【daily writing 作文特训小组】小狮子的作文帖

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

独立：2月7日 100306NA
Some people believe that people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic, others believe that people should focus on achieving realistic goals.
思路：主题：应该追求梦想，即使梦想遥不可及，也向向梦想无限靠近。但是要转化成一个个具体可行的目标。
文章：马斯洛的需求论------ the comparison about realistic and unrealistic.------优秀马拉松选手的例子。-------一个大目标可以分成若干个小目标。---------信心、勇气和好规划达到成功。 whahat
What is the line of realistic and unrealistic? If you say that goal that can be reached is realistic and the ambitious dream that can not be reached is unrealistic. Fine, let us make the beautiful dream in the inner sight blossom and step by step getting close to it.
     The best thing to lead a life is to become yourself, in another word, to achieve your self-actualization. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs tells us that there is a pyramid, with the largest and most fundamental levels of needs at the bottom, and the need for self-actualization at the top.The fundamental needs is physiological ,sense of security ,love and esteem while self-actualization pertains to what your full potential is and realize that potential. If you have aspecial dream and can listen to the voice in the deepest heart ,then you will become more and more what you are, to become everything that you are capable of becoming. one should follow their heart no matter how ridiculer it is viewed by others.
     However, having a dream is not enough, you should also practice yourself having the ability to achieve it. divide the goals into several parts and make each small parts fall in where you can reach. you should have plans for your goals therefore you can advance every day. For example, a famous marathon player sets many small destination before he finally reach the end point. And that final destination was so “unrealistic” to our common people. Do you get it. make the large and difficult stuff into small and easy ones ,and you will finally arrive in the place where you want to be.
     To follow our ambitious dream, by listen to your own heart ,setting small goals ,with detailed plans and enormous courage, are you ready?




综合Tpo21

The reading states that planting genetically modified trees on a large scale promises to bring a number of benefits. However,
the professor's lecture casts doubt on the reading by giving detailed examples about the disadvantage of planting this particular variety of trees.

The first doubt is that can genetically modified trees really resist in the environment challenges they are not decided for.
According to the professor,
when a particular condition of climate occur,
the nature trees have different gene and therefore a few resistance ones can survive .however, the genetically modified trees are homogenic ,
when climate changes they would all die. These differ from the reading's statement ,
that is, genetically modified trees are designed to be hardier than nature trees.

Another keypoint made by the professor is that much more money should be paid to the gene company. the fees cost for the seeds of genetically modified trees more than nature trees and farmers should pay the company ever time the trees planted. Instead, the reading metioned that the genetically modified trees promises to bring benefits to those who plant them .these two points, if compared, are whole against each other.

Moreover, the professor argues that the genetically modified trees are savage and cause more damages. In conclusion, the doubts casted above demonstrate that the reading’s opinion “it would prevent the exploitation of the wild trees “is suspicious for us to believe according to the lecture of professor.

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

What is the (+dividing) line of realistic and unrealistic? If you say that goal that can be reached is realistic and the ambitious dream that can not be reached is unrealistic（没有主句）. Fine（这样用可以吗）, let us make the beautiful dream in the inner sight blossom（什么意思） and step by step getting（应该是get吧） close to it.
     The best thing（way是否更好） to lead a life is to become yourself, in another word（in other words？）, to achieve your self-actualization. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs tells us that there is a pyramid, with the largest and most fundamental levels of needs at the bottom, and the need for self-actualization at the top.（例子用得好，知识面挺广） The fundamental needs is（are） physiological ,sense of security ,love and esteem while self-actualization pertains to what your full potential is and （+how to）realize that potential. If you have aspecial dream and can listen to the voice in the deepest heart ,then you will become more and more（有点别扭） what you are, to become everything that you are capable of becoming. one should follow their heart no matter how ridiculer（ridiculous） it is viewed by others（in other people’ eyes). However, having a dream is not enough, you should also practice yourself having the ability to achieve it. divide the goals into several parts and make each small parts fall in where you can reach. you should have plans（draw up a plan） for your goals therefore（thus？） you can advance every day. For example, a famous marathon player sets many small destination（destinations） before he finally reach the end point. And that final destination was（is） so “unrealistic” to our common people. Do you get it. make（Divide） the large and difficult（complex？） stuff into small and easy ones ,and you will finally arrive in the place where you want to be.  
     To follow our ambitious dream, by listen to your own heart ,setting small goals ,with detailed plans and enormous courage, are you ready?3 e (In order to follow your ambitious dream, please listen to your own heart and set small goals with detailed plans and enormous courage. Are you ready?
发现了一些低级错误，不知道改得对不对。。

loveinwcUID: 3241878

fThe first doubt is that can genetically modified trees really resist in the environment challenges they are not decided for.* t# U4 c; F8 ?2 E
According to the professor,
when a particular condition of climate occur,
the nature trees have different gene and therefore a few resistance ones can survive .however, the genetically modified trees are homogenic ,
when climate changes they would all die. These differ from the reading's statement ,2 }:
that is, genetically modified trees are designed to be hardier than nature trees.

