issue170

feier521UID: 109747

这两天心情狂差！！！状态也暴差！！！
唉，还有一个多周就考了。
45分钟什么也写不出来？？
而且无论什么题目一点思路都没有.....
这一篇本来昨天想定时未果，今天推倒重来，还是没写完.........

170 "The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people." 7

Does the surest indicator of a great nation is the not the achievements of its elites, say the political leaders, artists, or scientists, etc. but the general welfare of its people, as the speaker asserts? Insofar as I think, the two facets are not mutually exclusive, what the achievements of the elites means is just the welfare of the people.

How to define the greatness of a nation? Undoubtedly, the achievements of its politicians, artists, and scientists can best determine whether a nation is progress or retrograde and at what degree it arrives. When people trace back the important historical improvement or comment on today's the development of a nation, they often resort to those who are representative and prompting ones for the reason that the roles they played are irreplaceable in such processes. For instance, many outstanding scientists in Industry Revolution were regarded as the main strength that brought the today’s ever-growing scientific and technological advances. And the artists in the Renaissance, such as Vince, Michelangelo etc., were the forerunners of some artistic schools, many of their artworks were today’s classics that constitute the important part of cultural legacies through which a nation defines its cultural identity. Still, who makes China marching on an ever-growing road? The first man that emerges in people's mind is Deng Xiaoping, the designer and the operator of the market economy and opening-up policies. By the same token, when talking about the today’s advanced economic situations that American achieved, the contributions of Clinton and Bush can not be denied.

However, the speaker fails to define the “general welfare” and mistakenly think that the achievements of elites have nothing to do with people’s well-being. Actually, the achievements of the elites can not be separated with the welfare of their people, or else, what they did can not be called as achievements at all. The former Soviet Union is just an apt case in point. The rulers of that time blindly developed overwhelming military strength which made their nation’s martial level arrive at the top throughout the world. Nonetheless, most of their citizens live in an inferior life, and even can not address the basic survival problems, does this so-called contribution was worth commending and therefore called as achievements? Definitely not. Otherwise, on no account do scientists make great achievements when they invent nuclear weapons which are applied to destroy people themselves and when they clone people themselves by using of the genetic technology.

Actually, the responsibilities of those elites should aim at improving the welfare of all the people in a nation. Only shouldering these duties can what they do can be defined as achievements, which will be the surest indicator of the greatness of a nation. For the rulers or the politicians, they should improve people's living standards, safeguard the nation's integrity and people's safety, in a word, they should make their nation more stable, peace, and prosperous; With respect to artists, they should exert their creativity and imagination to make more classic artworks in order to reflect the inner connotations and impulse of a society and ultimately improve people’s spiritual life and bring with them entertainment; When it comes to scientists, what they should is to make the research results conduce to people’s study, life, and work while avoid the potential negative impacts their research may produce. If so, the greatness, stability and the prosperity of nation is only the expected thing.

In summary, the surest indicator of a great nation is the achievements of its elites, and is boiled down to the welfare of its people. The two things are organic whole, general welfare is the end goal and primary purpose of individual achievements. Without considering the well-being of people, what elites do can not be labeled as achievements.

果酱面包UID: 142490

feier,你什么时候考试呀

feier521UID: 109747

谢谢果酱面包的关心，昨天还没有谢你呢...
我9.9考！你呢？

果酱面包UID: 142490

我觉得写得很好了，就是有几个词我觉得用得太偏了

果酱面包UID: 142490

呵呵，别客气：）我9月8号！就比你早一天！！！
今天头一次限时写完，写得一塌糊涂，你比我强多了，别气馁！！加油加油！！（正真需要鼓励的是我呀）

feier521UID: 109747

谢！.......
鼻子有点酸......
别的地方真的找不到支持和鼓舞了

xshs_5UID: 92155

大致看了一下，写得很不错啊，语言很顺畅的，思想也较有深度，就是词性、动词形式、介词搭配、v.-ed和v.-ing形式定语混淆用错等方面的语病还有一些，仔细检查一下就可以改出来的：）不过这些都是大错误，一定要注意，否则扣分很厉害的，这样不是很可惜？
每写一篇试着提一点速度，每次有进步就可以了，也不要太强求自己马上做到45分钟内完成，到考试时候你一定能做得很好的！

ken0405UID: 124994

加油!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dreamflyerUID: 21967

feier，你就放心的去考吧。整个版的人都看到你的实力啦～ 考完了回来给咱报喜！然后继续给作文版贡献力量啊，^_^

作文写的不错啊，多少字？我觉得如果现场怕超时，写第一第二段的时候悠着点，别太长了，免得后面结尾太匆促。

GOOD LUCK!

