【Daily Writing作文特训小组】小群群的作业贴

小群群UID: 3091805

2月8日开始，3月4日考试。自己写作文真是很有惰性，决定每天来寄托交作业。希望和大家共同进步，互帮互助。
新手初来乍到，不好的地方希望大家谅解并给与批评~~谢谢大家啦~~

小群群UID: 3091805

2月8日 101031NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing for people to move to a new
town or a new country because they will lose their friends.
英语不怎么好，而且之前没写过作文。改我作文的战友们辛苦鸟~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As modern society develops, people would move to a new town or a new country for many reasons. In this particular case, they
will meet many new conditions ,such as living  in a new environment ,facing a new culture ,missing their hometown ,being fa
r away from friends and so on .Among these ,I consider ,it is not reasonable to say it’s not a good thing for people to move to
a new town or a new country for losing their friends.
First of all, people move on to a new place may because they need to go out for a higher quality education or for a better job.
Graduated from high school or collages, a great many students go a long way to pursue their dreams.  So for many people,
personal development or a better offer is extremely significant. Many elements decide whether it is good or not for people to
move to a new place so it ‘s not wise to judge it only by losing friends.
Additionally, real friend stories never have endings. Distance does not matter for real friends because they treat each other
by their hearts.If one moves out to a new place, the others can phone him or send e-mails. Via so many modern ways, distance
is no longer the obstacle between real friends. For this reason, moving to a new town or a new country, they will not lose their
real friends.
Last but not least, removing to a new place, people can make many new friends. In the new environment, people need to have
new friends to help themselves to quickly integrate new surroundings. So they won’t lack friends.
In a word, we can’t estimate arbitrary only by losing friends and real friends can not be separated only by distance. For this
reason, it’s not completely to think over the benefits of moving to a new place only by losing friends.

wqr619UID: 3007621

不知道为神马楼主的作文复制到word上都乱了。。所以只能这样改了。。。
As modern society develops, people would move to a new town or a new country for many reasons. In this particular case, they! P) G  s5 W7 _& T
will meet many new conditions ,such as living  in a new environment ,facing a new culture ,missing their hometown ,being fa2 P! }5 M+ {; b9 @# A: c
r away from friends and so on .Among these ,I consider ,it is not reasonable to say it’s not a good thing for people to move to . E5 A: t. ^. Y- y& Z, u1 Q
a new town or a new country for losing their friends.这样两个not的双重否定有点怪。。楼主再看下~~

First of all, people move on to a new place （may because）这样连用有点怪，楼主再看下 they need to go out for a higher quality education or for a better job.Graduated from high school or collages, a great many students go a long way to pursue their dreams.  So for many people, . [- c! b+ A, C9 |% x# V6 u. V4 L
personal development or a better offer is extremely significant. Many elements decide whether it is good or not for people to 3 v8 f- K' o* {+ H( u' V( B7 A
move to a new place so it ‘s not wise to judge it only by losing friends.. M9 C8 q
5 |. ~( `$ L9 p) K" M
说一下楼主这个论点好了。。赶脚攻击力不是很强。。。你想，你要否定“出国不好，因为会失去朋友”，你的第一个论点是出国有很多好处，不应该考虑朋友的因素。赶脚默认了出国会失去很多朋友。第一个论点最好是攻击力强一点的哈~~~这个论点可以作为补充说明~~~个人建议哈哈~~
Additionally, real friend stories never have endings. Distance does not matter for real friends because they treat each other
jby their hearts.If one moves out to a new place, the others can phonecall him or send e-mails. Via so many modern ways, distance' O+ e* F) W! W8 {4 P: s2 O( |
is no longer the obstacle好词，学习之~ between real friends. For this reason, moving to a new town or a new country, they will not lose their
real friends.0 a" j, s5 _- R; }1 q4 b
Last but not least, removingmoving to a new place, people can make many new friends. In the new environment, people need to have4 p5 |3 K1 H6 S; Z
new friends to help themselves to quickly integrate new surroundings. So they won’t lack friends.

In a word, we can’t estimate arbitrary这里要表达神马？木有看懂？ only by losing friends and real friends can not be separated only by distance. For this I reason, it’s not completely语法不对，但改成complete也奇怪，是不是该用comprehensive？建议建议哈 to think over the benefits of moving
to a new place only by losing friends.

楼主文章的结构很清晰~~就是感觉论据不够强烈，似乎不是很能说服人。语法错误算很少的~~值得鼓励，就是语言用词上在琢磨一下吧~~
一起加油吧~我也3月4日~~

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

As modern society develops, people would move to a new town or a new country for many reasons. In this particular case, they will meet many new conditions ,such as living  in a new environment ,facing a new culture ,missing their hometown ,being far away from friends and so on .Among these ,I consider ,it is not reasonable to say it’s not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country for losing their friends.
First of all, people move on to a new place may because they need to go out for a higher quality education or for a better job. Graduated from high school or collages colleges, a great many students go a long way to pursue their dreams.  So for many people, personal development or a better offer is extremely significant. Many elements decide whether it is good or not for people to move to a new place so it ‘s not wise to judge it only by losing friends.
Additionally, real friend stories never have endings. Distance does not matter for real friends because they treat each other by their hearts. If one moves out to a new place, the others can phone him or send e-mails. Via so many modern ways, distance is no longer the obstacle between real friends. For this reason, moving to a new town or a new country, they will not lose their
real friends.
Last but not least, removing to a new place, people can make many new friends. In the new environment, people need to have 觉得可以去掉
new friends to help themselves to quickly integrate adapt to new surroundings. So they won’t lack friends. In a word, we can’t estimate arbitrary only by in the aspect of losing friends and real friends can not be separated only by distance.For this
reason, it’s not completely complete to think over the benefits of moving to a new place only by losing friends.感觉跟前面的benefits有点矛盾
总体感觉错误比较少，觉得有的地方还需要更加地道