(第一段有点乱撒……不够整洁，而且第一段不是应该上来简介一下这转基因主要是啥干啥的咩？)

Another keypoint made by the professor is that much more money should be paid to the gene company. the fees cost for the seeds of genetically modified trees more than nature trees and farmers should pay the company ever(every) time the trees
were planted. Instead, the reading metioned(mentions) that the genetically modified trees promises to bring benefits to those who plant them .these two points, if compared（虽然它是不及物但是后面能否不加宾语直接用，吾辈实在不确定……额……）, are whole against each other.(喵？？？第一次看到这样的用法呢…………汗。。我冒昧改了一下撒，comparing with these 2 point, the reader will find them contradictory)
4 v; M4 N9 N7 `6 E& Y
Moreover, the professor argues that the genetically modified trees are savage（汗……未开化的野蛮感……不是吧……） and cause more damages. In conclusion, the doubts casted above demonstrate that the reading’s opinion “it would prevent the exploitation of the wild trees “is suspicious for us to believe （宾语呢？）according to the lecture of professor.


改得不好，请多多包涵，以及，望共勉哟~~~

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

2月8日 101031NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country because they will lose their friends.

I am always amazed when I hear people saying that it is not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country, and that if they do so they will lose their friends. Even if one didn’t know from the concrete examples(the precious friendship between Satre and Simone de beauvior，for instance )that the physical distance is not the element of a true relationship between friends, one could deduce it from general principles.

Firstly, the true friendship was maintained more by the common interests and the similar characteristics than a long period of spending time together and a close distance. Sometimes, if we dislike some people, a second is like an hour; otherwise, we may find that a whole night goes by without noticed. For instance, my favorite friend and me study in different cities, and every year we will made it possible to meet each other and have a great time together. Friendship does not decay, and so the memories of long ago have remained when even the distance of friends which could be thousands km away blocks them.
Moreover, with the advanced communication tools and softs emerged ,with the help of the website such as facebook and renren , virtual communities are established, a large and complex net of relationship is maintained. In an age of electron, the earth become a small village. People connect with each other in various ways such as facetime and skype.
Meanwhile, moving to another place offers you chances to meet new people, to have more experiences and to feel different culture. Then you have a widened horizon and a breadth of mind.
As a result , you will get more friends than ever and you will be appreciated and valued by old true friends.

From what has been discussed, I reinforce my standpoint that it is not totally true that moving to a new place will lead to the losing of friends.

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

谢谢你的批改，我会加强语法上的练习的。 2# laozhanguotoefl

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

听力还没怎么练，可能听的时候还有很多错误的地方。我找来找去都没能发现你的综合耶。 3# loveinwc

yxy319UID: 3014935

I am always amazed when I hear people saying that it is not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country, and that if they do so they will lose their friends. Even if one didn’t know from the concrete examples(the precious friendship between Satre and Simone de beauvior，for instance )that the physical distance is not the element of a true relationship between friends, one could deduce it from general principles.
& K/ X3 B+ R
Firstly, the true friendship was (is) maintained more by the common interests and the similar characteristics than a long period of time spent
together and a close distance. Sometimes, if we dislike some people, a second is like an hour; otherwise, we may find that a whole night goes by without noticed. For instance, my favorite friend and I study in different cities, and every year we will make it possible to meet each other and have a great time together. Friendship does not decay, and so the memories of long ago have remained when even, though the distance of (between) friends which could be thousands
of km away blocks them.
Moreover, with the advanced communication tools and softs emerged ,
and with the help of the website such as facebook and renren , virtual communities are established, and a large and complex net of relationship is maintained. In an age of electron (information?), the earth becomes a small village. People connect with each other in various ways such as facetime and skype./ l" J4 B4 P6 ], c8 R) w
Meanwhile, moving to another place offers you chances to meet new people, to have more experiences and to feel different culture. Then you have a widened horizon and a breadth of mind. 5 P5 b  g) v, x* @* z
As a result , you will get more friends than ever and you will be appreciated and valued by old true friends.
k# j6 p% I& ^6 }4 `
From what has been discussed, I reinforce my standpoint that it is not totally true that moving to a new place will lead to the losing of friends.
围绕搬家是否会导致失去朋友，结构很清楚
感觉语言方面略显生涩。。加油加油~~

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

嗯，谢谢你的批改，对于遣词方面确实感到力不从心啊。 7# yxy319

陶太郎UID: 3066263

4# xiesisiminerva

I am always amazed when I hear people saying that it is not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country, and that if they do so they will lose their friends. （喜欢第一句，很简单，但是很有力量。） Even if one didn’t know from the concrete examples (the precious friendship between Satre and Simone de beauvior，for instance) that the physical distance is not the element of a true relationship between friends, one could deduce it from general principles.
（作者虽然提出了对于题目的看法，但是应该更加明确地用一句话来正面阐述自己的论点。）

