27号就考试，第一篇独立作文。求狠批！！

藤木阿芮UID: 2915347

Spending money on traveling is better than saving money for future use.

When we think about money, there is always lots of discussion about it, one of the discussions is spending money on traveling or saving money for future use? Some people think that spending money on traveling is better but others think that saving money for future use is better. As far as I am concerned, I think that spending money on traveling is better. I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.

First and the foremost, travelling can give you health which is the most important thing in our life. Travels are a kind of relaxation. Being healthy by reducing our stress levels is solved when we travel and stay at a nice day spa. Moreover, travel means lots of sports and can help one keep fit. My parents really love travelling. They had a hard time when they were little due to the Great Depression. Then they worked hard to support the families. When they retired, they decided to travel all the provinces in China. Now they are on the way of their dream. My parents said that they really feel relaxed and feel younger and younger when they are travelling. My parents are now nearly sixty years old,  but travel has made them younger and more healthier. Another convincing example is me. Under the influence of my parents, I began to love travelling in my free time. Going on vacation let us recharge our “batteries” by disconnecting us from our regular life. When we come back we feel invigorated and we are happy to be back in our day to day routine. So , I am sure that each and every one of us needs to have a time of relaxation to recycle the need of health and wellness.

In the second place, traveling helps you discover things not only about other cultures and people, but also about yourself. My brother Jack is very good at English and studied computers in Tongji University---one of the famous universities in China. He said that he wanted to become a software engineer after graduation. But a trip just changed his idea. In a summer vacation, he participated in a teaching program called “volunteer 4 Guizhou” which encourages students teaching the children in Guizhou which is one of the poorest provinces in China. Jack travelled there and taught about 15 children English for about 3 months. He took lots of pictures with his little students and cried when he left them. When he was back from Guizhou, he told me that he  the scarcity of educational resources is very serious there and his little students just changed his idea for a software engineer, he told me that he want to become a village teacher who can help lots of children in the remote area. He said that he found the real value of life and discover his true self during this trip.

Admittedly, I cannot deny that saving money for future use has some merits. For instance, there is a tradition in China that parents have to save money for their son to marry a girl because all the fees for wedding are the groom’s payment. So if the parents do not save enough money for their son, he probably spend his lifetime alone. However, when the advantages of spending money on travelling and saving money for future use are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is obvious.

All in all, due to the above mentioned reasons, we could safely draw the conclusion that spending money on travelling is much better that saving it for future use.

藤木阿芮UID: 2915347

拜托各位赐教啊！

howoosoeUID: 3176803

嘿嘿，在下提及一点意见
第一段太过于模版化了吧
第二段中间，My parents使用的太多，可以用they替代，第三段也有这样的情况
第三段的TS说的不明朗。句型变化也不明显。
通篇没有高级的词汇。

藤木阿芮UID: 2915347

howoosoe 发表于 2012-10-22 18:04
嘿嘿，在下提及一点意见
第一段太过于模版化了吧
第二段中间，My parents使用的太多，可以用they替代，第 ...

谢谢教诲！

藤木阿芮UID: 2915347

working three days a week with longer is better than working five days a week with shorter hours.

Whether to work longer hours for three days in a week or to work shorter hours for five days in a week is a difficult decision, because each option has its own advantages and disadvantages. However, I would rather work longer hours three days a week for the following reasons.

First and foremost, longer hours three days a week gives me another four uninterrupted days for resting. Actually, reading and travelling are my favorite ways to rest. During the four days, I can spend a whole day reading without bothering by working. The benefits of reading are considerably numerous. Reading can enhance my vocabulary and undoubtedly acquire knowledge. Another three days I can spend them on travelling. For instance, last week I went to Yanqing for climbing Lao Mountain, a famous mountain which is full of dazzling array of ancient temples and exquisite gardens. After climbing I stayed in the hot-spring style hotel at the foot of the mountain. Needless to say, it is definitely a extreme enjoyment that relieve my stress in my work and become a remedy for me to forget the troubles in my life. Undeniably, having a four day weekend remarkably offer me enough time to have a adequate rest which makes me energetic and active in my working time.

Secondly, working longer hours for three days in a week assist me in using four consecutive days for learning painting. Frankly speaking, learning painting is my childhood dream. In fact, with a schedule requiring five working days a week, it is impossible for me to arrange time to take painting courses. The secrets behind becoming a good painter is hard training and a inner calm in your mind. It is known that training need time and a inner calm in mind need a peaceful environment. Imagine that how can you become peaceful when you are in endless routine works? So a four-day weekend schedule can give me the possibility to learn painting and realize my childhood dream.

Admittedly, some people believe that working shorter hours five days a week is a better choice. They claim that five-day work plan helps them finding a greater circumstance compared with three-day working plan with extended hours for people to know more about their workmates. They also consider that shorter hours during a day means a lighter workload and less stressful life. However, when the advantages of three-day working plan and five-day working plan are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is obvious.

In a nutshell, when it comes to choosing between working longer hours three days a week and working shorter hours five days a week, I choose the former without hesitation. This kind of working plan helps live a more comfortable and enriching life.