11.10T 作文修改。 谢谢Romanus~

海上的月亮UID：3385706

People are now easier to become educated than in the past.
Time: 42min; Words: 406

Compared to old ages, some might argue that today's circumstances are no longer suitable for being really educated. However, in my view, contemporary society is creating a beneficial environment for modern education, which has never been achieved before.


In this day and age, governments are obliged to provide an equal educational platform, regardless of different sexes, status, or skins. The situation that women were supposed to only be house wives, the poor were deserved to be slaves, and the black were discriminated publicly are changed. At present, more and more women are stepping in the famous universities with honors, and their abilities are generally recognized by those arrogant men; poor kids in villages are not neglected any more, the charities and funds to pay their education fees are winning the social support everywhere; skins are not the symbol of people's status, the true ability of studying become influential when students are judged. Though inequality is still existent to some extent, changes of pursuing equality already begin. Surly, education will be the rights of everyone, and we have seen the positive switch in present ages already.


Further, the advanced Internet boosts the efficiency of education in a dramatic way. Turn back to fifty years ago, people cannot imagine today's changes of education form, e.g. long-distant communication with professors, online-courses of foreign colleges, abundant databases for one research. And when those changes indeed happen, soon become the indispensible tools in educational field. Students can stay in home listening to the lectures, finding resources for papers, and setting up a forum to discuss certain subjects. Even in the rural area, as long as there has Internet, kids can be educated immediately. Technologies make global education accessible for everyone.


Granted, there are increasing temptations in present days. Some might argue that students are easily distracted by the appealing computer games, entertaining facilities, and the noise surroundings. But I seriously doubt this opinion; those obstacles cannot be the sound reasons to cover the fact that the easier circumstances for education. Since the noisy world is the extrinsic distractions, what really matters is the innate desire to study. Therefore, nothing can cover the fact that modern societies have already constructed a broad approach for students to be educated, which are much more equal than old times.


To sum up, I strongly believe, today's world is having a better stage for every individual to be educated, and to achieve their dreams.  

mpromanusUID：2565872

People are now easier to become educated than in the past.
(I don't know where you got this question from but you don't usually describe people as 'easy' – in urban slang this means someone is fickle, or undetermined, or worse, easy to get into bed with – so only things are 'easy'. So, it's not that 'people are easier' to become educated, but 'it is easier for people be become educated'..)

Compared to old ages, some might argue that today's circumstances are no longer suitable for being really educated. However, in my view, the contemporary society is creating a beneficial environment for modern education, which has never been achieved before.

In this day and age, governments are obliged to provide an equal educational platform, regardless of different sexes, status, or skins (The human skin is essentially the same across people, and people don't really have different 'skins'. They have different skin colors. That said, it's better to avoid such biological terms like 'skin color' or 'sex' – use more socially oriented terms like 'ethnic origin' or 'gender'). The situations where women were supposed to only be house wives, the poor were deserved to be slaves, and the black were discriminated against publicly are changed. At present, more and more women are stepping in the famous universities with honors (I'm not sure whether this 'honor' means 荣誉感 or a degree classification. I'm guessing the former, in which case it should be just 'honor'.), and their abilities are generally recognized by those arrogant men (Who are 'those' arrogant men? You didn't mention any 'arrogant men' previously.); poor kids in villages are not neglected any more, as the charities and funds to pay their education fees are winning the social support everywhere (These – 'poor kids..' and 'the charities..' - are two independent sentences. You can't separate them with just a comma. A connective or a full stop is needed.); skins are not the symbol of people's status, and the true ability of studying becomes influential when students are judged.(Again, you can't put two independent sentences together with a single comma. This is called a run-on sentence. Please avoid.) Though inequality is still existent to some extent, changes of pursuing equality already begin. Surely (Please make sure you spell 'surely' with the 'e'. 'surly' is an entirely different word.), education will be the rights of everyone, and we have seen the positive switch (Not quite sure what this means, especially what 'switch' is here.) in present ages already.

Further, the advanced Internet boosts the efficiency of education in a dramatic way. Turn back to fifty years ago: (Again: if you just put a comma here, this becomes a run-on.) people cannot imagine today's changes of education forms, e.g. long-distance communication with professors, online-courses of foreign colleges, abundant databases for one research. And when those changes indeed happen, they soon become the indispensable tools in the educational field. Students can stay at home listening to the lectures, finding resources for papers, and setting up a forum to discuss certain subjects. Even in the rural area, as long as there is (A place cannot 'have' things as in to possess things.) Internet, kids can be educated immediately. Technologies make global education accessible for everyone.

Granted, there are increasing temptations in present days. Some might argue that students are easily distracted by the appealing computer games, entertaining facilities, and the noisy surroundings. But I seriously doubt this opinion; those obstacles cannot be the sound reasons to cover the fact that the easier circumstances for education (You need a complete sentence after 'that', e.g. '..that access to education has indeed become easier'. 'the easier circumstances for education' is just a noun phrase and not a proper sentence.). Since the noisy world is the extrinsic distractions, what really matters is the innate desire to study.(I don't really get this sentence or its reasoning.) Therefore, nothing can cover the fact that modern societies have already constructed a broad approach for students to be educated, which is much more equal than that of old times (Your 'which' is 'a .. approach', therefore what comes after the 'than' should be the equivalent of 'approach', not 'times'. Be very aware of what you are 'than'-ing exactly.).

To sum up, I strongly believe, that today's world is having a better stage for every individual to be educated, and to achieve their dreams.

总结：

论述不错，但是请注意长句的句法和表意的准确。。尤其是两个独立的句子不能用逗号连接，要么用句号，要么用连词，否则会造成run-on sentence.

海上的月亮UID：3385706

mpromanus 发表于 2012-11-2 07:04
People are now easier to become educated than in the past.
(I don't know where you got this questio ...

感谢romanus! 句子衔接的问题，确实赤果果的存在。 Noted: No more run-on sentence. :-)