Firstly, the true friendship was (为什么要用was而不是is呢？) maintained more by the common interests and the similar characteristics than a long period of spending time together and a close distance. Sometimes, if we dislike some people, a second is like an hour; otherwise, we may find that a whole night goes by without noticed. For instance, my favorite friend and me (I，此处为主语) study in different cities, and every year we will made (make) it possible to meet each other and have a great time together. Friendship does not decay, and so the memories of long ago have remained when even the distance of friends which could be thousands km away blocks them. (这句话有点混乱……The friendship will not decay, and so the memory of long ago, even the distance of friends could be thousands of kilometers that blocks them.不知道是不是作者原来的意思……)
（本段作者表达了“友谊不会因为距离的增加而改变”，但是没有提到moving，所以是不是有点跑题？）

Moreover, with the advanced communication tools and softs emerged, with the help of the website such as facebook and renren, virtual communities are established, a large and complex net of relationship is maintained. In an age of electron, the earth become (becomes) a small village. People connect with each other in various ways such as facetime and skype.
（本段作者提到了先进的沟通方式，但是还是没有提到moving……作者之所以引出许多例证说明出现了很多先进的沟通方式，是为了说明距离并不会影响友谊，所以搬家不会让人失去朋友，但是没有说。）

Meanwhile, moving to another place offers you chances to meet new people, to have more experiences and to feel different culture. Then you have a widened horizon and a breadth of mind. As a result, you will get more friends than ever and you will be appreciated and valued by old true friends.
（本段的论点为“搬家可以提供结实新朋友的机会”）

From what has been discussed, I reinforce my standpoint that it is not totally true that moving to a new place will lead to the losing of friends.

喜欢作者的一些表达方式，语言简洁凝练，用词也很恰当地道。
作者的另外一大优点就是善于举例，比如列举自己和朋友的友谊作为例证就很有说服力，也很符合整体的语言风格。
需要作者稍加注意的是主题展开部分每段和题目的联系，题目虽然是在讨论搬家对友谊的影响，但是把某一段单纯地说成影响友谊的因素就有点脱离题目，还是要着重强调搬家和维持友谊之间的关系。

agathamemUID: 3247638

when their friends make a mistake , people always face a difficulty to choose whether saying  or doing sth which may destroy the friendship between them.some people would put it that way that its unworthy to point out their friends ' mistake in sacrafice of their friendships, while some may consider that its incorrect to turn a blind eye on the mistake their friends' have done although they are on the risk of losing the friends if they point out .
As far as I’m concerned ,I would never accept that I may lose a friend by saying sth unproperly. well as the old saying goes,a life without friend is just a life without a sun.we can never be allowed to treat a friend randomly.according to my personal experience ,i have lost a very close friend by being wayward to her .every time i recollect the time we spend together , i feel no more than regretful.we share the secrets and make comments on everything we are interested in.it is not exaggerating that the time being with her is the most precious in my life till now.if i have another opportunity i would do anything to save our friendship .
however it is no reason to argue that we should let it be when facing to the mistake the friends've made.sometimes,we are the only one who know what they have done.if we choose to ignore ,then no one there can correct their mistakes.and we just leave a impression on them that what they have done is not that bad.and thay may do sth worse after that .finally,if they have done sth irreparable,we would feel regretful the whole life.
we can ,therefor,come to the conclusion that ,its no doubt that we should help to correct our friends mistakes , meawhile ,we should also take notice on the way we choose to tell them.

agathamemUID: 3247638

whether letting a friend make mistake is better than tell him or her sth which can ruin your friendship

这个是题目。。。

alexfanfanUID: 3133140

不好意思 2/7 独立 刚刚才给你改好

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

同学，这里是我的作文习作帖，请不要粘贴你的作文。你可以新开个帖，参加写作小组，同组人员会帮你批改。请移步[url=https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1285161-1-1.htmlhttps://bbs.gter.net/thread-1285161-1-1.html[b[/url]] 10# agathamem

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

2月9日 100924NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working.
Students in college or university, claim officials in ministry of education, should be offered more preparation before they start working. No, say the students: we need more time for critical thinking. These days, it is a lack of self-value, far more than working pressure,
that put sand in the wheels of students in 21th century China.
Nowadays, a variety of career planning emerged in many schools range from middle school to universities, as a result of the fact that lots of undergraduates cannot find jobs. In order to recruit more students, more and more universities emphasis on the training of skills used in a particular career. Specialized courses occupied the curriculum schedule with the assignment fulfill the afterclass time. Students are busy dealing with them and had little time thinking of the question about what they really need. As a result, the university just becomes another high school or vocational school.
University should not become a factory which training practiced worker but a palace that we become who we are to be. the latter is what we call education. The true education serves society by providing a leavening of men of understanding, of perception, and wisdom. They are our intellectual leaders, the critics of our culture , the defender of our free traditions, and the instigators of our progress. They serve society by examining its function, appraising its needs, and criticizing its direction. And that is why the university becomes university.
More attention should be paid to setting up general courses, reducing the power of the administrative staffs and inclining the professors
, improving the teaching methods of college teachers as well as recruiting remarkable professors .
In brief, the graduate need not more preparation before the start working , even though it does, that is the minor thing we should care about when considering the reformation of universities.

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

谢谢批改啊，我后来看自己那句话也觉得很不实在，很“梦幻”！ 12# alexfanfan