幫改雅思大作文

tincochanUID: 3208994

我觉得第三篇写得不错，看楼主和各位的了

王了个帅UID: 3395602

哑铃99 发表于 2013-1-21 19:01
There are many media options available for spreading the news, such as newspaper, radio , TV and Int ...

实在不好意思前一阵太忙无法帮修改。抽空帮你看了看，你最大的优点就是论证比较紧凑，逻辑上基本无硬伤。但是需要1）去熟悉逻辑关系词 2）注意词和词之间的搭配 3）注意控制时间，因为我看你的字数基本在350字左右，希望你能在考场上写完。。。
只是大体的修了修，可能有修改不到位或者其他错误未看出，请谅解。
Currently, the channels of news spreading have been diversified. Besides the traditional media (e.g., newspaper, radio and TV), the new media, Internet, has taken an irreplaceable role in global communication. Many experts point out that Internet is becoming an optimum channel for news spreading in the world. Why is it true? The reasons are as follows:

Internet improves on traditional media that has limited information volume and receivers. Specifically, the message a piece of newspaper carries and the numbers of information-receivers are limited. In contrast, internet is featured with limitless volume and easy accessibility. It is reported that the information of whole year’s newspaper can be compacted into one web page. Besides, unlike newspaper issued in some particular regions, the news on the internet can be viewed by anyone, even in the corner of the earth.

What’s more, due to the increasing number of Netizens and prevalent social networking, the way public shares and receives message has changed, which unprecedentedly speeds up news transmission. Traditionally, news was passed on by word of mouth. But with the widespread use of social networking like twitter, people can simply forward the news by clicking the mouse so that the event will be spread among more people. A case in point is that the news of Barack Obama wining presidential election is first posted by one twitter user and then instantaneously spread all around the world.

Even though with drawbacks such as the validity of news, internet has inherent advantages compared to traditional medias in terms of news spreading. Therefore, it can be said that, with its incredibly large information volume, easy accessibility and high speed of transmission, internet is the best platform of global communication in a high-tech world.

王了个帅UID: 3395602

哑铃99 发表于 2013-1-21 19:01
There are many media options available for spreading the news, such as newspaper, radio , TV and Int ...

晕上午给你改的怎么没了？再贴一遍
Currently, the channels of news spreading have been diversified. Besides the traditional media (e.g., newspaper, radio and TV), the new media, Internet, has taken an irreplaceable role in global communication. Many experts point out that Internet is becoming an optimum channel for news spreading in the world. Why is it true? The reasons are as follows:

Internet improves on traditional media that has limited information volume and receivers. Specifically, the message a piece of newspaper carries and the numbers of information-receivers are limited. In contrast, internet is featured with limitless volume and easy accessibility. It is reported that the information of whole year’s newspaper can be compacted into one web page. Besides, unlike newspaper issued in some particular regions, the news on the internet can be viewed by anyone, even in the corner of the earth.

What’s more, due to the increasing number of Netizens and prevalent social networking, the way public shares the receives message has changed, which unprecedentedly speeds up news transmission. Traditionally, news was passed on by word of mouth. But with the widespread use of social networking like twitter, people can simply forward the news by clicking the mouse so that the event will be spread among more people. A case in point is that the news of Barack Obama wining presidential election is first posted by one twitter user and then instantaneously spread all around the world.

Even though with drawbacks such as the validity of news, internet has inherent advantages compared to traditional medias in terms of news spreading. Therefore, it can be said that, with its incredibly large information volume, easy accessibility and high speed of transmission, internet is the best platform of global communication in a high-tech world.

soahcn84UID: 3413519

楼主，还帮忙看作文吗？
我作文成绩一直不好，这次的备战刚开始，我仔细对比了我的作文与剑桥范文，觉得范文的句子结构和用词都更为简单，但是读起来却更为顺畅，所以这次稍微变化了一下文风，但我自己不好把握，所以请帮忙看一下。主要想请你估一个分数，然后给一些建议，比如用词过于简单，论证没有展开，句子结构不够多变之类的。不知道这种风格的文章是否可以。
非常感谢。

剑桥7，test2大作文。
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Whether to set a fixed punishment for each type of crime, or to judge every criminal discriminately depending on the crime motivations and circumstances has become an everlasting topic of discussion since the birth of the first law in history.

Some people believe that no matter what the excuse is, a crime is a committed violation of the law, thus it must be punished ruthlessly to show to the public that there will be no tolerance for such action. The authority of the law should not be challenged even when there is a crime under certain special scenario.

However, some other people disagree with the above opinion by declaring that each crime has its own circumstance and motivation varying from others. In many cases, people committed a crime because they were lack of option, or because they were unfamiliar with a certain clause in law. Therefore, equalizing these crimes with those intended ones is obviously morally unfair, even if it may be legally acceptable.

I personally believe that different criminals should be punished differently based on their different motivations and circumstances. The basis for such belief is the fact that laws are actually the consensuses of specifications derived from the abstract public moral values. And a legislation system with varied punishments is simply consistent with its origin. Nevertheless, we should also be aware of the possibility that these open clauses in laws could be taken advantage of by some law offenders. So the laws must be put under continuous perfection and be defended by people with the sense of justice.

