【独立写作】从明天开始写作啦~

eileen73UID: 3256364

3.10 独立

佐左927UID: 3229248

3.10 已改

eileen73UID: 3256364

3.12独立

kkmm130UID: 3266172

3.12已改 By kkmm130
3月12日110422 which kinds of university do you prefer universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors
With the development of the society, there is a common phenomenon that increasing number of people attending to university than before. Most of us have the dilemma of choosing a school whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors. To allow for the future in my own life, I prefer to attend the later one than the farmer one. There are three reasons as follows
.
First and foremost, a university with a lot of famous professors, who bring with them varied and useful backgrounds, can solve one problem in many aspects. By studying in their classes, we can know not only the major knowledge, but also many interesting things in the world. What’s more, it can open our sight toward the world, while the university which pay more attention to the
Daily job, may limit the students’ imagination.

In addition, as a rule, nowadays, a bulk of managers consider the students’ experience as a main factor when they choose an employee. A university where there are famous professors also can offer their students opportunity to train their working ability. For instance, I have my own professor, he’s major is staining DNA(一如既往的用定语从句好点吧，否则又没有连词，有点奇怪). Last year, he had a process about that field, and I joined in his team. Since then, I often go to his labor, searching information, reading paper, doing examine. Now, I believe I have the basic technique to stain DNA.I really agree with the opinion that the graduates from the university with many famous professors also can find good jobs.（感觉这句总结可以更气势点）（I really agree with the opinion that the graduates from the university with many famous professors can gain more than a good job.）

Last but not least, the students study in a university which is not aim for the high rate of get a job may live a more colorful and relaxed life. More over, we have more spar time to do some sports and take part in some communities. Relatively speaking, this college is more suitable for us to study the subject we really like.(感觉这一段联系不够紧密，丰富的生活和知名教授没必然联系，而且作为第三个论点会不会不够POWERFUL？)

In the long run, I hold the view that a good job is lees important than a good study or a great professor. It is vital for us studying knowledge accompanied with happiness and I hope that other feel the same way（way去掉）.

LZ的词汇比较丰富，值得学习哈。结构清晰，论据有事实论据和理论论据，就是论点顺序是不是可以更加优化一下。
还有就是优化一下句式可能更有气势一点，比如强调啊，比喻啊啥的。


不会上传文件，不好意思

佐左927UID: 3229248

楼主我的3.10独立

eileen73UID: 3256364

恩恩，kkmm说的极是，我的句式一直比较单调，有待改进啊，还有，顺序也确实是个问题哦，谢谢提出，以前还没发现呢。一起努力啊~~ 34# kkmm130

eileen73UID: 3256364

3.10已改
35# 佐左927

eileen73UID: 3256364

3.19独立。这几天都没写，恩，有点手生啊

echo.fUID: 3029406

With the development of our society, people gain more wealth than decades before, therefore, people pay more attention to their daily life, and there are a bulk of people think it is more enjoyable to work three days a week for long time instead of working five days a week for shorter time(个人觉得换种说法来说这个，不要和问题一样比较好). To allow for the biological clock and health, I consider that it is not suitable for us to work three days a week for （a）long time. There are three reasons as follows.

First and foremost, working three days a week for (a)long time is not benefits our mental and physical health, we may feel tired when we working a long lasting time and have no enough rest. As a rule(这里用这个不对吧), many people may think that we can gain energy while we have enough sleep during the rest time, because we really have four days to recover ourselves. However, scientists claim that it is vital for us to have a regular time to sleep or mange （manage）our daily life（这里就说biological clock就好了） though it may not obvious in a short time. There is no doubt that working long time could let us feel tired and result in a high tendency to illness.

In addition, a long working time may destroy the relationship with your family members. You may have less time and energy to play with your children. In a sentence（有这个表达么？）, You can’t say goodbye to your daughter when she go to school while you just sleeping a few hours; you can’t give a hug when she comes from school; you can’t give a night kiss to your son while you come home at midnight and he had a beauty dream. Maybe you would take more time to stay with them when you are free, but the gap between you and your family was extended when you are working, and it is too late for you to build a bridge（to） connect you and your children.

Last but not least, working five days a week is a traditional custom, for many years we have followed this rules. I really agree with a saying that the existence is the reasonable. What’s more, in general speaking, we can’t deny the reasonable of the five days working, in a long run, it is more helpful for our life. For example, you can get up at eight o’clock and have a delicious breakfast, then go to office with a bright smile, then after work, you can play sports with your family. How awesome it is!  （这一段感觉反复了，前面几句一直是反复同一个意思）

All in all, I hold the opinion that working five days a week is better for us while working three days a week may led an irregular and tired life and （i hope that other fell the same way.）（这个可以不用）
作者的思路还是很清晰的，就是第三个主题段的论述显得有些无力，前面说存在即合理，后面又说对人们有好处，感觉像是没话找话说了。其实这一段可以像作者后面写的说规律的生活可以让人享受到很多东西例如什么什么。整体来说挺好。
我的水平也不高，希望可以互相学习哈

潇湘锁铃儿UID: 3137221

请问楼主是高中生还是大学生啊~~~
呵呵词组表达很丰富，有的我没见过，还要多多学习。

改晚了，见谅。

还是有些小错误的，总体思路很好。

eileen73UID: 3256364

我觉得玲儿改的不错啊，而且有些词我也是没想到的。。。恩，是大学生啦。 40# 潇湘锁铃儿

eileen73UID: 3256364

3.22综合

潇湘锁铃儿UID: 3137221

42# eileen73
我也写了这篇 欢迎回改
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1347239-1-1.html

eileen73UID: 3256364

太巧了，第一次写综合，有点惨不忍睹啊。玲儿改的真心不错。我可能要晚点改哈啦，见谅啊。 43# 潇湘锁铃儿

eileen73UID: 3256364

3.23综合