issue6

bjzhj_2000UID: 144606

Issue 6
"The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth."
提纲：
1. 开头提出观点，以下针对年轻人是否代表当代文化进行讨论。
2. 年轻人从某种意义上来说，确实代表着当代的文化。
3. 除了年轻人之外，还有其他方面的因素在影响着当代的文化，不能仅通过对年轻人的分析而对当代文化下定论。
4. 结尾。

Admittedly, in the era of rapid technological development and highly competition, the youth is the main force of the society, they take on the main responsibility of the society and their trends undoubtedly stand for one aspect of contemporary culture. But, I think it is inaccurate to say that contemporary culture is dominated entirely by youth culture.

On the one hand, it is true that contemporary culture is dominated by youth culture in some aspects. Firstly, with the development of Internet, Internet has become a necessary communicative tool. As a new emergence culture, network culture becomes more and more important, and almost becomes the leading culture. Undoubtedly, the percent of the youth has an advantage over the old in this culture, for example, you can find that network bar is dominated by the youth and they can understand and grasp new technology very quickly which is a short of the old. Secondly, because of work's tension, people can only spend little time on food, so fast food style has replaced traditional food style gradually. For example, in china you can find lots of fast food corporations like Lihua, McDonald and so on, there are lots of people consume in it, who are the youth mainly. Thirdly, popular music instead of traditional music becomes another primary culture style; perhaps you can only find traditional music in some unnoticed place nowadays. Finally, the consumer's conception especially the youth's has greatly changed. They prefer to consume in advance rather than save money. For instance, in my company a colleague says that she wants to buy a new house by loan, and repays the debt from her salary, because she prefer to enjoy life in advance.

On the other hand, society consists not only the youth, but also other factors such as senior, tradition, custom and history of the country. So it is necessary for us to analyze these factors, if we want to understand contemporary culture intensively.  For example, in china the youth prefer Korea and Japan music and their costumes, they want to simulate the stars of Korea and Japan very much, but it is viewed as a rascal if they put on their costumes and simulate their actions in china, so only few people can do it bravely. Senior people is another important factor when we understand contemporary culture, although main force of society is the youth, lots of senior people are in high position and they can not enjoy the youth's ideas. Once two ideas conflicts, they may blow the youth's ideas by their power, and maintain their old ideas, which perhaps stunt society's development and influence contemporary culture. For instance, before innovation in china, people knew little about foreign countries and technologies, after innovation, people have widened their eyes and improved their technologic level, at the same time, introduced many foreign cultures which combine with traditional culture and then shaped contemporary culture.

In a conclusion, without analyzing the trends of the youth, people cannot understand contemporary culture, but this analysis is not entirely because there are some other factors, which can influence contemporary culture too. So in order to understand contemporary culture well and truly, we should consider all aspects related to it, and there is urgent need for the younger generation and the older generation to understand each other and to build a more balanced contemporary culture.

feier521UID: 109747

Admittedly, in the era of rapid technological development and highly competition, the youth is the main force of the society,（and） they take on the main responsibility of the society and their trends undoubtedly stand for one aspect of contemporary culture. But, I think it is inaccurate to say that contemporary culture is dominated entirely by youth culture.

On the one hand, it is true that contemporary culture is dominated by youth culture in some aspects. Firstly, with the development of Internet, Internet(it) has become a necessary communicative (communication) tool. As a new emergence culture, network culture becomes more and more important, and almost becomes the leading culture(一连3个become啊). Undoubtedly, the percent of the youth has an advantage over the old in this culture, for example, you can find that network bar is dominated （好多的dominate）by the youth and they can understand and grasp new technology very quickly which is a short of the old. Secondly, because of work's tension, people can only spend little time on food, so fast food style has replaced traditional food style（显得重复，food style改为one不是好点吗？） gradually. For example, in china you can find lots of fast food corporations like Lihua, McDonald and so on, there are lots of people consume in it, who are the youth mainly. Thirdly, popular music instead of traditional music becomes another primary culture style; perhaps you can only find traditional music in some unnoticed place nowadays.（没有和the youth 联系起来） Finally, the consumer's conception especially the youth's has greatly changed. They prefer to consume in advance rather than save money. For instance, in my company a colleague says that she wants to buy a new house by loan, and repays the debt from her salary, because she prefer to enjoy life in advance.
用了这么一大段，说了年轻人dominate the contemporary culture,感觉偏了一点，我觉得应着重论述题目中的understand，analyze，对吧？起码你论述完了，也应该强调一下啊，“因此，analyze the youth can help us to understand the contemporary culture in some sense.”