In conclusion, unfixed punishments for crimes could be a vital symbol of a delighted society with high standard of ethic. We could all expect to live in thus a society in which the human rights of each individual, including those criminals, are greatly respected.

Chichi_filletteUID: 3418463

楼主好好人！多谢多谢！！！我也要写一篇，求批改！

rain_hpUID: 3417207

顶一个！已经考了两次雅思了，作文5.5一直是最大的痛，因为申请LLM写作一般都要求7！！！现在再看慎小嶷的《十天》，计划看完之后开始有规律的练习写作，到时候就麻烦楼主指导一下啦~\(≧▽≦)/~谢谢！

彭彭君UID: 3423416

雅思作文练习：
题目：
Some people think parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others ,however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

答卷：
The question about whether parents or schools should take the resposibility of educating children into law-abiding citizens, has been under severe discussion for long. Parents are supposed to be the first teacher of their children, while schools are anticipated to take the load og guiding kids , so it’s hard to differentiate which is more essential.

On the one hand, family environment created by parents are well-accepted to be crucial .According to large amounts of researches, children who live in violent families are tend to commit campus abuse and even break the laws when they grow up. The reason for the connection between family abuse and violent child is obvious. Since it’s nature for infants to imitate others before they’re mature enough to think by themselves, there exist no doubt that children in violent families will learn to deal with disturbance by brutal means and form it as a habit that do harms to our society in the future. Furthermore, parental overindulgence also attribute to the increasing of juvenile delinquency meamwhile.

On the other hand, schools are expected to correct schoolboys’ bad behaviors which they learn from their families.Though it’s difficult to cultivate someone who has already form detrimental habits, schools are where to provide oppotunities for those lost kids to regain benign conscience.Equipped with well-selected teaching resources ,schools have the best-trained teachers who are familiar to cultivate kids,in order to let them performs right and lead them to a brilliant future. From the education provided by schools, children are able to distinguish good from evil.

From my own pespective, both domestic and school education deserves equally treated. To begin with, domestic education conducted by parents can enhance children’s inherent characteristics,to make them naturally well-bred. Besides, school cultivation do help to shape one’s personality to make a perfect guy. That is, only with original studying at home as well as further education in school, can one become a useful man to our society.

蓝莓花裤衩UID: 3377307

楼主好人！改日贴出来让楼主看看，一直苦于作文只能写没有人改……
不知道有没有啥改作文的好办法？
在寻partner的帖子里面贴了木有人鸟TT

蓝莓花裤衩UID: 3377307

Some people think that the development in agriculture,such as factory farming and creation of new types of vegetables,has brought us more benefit than problems.to what extend do u agree or disagree?

Agriculture at present time has made hugh stride .However ,people still hold mixed views on whether human has profited from it.
I tend to believe that such breakthrough in agriculture field is beneficial to human society.Take factory farming as an example.Agriculture equipment brings farmers more leisure time since the machine are able to complete farming tasks in less time compared with farmers used to spend.This advance not only liberates farmers from laborious and repetitive work,the outcome is inceasingly multiplied as the facilities boost productivity as well.Therefore ,agricultural company are able to meet the rising demanding from market at lower cost.
Additionally,the emergence of green food ,to some extend ,lower the rate of juvenile obesity.The youngster would rather have fast food as fried chicken or hamburger instead of green vegetables because of the taste,that could be bitter for them.Too much calorie and less or even no vitamin are proved to be linked with obesity .Technology improves the flavor of vegetables though transforming in their gene makeup,and therefore they are more welcomed by the market,especially the youth.More balanced diet,as a consequence,offer people a healthier life.
However,the rapid revolution in agriculture arouse the public’s anxiety about food safety.Chemical compound used as fertilizer to promote procuctivity are assumed to contaminate corps as well as land.What’s more disturbing ,such pollution will still affect production even several decade.
It’s true that appropriate method applied in farming can cause healthy problem.From a large extend,reasonable regulation and inspection on cultivation can solve the problem smoothly .Only in this way can we enjoy a better quality of life.
结尾略显仓促……

427考试作文还写得不成样……跪求各位大牛指导~~

蓝莓花裤衩UID: 3377307

Some people think that the development in agriculture,such as factory farming and creation of new types of vegetables,has brought us more benefit than problems.to what extend do u agree or disagree?

Agriculture at present time has made hugh stride .However ,people still hold mixed views on whether human has profited from it.
I tend to believe that such breakthrough in agriculture field is beneficial to human society.Take factory farming as an example.Agriculture equipment brings farmers more leisure time since the machine are able to complete farming tasks in less time compared with farmers used to spend.This advance not only liberates farmers from laborious and repetitive work,the outcome is inceasingly multiplied as the facilities boost productivity as well.Therefore ,agricultural company are able to meet the rising demanding from market at lower cost.
Additionally,the emergence of green food ,to some extend ,lower the rate of juvenile obesity.The youngster would rather have fast food as fried chicken or hamburger instead of green vegetables because of the taste,that could be bitter for them.Too much calorie and less or even no vitamin are proved to be linked with obesity .Technology improves the flavor of vegetables though transforming in their gene makeup,and therefore they are more welcomed by the market,especially the youth.More balanced diet,as a consequence,offer people a healthier life.
However,the rapid revolution in agriculture arouse the public’s anxiety about food safety.Chemical compound used as fertilizer to promote procuctivity are assumed to contaminate corps as well as land.What’s more disturbing ,such pollution will still affect production even several decade.
It’s true that appropriate method applied in farming can cause healthy problem.From a large extend,reasonable regulation and inspection on cultivation can solve the problem smoothly .Only in this way can we enjoy a better quality of life.
结尾略显仓促……

