issue 78, 求互相批改

funeUID: 2919248

收到。我水平一般哈，说不到点子上莫怪喔。晚上来交流！

funeUID: 2919248

People's attitudes contribute to both their personalities, external environment. （contribute to的主从关系用错了？我语法不佳，下文我还是多谈文意吧）The outer environment evokes certain part of the people's nature, and forces them to respond with certain attitudes. To distinguish out which division of the environment- the immediate surroundings or the whole society affects more on people's attitudes, it is a good alternative to see the attitudes satisfy the purpose of the immediate one better or the desire of the society.（这句话应该是全文论点的基础吧，但老实说我不太同意把attitude理解得带有太强烈的主动性质，我认为题设是把attitude理解为个体作出的被动反应。所以satisfy, purpose, desire这些可能用得略显不妥）This method is yet perfect, because it fails when the two surroundings have similar purpose. For example, a policeman is willing to help a lady finding her lost son in the park, because he is not only a good friend of the lady, but also he has a responsibility. （这个例子有些牵强）To help the citizens, that responsibility is the result of the whole society's purpose. Under such circumstance, we have no idea which aspect more determined the police's favor. Thus to find out whether the immediate surroundings place more impacts on people's attitudes, I would discuss this under a circumstance where their immediate counterpart conflict with the society as a whole. （第一段结束。我觉得同学有些理解偏了。这个题目属于局部和宏观的问题，也有感性和理性的层次。同学的文章有种倾向，试图阐释两者并列的关系和矛盾中的选择。鉴于我本人理解的局限性，我也不敢说同学的思路就是错的。但我觉得这个题目可能更多是去谈人们对一件有些突然的事件，影响他态度的是当前的态势多一点还是社会的价值观多一点。而同学的这篇文章更多是在分析这个人态度的选择具有怎样的正当性，而这个正当性的来源也是单元化的来自于是否符合当前形势和社会整体的利益。）

When there is discrepancy between the pressure of the immediate situation and the will of the society, many people tend to render to contemporary pressure. Because the immediate situation has a conspicuous direct impact on them, people compromise to it to avoid the immediate punishment if they try to violent. There is an ordinary situation in the market（这个situation同学应该展开说具体一点，不然后面的论述都感觉不明就里）, where the directors of a company always make decisions that is conducive to the company instead to the society. The company is the immediate situation when the directors decide all kinds of the strategies. It claims that profit is the most important aim the director should achieve. On the opposite side, the society hopes that the actions of the director should benefit the consumers. The directors have to stand by the company because it pays their work. Altruism is a grand moral, but selfishness is necessary if someone want to survive.（依然在谈正当性） If a director always approves the action that hurt the welfare of the company to meet the well-being of society, the company will show no mercy to him/her. Similarly, the presidents of United States take more his supporters' views into consideration. （美国总统照顾选民意见看不出来有类比性，甚至有点混淆文意，因为民意这个东西你说是时势也行，说成是社会意志也行。这个例子显得有些生搬硬套）The efficiency of the impact from the immediate situation is much greater than the indirect influence the whole society shows, leading to more vital role in shaping people's attitude. （这句话把文意给纠正了过来，但efficiency用在这需要商榷）

Although the anger or the punishment of the whole society is not directly poured upon people who betrayed the most, sometimes the ideal of the whole society influents people heavily and is a determinate factor that shape their attitudes. Many heroes in the wartime have showed their respect to the ideal of their society. Citong Tan, a wise patriot in Qing Dynasty, in China, argued to reform the system of politic organization in his country, in order to destroy the corrupt in the government, to thrive the economy and military force of his country. When he was arrested by the soldiers, Tan refused to give up his proposal, and dared to suffer the contemporary government's punishment. The ideal of the society is more precious to Tan than his own life, and hence he is willing to compromise to the whole society, rather than the immediate conditions.（还是在谈选择的正当性和符合怎样的利益，段首虽然提到影响一词，但文段却没有着重谈这个影响的始末。另外，举中国的事例，老外阅卷可能反应不太大，类似的人物，可能罗伯斯庇尔效果会好些）

Aware that such harsh immediate situation threatens people to bent, people still choose to achieve the whole society's goal.

There is a balance in everyone's mind, people will weigh these two factors, and work out a conclusion. Under most circumstances, people seldom feel guilty if they impair the benefits of the society, because of the pressure of the immediate environment. When people face to make a choice between the personal well-beings and the vital well-being of the whole society like the survival of a nation, their attitudes are more likely to determine by the society as a whole.

总的来说，精读了这篇文章几遍，还是一开始提出的问题。给这篇文章做主语的一直都是个体，谈的是个体怎样选择，怎样的选择符合怎样的利益，怎样的利益有怎样的正当性。但注意到甚至是在题干里，个体都处于被动态中。在这个题目之下，写作者可能更应该站在社会价值观和时势的立场上分析问题，讨论哪种更能影响个体的态度和观点。同学的这篇文章可能只算打了一个擦边球。对不起啊，可能我作这种学术批评，语言就比较硬，不过我也想这种讨论交流大家都不需要在拐弯抹角上浪费时间，我就不对自己的感想做任何保留了。