issue118 check please!!

fortitudesagUID: 139374

84. "In aneavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field."

15:04
As for making a significant contribution in any field of endeavor, there would still be a fierce debate on which would contribute mainly to this matter - imagination or knowledge. Even enormous proverbs are referred to these two terms. In my opinion, though imagination would make knowledge fly, knowledge is the cornerstone of the development of the entire society.

Admittedly, imagination functions very well in the appearance of discoveries and inventions. There is an old proverb, imagination would be more important than knowledge. This just proves that imagination plays a dramatically necessary role in the development of science and technology.

However, if considering carefully, one would not go every far to understand that, though these discoveries and inventions benefits from imagination, they stand on the past achievements within those fields to all intents and purposes. For example, Newton has found the gravity theory several centuries ago and this theory has been regarded as the base of the modern mechanics. As we know, Newton springs out this theory while one apple drops from the tree and hits the head of Newton accidentally. Though that apple might be an accidentally event in the development of gravity theory, the foundation of the gravity theory is not an accidental one. On the contrary, the foundation of the gravity theory would not be an accidentally one just as any momentous theories are based on the painstaking labor.

Simply put, without the aid from past achievements, new accomplishment would be a superficial one which would stand no challenge. Everyone could not master everything due to the limitation of the time and energy, even in his own field, in which a small aspect of the whole world would be discussed, such as cardiology, critical care medicine, as well as other subjects like that. Therefore, it is necessary to understand the development in certain field before one is going to set up some research on this field. Based on the limitation of geography, people might research the items others have studied, which means the waste of money and time, as well as energy. Yet with the appearance of the internet and computer, the limitation of geography decreases to a degree which would be ignored. In this case, the science and technology make the process of understanding of past achievements convenient, and why the scientists and researchers enjoy it?

Furthermore, without the consideration of past achievements, people might have great chance to make errors in their practice. Take the economic construction on Korea several years ago for consideration. Through painstaking of several decades, China has learned enormous experiences from its own failure and stands as a paradigm of the entire socialism world. The improvement on the life levels and the productivity proves that market-oriented economy would be better than the planned economy in the terms of stimulating the motivation of citizens. However, North Korea would not like to take the experiences from its neighbor and as a result, it suffers from several years of starvation and its people have to live on potatoes. We would not draw a conclusion to other countries but the facts would prove who is right and wrong.

To sum up, I would claims that everyone should make a significant contribution from the excellent mastery on past achievements with his or her field.

15:49(548 words)

coolwitsUID: 149150

No.1 issue 118 check please!!
84. "In aneavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field."

15:04
As for(as to,至于) making a significant contribution in any field(fields) of endeavor, there would still be a fierce debate on which would contribute mainly to this matter - imagination or knowledge. Even enormous proverbs are referred to these two terms. In my opinion, though imagination would make knowledge fly, knowledge is the cornerstone of the development of the entire society.
(开头就感觉有点跑题,文题的意思是说一个人像在一个领域有所作为就必须学习前人的知识并受其积极影响.你开头上来就说imagination or knowledge,虽然它们之间有联系，但毕竟不是直接给出来的，最好联系一下。knowledge is the cornerstone of the development of the entire society，society 引申感觉太宽，没有切题的感觉)

Admittedly, imagination functions very well in the appearance of discoveries and inventions. There is an old proverb, imagination would be more important than knowledge. This just proves that imagination plays a dramatically necessary role in the development of science and technology.
（imagination would be more important than knowledge. 开头先说imagination的好处，做一个让步，结构很好。但是引用这句proverb，
无形之中不是又说knowledge不重要了么？自己就矛盾了）

However, if considering carefully, one would not go every far to understand that, though these discoveries and inventions benefits from imagination, they （actually）stand on the past achievements within those fields to all intents and purposes. For example, Newton has found the gravity theory several centuries ago and this theory has been regarded as the base of the modern mechanics. As we know, Newton springs out this theory while one apple drops from the tree and hits the head of Newton accidentally. Though that apple might be an accidentally event in the development of gravity theory, the foundation of the gravity theory is not an accidental one. On the contrary, the foundation of the gravity theory would not be an accidentally one just as any momentous theories are based on the painstaking labor.
（the foundation of the gravity theory is not an accidental one. On the contrary, the foundation of the gravity theory would not be an accidentally one，不感觉重复么？
牛顿的例子比较合适，但是感觉很潦草就带过了，牛顿不是说他站在巨人的肩膀上么？可以引用进来。）

