【独立写作】zZ 的作业贴~~

zZ-ITUID: 3357899

帮小弟改作文的都辛苦了大家，一起加油，不要放弃~~~ come on 北鼻~



为了方便大家，已经把文字贴到这里来了。

8.16 patience by zZ.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2012-8-16 21:39:21 上传

下载次数: 7

8.14 easier education by zZ.doc (28.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2012-8-15 13:52:22 上传

下载次数: 2

8.13 traveling or saving money.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2012-8-13 23:09:24 上传

下载次数: 4

8.12 accept the critism from others.doc (29.5 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2012-8-13 00:04:57 上传

下载次数: 3

8.11 the car and the airplane.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 8)

2012-8-11 23:09:54 上传

下载次数: 8

8.10 old people enjoy life by zZ.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2012-8-11 00:39:11 上传

下载次数: 2

8.8 similar jobs with parents.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2012-8-9 09:56:22 上传

下载次数: 5

8.4 famous people privacy.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 11)

2012-8-5 00:39:28 上传

下载次数: 11

8.3 by zZ.doc (24.5 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2012-8-5 00:40:35 上传

下载次数: 1

zZ-ITUID: 3357899

0803作文：if one of your friends needs assistance in one of the courses you are good at, it is better for him to  turn to you or ask a tutor for help?

As the development of our education, our study courses are also becoming more and more difficult. Obviously, we can ask our tutor for help to solve some of them. However, if one of my friends needs assistance in one of the courses I am good at, when taking the convenience and patience into account, it prefer to turn to me than to ask a tutor for help.

For one thing, my friend can easily ask me to be his assistance, while he might be shy when facing a tutor to ask for this help. As a friend, we know each other very well. So that if my friend is not an outgoing man, he can also find me to help him to solve his problems. For example, one of my friends Ann, who is a very shy girl, last term she has some difficulties in math, but she did not know how to ask this help from her teacher Mr. Lee when facing him, even though she desire a assistance very much. And at last, she got very low scores at math. Thus, if she ask me to help her at that time, the result will be much better than now.

For another thing, I can help my friend with his course very patience for I have lots of time when compared with the tutor. The tutor always has plenty of work to do, so he can hardly help you with most of his energy even though he is your assistance. Consider my college friend Jane, for instance, she wanted assistance when she had to deal with lots of data using the computer software, he turned to our tutor for help. Although our teacher agreed with him to be her assistance, he got so much little instruction from the teacher. Then she had to ask me to help for this task. Finally, we overcame all of the bad conditions and got what we wanted. So getting help from friends is always a better choice.

Nevertheless, some one might argue that the tutor always has much more experience and acknowledge, most of courses we now get can often be solved using the knowledge we learned in the classroom. Even we can attain much information via the Internet if we really don’t know. Therefore, a friend will be better than a tutor for my friends’ assistance.

In sum, it is better for my friend to ask me to be his assistance of his course which I am good at than a tutor, not in the convenience, but also in the patience to consideration.

zZ-ITUID: 3357899

0803作文：if one of your friends needs assistance in one of the courses you are good at, it is better for him to  turn to you or ask a tutor for help?

As the development of our education, our study courses are also becoming more and more difficult. Obviously, we can ask our tutor for help to solve some of them. However, if one of my friends needs assistance in one of the courses I am good at, when taking the convenience and patience into account, it prefer to turn to me than to ask a tutor for help.

For one thing, my friend can easily ask me to be his assistance, while he might be shy when facing a tutor to ask for this help. As a friend, we know each other very well. So that if my friend is not an outgoing man, he can also find me to help him to solve his problems. For example, one of my friends Ann, who is a very shy girl, last term she has some difficulties in math, but she did not know how to ask this help from her teacher Mr. Lee when facing him, even though she desire a assistance very much. And at last, she got very low scores at math. Thus, if she ask me to help her at that time, the result will be much better than now.

For another thing, I can help my friend with his course very patience for I have lots of time when compared with the tutor. The tutor always has plenty of work to do, so he can hardly help you with most of his energy even though he is your assistance. Consider my college friend Jane, for instance, she wanted assistance when she had to deal with lots of data using the computer software, he turned to our tutor for help. Although our teacher agreed with him to be her assistance, he got so much little instruction from the teacher. Then she had to ask me to help for this task. Finally, we overcame all of the bad conditions and got what we wanted. So getting help from friends is always a better choice.

Nevertheless, some one might argue that the tutor always has much more experience and acknowledge, most of courses we now get can often be solved using the knowledge we learned in the classroom. Even we can attain much information via the Internet if we really don’t know. Therefore, a friend will be better than a tutor for my friends’ assistance.

In sum, it is better for my friend to ask me to be his assistance of his course which I am good at than a tutor, not in the convenience, but also in the patience to consideration.

zZ-ITUID: 3357899

0803作文：if one of your friends needs assistance in one of the courses you are good at, it is better for him to  turn to you or ask a tutor for help?

As the development of our education, our study courses are also becoming more and more difficult. Obviously, we can ask our tutor for help to solve some of them. However, if one of my friends needs assistance in one of the courses I am good at, when taking the convenience and patience into account, it prefer to turn to me than to ask a tutor for help.

