幫改雅思大作文

王了个帅UID: 3395602

本人去年接觸寄託，得到了許多前輩的指導，受益匪淺。

知恩圖報，準備考雅思的同學，作文如需要批改的話就發給我，我一天能改兩篇左右（只改part 2）。

個人感覺能幫你改到7分以上。大牛請繞行。

把你的作文貼到下面就好，也方便大家共同學習，一並進步。

时代广场的蟋蟀UID: 3234746

楼主语言成绩肯定不错，不要大意地告诉我，刺激我弱小的心脏吧！

wrathUID: 2704440

╮(╯▽╰)╭ 好人一生平安

王了个帅UID: 3395602

时代广场的蟋蟀 发表于 2013-1-5 14:02
楼主语言成绩肯定不错，不要大意地告诉我，刺激我弱小的心脏吧！

哈哈，有需要幫助改的話就貼到這

王了个帅UID: 3395602

wrath 发表于 2013-1-5 14:17
╮(╯▽╰)╭ 好人一生平安

攥人品。for the love of God

bqianaUID: 193168

May God Be with You

786118827UID: 3330285

:handshake;绝对好人！

小小消息UID: 2887537

好人好人，顶起……看到楼主，我强烈的准备开始写作文了

gathUID: 176268

It has been believed that people who read for pleasure have developed imagination and languages better than people who prefer to watch TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The accelerating pace of modern life has caused a disturbing phenomenon that people are more likely to watch TV for recreation and gradually neglect the books. It used to be widely believed that, however, those who read a lot in spare time have better imagination as well as language skills. I support this point of view as reading does have undeniable benefits.

To begin with, reading enables us to think independently. To understand what the author intends to tell us requires the reader not only to read the words and paragraphs but also to analyse them and finally absorb them. This process, thus, certainly involves a great deal of independent thinking, which in an unconscious way cultivates our imagination effectively.

Moreover, the habit of reading is beneficial to our language skills. People can acquire various skills from different reading materials. Poets, for instance, are able to teach us to express our feelings as simple as possible while novels ensure that readers can benefit from how to organize the article clearly and tell the story fluently.

Watching TV, on the other hand, is not without advantages. Apparently it has become the most prevalent way of leisure activities since it is the easy access and highly entertaining program that helps people to ease their mind and release pressure, which is especially of great value in a cruel society full of stressed individuals.

To conclude, though we have to admit that TV programs to some extent relieve our stress as an increasingly popular recreation activity, in terms of enhancing people's imagination as well as honing their languages skills, reading surely plays a pivotal role. Only through incorporating both of them, can we enjoy a better life in the future.

ning5696UID: 2624457

Research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes again when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem?

It is demonstration from investigation that criminals repeat their crime when they regained their freedom. The reasons could be diversity, but the key reasons would come from psychological and spiritual [??? ]aspects. For instance, when people do not realize and commit the damage that they had brought to the others or the society, they will do it again as usual. Or criminals commit their crime, without understanding they are wrong, that is the worst. Moreover, for criminals, it is hard to find an opportunity for a fresh beginning, because people still treat them as discreditable person. When criminals cannot make a living, they will find their old way to make some easy money. It is easy to imagine that. Last, some criminals stay too long in the prison, and then they lack the basic work skill for the contemporary society. As a result, they will still need quick money for life.

There could be many solutions to the issue. From the aspects of humanities and people’s rights, Criminals should not be neglected by society. At first, criminals should be well educated in the prison to rebuild their opinion of life, value and the world. Only they have the correct understanding in mind, they will be more self-restrain after they come out. At the same time, I think there should be psychologist to help them, as well as the specialties. Further more, criminals can learn and work in prison to keep the pace of the outside world and can save money to start their life when they are free. More precisely, while people can have the skill to find a job and have some money for life, they will start their first days easier. Last not least, government should encourage society give the second chance to the criminals as well as regulate the laws against the criminals. The criminals, who want a second life, will cherish their new life and do not want to go back to prison, when they gain the respect and have stable jobs.

