求大神修改作文。求破6.5感激不尽

mofaye520UID: 3399646

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary society, the flourishing economy saw the proliferation of travelling throughout the world which affords people in different countries to know different cultures. However, at the same time, people are having a hard time reaching consensus on whether travelers should follow local customs and behavior.

"Do as the Romans do" is the view of those people who think visitors should respect the tradition in other countries. We are suppose to relax our body and ease our mind without disturbing the native life style. Most individuals travel to feel the discrepancy of cultures between different countries as well as expand their outlook which is obviously can be best achieving by following the local life style. Besides, respect the local customs can avoid potential violate caused by cultural conflict. On the other hand, ourselves do not want strangers from foreign countries to interrupted our regular life, thus, if all travelers follow the local rules, it will benefit both visitors and native people in that country.

Others, however, insist that cultural diversity is what makes up the current world. Everybody and organization should be open to other cultures and learn to accept different tradition, especially for those countries who heavily relied on traveling as main revenue. Visitors came from distant places to boost local economy in host countries, generating vast job opportunities and stimulating the development of service industry, they should at least act as they like regardless of local cultures. Furthermore, under the globalization trend, it is also a opportunity for host countries to absorb the good aspect of other nation's culture so as to enrich the local culture.

In conclusion, I personally think countries should be open to embrace the civilization distinguish between different nationalities, but to avoid unnecessary cultural conflict, some rules should be set to guide the behavior of visitors.

我是会飞的牛UID: 3356969

有语法错误^_^，建议不要标题用户大神。。。。。。

mofaye520UID: 3399646

我是会飞的牛 发表于 2012-12-31 10:09
有语法错误^_^，建议不要标题用户大神。。。。。。

。。。好吧。谢谢大虾点评。。我也发现有语法错误了。。。。。

zy2013UID: 3405528

In contemporary society, the(DELETE) flourishing economy saw the proliferation(PLEASE USE UR OWN WORDS) of travelling throughout the world,WHICH ALLOWS people in different countries to know different cultures. However, at the same time, people are having a? hard time reaching consensusES on whether travelers should follow local customs and behaviorS.

"Do as the Romans do" is the view of those people who think visitors should respect the traditionS in other countries. We are supposeD to (relax our body and ease our mind)CHINESE EXPRESSION without disturbing the native life style?. Most individuals travel to feel?/UNDERSTAND the discrepancy/IES of cultures between different countries (as well as)?,AND ALSO TO expand their outlook which( is obviously can be)??? best achieving/ED by following/OBSERVING the local life style/RULES. Besides/ADDITIONALLY, respectING the local customs can avoid (potential violate caused by)DELETE cultural conflictIONS. (On the other hand)?, ourselves(WE) do not want strangers from foreign countries to interrupted?WRONG our regular life, thus(,)DELETE if all travelers follow the local rules, it will benefit both visitors and native people in that country.

Others, however, insist that (cultural diversity is what makes up(BE SYMPTOM OF) the current world)???. Everybody (and organization)DELETE should (be open)??? to other cultures and learn to accept different traditionS, especially for those countries who(WHOSE ECONOMY) heavily relied/ES on traveling as main revenueS. (Visitors came(COME) (from distant places) to boost local economy in host countries, generating vast job opportunities and stimulating the development of service industry,)THE WHOLE SENTENCE IS LOGICALLY AND CONCEPTUALLY WRONG! they should at least act as they like regardless of local cultures(THEY COULD BEHAVE FREELY WITHOUT TOO MUCH CULTURAL CONTRAINTS). Furthermore, under the globalization trend/CONTEXT, it is also aN opportunity for host countries to absorb/LEARN FROM the good aspectS of other nation's culture so as to enrich the local culture.

