【Daily writing作文特训小组】作文贴

heetionUID: 3271965

3月15日 独立
110708 the friend that can have fun with are more important than the friends that can get more help from?

When two national officers, each represent their owm country, shaking hands, they gave a birth to a kind of friendship, named diplomacy. When two managers, each from their own company, signing on the contract, they mothered another friendship flowered with cooperation.And even a begger also says "friend" to almsgiver. So, who is the real friend?

We could not superficially and simply analyse those issues. Officers and managers also have funs every day, even the begger is smiling to you, we all know that is just a mask of bussiness, and all we need, which named "friend", is a warm-hearted person. Just like a meal card that your roomate gave to you, when your pocket was empty, like a encouraging word from your classmate when you were failed on your exam. All of those are from the person that you can get more help from, and they are the real friend.

But on the other hand, happiness between two friends is important too. It is a long time that you are together, haveing meals, taking classes, discussing papers or something happened in the sociaty. Having funs will make you closer, and if you did not talk to each other or always argue, your relationship would gradually dissolve. Like my roomate, he spends all his time on playing on-line games, the words he talks to me are to totally less than which he speak to his on-line friends, all of us get ourselves away from him.

To encapsulate, two friends need have some fun, but the connection should be based on the warm heart, namely, the person you called “friend” should beacon your way when you are rudderless and adrift on the sea of puzzle.

echo.fUID: 3029406

When two national officers, each represent their own country, shaking hands, they gave a birth to a kind of friendship, named diplomacy. When two managers, each from their own company, signing on the contract, they mothered another friendship flowered with cooperation. And even a begger(这个词word说有错，应该用beggar好像) also says "friend" to almsgiver. So, who is the real friend?

We could not （be）superficially and simply analyze those issues. Officers and managers also have funs every day, even the beggar is（这里应该是are吧） smiling to you, we all know that is just a mask of bussiness（这里用bussiness不对，不知道作者想表达的具体意思）, and all we need, which named "friend", is a warm-hearted person. Just like a meal card（这个表达不对，如果要说饭卡的话dining card更好） that your roommate gave to you, （个人觉得不要逗号好理解一些）when your pocket was empty, like an encouraging word from your classmate when you were failed on your exam. All of those are from the person that you can get more help from, and they are the real friend.

But on the other hand, happiness between two friends is important too. It is a long time that you are together, haveing （having）meals, taking classes, discussing papers or something happened in the sociaty（作者的意思是society吧）. Having funs（注意fun不加S的哦） will make you closer, and if you did not talk to each other or always argue, your relationship would gradually dissolve. Like my roommate, he spends all his time on playing on-line games, the words he talks to me are to totally less than which he speaks to his on-line friends, all of us get ourselves away from him.

To encapsulate, two friends need have some fun, but the connection should be based on the warm heart, namely, the person you called “friend” should beacon your way when you are rudderless and adrift on the sea of puzzle.

整体来看，作者是用折中来论证，两方面都很重要，根据篇幅来判断也差不多是各占50%的样子。先提出问题，然后第一个主体段说明什么是一个真正的friend，第二个主体段就转到fun is important too了，最后一段总结时提供一种两者结合的观点。个人觉得这样的写法难拿高分，一般折衷的写法大多是大部份否认和小部分承认，那样子的高分范文比较多。建议作者可以去多看一些高分范文，参考一下结构。还有一点就是，作者的第二个主题段我觉得论证得很单薄，显得比较弱比较无力。第2个主体段的例子也感觉是在论证不交流的坏处而不是have fun的重要性，建议作者可以再想一想有没有更好的例子。（我也觉得这个题目的details很难找啊…）
再就是作者的拼写错误可以先通过word纠错更正一下，作者的句式还是比较丰富的，但有些感觉比较中式的表达我也说不太清…我的水平也很有限，希望能和作者一起进步~

heetionUID: 3271965

关于拼写。失误，我贴了记事本里的，其实我用WORD改过了。下次注意。

bussiness可以代之很多东西的，就是那种很商业很表面上正统的那种feel。至于meal card我记得听力经典加试就是这么写的。

还有第二个例子确实有点偏了，但是真的想不到了啊，我去看看其他朋友写的好了

heetionUID: 3271965

3月16日独立
110319 do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave

I, a citizen have been spending more than twenty years on surviving in China, where lack of film rating system, advertisement dances every minute, and even news always show the leader of our gov picturing a flowered future for their people, extremely agree with that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave!

First, like I said, since we lack of film rating system, we only see the "nice" films that SARFT think they are nice, and the rest films are mixed up with murder, fighting, or some other violent elements. Young people imitate the behavior in the movies, like violent attacking, or even killing, neglecting the result. Some of my junior high school classmates recalled their childhood lives, their fighting or even blackmail were due to imitation from movies.

Second, every Chinese knows the time of advertisement is much longer than movies'. The misleading ADs could make an adult to buy many other things that he do not need at all. What about a young people who do not experience much in society? They would spend all their pin money on a popular toy, or even steal their parents' money to buy a case of candy. It is harmful for young people's growth.

In the last, all the news, published by CCAV, which marionetted by GOV, are flowered, and even some heroes they made are fabricated. Many young people deeply believe them and regard the "heroes" as idol, their values are changed. So everybody oppose but understands what they do.

最后一段由于你们懂的原因，删了些例子，可能字数少了点。

kkmm130UID: 3266172

修改 By kkmm130

heetionUID: 3271965

3月29日独立
110304NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems affecting our society today could be solved within our lifetime.

Today, in China, what is the most important problems affecting our society? In my opinion, it is the solid chains on the people's freedom and liberty. It not only restricts our view from finding our own mistakes, also make it impossible to correct ourselves. And base on this idea, I totally agree the statement, it will make a difference within our lifetime.

Every Chinese people lives in the very "good" atmosphere, congratulations for the significant meeting which hosted by a very important leader, or warmly welcome another core leader visit somewhere, leaders' faces or names must be flowered on the covers of newspapers, skyrocketed GDP or other good-looking numbers which are far away from people's lives.

Back to the earth, the reality, more and more workers lose their jobs, more and more citizens cannot afford a house on their own city, and even some dangerous articles are hidden in the society.

Under the guise of regulating "residential surveillance", article 73 of the revised law would effectively legalize secret detentions and "disappearances" of people viewed as political risks by the government. The article was passed several days later, based on the ignorance of deputies. To be against to it, the men, who are awake in the darkness of totalitarianism, sharply criticize the miscarriages of justice on weibo, where is close to any one use internet.

That is a way we solve a problem within our lifetime, even though the article is passed. Internet has been a part of our lives, weibos, blogs, or any other messages we want the whole world know, are flied in the sky, which is a free zone we had striven for many years. The information would infect any guys around us, while chatting, discussing, or other means of communication. The society would be freedom and liberty, if every citizen fights for his own's. A little more every people do, a little better the country would be.