【GRE作文互助组】liliudodo的issue

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issue

87. Claim: Nations should suspend government funding for the arts when significant numbers of
their citizens are hungry or unemployed.
命题：当相当数量的市民处于饥饿或失业状态时，政府应该延缓对艺术的资助。
Reason: It is inappropriate—and, perhaps, even cruel—to use public resources to fund the arts
when people's basic needs are not being met.
理由：当人们的基本需求没有得到满足的时候用公共资源资助艺术是不恰当的，甚至是残忍
的。
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.


There is an anecodote about Victor Hugo. When he was forming “les miserables”,he had no income and savings. So he had to make cash in advance from the publishers. It is said that the novel’s copright was pledged out ,and then he send the money to bring back a thick sweatweather, a dozen of ink. Durning the whole cold winter,he stay in the room to mediate his novel. Until next spring he finished the great. so, as a common maybe, it is hard to recognize the artist’s persistence let alone to agree with the supporting for arts by government funding when significant numbers of their citizens are hungry or unemployed.
      On the one hand government , as the leader of the society,should maintain it drive on a well-bing circle. All we know every year the financial budget in next year should be made. In this budget all sorts of spending, which can maintain the country in benign operation, should be prepared.So supporting arts and creating jobs are both necessary to the country. As a manager, such things like these, should plan as whole and make pre-arranged planning.  
     On the other hand the budget used in people basic needs such as educantion, medical treatment, endoment insurance and so on and arts should keep balance, at some ration. On average citizens’s need is primary part of financial expending. We can not use such money as large as education funding to bulit some theater in some metropolis. This funding in education can help thousands of young man who have no ability to pay their tuition in college to complish their dream, but in thater building can only enjoy fews.
     In conclusion we could not recognize that using public resources to fund art when most citizens’s basic need are not enough is inappropriate or even cruel. Because as common one we cannot operate the problems in a seriers. Most people who live under poverty line can only consider themselves’s lives. But the leader,the government, must prepar a systematic plan to disolve the confliction between arts development and people’s live.  

liliudodoUID: 3261082

126 In most professions and academic fields, imagination is more important than knowledge.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
                                                      

It is true. To most of artists grate inspiration is the mother of grate art. To most of scientists depending their instinct is always the correct choice. In fact imagination is more important than knowledge to most experts in their professional fields. But I have to say for most people, in average, especially the fresh man basic knowledge and basic skills are crucil.
All kinds of professions and academic fields have their own special foundation. If young man who have interest in this area and want to achieve their self-values, they must learn from beginning, basic skills. Just like you should exercise simple skills of painting at the beginning, until you manipulate your brushs you can portray the scenery you want vividly .Rome was not bulit in a day, people who have no enough passion ,perseverance and long time have no ability to complish this.
  In the history the orbit of development of science , technology and arts is transcend the limit in old one and run a new way which no one had gone. So if people who was lack of imagination, they have no ability to creat new concept or new think, he or she can hardly construct their space own by negating predecessor’s thought. It is not abandon as whole, of course. For example Kopernik who establish the heliocentric theroy overturned the tradition of geocentric theroy and made astronomy to be an independent science.  
In conclusion we should make a concrete analysis of a concrete problem.Just above I said if a scientist or artist who should not be boarded by the predecessor’s knowledge and his own achievement. His work is beyond the current situation. However if you are a fresh man is some special area, you should exercise the basic skills and imitate others work. We can call this is a period of learning.

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

已改，加油！

liliudodoUID: 3261082

56 Many important discoveries or creations are accidental: it is usually while seeking the answer to one question that we come across the answer to another.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
                                                      


Tofu, as a kind of delicious food, are so welcome in all the word. But maybe, you don’t know the process of tofu’s invention is just an chemical accident. Nearly about 2000 years ago, in han dynasty, a duke who want to live forever have huge interesting in chemical experiment. He want refine some medicament that can keep his health. But one day when he steam soya milk in a big boiler, the gesso poured into the soya milk casually. So the duke found that the soya milk curdled ,it became some white soft solid from liquid just like a miracle. It is origin of tofu.

We can not deny that lots of important inventions changing our world have the similar stories of tofu in the boundless universe. It seems a basic law. it is usually while seeking the answer to one question that we come across the answer to another. We could call this is inpsiration of research. In fact I think this phenomenon which frequently appeared indicate that in scinece area there are so many unkonwn that people have no understanding, or even realizing that. We tend to portray the world surrounding us by the only way in our mind. It ‘s just like we set goals first(there is a opinion that we can achieve our aim in our brain) and then consider how to complish it. All of our attention focus on the final point we have set first, so that we will ignore some discoverys in sereach process.  And more unfortunate is we can not make sure the aim set first in our brian is the result we want to achieve in the real world. Things go contrary to one’s wishes. Just like the duke he want to live forever but the result is delicious food--tofu.