In(TO) conclusion, I personally think countries should (be open)??? to embrace the (civilization distinguish)??? between different nationalities??,( but (to avoid)NO SUBJECT unnecessary cultural conflictS, some rules should be set to guide the behavior of visitors.)GRAMMATICALLY WRONG

zy2013UID: 3405528

我刚恢复的咋不见了！！！！:(

zy2013UID: 3405528

楼主我给你改了。。。。恢复了。。。。却不见了！！！！！！

zy2013UID: 3405528

In contemporary society, (the)DELETE flourishing economy saw the proliferation(USE UR OWN WORDS) of travelling throughout the world, WHICH ALLOWS /which affords people in/FROM different countries to know different cultures. However, at the same time, people are having a hard time reaching consensusES on whether travelers should follow local customs and behaviorS.

"Do as the Romans do" is the view of those people who think visitors should respect the tradition in/OF other countries. We are supposeD to (relax our body and ease our mind)CHINESE EXPRESSION without disturbing/INTERFERING the native life style. Most individuals travel to feel/UNDERSTAND the discrepancy/IES of cultures between different countries,AND ALSO TO EXPAND (as well as expand) their outlookS which (is/ARE obviously can be best achieving)FATAL MISTAKE by following the local life style. Besides/ADDITIONALLY, respectING the local customs can avoid (potential violate caused by)DELETE cultural conflictS. (On the other hand)??, ourselves/WE do not want strangers from foreign countries to( interrupted)??? our regular life, thus(,)DELETE if all travelers follow/OBSERVE the local rules, it will benefit both visitors and native people in that country.

Others, however, insist that (cultural diversity is what makes up) /BE SYMPTOM OF the current world. Everybody (and organization)DELETE should (be open)FATAL MISTAKE to other cultures and learn to accept different traditions, especially for those countries who/WHOSE ECONOMY heavily relied on traveling as main revenueS. (Visitors came/COME from distant places to boost local economy in host countries, generating vast job opportunities and stimulating the development of service industry,)THE WHOLE SENTENCE IS LOGICALLY CONCEPTUALLY WRONG they should at least act as they like regardless of local cultures/THEY CAN BEHAVE WHATEVER THEY LIKE WITHOUT TOO MUCH CONTRAINTS. Furthermore, under the globalization trend/CONTEXT, it is also aN opportunity for host countries to absorb/LEARN FROM the good aspect of other nation's culture so as to enrich the local culture.

In conclusion, I personally think countries should (be open)AGAIN? to embrace the (civilization distinguish)??? between different nationalities, (but to avoid unnecessary cultural conflict, some rules should be set to guide the behavior of visitors THE WHOLE SENTENCE IS GRAMMATICALLY WRONG.

The BOND SHOULD BE BETWEEN 4.5 and 5.

mofaye520UID: 3399646

zy2013 发表于 2013-1-1 06:53
楼主我给你改了。。。。恢复了。。。。却不见了！！！！！！

。。辛苦你了。。。我也确实没看到。。。

zy2013UID: 3405528

mofaye520 发表于 2013-1-2 02:39
。。辛苦你了。。。我也确实没看到。。。

In contemporary society, (the)DELETE flourishing economy saw the proliferation(USE UR OWN WORDS) of travelling throughout the world, WHICH ALLOWS /which affords people in/FROM different countries to know different cultures. However, at the same time, people are having a hard time reaching consensusES on whether travelers should follow local customs and behaviorS.

"Do as the Romans do" is the view of those people who think visitors should respect the tradition in/OF other countries. We are supposeD to (relax our body and ease our mind)CHINESE EXPRESSION without disturbing/INTERFERING the native life style. Most individuals travel to feel/UNDERSTAND the discrepancy/IES of cultures between different countries,AND ALSO TO EXPAND (as well as expand) their outlookS which (is/ARE obviously can be best achieving)FATAL MISTAKE by following the local life style. Besides/ADDITIONALLY, respectING the local customs can avoid (potential violate caused by)DELETE cultural conflictS. (On the other hand)??, ourselves/WE do not want strangers from foreign countries to( interrupted)??? our regular life, thus(,)DELETE if all travelers follow/OBSERVE the local rules, it will benefit both visitors and native people in that country.

