512一战！ 作文求凌辱~求拍砖~求怒喷~求讽刺~

shayh0917UID: 3289012

15# 秋雨荆州
。。。太惭愧了- - against with这种错误自己居然一直没有发现。。我第二段初衷是想让文章有一些辩证的思想，这样让人感觉思考更加全面。突兀的问题，我想了一下，在开头段说自己观点的时候就提前铺垫一下，比如although cars have a lot of advantages,....... 然后再引到第二段，这样也许会好些。  真的非常感谢啊，每次都给予很多中肯的意见和建议:handshake

Aria~UID: 3296962

楼主 求互批啊 同512 考

shayh0917UID: 3289012

People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do


Nowadays, the heated debate on whether people today spend too much time on personal enjoyment has been much discussed. People who advocate argue that with the development of science and technology, a variety of ways of entertainment have shown up, which provides more opportunities for people to spend time in enjoying life. However, those who object to this statement point out that today, a majority of people's spare time is occupied with their work because of the pressure both from the fierce competition and family supporting. From my point of view, although many new kind of entertainment does spring out from time to time, my favor still goes to the latter one.

It is true that with the help of the development inscience and technology field, not only have people had better access to manyplaces where are inaccessible to human beings without special equipment, but people also get a lot of high-tech devices for entertainment. For example,people now may enjoy climbing to the top of Everest Mountain which is an impossible mission many years ago. What's more, many electronic instruments like Xbox, wii, ps2, ps3 do cause many teenagers to waste too much time on video games. However, these cases are not enough to support the idea that people put too much emphasize on personal enjoyment, since these peopleare just a minority of our society.

The main reason why I am in favor of the statement that people do not pay more attention to personal enjoyment is pressure. and many sources of pressure will be mentioned. First of all, work is the staple of our pressure. Today, the rate of unemployment is still increasing, so those who already get the job will work harder and often work overtime to keep their jobs, and, at the same time, those who are seeking the jobs will do whatever they can do to improve their ability. For example, some of them may use theirleisure time to learn a second language to qualify themselves for an international company. As a result, most of people either make use of their spare time to work overtime or improve their ability, so there is no doubt that they will not spend much time on personal enjoyment.

The second source of pressure is to support the family.Since the inflation today is becoming more and more serious, we have to earn more money than before to support our family. What's more, the cost of buying a house has been rising for many years. However, if you do not own a house, your girlfriend may probably not be willing to marry you. So, will you still spend mostof your free time on personal enjoyment at the risk of losing both your job and your mate? I think the answer is known to us all.

Clearly, all the analysis leads to an unshakable conclusion that people today spend more time on work and study than the time onpersonal enjoyment.

shayh0917UID: 3289012

这文章问题好大啊，我觉得我写的跟范文完全是两个题目，范文里都在写 人们是否应该去做，那些自己应该做的事情，而不是一直做自己喜欢的事情。  可是我感觉题目是问我们同不同意，现在人们花在个人享受的时间过多了，这样一个事实，然后陈述自己的观点啊，为什么会写成范文那样呢。。

shayh0917UID: 3289012

17# Aria~
不敢误人子弟啊。。自己作文实在不靠谱。。

Aria~UID: 3296962

20# shayh0917

我看楼主比我写的好多了


附同题目的我的


It is maybe due to the dramatic development in living standard of ordinary people that they have more access to recreational activities than ever before and they tend to attach more importance to personal feeling fulfillment rather than responsibilities they carry as members of the society.Consequently,there is a controversy going as some people claim that people today spend too much time on personal enjoyment and neglect those things they are supposed to do.However,I have to argue an opposite view.

To initiate with,the ultimate goal of one’s life is to gain happiness, according to the philosophy of Aristotle, which I believe no one can deny.So people prefer to do things just out of pure enjoyment is an indisputable instinct. For instance, a survey conducted by Yale University has shown that people are more happy when they are able to do things they actually place interest in,while they will feel depressed and upset when they are forced to do things they ought to finish because of the need for basic life.As a result,it is ubiquitously acknowledged about the serious consequence of being stressed and exhausted. I think it is more beneficial to do joyful things other than routine jobs.