Though many important discoveries or creations are accidental we can not deny the effect of people’s hard work and plan in detail in science research. In fact make a plan in detail before movement is people’s instinct. Durning this we can avoid wasting time ,energy and material. Especially in the morden world which is lack of kinds of nature resource, distincte purpose and thorough plan is indispensable.

In conclusion if person who want tohave a creation or research, distincte purpose and thorough plan is foundation. As for weather the achievement we want will come ture or not all I can say is do one’s level best and live the other things to god’s will.

xjwnzjUID: 3261105

第一次帮人改，有不对的多包涵~

xjwnzjUID: 3261105

BTW 有时间请也看看我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1477829-1-1.html

liliudodoUID: 3261082

xiesisiminerva 发表于 2012-11-14 18:09
已改，加油！

谢谢楼主，我看了你给的修改，切中要点。我之前看过og上的满分范文，觉得那是难以企及的，其中对句子形式的变化驾轻就熟（词汇倒不是多难，但就是语言写得非常的地道，怪不得是6分作文呢）。我一时半会模仿不来。我现在写句子比较喜欢写三段式，一个从句，一个主句，再加一个动名词形式的伴随状语或者同位语。我觉得这样一句话就可以表现一个完成的意思，而且也有层次。就像你写得这句话：When people lack the curiosity to search the secret of nature, we would not see so much wonderful scenery of it ranging from the epic perspective of the whole universe by telescope to the fine picture of the micro-world using microscope.  而且在这句话里你注意到了虚拟语气的使用，我从未注意这方面，虽然也知道有虚拟语气，但就是不会用。

你说我的语言不连贯，我觉得这是我还在用中式思维思考的原因。写中文作文时因为驾轻就熟，所以思维跳跃较大。结果把这种倾向带到英语里面就让人觉得不连贯了。我觉得解决这问题可以用陈虎平的结构阅读法来规范写作，就是在写一段话前，就明确各句之间的逻辑关系，然后按照这种关系依次写下来。写个5,6句话基本上就够了。写好一段话的前提是要写好一句话啊！

还有一点就是我没有想到那么多的内容，感觉思路还是没有打开,可能写得还是不够多。或者我想到了很多内容，很多例子。但是语言无法表述。就像我想到了Kopernik的例子，但我不会这个词，只能去网上查。而你却可以用很普通的词汇表述要表述的想法，这是我需要学习的。

总之谢谢楼主的御批，我会勤加练习。

liliudodoUID: 3261082

132 Some people believe that our ever-increasing use of technology significantly reduces our opportunities for human interaction. Other people believe that technology provides us with new and better ways to communicate and connect with one another.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.
                                                      
There is much controversy over the issue of using advanced technology can reduce people’s ability for human interaction or not. Some one claim that ever-increasing use technology can impair the talk face to face each other. While others advocate that we can talk with others in another continent by advanced technology. On balance, I think we should make a concrete analysis of a concrete problem.

Imaging one day you wake up and find you live in a small village where is no telephone TV and internet. That’s so terrible, without sending email, MSN and facebook, how do you contact with your friends. Fortunately the sense above is only a nightmare but we can not deny people in modern world in metropolis who lack the basic communication skills with each other face to face. I think there are some reasons lead to this conclusion. First in modern society people have to bear more stress from work and daily life than before. We have no enough time and smooth heart to talk with each other in the next door. Your neighbor, notwithstanding, have lived in the room next yours during 3 years, you don’t recognize the color his or her car. Second with the development of internet we can do every thing nearly by the global net. We can finish our home work on net and shopping watching TV, making date , even hunting jobs, and communication with each other of course. In some degree the communication with each other during net have substituted the traditional ways face to face in real world.

However we also believe that the development of technology provide us with new and better ways to communicate with each other. When I was in junior school one of my best friends go abroad with his family, we lost touch with each other. Some years later until using facebook we talk with again. So the advanced technology can help us to find old friends.

In fact reducing the opportunity for human interaction or providing better way for communicating with each other is superficial consideration. The key point we as a modern individual should understand is that the boom of science and technology have changed our daily mode. On the one hand we can not live in a small village with out any modern technology repeatedly. We should fit for the change of our world. On the other hand we can not also abandon the traditional mode of interaction absolutely, because of staying in the real world talking with your neighbor is also important.