All in all, the society needs us to pay more attention to care about such disadvantage groups, even though they are criminals. Government should set up an effective mechanism to conduct and regulate the prison, and educate the criminals.

ning5696UID: 2624457

我昨天贴上来的作文怎么不见啦？这个主题是不是已经封贴啦？

heidy615UID: 3408304

ning5696 发表于 2013-1-17 11:41
我昨天贴上来的作文怎么不见啦？这个主题是不是已经封贴啦？

楼主帮忙改了么？

哑铃99UID: 3396515

There are many media options available for spreading the news, such as newspaper, radio , TV and Internet .according to your opinion , which is the best choice?

Currently, the channels of news spreading have been diversified. Besides the traditional media, e.g, newspaper, radio and TV, the base of new media, Internet is taking a irreplaceable role in the global communication. Many experts point out that Internet is becoming the idealist channel for news spreading in the globalized world. Why it is true? The reasons are as follows:

On the one hand, internet compromises the shortness of traditional media with limited information load and receivers. The message a piece of newspaper carries and the numbers of information-receivers are limited .on the contrary, Internet is featured with limitless space and easy accessibility. It is reported that the information of whole year’s newspaper can be integrated into one web page. Moreover, unlike newspaper issued in some specific regions, the news on the internet can be viewed by anyone in the corner of the earth, which enlarged the groups of receivers and accelerated the communication speed.

On the other hand, due to the increasing number of Netizens and prevalent social networking, the way public shared the received message have been changed which unprecedentedly lift up the speed of news transmission. Traditionally, the first hand news is passed by mouth. But for the user of social networking like twitter, they can simply forwarded the news by clicking the mouse to make the event known rapidly by more people. The recent example is that the news of Barack Obama’s win in the presidential election was first “reported” by one twitter user and instantaneously spread around the whole world.

Even through internet as a function of global communication is not prefect with the drawback such as the validity of news, there is no doubt it has significant advantages compared to the traditional medias on the aspect of news spreading. Hence, it can said that, with its incredibly large information load, easy accessibility and high speed of transmission, internet can be regarded as the best platform of global communication in high-tech world.
雅思A类大作一篇。请楼主帮忙修改一下吧，辛苦楼主啦！：）

tincochanUID: 3208994

gath 发表于 2013-1-15 22:57
It has been believed that people who read for pleasure have developed imagination and languages be ...

鄙人不才，试着建议一下，我也是学生罢了，当然决定权还在于楼主和各位

一个典型的对比文，二三段说阅读的优点，第四段的转折说的却是看电视的优点，是不是少了点看电视在think independent 和language skill上方面的不足，所以最后总结的时候though的让步就显得说理不足，其实我觉得第四段改成说电视的不足是不是要好点？

不知道是不是我个人的偏见，我觉得to begin with，moreover，on the other hand这样的是不是模版感强了点，我觉得开头总起句，要转折的时候来个however，就可以了，其实老外的议论文说理跟中文差不多，没必要连词

tincochanUID: 3208994

ning5696 发表于 2013-1-16 16:21
Research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes again when the ...

内个，三段论好像不是特别适合雅思大作文吧，一般四五段这样的，而且头段二段的字数这么夸张，不知道考场上有没有这样的例子。

why is this case，也就是你的头段for instance后面，以moreover，last为界，可以拆成几个段的。

solution：同理，at 1st，at the same time......不过这么一改，观点似乎阐述不足。

结尾：我觉得一改是reason总结一两句+solution总结一两句+展望

分析原因提出方案跟对比写法差不多，reason2—3段，总起句+延伸，说两三个就够了，而且第三个看字数还可以顺带提一下就可以。解决方法，针对每个原因胡扯一些就够了，一段，不用延伸，也不必太可以强调针对性