What’s more,doing things of enjoyment doesn’t mean they are having trouble finishing their required works,which indicates there is not any harm for people to do more recreational activities.We adults all have formed a systematical mind and it goes without saying that most of us will never interfere our duties because of the strong desire to relax.From my perspective,people are more prone to participant in enjoyment activities as a measure to relax and gain happiness.Furthermore,adequate relaxation will strike positive influence on people’s required work.

To summarize,it’s not something deserve to be condemned that doing recreational things,since it is one of human being’s instincts to chase their preference.Also,doing enjoyment activities can to some extent contribute to better working outcome.So,as far as I’m concerned,people doing things for enjoyment is not a bad thing and people ought to get rid of their bias .

shayh0917UID: 3289012

21# Aria~

It is maybe due to the dramaticdevelopment in living standard of ordinary people that they have more access torecreational activities than ever before and they tend to attach moreimportance to personal feeling fulfillment (这里感觉有点chinglish了 feeling有点多余)  rather than responsibilities theycarry （跟responsibility搭配的是take吧） as members of the society. Consequently, there is a controversy going assome people claim that people today spend too much time on personal enjoymentand neglect those things they are supposed to do. However,I have to argue anopposite view.'   

To initiate with,the ultimategoal of one’s life is to gain happiness, according to the philosophy ofAristotle, which I believe no one can deny.So people prefer to do things justout of pure enjoyment is an indisputable instinct. For instance, a surveyconducted by Yale University has shown thatpeople are more happy when they are able to do things

they actually place interest in, while they will feel depressed and upsetwhen they are forced to do things they ought to finish because of the need forbasic life. As a result,it is ubiquitously acknowledged about the seriousconsequence of being stressed and exhausted. I think it is more beneficial todo joyful things other  than  （这个other than 没看懂，是想表达 而不是 的意思的话 应该是 rather than）routine jobs.What’s more,doing things ofenjoyment doesn’t mean they are having trouble finishing their requiredworks,which indicates there is not any harm for people to do more recreationalactivities.We adults all have formed a systematical mind and it goes withoutsaying that most of us will never interfere our duties because of the strongdesire to relax.From my perspective,people are more prone to participant inenjoyment activities as a measure to relax and gainhappiness.Furthermore,adequate relaxation will strike positive influence onpeople’s required work.

To summarize,it’s not somethingdeserve to be condemned that doing recreational things （that 后面从句没谓语）,since it is one of humanbeing’s instincts to chase their preference.Also,doing enjoyment （enjoyable） activities can    tosome extent  （这个短语放句首比较顺）contribute to better working outcome.So,as far as I’m concerned,peopledoing things for enjoyment is not a bad thing and people ought to get rid oftheir bias .

一个主要的问题，标点后面要加个空格，这种习惯最好现在就养成，其实可以打完复制到word 文档里面看看。
开头可以把自己的分论点概括的先提出来，这样文章结构更好。而且开头那一长句作用不大，可以考虑删去。
这个题目我自己完全不是这么写的- - 目前还没想通自己思路错在哪了。。。所以你的文章思路方面我暂时给不出啥意见。。。

shayh0917UID: 3289012

人肉置顶。 审题思路求纠正

shayh0917UID: 3289012

人肉置顶

shayh0917UID: 3289012

life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when our grandparents were children

There is a general controversy nowadays onwhether life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when ourgrandparents were children. Those who are against argue that the environmenttoday is becoming worse and worse, and they believe that the environment 60years ago is more pleasant for us to live. However, people who advocate thisstatement, point out that with the development of science and technology, manyinventions have shown up, which enables us to live an easier and more enjoyablelife. From my point of view, my favor goes to the latter one.