Simply put, without the aid from past achievements, new accomplishment would be a superficial one which would stand no challenge.（应该说经得住考验吧） Everyone could not master everything due to the limitation of the time and energy, even in his own field, in which a small aspect of the whole world would be discussed, such as cardiology, critical care medicine, as well as other subjects like that. Therefore, it is necessary to understand the development in certain field before one is going to set up some research on this field. Based on the limitation of geography, people might research the items others have studied, which means the waste of money and time, as well as energy. Yet with the appearance of the internet and computer, the limitation of geography decreases to a degree which would be ignored. In this case, the science and technology make the process of understanding of past achievements convenient, and why the scientists and researchers enjoy it?
（主题句说没有过去的知识新的知识经不住考验，怎么感觉段落再说人没有精力也没有必要研究前人研究过的东西呢？）

Furthermore, without the consideration of past achievements, people might have great chance to make errors in their practice. Take the economic construction on Korea several years ago for consideration. Through painstaking of several decades, China has learned enormous experiences from its own failure and stands as a paradigm of the entire socialism world. The improvement on the life levels and the productivity proves that market-oriented economy would be better than the planned economy in the terms of stimulating the motivation of citizens. However, North Korea would not like to take the experiences from its neighbor and as a result, it suffers from several years of starvation and its people have to live on potatoes. We would not draw a conclusion to other countries but the facts would prove who is right and wrong.
（这段联系还算紧密）

To sum up, I would claims that everyone should make a significant contribution from the excellent mastery on past achievements with his or her field.
（结尾潦草）
应该是刚刚开始限时吧，所以文章语法错误不少，论证举例都很潦草，结尾更像是匆匆加上去的。
不过时间不够，这都是可以理解的
文章结构很标准，组织论证不好使时间不够使然，速度上去就好了
改得不好，见谅

15:49(548 words)

genie05UID: 30358

84. "In endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field."

As for（能用在句首吗？记不清楚了） making a significant contribution in any field of endeavor, there would still be a fierce debate on which would contribute mainly（用比较级吧） to this matter - imagination or knowledge. Even enormous proverbs are referred to these two terms. In my opinion, though imagination would make knowledge fly, knowledge is the cornerstone of the development of the entire society.（表达清楚了）

Admittedly, imagination functions very well in the appearance of discoveries and inventions. There is an old proverb, imagination would be more important than knowledge. This just proves that imagination plays a dramatically necessary role in the development of science and technology.（两个句子合并成一个，使用从句效果会好很多)（如果只有这一点的话，不如考虑合并到下一个段落里）

However, if considering carefully, one would not go every far to understand that, though these discoveries and inventions benefits from imagination, they stand on the past achievements within those fields to all intents and purposes. For example, Newton has found the gravity theory several centuries ago and this theory has been regarded as the base of the modern mechanics（classical mechanics MIGHT BE BETTER）. As we know, Newton springs out this theory while one apple drops from the tree and hits the head of Newton accidentally. Though that apple might be an accidentally event（表达错误，EVENT强调事件）） in the development of gravity theory, the foundation of the gravity theory is not an accidental one. On the contrary, the foundation of the gravity theory would not be an accidentally one just as any momentous theories （语法，有用WORD检查吗？）are based on the painstaking labor. （任何偶然性中必然有其必然性。整个例子还可以，但是在如何表述方面还要多考虑。）

Simply put, without the aid from past achievements, new accomplishment would be a superficial one which would stand no challenge. Everyone could not master everything due to the limitation of the time and energy, even in his own field, in which a small aspect of the whole world would be discussed, such as cardiology, critical care medicine, as well as other subjects like that. （在句子的使用上不要只是主谓宾的堆砌，考虑调换语序，语态，增加可读性）Therefore, it is necessary to understand the development in certain field before one is going to set up some research on this field. （考虑使用比如等，比如THERE IS NO SKYSCRAPER WITHOUT FOUNDATION。。。。。。）Based on the limitation of geography, people might research the items others have studied, which means the waste of money and time, as well as energy. Yet with the appearance of the Internet and computer, the limitation of geography decreases to a degree, which would be ignored. In this case, the science and technology make the process of understanding of past achievements convenient, and why the scientists and researchers enjoy it?