dukesilenceUID: 128386

好像满分才6分啊
你都不爽
我怎么办？
我9月2就考
还有两天啊。。。。
一起努力！

feier521UID: 109747

谢谢大家的鼓励......

xbdebbUID: 142129

我记着回来给你看　
不许说我没穿衣服的angel

xbdebbUID: 142129

170 "The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people." 7

Does the surest indicator of a great nation is the not the achievements of its elites, say the political leaders, artists, or scientists, etc. but the general welfare of its people, as the speaker asserts? Insofar as I think,(issue is yours there is no need of this sentence ) the two facets are not mutually exclusive, what the achievements of the elites means is just the welfare of the people.

How to define the greatness of a nation? Undoubtedly, the achievements of its politicians, artists, and scientists can best determine whether a nation is progress or retrograde and at what degree it arrives. When people trace back the important historical improvement or comment on today's the development of a nation, they often resort to those who are representative and prompting ones for the reason ( in that )that the roles they played are irreplaceable in such processes. For instance, many outstanding scientists in Industry Revolution were regarded as the main strength that brought the today’s ever-growing scientific and technological advances. And the artists in the Renaissance, such as Vince, Michelangelo etc., were the forerunners of some artistic schools, many of their artworks were today’s classics that constitute the important part of cultural legacies through which a nation defines its cultural identity. Still, who makes China marching on an ever-growing road? The first man that emerges in people's mind is Deng Xiaoping, the designer and the operator of the market economy and opening-up policies. By the same token, when talking about the today’s advanced economic situations that American achieved, the contributions of Clinton and Bush can not be denied. ( you had better summarize it I think )

However, the speaker fails to define the “general welfare” and mistakenly think that the achievements of elites have nothing to do with people’s well-being. Actually, the achievements of the elites can not be separated with the welfare of their people, or else, what they did can not be called as achievements at all. The former Soviet Union is just an apt case in point. The rulers of that time blindly developed overwhelming military strength which made their nation’s martial level arrive at the top throughout the world. Nonetheless, most of their citizens live in an inferior( poor )  life, and even can not address the basic survival problems, does this so-called contribution was worth commending and therefore called as achievements?( this example is fitting ) Definitely not. Otherwise, on no account do scientists make great achievements when they invent nuclear weapons which are applied to destroy people themselves and when they clone people themselves by using of the genetic technology.

Actually, the responsibilities of those elites should aim at improving the welfare of all the people in a nation. Only shouldering these duties can what they do can be defined as achievements, which will be the surest indicator of the greatness of a nation. For the rulers or the politicians, they should improve people's living standards, safeguard the nation's integrity and people's safety, in a word, they should make their nation more stable, peace, and prosperous; With respect to artists, they should exert their creativity and imagination to make more classic artworks in order to reflect the inner connotations and impulse of a society and ultimately improve people’s spiritual life and bring with them entertainment; When it comes to scientists, what they should ( do )is to make the research results conduce to people’s study, life, and work while avoid the potential negative impacts their research may produce. If so, the greatness, stability and the prosperity of nation is only the expected thing.

In summary, the surest indicator of a great nation is the achievements of its elites, and is boiled down to the welfare of its people. The two ( the both is ok ) things are organic whole, general welfare is the end goal and primary purpose of individual achievements. Without considering the well-being of people, what elites do can not be labeled as achievements.
1 structure is clear , good sentences , insightful motif !!!

imongUID: 140258

改得我都流鼻血了……

Does(居然用does……后边都有is了……想揍你，这样开头不死才有鬼！) the surest indicator of a great nation is the not（the not the……汗……） the achievements of its elites, say the political leaders, artists, or scientists, etc. but the general welfare of its people, as the speaker asserts? Insofar as I think, the two facets are not mutually exclusive, (要用分号，规范)what the achievements of the elites means is just the welfare of the people.

