, U Furthermore, although the reading contends that people who have a voice of making decision will feel better and individual can shine, the result is contrary. Once influential people feel about a program is not good, it will be thrown away without any discussion. Even though group members deem the direction might be wrong, the rest of the team will ignore it. But when the program failed, they start to blame each of the group.

综合（TPO2）看了楼主的文章才发现自己似乎好多点找错了。。。泪。。。
The lecturer states that, although the 3 advantages of assembling a group of people into a team should good, it suffers several flaws on the various grounds, as is presented below.

The first merit with being a team in the text is that the more the group members are, the wilder range of knowledge, expertise, and skills are available. As is stated in the lecture, some of them do not contribute to the group get free prize when success comes to the team. They not only do nothing, but also get the credit. Therefore, it could not be an advantage.

The second flaw concerns effectiveness and high creative solutions to finish the work. The truth is, that is time-consuming to reach agreement among group members. On the contrary, the advantage in the test does not exist.

Furthermore, although the reading contends that people who have a voice of making decision will feel better and individual can shine, the result is contrary. Once influential people feel about a program is not good, it will be thrown away without any discussion. Even though group members deem the direction might be wrong, the rest of the team will ignore it. But when the program failed, they start to blame each of the group.
第一次写综合。。。确实不太会改~~感觉楼主写得很不错很清晰呵~~

sodapengUID: 3242849

The lecturer states that, although the 3 advantages of assembling a group of people into a team should good, it suffers several flaws on the various grounds, as is presented below.（首段很好 学习了~）

The first merit with being a team in the text is that the more the group members are, the wilder range of knowledge, expertise, and skills are available. As is stated in the lecture, some of them do not contribute to the group get free prize when success comes to the team. They not only do nothing, but also get the credit. (觉得这句和前面一句重复了。而且这样表达感觉怪怪的)Therefore, it could not be an advantage.

The second flaw concerns effectiveness and high creative solutions to finish the work. The truth is, that is time-consuming to reach agreement among group members. On the contrary, the advantage in the test does not exist.

Furthermore, although the reading contends that people who have a voice of making decision will feel better and individual can shine, the result is contrary. Once influential people feel about a program is not good, it will be thrown away without any discussion. Even though group members deem the direction might be wrong, the rest of the team will ignore it. But when the program failed, they start to blame each of the group.
楼主观点都很全面啊。。。学习学习~~~