再求Romanus指导作文

sunshinewuUID: 3039225

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use
specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Who teach us to walk? Who teach us to speak? Who teach us to love? It is our parents who teach us these basic skills from our birth. Don't you think that parents are our best teachers?
    First of all, parents love us the most in the world, so they try their best to teach us. When we were 1 or 2 years old, we began to learn walk. We just walked one step, then we tripped, we didn’t want to get up, but mother said, "get up, get up, my dear child!" we may don't understand her words, but we perceived her encouragement, we stood up again, and went on walk. Then we fell down again, we really didn't want to get up, but parents still looked at us firmly, so we stood up again. Then we fell down, we stood up again and again. It's our parents who never left, encouraged us again and again with the most patience in the world, because parents love us most in the world, they spend all their time and energy to teach us.
    Moreover, parents are familiar with us the most, so they can teach us to make the most suitable choice. For example, I will attend college, but I don't know how to choose a major. But my mother knows me the best, so mother says to me "what's your favorite subject in middle school? " "Chinese, history, physics." I answer. "But which one you want to live with it for a whole life and make you happy everyday?"  "em, history!" "right!" because my mother is most familiar with me even more familiar than myself ,so my mother can teach me how to make the most suitable choice.
    Finally, parents teach us how to be a good person, this is the most significant thing we should learn in our life. Parents teach us don't cheat, don't steal. parents tell us we should be friendly with other children, be polite to elder，help the people in need, study hard. These are the most important thing we should learn in our whole life, it is our parents who teach us these.
    Say thank you to our parents, who love us the most, who try their best to teach us, who know us the most, who teach us how to be a good person. Thank you! Parents!
     

sunshinewuUID: 3039225

Romanus,上次太感谢了！我又来了！https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... D196%26typeid%3D196

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Who teach us to walk? Who teach us to speak? Who teach us to love? It is our parents who teach us these basic skills from our birth. (Actually, none of these is a 'skill'. All of them are natural, biological capabilities that babies will develop on their own as long as they are exposed to a normal human environment. A skill is something that one will never develop naturally and has to acquire through being specifically taught – e.g. riding a bicycle. But of course, TOEFL examiners won't really care about such distinctions :)) Don't you think that parents are our best teachers? (You are writing an essay, not a speech. You don't need to be unnecessarily passionate simply because your topic is about parents – the excitement doesn't add any weight to your discussion. A simple 'Thus I think all would agree that parents are our best teachers' would do the same job equally well.)

First of all, parents love us the most in the world, so they try their best to teach us. When we were 1 or 2 years old, we began to learn how to walk. We just walked one step, then we tripped, we didn’t want to get up, but mother said, "get up, get up, my dear child!" we may not understand her words, but we perceived her encouragement, we stood up again, and went on walking. (This is a huge jumbo of run-on sentences without proper connectives. You CANNOT do this in proper written English. It is only acceptable in spoken narration. Either split them up, or use connectives like 'then', 'and'.) Then we fell down again, we really didn't want to get up, but parents still looked at us firmly, so we stood up again. Then we fell down, we stood up again and again. It's our parents who never left, encouraged us again and again with the most patience in the world, because parents love us most in the world, they spend all their time and energy to teach us.(There. This is actually evidence that walking is not taught, but developed naturally in children. Recall how your parents might have taught you simple maths when you were young – you would have been given very explicit instructions about 1+1=2, 2+2=4 and so on, right? That's teaching. In the case of walking, all that the parents did was to encourage you to continue walking. They never explicitly INSTRUCTED you that you should move your right leg forward, then your left leg. You figured that out yourself, didn't you? :) But this is not my main point. My point is that you're writing with so much passion, and the sentences are so poorly organised and repetitive, that the whole essay is verging on losing its persuasive power. The question wants you to compare parents to other teachers you might have – 'best' means there needs to be some kind of comparison before you can arrive at the conclusion, but you didn't really have any. Think about it. Do not lose your cool simply because the topic is exciting.)

Moreover, parents are familiar with us the most, so they can teach us to make the most suitable choice. For example, I will attend college, but I don't know how to choose a major. But my mother knows me the best, so she says to me "what's your favorite subject in middle school? " "Chinese, history, physics." I answer. "But which one do you want to live with it for a whole life and will make you happy everyday?" "em, history!" "right!" because my mother is most familiar with me, even more familiar than myself , so ('because' and 'so' shouldn't be used in the same sentence.) my mother can teach me how to make the most suitable choice. (I don't see, at least not from the conversations you've quoted, that your mother knows you better than yourself do – she guided you on your thinking, yes, but eventually you arrived at the answer yourself, based on your own knowing.)

Finally, parents teach us how to be a good person: this is the most significant thing we should learn in our life. Parents teach us to not cheat, and to not steal. Parents tell us we should be friendly with other children, be polite to the elder，help the people in need,  and study hard. These are the most important things we should learn in our whole life, and it is our parents who teach us these.

Say thank you to our parents, who love us the most, who try their best to teach us, who know us the most, who teach us how to be a good person. Thank you! Parents! (The question asks for nothing about thanking parents..though I understand you'd be very enticed to do so..)

总结：

好吧这是硬把比较题写成了表忠心帖。。题目问你父母是不是最好的老师，潜台词就是和其他的老师相比（学校的老师，其他有可能教导你的人），父母是不是最好的老师。。只要分析这个问题就好了，不必激情洋溢地赞扬父恩母爱神马的。。= =

另外请注意run-on sentence。。英文写作的时候，句和句之间不能稀了呼噜全部以逗号连接。。要么分句号，要么用连词。。