How to define the greatness of a nation? Undoubtedly, the achievements of its politicians, artists, and scientists can best determine whether a nation is progress or retrograde（is后边接的都是动词？！！） and at what degree it arrives. When people trace back the important historical improvement or comment on today's the development of a nation,（trace back用得不错，但是后边宾语接的是甚末？好像不搭配的） they often resort to those who are representative and prompting ones for the reason that（for the reason that --> in that） the roles they played are(were/ have been) irreplaceable in such processes. For instance, many outstanding scientists in Industry Revolution were regarded as the main strength(主要力量？也可以，不够地道) that brought the today’s ever-growing scientific and technological advances. And the artists in the Renaissance, such as Vince, Michelangelo etc., were the forerunners of some artistic schools, many of their artworks were today’s classics that constitute the important part of cultural legacies through which a nation defines its cultural identity（to which a nation refers for cultural identity?）. Still, who makes China marching on an ever-growing road?(不要这样问吧，很傻的说) The first man that emerges in people's mind is Deng Xiaoping, the designer and the operator of the market economy and opening-up policies. By the same token, when talking about the today’s advanced economic situations that American achieved, the contributions of Clinton and Bush can not be denied.（说谁也不能说这两个啊，人家上边lincoln,roosevelt多了去了，怎么能这样随便呢？）结论又没有。你的中间写得很散开，例子涉及很多方面，所以结尾不能就这样扔着。

However, the speaker fails to define the “general welfare” and mistakenly think that the achievements of elites have nothing to do with people’s well-being.（论点好） Actually, the achievements of the elites can not be separated with the welfare of their people, or else, （or else, 改成otherwise）what they did(have attained) can not be called as achievements at all. The former Soviet Union is just an apt case in point(provides an apt illustration). The rulers of that time blindly(?) developed overwhelming military strength which made their nation’s martial level arrive at(arrive at改成among,经典的介词用法) the top throughout the world.这句话表达得不到位！没有把soviet union的case的重点说好说清！ Nonetheless, most of their citizens live in an inferior（不好） life, and even can not address the basic survival problems,（份好或者大写） does this so-called contribution was worth commending and therefore called as achievements? Definitely not. Otherwise, on no account do scientists make great achievements when they invent nuclear weapons which are applied to destroy people themselves and when they clone people themselves by using of the genetic technology. 最后一句是什么乱七八糟的，people后边的themselves不对，and前边最好有逗号，而且又没有结论。还有，又不是转折干吗用otherwise？

Actually, the responsibilities of those elites should aim（主谓不搭配） at improving the welfare of all the people in a nation. Only shouldering these duties can what they do can be defined as achievements（再读？）, which will be the surest indicator of the greatness of a nation. For the rulers or the politicians, they should improve people's living standards, safeguard the nation's integrity and people's safety, （重起，这次怎么老犯这个错误）in a word, they should make their nation more stable, peace, and prosperous; With respect to artists, they should exert their creativity and imagination to make more classic artworks in order to reflect the inner connotations and impulse of a society and ultimately improve people’s spiritual life and bring with them entertainment; When it comes to scientists, what they should is to make the research results conduce to（？！！） people’s study, life, and work while avoid the potential negative impacts their research may produce. If so, the greatness, stability and the prosperity of nation is only（……不是吧） the expected thing.

In summary, the surest indicator of a great nation is the achievements of its elites, and is boiled down to the welfare of its people. The two things are organic whole, general welfare is the end goal and primary purpose of individual achievements. Without considering the well-being of people, what elites do can not be labeled as achievements.

有没有说错的地方？（应该会有的）

imongUID: 140258

考虑到心情状态很差，可以原谅

也别太紧张了，我前两天也是，在学校写得乱七八糟，或者根本写不出来
最后发现写=退步，于是赶紧停止
休息两天找找原因，现在又开始努力了