On the other hand, society consists （不及物 of） not only the youth, but also other factors such as senior, tradition, custom and history of the country.（the youth的对立面是人! the old！你可以说the old 代表tradition，custom，而tradition and custom一定程度上组成了并影响了contemporary culture，因此了解contemporary culture也有必要分析一下老的。） So it is necessary for us to analyze these factors, if we want to understand contemporary culture intensively. For example, in china the youth prefer Korea and Japan music and their costumes, they want to simulate the stars of Korea and Japan very much, but it is viewed as a rascal if they put on their costumes and simulate their actions in china, so only few people can do it bravely. (这个例子和主题关系不大。你想说custom和tradition 会影响年轻人的trends，但是没怎么说传统的作用，这不是颠倒主次了吗？这样写是不是好些？although the youth in China prefer to…, and even want to simulate what those stars do, these thoughts, if have, are often viewed as serious conflict with the Chinese old traditions, therefore, seldom do the young people dare to violate such traditions. )Senior people is (are) another important factor when we(when we 不如改成for us to) understand contemporary culture, although main force of society is the youth, lots of senior people are in high position and they can not enjoy the youth's ideas. Once two ideas conflicts（conflict）, they may blow（？有这么用的吗？） the youth's ideas by their power, and maintain their old ideas, which perhaps stunt society's development and influence contemporary culture. For instance, before innovation（？什么时期？） in china, people knew little about foreign countries and technologies, after innovation, people have widened their eyes and improved their technologic level, at the same time, introduced（时态不一致） many foreign cultures which combine with traditional culture and then shaped contemporary culture.（例子和主题没有关系！！注意，你要区分the youth 和the senior，例子中people指谁？就算你的people 是指the senior, 也没说the senior 是如何影响contemporary culture的，因此analyze 老的对理解contemporary culture也是用的！还是要点题！）

In （a去掉） conclusion, without analyzing the trends of the youth, people cannot understand contemporary culture, but this analysis is not entirely（enough） because there are some other factors, which can influence contemporary culture too. So in order to understand contemporary culture well and truly, we should consider all aspects related to it, and there is urgent need for the younger generation and the older generation to understand each other and to build a more balanced contemporary culture.（结尾平平）

总体来说文章写的一般，一些用词老是重复，句式的多样性也不够，好几个you can find…例子举的不够贴切，另外，例子应该直接点题！
不过，语言表达基本没有什么问题，结构也挺规范的，加油！！

bjzhj_2000UID: 144606

多谢Superman 的点评，我会多多努力的，还有想问一下，改革开放怎默说

feier521UID: 109747

the reform and opening policy , 象这样的不会的可以用google搜索的。

还有，看看置顶的帖子－关于发文章的格式。（issue×××，然后写内容，比如你的，issue6，偶的第二篇）

genie05UID: 30358

the Reform and Open-up Policy
呵呵，和FEIER的答案不一样

木耳UID: 123036

除了菲尔德评改，我在补充两句。

网络的例子不错，不过你只是说了年轻人对网络的运用生于年长的人。没有说明网络的重要作用，也没有体现leading culture。

in china the youth prefer Korea and Japan music and their costumes, they want to simulate the stars of Korea and Japan very much
太绝对了吧？很多人都不是这样的。some youth or many youth
不严谨不客观

Once two ideas conflicts, they may blow the youth's ideas by their power, and maintain their old ideas, which perhaps stunt society's development and influence contemporary culture.
真实情况是不是这样暂且不说，这和论点本身就不太相关。因该从非年轻人如何代表culture讲。
还有，既然已经stunt the development of the society，那还能算是代表当代的culture吗？这本身就值得商榷。

木耳UID: 123036

例子除了不严谨不客观外，偏离主题也是一个普遍的毛病。
这也可算作第四个共同问题了。