【daily writing 作文特训小组】小狮子的作文帖

sodapengUID: 3242849

已改

idealibtUID: 2667256

哈哈 同问 20号乃也还没交呢啊

sodapengUID: 3242849

32# idealibt 我找见她的作文了。。在这里 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1285161&extra=&page=196

yagushou26UID: 3141058

2月21日 100312NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To make children to well at school, parents should limit the hour that a child spends on watching TV. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
It is not uncommon that no sooner after class than children open the TV and throw themselves in the plot of the program, as if there were(这里应该时态有问题吧。) nothing else worth to do in their lives. Even if they have home work(homework), they do not want to do it until the most interesting cartoon is end. It will surely reduce their performance（用reduce感觉有点怪） at school as well as lead to a retarded child（因为多看了电视，就会智力迟钝。这里没有什么逻辑联系吧。看动画也可能促进智力发育啊~）. In order to improve the situation, parents should do something to limit the hour that a child spends on watching TV. Why is that so important?
We can read of things that happened （in）recent years in china, where more and more families have TVs, but less and less (fewer) parents have enough time to spend with children. Meanwhile more apartments are established and separate the children into every small cell instead of the yard in the past. Children who can not play with their friends tend to stay at home and watch TVs, which makes them more isolated and lonely. In return, children spending more time in front of TV set. Well, when I was a 5-6 year old girl, I was taken from the country yard to a big city by my parents. At first, I was always crying for losing my friends and for less time my parents could accompany with(没有with的吧亲) me. Then I accustomed to it and I find（found） things which were showed in the TV can divide my attention from the bad motions. But what accompany with that relief were the getting deeper eye-glasses and the indifference attitude towards the others. Lacking consideration of other people and only laughing and crying with the people who are in the television. Then my performance in the school smooth（smoothly且这个词语表示平稳的，我觉得可以夸大一点说是drastically 你认为捏亲~） going down and I often forget things(这句话从何而来？).
Fortunately, my parents found that and sent me to （a） accommodate school where I live with my roomies and no longer watching TV. And in following years I study hard and get (catch) up with my peers eventually. In spite of not a very convincing example, It portrays many only child’ psychology in the developing china. Moreover, there is survey that studies the decreasing of child’s intelligent qualities. It is showed that more time spending in front of the TV would slow the reading speed, kill the creativity, slash the memory as well as spoil the child in the relationship. Therefore, it was advised that parents should do more things to limits the time children spend in front of TV set.(我觉得那个研究可以说是长时间看电视的坏处，可以单独列一段出来说。提出一个论点进行论述。)

我觉得LZ对我还是有点启发哈，我觉得你的文章蛮贴近自身的哈~有些也是我的观点，你可以参考参考~恩 希望你也去看看我的文章啦~

eileen73UID: 3256364

2月24日 101022NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from our grandparents have no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years. $ B;
   Why, you may ask,【可以这么用啊】 should young people listen to the old one? Why should grandchildren listen to what their grandparents’ experiences and advise【advice】? Is their advice really suitable for the young who are brought up【这个好像用在这不恰当，改做grow up 会不会好一点？】 in a whole new world. Are the advices【advices是意见，建议。但是advices是报道了吧】 they give totally out of days, or is there something more? What’s the difference between the young man and the old one: the young man has a prosperous future before【in front of 会不会更好理解，表示在。。前面，before 是在。。。之前，一个是空间一个是时间上的吧】 him and the old one has a splendid future behind him. And maybe that is where the rub is.【这个句子写得很特别，学习了】
   One can not deny that the old man has a better understanding of what life is, and that they are likely to predict how things will go on. Maybe they are conservative and stubborn, or don’t know to how to make a change, 【but用一下转折会不会好些呢？】they are pretty good at prevent from making mistakes, which is of vital importance in the developing of a young man’s life and the stable of a society. However, not only a single man but the whole world is growing up from making mistakes, which is also true for the old man who used to be young. Moreover, something they learned from the past can not fit well in nowadays society. Here comes the young man.
A good advantage of the young man is that they are young. Young can mean be full of energy,   of endless creativity, and infinite possibility. They receive the latest information and tend to be always in the head of the society. They make mistakes and learn from it【them】. making mistakes seems not a big deal for them cause they are young and recover soon from it【recover from it soon会不会好些？】. in another word, they have a strong immunity. They keep on trying new things and in return, change the world.  That is how the society advanced. Will they listen to the old one and betray their heart【hearts】? I would rather they don’t. 【这段写的不错，但是觉得主题是问老人的建议是否有用什么的，但是楼主过多的写了青年人怎么样怎么样，是不是有点偏呢？】
楼主的观点和着力点都很新颖，语言用词都比较老道了。值得学习~改错的地方也希望楼主提醒下哈

idealibtUID: 2667256

小狮子 2.24.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2012-2-25 14:36:33 上传

下载次数: 5

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

3.6独立

loveinwcUID: 3241878

改完了~期待回改喵~

caisdhappyUID: 3248537

不好意思，晚上有课，改晚了。小狮子的作文不错哦，虽然昨天晚上没有被分组，但是今天看到楼主给我改的还是很欢喜啊~谢啦~

eileen73UID: 3256364

3.6独立

佐左927UID: 3229248

3.9 独立

佐左927UID: 3229248

3.9 independent writing