【独立写作】从明天开始写作啦~

eileen73UID：3256364

２.２３日，开始～

第一次写，希望大家给些意见，先在此谢过

eileen73UID：3256364

2月23日 101218NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Two people can become good friends even if one of them has more money than the other.

As we all know that friendship is takes a very important place in people’s daily life. It says a friend in need is a friend indeed. Some people would ask that if one of two people has more money than the other, could they become good friends? I want to say yes, of course they can! I think Money isn’t a main part of a friendship.

Marx is a great Socialist philosopher, and we are familiar with his best friend Engels too. In that time , Marx was very poor, but Engels was a rich man. To many people’s surprises , their friendship last very long. Even after Marx died of illness, Engels recalled that he was really helped him a lot. A poor people help a rich man a lot ?  Yes, it’s not in the materials but in the spirit. They helped each other, encouraged each other and missed each other. From this example, we can tell that money is nothing to do with friendship.

In this modern society , it is so important for us to making friends with other people. But how to choose a people being our good friend is a hard work. There’s no friendship can last long if it builds on money. A good friend should be frank, he should pointed out my weakness if I’m wrong instead of pleasing me all the time, and a good friend should be the best support of mine, who is always willing to help me, listen to me, hare our happiness or sorrow. There is no word called money, we could draw a conclusion that money is nothing to do with friendship.

All in all, I think people make friends with each other are don’t care much about their money or status. The rarity of the friendship is the beauty inside it, and it based on the two people’s hearts and their good qualities. So,two people can become good friends even if one of them has more money than the other.

birdorUID：2903464

2月23日 101218NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Two people can become good friends even if one of them has more money than the other.

As we all know that friendship [is] takes a very important place in people’s daily life. It says a friend in need is a friend indeed. Some people would ask that if one of two people has more money than the other, could they become good friends? I want to say yes, of course they can! I think Money isn’t a main part of a friendship.
1. 没必要在每句话开头都加上引用as we all know, it says, I want to say, I think. 尽可以全部删去.
2. 最后一句话与前文逻辑脱节, 需要加上转折或让步. though, even though..
3. of course 非正式, 不宜用于作文. Certainly, indeed, absolutely...

Marx is a great Socialist [philosopher], and we are familiar with his best friend Engels too. In that time , Marx was very poor, but Engels was a rich man. To many people’s surprises , their friendship last[ed] very long. Even after Marx died of illness, Engels recalled that he [was] really helped him a lot[he? him? 混淆]. A poor people help[ed] a rich man a lot ?  Yes, it’s not in the materials but in the spirit. They helped each other, encouraged each other and missed each other. From this example, we can tell that money is nothing to do with friendship.
1. Marx在西方, 尤其是美国, 被视为异端. 保险起见最好不要举这个例子. 另外, 西方人大多认为他是Socialist, 而非philosopher.

In this modern society , it is so important for us to making friends with other people. But how to choose [a] people being our good friend[s] is a hard work[how->is-> work?此句不通]. There’s no friendship can last long if it builds[需要被动] on money. A good friend should be frank,[.] he should pointed out my weakness if I’m wrong instead of pleasing me all the time, and a good friend should be the best support of mine, who is always willing to help me, listen to me, hare[?] our happiness or sorrow. There is no word called money, we could draw a conclusion that money is nothing to do with friendship.
1. 要证明富有程度不同者可交友, 只需要说明有这样的可能性即可. 不需要证明"友谊不能建立在金钱上". 你强化了命题, 逻辑会乱掉.
2. 一个主干句子只有一个动词, 逗句是不能连接并列句的. 所以不要吝啬于句号的使用.

All in all, I think people make friends with each other /are/[who] don’t care much about their money or status. The rarity of the friendship is the beauty inside it, and it [is] based on the two people’s hearts and their good qualities. So,two people can become good friends even if one of them has more money than the other.
1. 多次出现被动语态的缺失. 请注意某些词, 比如base, build.
2. 看起来有点像把汉语的句子翻译过去. 最理想的状态是直接在脑海中构思英语句子, 不要通过翻译的过程来写作.

sodapengUID：3242849

已改

eileen73UID：3256364

恩，是的。自己的文章真的很像中文直接翻译过去啊。。。会加油的！恩 3# birdor

eileen73UID：3256364

很有用的建议~谢谢啦~自己的结构和词汇都需要很大的改进啊。 4# sodapeng

eileen73UID：3256364

2月24日 101022NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from our grandparents have no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years

The relationships between children and family are very complex , we contact with  each other based on blood. As we all know that most grandparents love their grandchildren so much, and they are willing to give some advice to their grandchildren even after the kids grow up. Someone will ask, are those advices useless? No, absolutely not!

First and foremost, grandparents are great of experience, they know much more than their grandchildren about life. When children meet some difficulties, they would turn help to their family .Because they trust their families, and their grandparents will give them some feasible suggestions, and help them to make a good decision. Grandparents’ advice can help their grandchildren to decrease the mistakes they will make in the future and solve some problems more successfully.