For one thing, my friend can easily ask me to be his assistance, while he might be shy when facing a tutor to ask for this help. As a friend, we know each other very well. So that if my friend is not an outgoing man, he can also find me to help him to solve his problems. For example, one of my friends Ann, who is a very shy girl, last term she has some difficulties in math, but she did not know how to ask this help from her teacher Mr. Lee when facing him, even though she desire a assistance very much. And at last, she got very low scores at math. Thus, if she ask me to help her at that time, the result will be much better than now.

For another thing, I can help my friend with his course very patience for I have lots of time when compared with the tutor. The tutor always has plenty of work to do, so he can hardly help you with most of his energy even though he is your assistance. Consider my college friend Jane, for instance, she wanted assistance when she had to deal with lots of data using the computer software, he turned to our tutor for help. Although our teacher agreed with him to be her assistance, he got so much little instruction from the teacher. Then she had to ask me to help for this task. Finally, we overcame all of the bad conditions and got what we wanted. So getting help from friends is always a better choice.

Nevertheless, some one might argue that the tutor always has much more experience and acknowledge, most of courses we now get can often be solved using the knowledge we learned in the classroom. Even we can attain much information via the Internet if we really don’t know. Therefore, a friend will be better than a tutor for my friends’ assistance.

In sum, it is better for my friend to ask me to be his assistance of his course which I am good at than a tutor, not in the convenience, but also in the patience to consideration.

zZ-ITUID: 3357899

8.3 if one of your friends needs assistance in one of the courses you are good at, it is better for him to  turn to you or ask a tutor for help?

As the development of our education, our study courses are also becoming more and more difficult. Obviously, we can ask our tutor for help to solve some of them. However, if one of my friends needs assistance in one of the courses I am good at, when taking the convenience and patience into account, it prefer to turn to me than to ask a tutor for help.

For one thing, my friend can easily ask me to be his assistance, while he might be shy when facing a tutor to ask for this help. As a friend, we know each other very well. So that if my friend is not an outgoing man, he can also find me to help him to solve his problems. For example, one of my friends Ann, who is a very shy girl, last term she has some difficulties in math, but she did not know how to ask this help from her teacher Mr. Lee when facing him, even though she desire a assistance very much. And at last, she got very low scores at math. Thus, if she ask me to help her at that time, the result will be much better than now.

For another thing, I can help my friend with his course very patience for I have lots of time when compared with the tutor. The tutor always has plenty of work to do, so he can hardly help you with most of his energy even though he is your assistance. Consider my college friend Jane, for instance, she wanted assistance when she had to deal with lots of data using the computer software, he turned to our tutor for help. Although our teacher agreed with him to be her assistance, he got so much little instruction from the teacher. Then she had to ask me to help for this task. Finally, we overcame all of the bad conditions and got what we wanted. So getting help from friends is always a better choice.

Nevertheless, some one might argue that the tutor always has much more experience and acknowledge, most of courses we now get can often be solved using the knowledge we learned in the classroom. Even we can attain much information via the Internet if we really don’t know. Therefore, a friend will be better than a tutor for my friends’ assistance.

In sum, it is better for my friend to ask me to be his assistance of his course which I am good at than a tutor, not in the convenience, but also in the patience to consideration.

Arthur2012UID: 3275426

这次看不看得到呀？

zZ-ITUID: 3357899

8.3 if one of your friends needs assistance in one of the courses you are good at, it is better for him to  turn to you or ask a tutor for help?


As the development of our education, our study courses are also becoming more and more difficult. Obviously, we can ask our tutor for help to solve some of them. However, if one of my friends needs assistance in one of the courses I am good at, when taking the convenience and patience into account, it prefer to turn to me than to ask a tutor for help.

For one thing, my friend can easily ask me to be his assistance, while he might be shy when facing a tutor to ask for this help. As a friend, we know each other very well. So that if my friend is not an outgoing man, he can also find me to help him to solve his problems. For example, one of my friends Ann, who is a very shy girl, last term she has some difficulties in math, but she did not know how to ask this help from her teacher Mr. Lee when facing him, even though she desire a assistance very much. And at last, she got very low scores at math. Thus, if she ask me to help her at that time, the result will be much better than now.

For another thing, I can help my friend with his course very patience for I have lots of time when compared with the tutor. The tutor always has plenty of work to do, so he can hardly help you with most of his energy even though he is your assistance. Consider my college friend Jane, for instance, she wanted assistance when she had to deal with lots of data using the computer software, he turned to our tutor for help. Although our teacher agreed with him to be her assistance, he got so much little instruction from the teacher. Then she had to ask me to help for this task. Finally, we overcame all of the bad conditions and got what we wanted. So getting help from friends is always a better choice.

Nevertheless, some one might argue that the tutor always has much more experience and acknowledge, most of courses we now get can often be solved using the knowledge we learned in the classroom. Even we can attain much information via the Internet if we really don’t know. Therefore, a friend will be better than a tutor for my friends’ assistance.

