小妹第一次写作文 请路过的诸位帮忙改改

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小妹第一次写作文 请路过的诸位帮忙改改 感激不尽·····好人一生平安
    NA/2010/11/6 Do you agree or disagree with following statement :
    It is easier for parents to raise their children than 50years ago.

Comparing with the past 50 years, wedo have many obviously advantages in this epoch. For example, children can beraised easily by their parents. It may be explained from the following aspects.

In the past, it's hard to childrento get education, since there was limited institutes and schools offered educationin a city, and usually, they were far from those children's home, they musttake bus or other transportation to get school, usually that was a huge cost ofmoney for their parents. However, as the development of education industry, today,many educational institutes have been built, there are more choices forparents, they can send their children to the nearest school to get the besteducation, or thanks to the internet, they also can let they children sit infront of a computer to receive knowledge by the open- courses which areprovided by some famous universities, like Peking university, and all those arecheaper, even free. So parents can no longer consider the issue about themoney.

In addition, 50 years ago , many arrearslacked hospital and professional doctors and nurses, some of them may dose notreceive adequate medical training. Since the terrible medical condition in thepast, Children can be easily affected by virus, if unfortunately, the childrenget sick, we cannot expect that they can be quickly cured. Frequently, manychildren dead because of that they could not get effectively treatment. Butnow, There has been an improvement in the medical care. Dozens of hospital havebeen equipped with more rooms, better facilities and more specialists. Childrencan get better treatment in such palaces, so that parents can take good care oftheir kids and keep them healthier than the past.

To conclude, due to these advantages ineducation, medical care, and so forth, parents can raise their children easierthan the past 50 years.

潇湘锁铃儿UID: 3137221

Comparing with the past 50 years, we do have many（various） obviously advantages in this epoch（总觉得这句有点中式英语，但不知道怎么改）. For example, children can be raised easily by their parents. It may be explained from the following aspects. （we can see it from the following aspects）

In the past, it's hard to(for) children to get education(没必要用It‘s 吧。。。resources of education for children is scarce), since there was (were) limited （educational）institutes and schools (offered education) in a city, and usually, they were far from those children's home, they must take bus or other transportation to get school, usually that was a huge cost of money for their parents. (这个牵强了吧。。。关键还是学费问题吧？)However, as the development of education industry, today,many educational institutes have been built, there are more choices forparents, they can send their children to the nearest school to get the besteducation（这个，两个都est不太现实吧）, or thanks to the internet, they also can let they children sit infront of a computer to receive knowledge by the open- courses which areprovided by some famous universities, like Peking university, and all those arecheaper, even free. So parents can no longer consider the issue about themoney.
这个点不错，但是展开觉得很奇怪啊，没必要说和现实不吻合的吧，可以将cost转化为resources
number
Past limited(one or two schools in a town)
Now many schools
From internet/library
Quality
More scientific teaching methods
More professional teacher


In addition, 50 years ago , many arrearslacked hospital and professional doctors and nurses, some of them may dose notreceive adequate medical training. Since the terrible medical condition in thepast, Children can be easily affected by virus, if unfortunately, the childrenget sick, we cannot expect that they can be quickly cured. Frequently, manychildren dead because of that they could not get effectively treatment. Butnow, There has been an improvement in the medical care. Dozens of hospital havebeen equipped with more rooms, better facilities and more specialists. Childrencan get better treatment in such palaces, so that parents can take good care oftheir kids and keep them healthier than the past.

表达欠佳，需多多练习总结
如果用一些句型 如thanks to 就强调出来，不要加在中间。（在其他句型都很一般的情况下）







To conclude, due to these advantages ineducation, medical care, and so forth, parents can raise their children easierthan the past 50 years.


我比较懒，打个酱油而已

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2# 潇湘锁铃儿 太谢谢了，很中肯的建议 ，十分受用呀