Others, however, insist that (cultural diversity is what makes up) /BE SYMPTOM OF the current world. Everybody (and organization)DELETE should (be open)FATAL MISTAKE to other cultures and learn to accept different traditions, especially for those countries who/WHOSE ECONOMY heavily relied on traveling as main revenueS. (Visitors came/COME from distant places to boost local economy in host countries, generating vast job opportunities and stimulating the development of service industry,)THE WHOLE SENTENCE IS LOGICALLY CONCEPTUALLY WRONG they should at least act as they like regardless of local cultures/THEY CAN BEHAVE WHATEVER THEY LIKE WITHOUT TOO MUCH CONTRAINTS. Furthermore, under the globalization trend/CONTEXT, it is also aN opportunity for host countries to absorb/LEARN FROM the good aspect of other nation's culture so as to enrich the local culture.

In conclusion, I personally think countries should (be open)AGAIN? to embrace the (civilization distinguish)??? between different nationalities, (but to avoid unnecessary cultural conflict, some rules should be set to guide the behavior of visitors THE WHOLE SENTENCE IS GRAMMATICALLY WRONG.

王了个帅UID: 3395602

正在給你改，中午發上具體細節。

王了个帅UID: 3395602

In contemporary society, due to（并不是economy sees 而是由於經濟的發展，people see旅遊業的蓬勃發展，邏輯要清晰） the flourishing economy, we saw (see既然是contemporary爲什麽用saw?) the proliferation of travelling throughout the world(逗號) which affords (enables) people in different countries to know different (exotic) cultures (better). However, at the same time,(對調) people are having a hard time reaching consensus on whether travelers should follow local customs (custom) and behavior.

"Do as the Romans do" (When in Rome, do as the Romans do既然要引用，就用正確) is the view of those people who think visitors should respect the tradition in other countries. We are suppose （supposed） to relax our body and ease our mind without disturbing the native life style(lifestyle 是一個單詞). Most individuals travel to feel the discrepancy （建議用uniqueness） of cultures between different countries as well as expand their outlook which is (有了can還有is??) obviously can be best achieving (ed) by following the local life style(一個單詞). Besides, respect （請加ing，謝謝）the local customs can avoid potential violate （violation） caused by cultural conflict. On the other hand, (we)ourselves do not want strangers from foreign countries to interrupted our regular life, thus, if all travelers follow the local rules, it will benefit both visitors and native people in that country. (不想自己的生活被打擾可以聯繫到native will benefit 但怎麼能證明visitor will benefit???  整個段落的論述不緊湊，邏輯有待加強)

Others, however, insist that cultural diversity is what makes up(an indispensable part) the current world. Everybody (Individual) and organization should be open to other cultures and learn to accept different tradition(s), especially for those countries who heavily relied on traveling as main revenue(whose main revenue is from tourism從結構上說，這個地方緊跟一個旅遊促進收入和文化交流的例子是再恰當不過了). Visitors came from distant places to boost local economy in host countries, generating vast job opportunities and stimulating the development of service industry, they should at least act as they like regardless of local cultures. （看不懂） Furthermore, under the globalization trend, it is also a opportunity for host countries to absorb the good aspect of other nation's culture so as to enrich the local culture.

In conclusion, I personally think countries should be open to embrace the civilization distinguish （這個是個動詞啊大姐）between different nationalities （不用這麼嚴肅，用regions更恰當）,but to avoid unnecessary cultural conflict, some rules should be set to guide the behavior of visitors. （這句有點讓人意猶未盡啊。不像是結尾段，更像是argument段落裏面的main idea，需緊跟supporting ideas…）

個人的看法：不是打擊你啊童鞋，您這錯誤滿篇但只偶有閃光詞組和詞的作文，基本的語法和邏輯都有硬傷，判多少分我就不猜測了，看考官心情吧。。。
勤加練習并多加注意的話，考試寫出6.5分還是大有希望的
當然，我的批改只是個人看法，可能有改的不恰當的地方，也可能有應該改但是沒看出來的地方，敬請諒解

mofaye520UID: 3399646

王了个帅 发表于 2013-1-4 11:25
In contemporary society, due to（并不是economy sees 而是由於經濟的發展，people see旅遊業的蓬勃發展， ...

多谢指教！！我会继续努力的！