【独立写作】从明天开始写作啦~

可他媽學點習吧UID：3275783

58# eileen73 試改了一下，我是新人，歡迎多指教

eileen73UID：3256364

4.3
TPO4综合

FlyingFieUID：3251779

亲，不好意思，这几天作tpo19- 20的听力，大受打击！！！ 原先认为自己听力还可以的，现在能错10个！！！！ 这几天都专攻这个了，所以综合还没有开始。。 对不住了。。等我开始了，第一时间来看你的哈！！！ 抱抱。。

eileen73UID：3256364

恩，好像后面的TPO听力是要比前面的难，我也有这感觉。作文缓缓没关系的。加油哦~~咱们一起努力呀~ 63# FlyingFie

eileen73UID：3256364

4.4综合TPO5

eileen73UID：3256364

4.5独立

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

66# eileen73

可他媽學點習吧UID：3275783

66# eileen73 已改~

eileen73UID：3256364

听君一席话，胜写10篇文啊~~thank you so much 67# 秋雨荆州

eileen73UID：3256364

太感谢前辈啦，一针见血啊，提出的缺点我会好好改进的，快考试了，要更加油了 68# 可他媽學點習吧

ilovevickyUID：2937658

4月5日 110708 the friend that can have fun with are more important than the friends that can get more help from?
As a old saying said that “a friend in need is a friend indeed”, I really agree with the opinion that it is necessary for us to have some friends from who we can get help. On the other hand, it is also important for us to have friends who can have fun with. However, comparing these two types of friends, I prefer choosing the second one who can teach me a lot, there are three reasons as follows.
First and foremost, while parents teach us how to enjoy life, our friends teach us to be strong. Take me for example, I’m so glad that I have a close friend who teaches me a lot. Once I had the problem with my English speaking, though I tried my best to train myself, it seemed that my speaking improved very little, in that case, I wanted to stop practicing my speaking. 长句很容易有语法错误哦When my friend heard that, she talked with me for a long time, and the important thing she told me is that she said no people can gain without pain, which expressed me so much.
这段论点好弱，为什么父母只教我们享受生活，而朋友让我们更强？这个有关系咩？我觉得你这段应该论证因为有个帮助你的朋友，因此你变得更强，所以你喜欢这类朋友。这样的逻辑关系才是对的。
In addition, as a rule, those friends who can teach me a lot must 这个词有点绝对化，慎用。 bring with many useful knowledge and abundant experience. They maybe good at dealing with the daily affairs, or they can fix the relationships between you and your classmates or partners well. When you feel confused or feel sad, you can turn to them for help. By contrast, maybe our friends we can make me laugh also can solve those problems in their own ways, however, I hold the opinion that the happiness they give to us is less eternal than the friends who give us the inner peace, which can last long in our life.
你这篇文章准备把那些年朋友教会你的事进行到底么？==哈哈开玩笑，个人感觉help不等于teach,你把范围缩小了，而且这段的论点有点空泛化哦。你是想说朋友阅历丰富，但归根结底还是说了朋友使你变得更强，瞬间又重复了上一段的论点。
Last but not least, as the development of our modern society, we must improve ourselves in many aspects, we mustn’t pay most attention on the happy things in our life, personally speaking, the goal for life is not just laughing or happiness, but a sense of achieving ourselves. Therefore, the friends who can teach us a lot may have the same attitude toward the life, for which we can develop ourselves with each other, thus we will have a high pattern in our life.
哦，这段开始拔高了嘛，说享乐是不对的人生态度==就是说朋友时你有了健康的人生的态度，勉强可以。但是我个人感觉你的三个论点都是在一个层次上的，都可以归类于朋友使你更强。个人建议可以多开发写不同层面的观点，写起来也不至于没话说，对不？
In sum, I really think that the friends who can help us a lot are more important than those friends who can have fun with. We can benefits so much from them, like leaning the meaning of life, achieving same goal with them, which are vital than laughing.
总体感觉楼主的英语语法功底还是不错的，但是论点的有力性有待加强，以上纯属个人浅薄之见，欢迎回改。加油哈~~~

eileen73UID：3256364

很有道理啊，确实很多时候再没话找话。。。 71# ilovevicky

eileen73UID：3256364

4.6独立。死了好多脑细胞啊。。。

可他媽學點習吧UID：3275783

73# eileen73 已改~

潇湘锁铃儿UID：3137221

已改 我也写了这篇 欢迎去拍