It is true that the environment today isworse than it is 60 years ago because of many factors such as, the increasingnumbers of private cars, cutting too many forests and so on. I remember mygrandpa often tells me how blue the sky is when he is the same age as me.However, more and more people nowadays have been aware of the importance ofprotecting the environment and many actions have been taken by our governmentto prevent our earth from being worse. Therefore, I believe the quality ofenvironment will not be a big problem when we debate on this issue.

At summer, when you stay at a coolroom  which is furnished withair-condition, having an delicious ice-cream which is just taken from thefridge, playing the exciting video games on your favorite computer, have youever thought about what your life will be like if all of these high-techproducts disappear? I bet that must be regarded as a disaster. Our life isabsolutely easier and more pleasant than before with the help of theseimplements. There are many good examples in our daily life. A plane enables usto go wherever we want to; we are able to search and collect the informationfor our paper within few seconds with the assistant of Internet; we are capableof keeping in touch with our friends abroad by the help of computer. All thethings above are definitely hard tasks or even impossible missions 60 yearsago. What's more, many diseases which are thought to be deadly and can not becured many years ago are not that fatal any longer, and some of them even have disappeared.As a result, people could enjoy a both longer and healthier life.

From what has been discussed above, wecould safely draw the conclusion that people are obviously enjoying a happierlife than before due to the appearance of many high-tech products.

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

18# shayh0917

shayh0917UID: 3289012

26# 秋雨荆州
=。= 发现开头长度是老大难问题啊。。。。以后不写 正反方观点了。。直接在自己的观点里写出来。。。我这样结构 一个就是感觉 思维更加全面，另一个就是你说的不用担心没有分论点来写。   这篇文章看到你说没有跑题还是松了口气啊。。自己纠结了好久。。以前学校里语文考试也经常作文写完自己感觉良好。然后老师一句跑题就悲剧了- - 有阴影啊。

kantongUID: 3290098

已改

shayh0917UID: 3289012

28# kantong
谢谢提点， 开头还需要精简。。

shayh0917UID: 3289012

it is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn fact  



Recently the issue whether it is moreimportant for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them tolearn fact has been brought to public attention. From my point of view,although learning fact has its own merits, I agree that understanding ideas andconcepts is more important.

It is true that learning facts has its ownadvantages. Some facts which we call them common sense are essential for humanbeings. For example, one should know that once the milk deteriorates, he cannot drink it any more, or he may suffer from stomachache. However, for students,they have been familiar with enough those kind of facts, so this factor willnot be a big issue here.

The first reason that I would like toelaborate upon is that putting more attention on helping students to understandideas and concepts will make the process of learning become more interesting, enjoyableand efficient. Nobody is willing to attend the class during which the teacheronly states masses of abstract facts without any further explanation, and thenforces students to remember and recite them. Even if students do learn theknowledge to some extent, they will not be delighted at all due to themiserable process. What's more, some of them may even begin to drop these boringclasses. However, if the teacher tries the opposite way that he may utilize themultimedia to help students to understand the abstract concepts, students willabsolutely be more enthusiastic at the class. Moreover, their efficiency oflearning will increase dramatically too. Since the students are more efficient,they will possibly learn more knowledge than simply learning the facts.

Secondly, byunderstanding the ideas and concepts, students could memorize them for a longtime and know exactly how to put them into practice. We all have this kind ofexperience, if we compel ourselves to memorize something, for example, a nameof a planet to prepare for a coming astronomy
exam. Chances arethat we will probably forget that term soon after the exam. However, if we knowthis name is derived from a character in the Roman myth, then thisunderstanding will definitely last for a long period. What’s more, only byhaving a good understanding of knowledge can we put it into practice exactlyand confidently. If even ourselves are uncertain about the knowledge we aregoing to use, how could we succeed?

To conclude, Ibelieve that attaching more importance to the understanding of ideas andconcepts will not only fascinate students to study, but also make them moreefficient. In addition, it could help students to form a long-term memory andput what they learn into practice with more confidence and accuracy. Thus, Ibelieve that for students, understanding ideas and concepts is more importancethan learning facts.





这篇写的好纠结！！！严重超时。。。。。。。哎。。还得继续练。。。。T T