liliudodoUID: 3261082

xjwnzj 发表于 2012-11-14 22:29
第一次帮人改，有不对的多包涵~

非常感谢你的帮助，你说的每一点都言之有据，我会认真修改。但是有三处我想与你商讨：

1. 关于观点的问题，你说我行文观点不明确。题目要求讨论对accidental discoveries/creations的看法。我的思路是第一段表明自己的看法，接下来两段从正反两方面叙述，最后一段总结深化论点。我想在结尾处表明的是虽然很多科学发现有赖于意外，但是这些科学行为的初衷都是有着明确的目的（distinct）和周详的计划的（thorough plan）。在第二段中我试图说明人们在头脑中可望达到的目的与在现实中能够实现的是有差异的，而且这种差异可能很大（Things go contrary to one’s wishes）。也就是说虽然最后的结果可能出乎意料，但是一开始的行为应当有明确目的和周详计划。
    也许是我的想法太独特了吧。我这么写只是为了在文章的结尾深化主题，而不是再次简单的重复所给的问题，我觉得可以找出更深层次的原因。不知我的思路对不对，请指教。

2. 在文章第二段开头，你说我的语气牵强，那你觉得应该使用什么样的语气好呢？我也觉得不太好，但想不出更好的。

3.第二段结尾处，你指出我在一个句子中使用了2个is，我把它改了一下，你看怎么样。And more unfortunately we can not sure,absolutely, the aim set first in our brain is the result we want to achieve in the real world.

   

xjwnzjUID: 3261105

liliudodo 发表于 2012-11-15 21:47
非常感谢你的帮助，你说的每一点都言之有据，我会认真修改。但是有三处我想与你商讨：

1. 关于观点的问 ...

1. 最后一段深化主题的初衷是很好的。我想了一下，也许这样说In conclusion, as has been claimed, many great creations didn't in a way anticipated by the researchers. It is not to say that distinct purpose and thorough plan is not the foundation of scientific discoveries, but sometimes they can be really fortuitous.会更好，不至于影响到自己对于主题的控制。
2. 第二段开头可以多引用一些事例，比如火药，肥皂，奶酪等等。效果应该会比lots of important inventions changing our world have the similar stories of tofu in the boundless universe这样的话显得更有说服力。
3.没有之前那个语病了，之前的And more unfortunate is we can not make sure of the aim set first in our brain is the result we want to achieve in the real world我现在反应过来其实问题就在于make sure of后面应该跟一个词而非一个句子，抱歉当时没指出来，因为我语法不怎么好，主要靠语感~

ecustdreamerUID: 3396543

我稍微看了下，不对之处请包涵

liliudodoUID: 3261082

108 Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
                                                      

Some advertisements and interview we see the screen frequently introduce some experts who advise how to lose weight, how to be a smart man or even how to get girls hearts. These experts, in screen, who dress up glasses allege their research is an authority. So if you want to live in healthy and comfortable you should conform to their suggestion. In fact, generally, not only in cooking or living we often refer to someone who has more experiences, but also some special field such as law and finance do the same so. However, not in all aspects the suggestion of experts plays a role in critical judgment.

On the one hand In some special research area, such as ecological environment, civil culture, and urban design, people should have a wide range of correlative knowledge and experience, and then can speculate and design the form of these subjects as a whole ,because there are so many elements in these fields, may be you have rich experience in one subject and can solve problem simply, but after you finished it more problems in another areas are caused by the first. The most frequent way in solving is cooperation among different experts, because individual has not enough ability to operate all information of this tough problem, let alone devising solving design in systematically.

In the area of product design and manufacture on the other hand, the critical judgments of experts are even subordination because in these fields user experience is crucial. In this area such as cell phone design, the aim of manufacturing is to provide some mobile phone which is fit for personalization. The function of these mobile devices is not only making a phone or sending a message but support more services as watching video,shopping, mapping and so on. All these new functions have less to do with researcher's opinion in the lab than do with people's need in daily life. So we should focus the experience of common one which is just as road sign.  

In conclusion just as a coin has two sides, the experience of experts is not always critical judgments in some area. Though having rich experience is more and more useful in most given fields, we should make a concrete analysis of a concrete problem.

劉門第UID: 3347339

liliudodo 发表于 2012-11-19 20:21
108 Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who i ...

好吧，我来改改。也麻烦你改我的哈~
写得挺好的。
1119issue108lixiongdodo RE刘门第.doc (34.5 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2012-11-19 21:10:15 上传

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liliudodoUID: 3261082

ecustdreamer 发表于 2012-11-16 14:16
我稍微看了下，不对之处请包涵

谢了，你批改的很仔细。关于issue模板的问题，新东方出的作文书里有一些，但都比较简单。我感觉，我比较喜欢用一个事例或是故事引入话题。实在找不到故事了，再用模板。对于结尾，如果可以深化主题，一定要深化。就是指出TS背后的原因。如果看不出来，就可以用模板，我喜欢用的是make a concrete analysis of a concrete problem,这个结尾可以呼应正文部分一正一反的论述。

parrotkingUID: 3323277

已拜读~~~