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[i习作temp] ISSUE 32 (关于选专业是否由将来的工作决定)。求拍啊。。谢谢 [复制链接]

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 美版守护者 Cancer巨蟹座 GRE斩浪之魂 荣誉版主

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发表于 2012-3-18 19:47:09 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
With the global economy developing faster and faster, some serious phenomenon have come into our society. For example , the opportunity to find a job is becoming less because of the rapid growing of human beings. So many people argues that before we enter a college, we should choose a field of study which is easy to find jobs after we graduate. However, as far as I am concerned, it is quite wrong. Different subjects fit for different kinds of people, and it is your own hobby that you should depend on to choose your own field.

If each of people is willing to choose the so-called hot subjects, such as engineering and economies, who else would like to care about the agriculture? In the famous book “Principles of Economy” we have learn about that economic laws can not solve all the problems. The economic laws have told us that we should do some things which will bring about the most profits, but if a country just follow this law, it may order all of the farmers to change their fields into industrial lands, then surely it will bring about a serious of problems and cut the source of our food! From this we could draw a conclusion that it is not the profit that lead humans to work, but the need of human beings.


And if some people still hold the point that choose the so-called hot subjects will surely ensure their jobs in future, I have to poor a basin of cold water on their head. From the account we could see that more and more students choose fields relevant to the economy, and the rate of unemployment has been growing so fast. Many people only consider that there are lots of jobs related to the economy, but they have not seen the number of competitor.


Besides the two opinions above, we should also think carefully about what we want to do and what we are willing to be, and these two point should make a influence on your choice. If you choose a field which you are really bored of, you will never perform well in this field, though it may be a job with high salary. We all know the giant of physics, Einstein. In his early years, he was working in a patent bureau. But then he realized that it was not a job that fit him well. Then Einstein chose to do research by himself. No one would say that doing scientific jobs could earn more than working in a company, but he chose the former one, and then became so famous that everybody knows him. What I want to say is that there exists no good jobs or bad jobs, and we choose one because it fits you best.


In a word, take it serious when you choose a field of study, and your final choice should include your serious thinking about your own interests. If you only consider about the availability of jobs, maybe you will regret one day.
Admission:UPenn  USC  CMU  UCLA  PSU  
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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 美版守护者 Cancer巨蟹座 GRE斩浪之魂 荣誉版主

沙发
发表于 2012-3-18 22:00:36 |只看该作者
跪求,。。。。
Admission:UPenn  USC  CMU  UCLA  PSU  
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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 美版守护者 Cancer巨蟹座 GRE斩浪之魂 荣誉版主

板凳
发表于 2012-3-19 12:30:59 |只看该作者
跪求。。。。
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荣誉版主 Pisces双鱼座

地板
发表于 2012-3-19 18:52:09 |只看该作者
With the global economy developing faster and faster, some serious phenomenon have come into our society. For example, the opportunity to find a job is becoming less because of the rapid growing of human beings. So many people argues that before we enter a college, we should choose a field of study which is easy to find jobs after we graduate. However, as far as I am concerned, it is quite wrong. Different subjects fit for different kinds of people, and it is your own hobby that you should depend on to choose your own field.
If each of people is willing to choose the so-called hot subjects, such as engineering and economies, who else would like to care about the agriculture? In the famous book “Principles of Economy” we have learn about that economic laws can not solve all the problems. The economic laws have told us that we should do some things which will bring about the most profits, but if a country just follow this law, it may order all of the farmers to change their fields into industrial lands, then surely it will bring about a serious of problems and cut the source of our food! From this we could draw a conclusion that it is not the profit that lead humans to work, but the need of human beings.
And if some people still hold the point that choose the so-called hot subjects will surely ensure their jobs in future, I have to poor a basin of cold water on their head. From the account we could see that more and more students choose fields relevant to the economy, and the rate of unemployment has been growing so fast. Many people only consider that there are lots of jobs related to the economy, but they have not seen the number of competitor.
Besides the two opinions above, we should also think carefully about what we want to do and what we are willing to be, and these two point should make a influence on your choice. If you choose a field which you are really bored of, you will never perform well in this field, though it may be a job with high salary. We all know the giant of physics, Einstein. In his early years, he was working in a patent bureau. But then he realized that it was not a job that fit him well. Then Einstein chose to do research by himself. No one would say that doing scientific jobs could earn more than working in a company, but he chose the former one, and then became so famous that everybody knows him. What I want to say is that there exists no good jobs or bad jobs, and we choose one because it fits you best.
In a word, take it serious when you choose a field of study, and your final choice should include your serious thinking about your own interests. If you only consider about the availability of jobs, maybe you will regret one day.

这篇文章的想法不错,可惜表述过于随便,很多句子显得过于粗糙。使文章最终呈现出来的质量大打折扣。
首先,开头段自己的立场亮出来,提到了要基于自己的兴趣去学习,紧接着论述段却说专业需要根据社会需求。我猜楼主大概是想说,社会的发展离不开各行各业的共同合作吧,不过表达的却完全不是这个意思。
然后提到热门专业的竞争激烈,这也是个不错的论点。不过接下来举爱因斯坦的例子很失败,很多地方有杜撰的嫌疑。建议LZ尽量不要举这种妇孺皆知的例子。而且更不能添油加醋。
最后的结尾过于苍白,没有坚定的进一步申明自己的立场。
建议LZ把文章结构好好理理,句子的表述也注意修辞一下。还有,那些基本的语法要多注意。
徘徊记忆的边缘,当年几点深情,如遥灵,为盈盈一笑,斜阳染幽草;昔日几许仗义,似遥如,相伴而行,莫失莫忘。壮志凌云几分愁,知己难逢几人留,当初诺言,沧海桑田,流走的时光越来越远,还能再记得他们,十几二十几的年龄,如花似梦,是他们是我们最美丽的相逢,花开花落望穿多少个秋。

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 美版守护者 Cancer巨蟹座 GRE斩浪之魂 荣誉版主

5
发表于 2012-3-19 19:35:58 |只看该作者
[谢谢您的指点~~有的地方我写得太随便了,而且有点毛糙。。感觉刚开始写的时候还要兼顾写作的时间,自己也才写过两篇issue。感觉写起来慌张了,有的地方不知所云。。唉 4# shinian1987

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RE: ISSUE 32 (关于选专业是否由将来的工作决定)。求拍啊。。谢谢 [修改]
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ISSUE 32 (关于选专业是否由将来的工作决定)。求拍啊。。谢谢
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1346825-1-1.html
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