【Daily Writing作文特训小组】lisicheng123的作文

小强强强强UID: 3308818

6.6作文已改

shendaisy0702UID: 3323820

Life is full of challenges for men living in the world,especially for the (建议删去the，一上来没必要特指的) children growing up to adults.  So it is reasonable for the parents that(去掉that) offer(ing) different ways to help the children in thecourse of growth（这里是想表达在成长过程中学的课吗？我觉得直接用in theirgrowth就好）. Thus, some people think that it isan effective way to have a part-time job. For me, I completely stand the sameground with this suggestion.

In the first place, doing a part-time job provide(s) childrena chance to contract (their school) with the society far away from theirschools (把their school放到前面) rather than just staying at schools to continue theirlong, boring daily routine assignments or even home works（这两者稍稍有些重复）. What is worse, sometimes these activities may alsoharmful for their future development.（是说assignment或homework吗？这句有些欠妥，建议修改） So if the parentsencourage their children to take a part-time job, their children cancommunicate with other people involving in their workplace.(把两句并一句，因为前面放了if) Thus, then can hone their communication skills-- how to convey their ideas smoothly, how to offer a better way to cope withproblems confront in the work in a better way, which can be accepted by othercolleagues. （这里把detail写的很好）For example, when i was 13, my parents asked me to take apart-time job in a bookstore. I learned to（可以去掉to） something which is now really useful in my current life. Ilearned how to communicate with the consumers in the bookstores, includingrecommending which book was better and so forth. Even now I still benefit fromwhat I gained in my first part-time job experience. （我觉得这个例子可以再加上一点，你比较学校生活和工作有什么区别，这样更好呼应你立的点）

Furthermore, jobs are full of challenges, which mean(s) thatwe will meet a lot of problems in(during) the work. So we are supposed to havethe ability of problem-solving. It is wise to cultivate this capacity as earlyas possible. To do a part-time job is utterly a perfect chance to(for) thechildren to gain this skill. To do a job independently is an important propertyfor all of us. And if we can learn this capacity in an early age，then the children will have more chance in the future jobmarket. For example, a lot of famous person, including Bill Gates, Steve Jobsand Mark Zeckerberg, all said that they had a part-time job in their early age andcommitted that it was a cherish experience for them to foster the capacity tosolve problems independently. And thanks to(depending on) these experiences,they all run a successful business in their adult years. There are numerousexamples like this, if you want to find (more), you just need to google in(on)the Internet. That(It) will make sure(give more proof) that it is a wise choiceto help the children be ready for their adult life.

In a nutshell, doing a part-time job give the childrenchance to communicate with people, to help them building the ability ofproblem-solving. So it is a wise decision to let the children have a part-timejob.

总体写的不错喔，有些小地方需要注意。加油咯~
抱歉因为发帖太少，不能发附件，不方便的地方，多多包涵哈。

时间很紧UID: 3234536

6.5修改后 6.5 lisicheng by时间很紧改.doc (26 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2012-6-11 16:47:54 上传

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时间很紧UID: 3234536

6.9改后
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2012-6-11 18:11:59 上传

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ps 阿呆是哪一位啊？没找到ta的帖子啊？