水果的夏天作文贴

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

作文，加油

竹叶结UID: 3129857

改好了。

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

嗯嗯，谢谢了

FelislynxUID: 3317754

There are various and complicated problems in our lives. So we need others help to give some suggestions to solve them. Whose advice are more valuble?By older people or people of my age. In my view, I think people in my age have more creative thinking and abundant knowledge. The statement are as following.

Firstly, I think today most of people of my age are admitted to university. In contrast, our precesstors had less chance to go to school because there are many wars and revolutions in old age. Hence, we have wider scope of science when compared with older people. Although they have more experiences than us, the experiences may be out of date and  unpractical that many latest skills have replaced them. The newest and abroad scope of knowledge are more useful to apply to the problem.

Secondly, in today, our soceity requires peace and freedom of speech. increasing people become open and creative. Obivously older people are conservative and old fashion. If we listen to advice from old people, we will drap into deeper dilemma. For example, when a people is sick, we usually go to hospital and see doctors. But older people use some traditional method including cupping glasses, acupressure and massage. not only it is unable to save patients lives, bu also it make people more painful. （这个例子不错）

The last but not the least, the thinking of older people have been disjoint with youth. The education they got are totally different from us. So they can not be an adequate guide for us. as a chinese residents, older people often thought that keep sitting unmoved and eatting quickly is right. However, science have showed that eatting fast would lead fat and sitting unmoved would result in phlebitis. In final analysis.older people is not a good tutor for youth.（这个例子不错，但和接受教育的不同关系不大，和教育关系的年代更大 ，原因应该说的更清楚一些，所以，The education they got are totally different from us，这句稍微改一下更好）

In sum, we like more creative and erudite people to help us. when all the values of those resons are carefully compared, I hold the opinion that advice given by older people. N$ A) g4 ~4 }( }& Bless valuable than from people your age.

（全文说老年人的建议的缺点，尝试再加一些你支持年轻人提意见为什么好的例子丰富文章）学习了你清除的脉络。纯属个人观点。加油！

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

谢谢

laotaitaiUID: 3143871

In my view, I think people in my age have more creative thinking and abundant knowledge.
没有点清你的观点，当然暗含了你倾向于年轻人意见。（比如改成：I prefer to listen to the advice from people in my age because they are more creative in thinking and having abundent knowledge.)

第二、三个分论点的例子和观点脱节，好像说不太通的感觉。

our soceity requires peace and freedom of speech. increasing people become open and creative。后边来了个保守治疗的例子！没太看懂啊。

瞎说了，我水平有限！

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

恩恩，谢谢你

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

综合作文5月30号： tpo10.doc (20.5 KB, 下载次数: 17)

2012-5-30 17:07:17 上传

下载次数: 17

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

5月30号独立作文 30.doc (22 KB, 下载次数: 22)

2012-5-30 20:17:05 上传

下载次数: 22

laotaitaiUID: 3143871

reviesed

竹叶结UID: 3129857

已经改完！

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

5月31

laotaitaiUID: 3143871

不好意思，通篇在讨论政府，而不是政客。
篇幅不均衡。

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

8# 水果的夏天

liang0603UID: 3182007

lz加油