战战兢兢求批改作文。

xiawucha0908UID: 3379419

不会写作文。。。这算是第一个比较完整的作文了，自己修改了几遍还是不知道怎么润色了。。

求点拨。。
题目是
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.
It is important to keep your old friends than to make new friends.

It is said that it is more easier to success if we have many friends .Around all our lives , there will be a large amount of people that we will meet,so we can make lots of friends .There might be many of them that we can not contact frequently ,or even some of them are lost contacts .Thus ,many people believe that it is important to make new friends, because they can give you a hug when you are upset ,or even accompanied with you when you feel alone .Contrary to their opinion, I suggests that it is more important to keep your old friends, because they will be there whenever you need ,what's more they will never betray you.

New friends are indeed essential .When you enter a new group ,or a new company ,you need to try to get along well with all the members in your group .Only in this way, can you get the opportunity to get promoted or to success .I still remember the first day when I went to college ,I talked to all the students in my class actively, tried to make as many friends as I could, thus all the members in my class remembered me and selected me as a monitor .This experience had told me the importance of making new friends.

But when the importance of keeping our old friends compares with the importance of making new ones, it seems outweigh .For the first place, since old friends and us having gone through many difficulties and obstacles together ,the memories between us is valuable .For example, my best friend, Zoe ,and I have been friends for about 12 years. And every time I felt upset, she would say something interesting in order to cheer me up. And finally, both of us got good grades and went to college .After gone through all these things together, we have known each other better. With all these memories I am awfully sure that she will always be there with me.

Besides, when making new friends, you don not know him or her very well, you don not you if he or she is worth your trust. For instance when I went to high school, I met an interesting person who always tell jokes .I love spending time with her and I told her everything about me, even the guy in my class that I liked very much .Astoundingly all the students in my class knew about that, and they laughed at me. As a result the relationship between us was discontinued. Also because of my carelessness, I lost my old friend either.

To sum it up, I strongly agree the statement that it is important to keep your old friends because of your ole friends’ loyalty and consideration. What’s more, you should be very careful when you make new friends.

Sinbo_ChanUID: 3373660

建议先用模板。你第一段比较乱，但是用模板 there is a heated debate, some,......other.....however I consider....这样你第一段就很规整了。
我刚开始也是喜欢用很口语化的思路来写，比如 when we  we must ..  don't...这样码字会得很痛苦。简单点就是排比论证。比如A很重要。三个排比：没有A，否B;没有A,否C；没有A，否D。 那BCD都是三个小例子，凑在一起就规整了字数也有保证。
至于例子，刚开始我也是瞎编什么朋友，同学什么的，我感觉这样写的作文自己都会不想看，何况改卷的。想写好最起码自己觉得顺眼了那才是第一步吧。背些名人万能例子是必须的。

我也是在准备这个，一点小体会，一起努力吧

xiawucha0908UID: 3379419

Sinbo_Chan 发表于 2013-1-11 15:49
建议先用模板。你第一段比较乱，但是用模板 there is a heated debate, some,......other.....however I co ...

感谢感谢、、

其实我是有点痛恶模板的，因为我容易忘记模板。。所以干脆就不用了。我会注意第一段的写法的~~

我觉得例子吧，举自己身边的也不错滴。。真实哇。。批卷的怎么会不想看呢。他看你身边发生的有趣的事情才会更喜欢吧。。我个人感觉而已。其实主要是自己写的故事语言很生涩，不地道，因此才不愿意看吧~~


加油加油。。你什么时候考试啊~？

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

Sinbo_Chan 发表于 2013-1-11 15:49
建议先用模板。你第一段比较乱，但是用模板 there is a heated debate, some,......other.....however I co ...

赞~

Sinbo_ChanUID: 3373660

xiawucha0908 发表于 2013-1-13 00:04
感谢感谢、、

其实我是有点痛恶模板的，因为我容易忘记模板。。所以干脆就不用了。我会注意第一段的写 ...

昨天考完了，是否毛遂自荐，这话题不好写。很多时候名人例子用不上，T的话题相当一部分生活化，所以个人的例子比较适合这部分

xiawucha0908UID: 3379419

哇。。其实，当我从网上看到这个题目的时候，，我都有点蒙。。几乎都没看懂题目要求。。

祝好运啦~~~

xiawucha0908UID: 3379419

Sinbo_Chan 发表于 2013-1-14 15:47
昨天考完了，是否毛遂自荐，这话题不好写。很多时候名人例子用不上，T的话题相当一部分生活化，所以个人的 ...

哇。。其实，当我从网上看到这个题目的时候，，我都有点蒙。。几乎都没看懂题目要求。。

祝好运啦~~~