In sum, it is better for my friend to ask me to be his assistance of his course which I am good at than a tutor, not in the convenience, but also in the patience to consideration.

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

不知道是什么情况，可能是系统出了问题，看内容似乎都差不多，我就只给你恢复了一个楼，再有这种问题你找我就行

zZ-ITUID: 3357899

秋雨荆州 发表于 2012-8-4 10:28
不知道是什么情况，可能是系统出了问题，看内容似乎都差不多，我就只给你恢复了一个楼，再有这种问题你找我 ...

:)感谢版主大人~~~

zZ-ITUID: 3357899

Arthur2012 发表于 2012-8-4 08:46
这次看不看得到呀？

版主给恢复了，不过原因依旧不明 ==!

maoqiu007UID: 3023523

cheer up~!

Gyps_rueppelliiUID: 3340085

晚了   不好意思

smsun823UID: 3355853

已改，请过目。多交流~

ljmao2007UID: 3031354

0804作文：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

Now more and more people focus on the privacy of famous entertainers and athletes, as the development of the entertainment news, should they have to maintain more privacy than they have now? Some holds that they are famous people so that should be scrutinized by the public. However, I take very different points about this issue.

At first, these famous entertainers and athletes have little privacy now, even less than ordinary people. They are always on lots of TV shows and newspapers, having to be asked all kinds of questions, which some of them are the details about their intimate life。(觉得前面的一段话与后面没有一个特别明显的递进关系 因为前面说的是名人被问及很多问题尤其是隐私问题 What’s more后面则谈到媒体耍手段 楼主自己体会一下 我认为递进应该讲的是同一样事物的升华  因此认为这段可以省略 直接进入论点说非法手段伤害合法权益   而且楼主此句话想表达的重点应该是intimate life的问题被媒体询问，但是我们知道which句是附属成分并不是重点，换句话说楼主表达重点的句式错了，若想表达私密生活被媒体打扰可用especially,千万不要把重点表达的内容放入从句，就像您阅读一样，不读从句也不会影响对文章主要观点的把握，然而读您的内容不读从句会造成一定理解的影响 故可表达为：All kinds of questions have to be answered, especially some private questions. )What's more, to attract much more people(不是吸引people而是吸引reader) some media carry out more privacy about these famous people by even using illegal deeds. Some day, one shocking news came to my eyes that a nude picture of a famous entertainer came on the cover of one magazine. That famous entertainer was changing her clothes when she would be showing on the stage in Japan. But one reporter of that magazine had already taken many pictures without anyone knew that. Immediately almost all the entertainers stood out to criticize the behavior of that magazine. Then the police arrested the reporter and the magazine had also made apologize to the public. So we can find out that the famous entertainers and athletes need to have much more privacy than they have now. (总结句最好就事论事 若此段举出特别的祥例 最好从祥例中总结句子 而不是像楼主的总结句那么的概括 可表达为：So the famous people’s privacy should be protected more to keep from illegal deeds.)

In addition, although these famous people have equivalent privacy with the ordinary people, they also deserve to have much more privacy. Because they are well-known people in the public and easily be vulnerable. Five year ago, a list that load the detail address of famous people appeared on the Internet. Then plenty of funs went to their house to ask for signatures or photographs. You can image this condition, if someone puts your now address on the Internet, then there will be few people sharing attention on it. So it is safe for you while the condition will be absolutely different for those famous people. Therefore, we can conclusion that only the similar privacy as the ordinary people can not protect those famous people very well. (这段论点首先就错了，标题的意思是说名人应该比现在的自己有更多的隐私，因为现在的名人的隐私经常被狗仔之类的曝光合法权益收到侵害，而作者论述的是与老百姓相比，结论为跟老百姓相比名人应该有更多的隐私 与题目脱离太大了 不管与谁相比最后结论应该为名人应该比现在要有更多的隐私被保护)

Finally, there will be still some people argue that these famous people are always exampled by our society. Thus they should be scrutinized by all aspects, even sacrifice some privacy. Nevertheless, protecting our privacy is one of fundamental right. We can monitor their behavior in many correct ways other than realizing their privacy. These famous entertainers and athletes should maintain their privacy and deserve much more than before.（与之前说法一样，这也不是总结尾最好不要用太概述的结论，用了显得有点多余 没精准在点上）

In sum, although serious scrutiny can reveal some scandals for us, we should take their privacy into account at first. The famous entertainers and athletes also deserve to have more privacy than they have now.                                        [461 words]


总体来说，从读句子的角度分析，很多中式的表达，因为本人对标准的范文研究不多，水平也很有限，但是在读的过程中会觉得有一些句子读起来挺蹩脚的，虽然不知道是对是错，总觉得不是那么的舒服。
作者的缺点：1.从句表达的重要性要理解透，不要把重点内容放从句 2.论点论据应该时时刻刻围绕中心思想来论述，不要走偏 3.每段的总结句应该就事论事而不是泛泛而谈
本人其实写的不太好，所以在见解方面可能有不到位的点评，希望楼主海涵。

zhaoxiaoshuaiUID: 3020532

已改，请过目