小群群UID: 3091805

谢谢指教，我会好好改滴~ 3# wqr619

小群群UID: 3091805

谢谢指教~~~确实帮我替换的几个词都是我当时也觉得有点别扭的，但就是不会写了~~~~~~·多谢多谢~~~~~~~~~~O(∩_∩)O~ 4# laozhanguotoefl

小群群UID: 3091805

2月9日 100924NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? College or Universityshould
offer students more preparation before they start working.



As industries develop, work opportunity grows, whilecompetition increases as well. It can be widely seen that large
numberuniversities are introducing and holding jobs fairs to graduate to cushion theblow in job-hunting. Thus, college


students
start
to concernthat whether
preparation
in
university
is going tobe greatly supported and popularized. Some
contends that if so, the effort andprocess in applying for a position will be significantly spared, as a result,the saved
time and energy can be invested into other practical projects toboost efficiency.


Preparation
offeredby
college
will certainly minimize risks to the modest level forapplicants, and give the
majority of graduates courage and confidence to face,handle and accustomed to the work. The students
could equip themselves withbasic strategy in writing resume. Also, inviting successful celebrities to give
speech to motivate and inspire
students
would besufficiently effective to help their apprentice get
emotionally prepared. Inaddition, chances of internship will aid graduates to strengthen and enhance
their academic knowledge.


Yet the statement overlooks several aspects whenit comes to support
students
in seeking after careers
with
preparation. First, since all those relevant information in resumecomposing and interviewing is readily
available on not only printed materialbut also internet, which is much
more
cost-effectivethan hiring
lecturers to hold a training session. Second, inviting famous andoccupationally successful experts is costly
as well. It will lay financialburdens to the school and the
students, for the admission fees must be unsurprisingly
high. Lastbut not the least, internship seems desirably attractive to most
students, but the opportunities are
temporary and thecompetitiveness of the drill is as severe as a real deal.

In sum, as for the advantages of moderate
preparation,
students
will beundoubtedly benefited. However, the long-lasting
effect of
preparation
isunjustifiable.In the final analysis, to ensure
students' occupational performance, personal experience
is
more
essentialthan external assistance.

小群群UID: 3091805

2.9独立

shibin11UID: 3228029

7# 小群群
一直打不开你传的那个word文档。。是不是没传完整，  能重新传下吗？

小群群UID: 3091805

这回呢 我又传了一下   9# shibin11

shibin11UID: 3228029

。。。。LZ你好像再度传错。。。
这个是“蹲着的猫”的作文吧。。。

小群群UID: 3091805

啊 传成他的了啊。。 11# shibin11

小群群UID: 3091805

docx不知怎么传不上来了  改成txt了试试 11# shibin11

小群群UID: 3091805

机经作文  2月16日  我自己改了一遍错误 麻烦改我作文的童鞋了~~

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

With thedevelopment of modern society, people live better than they used to many yearsago. In fact, we eat better for our health today than the （此冠词可略去） people in the past.My statements
are as follows.（people是第三人称，we是第一人称。尽量统一比较好。）


In our life, peoplenow pay more attention to their health. First, we can afford the main part ofwhat we need to satisfy our remands and we have extra time and money to thinkabout making varied food and purchase what we need. （这个句子里，and有些多） The people in our countrylived hard in the past,
they couldn’t eveneat their fill, let alone eating healthily.
Second, we can consult the nutritionist, which is a newly developingoccupation, on collocating our everyday meals. For this reason, we are morelikely to eat more healthily than before.（两个more，似乎有些重复）


However, thereexist some disharmony elements in our food markets in（at） this times. Businessmeninvariably mix the additive with the food more or less to make the product lookbetter. Such as the essence, citric acid, pectin and the like, which concededlymay do harm to our health. From this point, we can not choose too carefullywhile purchasing food.（Why can't we? What is the logic?）

Though it is notcompletely healthy when we eat in our times, it actually is fairly better forour health than it used to be. As a result, from my point of view, people eatfoods that better for their health today than they did previously.


题目是说：人们现在吃的食物不如以前吃的食物健康。核心要义是，现在的食物是否不如以前的食物健康。

楼主的文章似乎有些离题。楼主的论证重心似乎放在人的习惯上面，而不是食物上面。具体来看：
楼主第二段的两个分论点：一是现在的人们有更加充裕的时间和金钱去购买需要的食物，二是人们可以请教营养学家，吃得更加科学健康。
楼主第三段是，当代食品安全问题造成不和谐因素。这一段是切题的，然而却与楼主论证的观点相左。

请楼主再考虑一下这个问题。

除此以外，楼主的语法很不错，很多词汇用得很生动准确。句式方面，可以更加多样化一些。

加油哦！