427烤鸭作文写得不成样TT
跪求各位大牛指导啊！！！~~~~

多谢各位啦~

rain_hpUID: 3417207

大半夜赶出来的。。。请多多指教！《剑9》test1大作文：有专家说从小学就开设外语课要比中学的时候才开展好。你是否认为在小学期间就给学生开设外语课利大于弊？

As the trend of globalization is sweeping, foreign language have become a compulsive course in most countries. What the educators concern is whether it is necessary to start the foreign language lessons as early as some experts suggesting at primary school, or it is better for students to begin learning this at secondary school.
From my point of view, I believe there are evident benefits for children to get access to foreign language education at primary school. To start with, it is proved by scientific researches that the ability of learning languages is decreasing progressively as we getting older. i.e. children at school in terms of learning a new language. As a result, there is no reason for educators to miss this psychological moment. Additionally, compared with secondary schools where students are more likely to acquire cramming teaching and learn by rote, primary schools emphasize less exam-oriented education. Hence, the later may concentrate more on fostering interest, which help students to develop a positive attitude towards learning a new language and thus lay a better foundation. Further, there is a tendency in my country that parents send their children to study overseas. Therefore, theoretically, the earlier kids receive enlighten education in this respect, the wider options both parents and their children gain.
Even so, as the primary school duration is also a significant period for students to form the normal system of their mother tongue, studying another language at the same time may erode their acknowledge foundation or even their values of their mother tongue.
255words

rain_hpUID: 3417207

All in all, despite the drawbacks discussed above, allowing students to get access to foreign language courses at primary school seems to bring more benefits in general. Therefore, I believe it is advisable for educators to follow this pattern.
居然漏贴了结尾段！！！囧。。。

matraUID: 3412566

能不能告诉我这篇文章能拿几分。。。

In the contemporary world,gender discrepancy has currently become one of the most heated arguments of our time.This is an issue that has given rise to much debate on whether to allocate works respectively due to the different characteristics that male and female have.I’m going to compare two typical opinions regarding this issue.
   The overwhelming consensus is that female is no longer pale in comparison to male.The viewpoint from this angle is that they should be given equivalent opportunities as their counterparts despite some physical weakness.Besides,no one is cut out for a certain job,it is the skills you master rather than the physical condition that decide whether or not someone is competentenough for the task.For instance,if trained properly,mens can be excellent nannies or housemaids even if they are seen to be impatient and possess male chauvinism.Lastly ,males as well as females are  indispensible integral part of the society.As a consequence,it’s inevitable that they ‘d better to work together in order to deepen the mutual understanding .
By contrast,some others may claim that female are delicate and therfore should be protected by the government and public.On one hand,they are not as strong as male ,as a result,they are unable to complete tedious tasks individually.Thus,a portion of occupational fields are not suitable for them.On the other hand,they are more likely to encounter  hazardous circumstance and their safty can’t be guaranteed.To decline the rate of the unexpected hazardous instances,it is wise to distribute the task which post no threat to their safty .
Based on all the arguments offered above,it can be obviously concluded that the physical quality ,along with  society status,should always be taken into account when considering the allocation.Given the choice,to make the distribution more rational and scientific,female and man should work together to generate an optimum competition.

royal_916UID: 3412943

Topic:
In developed countries , the average weight of children is increasing .
Some people think that this is due to the growing number of fast food restaurants. Others believe that parents should be blamed for not looking after their children’s health. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Nowadays the overweight among the children in developed countries has become commonplace . And there is a heating discussion about the reasons.
Someone holds the view that the growing number of fast food restaurants is the main cause of this phenomena , because the fast foods are high in fat but low in protein and vitamin, which will lead to plenty of diseases such as overweight ,high blood pressure and so forth . Consequently, they claim that the state must take measures to curb the proliferation of fast food like hamburgers, fried chicken etc.
On the other hand , the people who disagree with this opinion think it is due to parents’ ignorance for their children’s health . As parents , they should ensure that their son or daughter has a balanced and healthy diet to keep fit . What is more , with the prevalence of television and computer , children , especially those have more free time at their disposal , just sitting in front of the screen rather than doing anything else . So forcing children to take more aerobic exercises is also vital to avoid overweight
Given the above statement, I consider that both of the statements are right to some extent . The sedentary lifestyle affect children’s physical well-being as well as the fast food . Therefore , in order to avoid overweight and other fat-related diseases, we should encourage children exercise regularly and provide them with a balanced diet .   

royal_916UID: 3412943

求指导，辛苦LZ了~