During the past 50 years, the world changed so much, many things are different from the past, like buildings, clothes, food and so on. It is commonly think that older people are out of fashion, they only know something old, they can’t catch up with their grandchildren, they don’t know the pop music or basketball stars, they are boring and useless. It is obviously that you make a big mistake. There are still many things stay as  same as past years. Such as the structure of the society, the traditional holidays and the customs of our families . We can see some old things are still available for us in this modern time, the same with the advice from our grandparents .

Throughout my life, I have been lucky enough to have a very good relationship with my grandparents. They have supported me, given me necessary criticism, and taught me a deal about how to live my life. Grandparents can be very important teachers in my life; however, they are not always the best teachers. They make mistake sometimes, and they also give me a wrong suggestion, but they still help me a lot.

In sum, the grandparents’ advice is vital for us. If I were you, I will get some advice from grandparents.

laozhanguotoeflUID：3246339

2.24 已改完

eileen73UID：3256364

2月25日 100828NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status

With the rapidly development of modern society, there are many things have changed during past decades. Money and social status are two important factors affect peoples’ lives, and we gain money or improve our social status through working, in another word, having jobs. As far as I know that most people who have jobs are aim for making money rather than social status. I believe that the three most common reasons are as follow.

The most important, and sometimes the hardest, human beings need food to survive, which is bought though money, and enough money ensure people against starve. It means that money is the basic need for human beings. If a man is suffering from hunger, the first thing he want is money, because money can buy something to eat, he don’t care much about the social status in that case.

In addition, we always hear that ‘how much money I could get’ instead of “what a social status I can get” when people get a job. For example, my sister is an engineer now .After she graduated from school, she past the exam of public functionary. We all happy for her that she could get a good job, but to our surprised, she didn’t go to the government department for work as a official, but work in a foreign company as a worker . she told me that the company pay more money than the government although the official has a high social status than a worker. So the main purpose for people who have jobs is for money.

Last but not least, to allow for the increase of the price of commodities, money takes a very important role when people choose jobs, and it is normal that when people gain enough money, his social status would be improved after that. We can see that many richer become the political advisors and political party members.

In sum, money isn’t everything, but without money you can’t do anything.

葩公子UID：3250277

The relationships between children and family are very complex , we contact with  each other based on blood(感觉不地道). As we all know that most grandparents love their grandchildren so much, and they are willing to give some advice to their grandchildren even after the kids（have grown up） grow up. Someone will ask, are those advices useless? No, absolutely not!
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/ m8 `1 M' ]& V9 T( AFirst and foremost, grandparents are great of experience(are experienced), they know much more than their grandchildren about life. When children meet some difficulties, they would turn help to (turn to)their family .Because they trust their families, and their grandparents will give them some feasible suggestions(前后逻辑奇怪), and help them to make a good decision. Grandparents’ advice can help their grandchildren to decrease the mistakes（这个用法好像有问题） they will make in the future and solve some problems more successfully.
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# P& L; W! x- ^" lDuring the past 50 years, the world changed so much, many things are different from the past, like buildings, clothes, food and so on. It is commonly think （a common think）that older people are out of fashion, they only know something old, they can’t catch up with their grandchildren(in the persect of ……), they don’t know the pop music or basketball stars, they are boring and useless(这两个词需要写明理由或者换掉). It is obviously（这里该用形容词） that you (have made)make a big mistake. There are still many things stay as  same(the same as) as past years. Such as the structure of the society, the traditional holidays and the customs of our families . We can see some old things are still available for us in this modern time, the same with the advice from our grandparents .* n! }1 L6 J  U4 Z6 ^
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Throughout my life, I have been lucky enough to have a very good relationship with my grandparents. They have supported me, given me necessary criticism, and taught me a deal (lot)about how to live my life. Grandparents can be very important teachers in my life; however, they are not always the best teachers. They make mistake sometimes, and they also give me a wrong suggestion, but they still help me a lot.1 d$ |* P2 ]' s* q9 ?; B6 @- j
LZ如果能在一些小细节方面多多注意的话应该可以提高很高的，加油哈

0 B+ X" H( y8 W7 H9 m/ WIn sum, the grandparents’ advice is vital for us. If I were you, I will get some advice from grandparents.

xiesisiminervaUID：2997765

2.25已改

eileen73UID：3256364

2,27独立

美蓝UID：3211855

已经改好了~~楼主过目~~

美蓝UID：3211855

昨天分组咱们组另一个人peter好像不能传附件。。。我把他给你修改的直接给你吧~~

eileen73UID：3256364

谢谢美蓝的建议，获益匪浅。至于那个short, 我是想表达我们花很短的时间去决定，但要花很长的时间去实现 13# 美蓝