Issue151（传媒类），又超时了，快考试了，郁闷哪！！！

玲珑女UID: 142984

151. High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication.(传媒类)

Many new high-speed electronic communications methods, which are the
productions of new technological innovation, make an important increasable role in this era of rapid social and technological development. Electronic mail and television, which are the main media of high-speed electronic communications, will promote the communication of people more efficiently and rapidly each other nonetheless prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication.

First of all, high-speed electronic communications medias are also parts of methods in meaningful and thoughtful communication in that they can carry people's idea and thinking without preventing the meaningful and thoughtful idea expressed to others by more efficiently method. For example, electronic mail, which is an electronic method to take our mail to my friends, also can express our thinking and love to the receiver whereas the only difference with the traditional communication is that first is transfered by electronic more quickly and the other  by human. Since the e-mail's efficiency and rapid, it has been looked as the main communication method in quotidian life and with the development of computer other high-speed electronic communication methods will be applied increasing.

In addition, high-speed electronic communications also will be able to transfer  human's meaningful and thoughtful thinking to the other. With the rapid development of Internet, which is the most popular electronic net on the world, the infection of high-speed electronic communications will be more extraordinary and the application will be indispensable. For instance, MSN, which is one tools talking with other on Internet, has more and more users on the world and many people also use it to search their new friends. Moreover, many other websites also provide the service of making friends on Internet. The high-speed electronic media, such as e-mail and Internet, increasing will be the main method to express one's ideas and thinking.

Admittedly, application of high-speed electronic communications media will be make many people to give their care to their parents and friends rarely. One survey conducted by Massachusetts University on Internet in 2002 indicated that 3231 participants select the e-mail as their main method to communication with other and 567 select traditional mail. Nevertheless, many of people who select the e-mail also point out that they will rarely write an email exceeding 100 words to their parents and friends. In this way, so short mail will hardly express their thinking and passion to other, while the only cause is to make short shrift of mails. So people should take their notice to this problem.

In conclusion, high-speed electronic communication media will be do more good to our social and technological development and become the main communication method in our quotidian life notwithstanding high-speed communication also may lead someone to be idle in expressing their thinking sufficiently. However, with pleasure of people, high-speed electronic communication also be one efficient method to express people's sensibility.

每次都只能写个470字左右，唉，怎么办哪！！！

eric0123UID: 141391

多举几个例子，老外280都是满篇例子!

lxw0616UID: 144787

感觉有些跑题，这个题目， 我的理解是要紧抓住meaningful 和 thoughtful 来写，你首先要问问自己什么是meaningful， 什么是thoughtful, 在写，不要写的都是electronic medias communication 的好处， 而和这两个词没有什么关系！！

木耳UID: 123036

151. High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication.(传媒类)

Many new high-speed electronic communications methods, which are the productions of new technological innovation, make an important increasable role in this era of rapid social and technological development. Electronic mail and television, which are the main media of high-speed electronic communications, will promote the communication of people more efficiently and rapidly each other nonetheless prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication.

First of all, high-speed electronic communications medias are also parts of methods in meaningful and thoughtful communication in that they can carry people's idea and thinking without preventing the meaningful and thoughtful idea expressed to others by more efficiently method.(这句话不顺,再重写一下,而且和下一段重复了meaningful and thoughtful idea ) For example, electronic mail, which is an electronic method to take our mail to my(my?) friends, also can express our thinking and love to the receiver whereas the only difference with the traditional communication is that first is transfered by electronic more quickly and the other by human(这句也不好.你又说的是两点不同,我就只看出一点来,other by human 是什么意思?. Since the e-mail's efficiency and rapid, it has been looked as the main communication method in quotidian life and with the development of computer other high-speed electronic communication methods will be applied increasing.
字数不少,但是实际的内容不多,逻辑不是很好.很多句子也不是很顺.这样写:观点:现代的电子通讯手段方便快捷.举E-mail为例.很简单,可以说自己以前和家人用传统的书信交流很慢.自从有了电脑和网络,顿时世界变小了云云.还可以再举电话会议为例,有了现代化的设备,可以让身在世界各地的人坐在同一间会议室中.

In addition, high-speed electronic communications also will be able to transfer human's meaningful and thoughtful thinking to the other(用others). With the rapid development of Internet, which is the most popular electronic net on the world, the infection of high-speed electronic communications will be more extraordinary and the application will be indispensable. For instance, MSN, which is one tools talking with other(one tool used for talking with others) on Internet, has more and more users on(aruond)the world and many people also use it to search their new friends. Moreover, many other websites also provide the service of making friends on Internet. The high-speed electronic media, such as e-mail and Internet, increasing will be the main method to express one's ideas and thinking.
这一段的论据没有证明论点:to transfer human's meaningful and thoughtful thinking to the other.没有举出实质性的例子.可以句科学研究的例子,科学家们利用网络互相交流,取得了丰硕的科研成果.还可以举bbs的例子(比如我们的gter.net)在论坛上,大家不必为现实生活中的各种障碍所困,比如说繁杂的人际关系,一般都会畅所欲言,说出自己的真实想法

Admittedly, application of high-speed electronic communications media will be make many people to give their care to their parents and friends rarely. One survey conducted by Massachusetts University on Internet in 2002 indicated that 3231 participants select the e-mail as their main method to communication with other and 567 select traditional mail. Nevertheless, many of people who select the e-mail also point out that they will rarely write an email exceeding 100 words to their parents and friends. In this way, so short mail will hardly express their thinking and passion to other, while the only cause is to make short shrift of mails. So people should take their notice to this problem.
这一段有些突兀,最好在开头段点一下.而且如果要转折最好另起炉灶,说一个其他的坏处,而不要说用E-mail反而阻碍了有益的交流,显得矛盾.可以说很多人沉溺网络,随人可以在晚上结识很多真诚的网友,但却忽视了现实生活和人际交往等等.

In conclusion, high-speed electronic communication media will be do more(be do more!?这样的语法错误希望以后不要犯.我一般只看意思和逻辑,看不太出语法错误.要让imong feier改一下的话,你这篇文章估计就要面目全非了) good to our social and technological development and become the main communication method in our quotidian life notwithstanding high-speed communication also may lead someone to be idle in expressing their thinking sufficiently.(慎用长句!!尤其是像你这样两三行长的长长句.你再读一读,看看是不是有必要把好几个句子用and连起来?分开写会更好.如果觉得单调,句子中间加递进副词:forthermore, moreover, also...) However, with pleasure of people, high-speed electronic communication also be one efficient method to express people's sensibility.(最后一句however是什么意思?这里有转折吗?我没看出来.还有,结尾没有体现第三段的转折.

大体结果不错,第一段说方便快捷,接下来是meaningful and thoughtful,最后转折一下.挺清晰.
关键在论证!感觉没有让人信服的例子或是逻辑上的推理论证,整篇文章比较空.这可是大忌.还有就是语法错误不少.我没全改出来,因为有些我也拿不准(呵呵,惭愧),但让我写肯定不会像你一样.很多句子读起来别扭.

这样的结构不算跑题,关键是你没有切实证明你的论点,看上去像跑题了.

还有,不要担心字数,关键是逻辑严谨,把问题说清楚.如果没话却硬往里塞一些无关痛痒的话,逻辑一定会比原来差,分数反而会更低.

玲珑女UID: 142984

这篇写的感觉的确不好，现在给我自己看都觉得有问题，呵呵，不过还是要谢谢各位的指点，后面的文章我一定会注意这些问题的，多谢！：）