Furthermore, without the consideration of past achievements, people might have great chance to make errors in their practice. Take the economic construction on Korea several years ago for consideration. Through painstaking of several decades, China has learned enormous（用词是否合适？） experiences from its own failure and stands as a paradigm of the entire socialism world. The improvement on the life levels and the productivity proves that market-oriented economy would be better than the planned economy in the terms of stimulating the motivation of citizens. However, North Korea would not like to take the experiences from its neighbor and as a result, it suffers from several years of starvation and its people have to live on potatoes. We would not draw a conclusion to other countries but the facts would prove who is right and wrong.（感觉例子不是很好，作为一个中国人你有自己的立场，可是对于一个美国的阅卷人呢？ 建议考虑换一换）

To sum up, I would claims that everyone should make a significant contribution from the excellent mastery on past achievements with his or her field.（结尾有仓促之感）

关于论点，我没有怎么仔细研究。反正木耳会看,这个他比较牛：P嘿嘿.
j觉得比较重要的我用了红色，自己再考虑一下吧。
限时的文章吧。感觉没有以前的好。不过你起点不错，继续努力吧。

木耳UID: 123036

No.1 issue 118 check please!!
84. "In aneavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field."

15:04
As for making a significant contribution in any field of endeavor, there would still be a fierce debate on which would contribute mainly to this matter - imagination or knowledge. Even enormous proverbs are referred to these two terms. In my opinion, though imagination would make knowledge fly, knowledge is the cornerstone of the development of the entire society.

是不是有些偷换概念？imagination & knowledge 和题目中所说的nfluenced by past achievements within that field可以统一吗？

Admittedly, imagination functions very well in the appearance of discoveries and inventions. There is an old proverb, imagination would be more important than knowledge.（这句是Einstein说的） This just proves that imagination plays a dramatically necessary role in the development of science and technology.
合成一段好了，上一段这样结尾有些突兀。我感觉和在一起好一些。
However, if considering carefully, one would not go every（very）far to understand that, though these discoveries and inventions benefits from imagination, they stand on the past achievements within those fields to all intents and purposes. For example, Newton has found the gravity theory several centuries ago and this theory has been regarded as the base of the modern mechanics.(好像没有modern mechanics这样的专有名词。如果要对号入座的话，也只能说modern mechanics对应 quantum mechanics.而quantum则基本是在牛顿体系之外一套崭新的系统。似乎应该说classic mechanics. hehe,吹毛求疵了。) As we know, Newton springs（用过去时） out this theory while one apple drops from the tree and hits the head of Newton accidentally.（这只是个传说，不足为信。而且这个例子和imagination好像关系也不大） Though that apple might be an accidentally event in the development of gravity theory, the foundation of the gravity theory is not an accidental one. On the contrary, the foundation of the gravity theory would not be an accidentally one just as any momentous theories are based on the painstaking labor.这里可以举很多例子的。牛顿体系的其实是建立在伽利略的无数实验事实和开普勒的三大行星定律之上。个人认为苹果的例子可以不举，但牛顿体系是怎样建立起来的最好讲一下，这样更能证明你的论点。

Simply put, without the aid from past achievements, new accomplishment would be a superficial one which would stand no challenge. Everyone could not master everything due to the limitation of the time and energy, even in his own field, in which a small aspect of the whole world would be discussed, such as cardiology, critical care medicine, as well as other subjects like that. （in which 后的半句有些多余，删去好了。） Therefore, it is necessary to understand the development in certain field before one is going to set up some research on this field. Based on the limitation of geography, people might research the items others have studied, which means the waste of money and time, as well as energy.（由于地域的限制，人们可能会重复研究，而这可能会造成巨大的资源浪费。是这个意思吧？但前面的Based on the limitation of geography感觉不舒服。） Yet with the appearance of the internet and computer, the limitation of geography decreases to a degree which would be ignored. In this case, the science and technology make the process of understanding of past achievements convenient, and why the scientists and researchers enjoy it?

这段写得有些乱了吧？不知道你主要想说什么。第一句看似主题句，但后面却没有提到。那句yet感觉像半句没说完的话。最后一句话我就有点糊涂了，跑得远了，还来了个问句。你想表达什么意思呢？看不太懂。

Furthermore, without the consideration of past achievements, people might have great chance to make errors in their practice. Take the economic construction on(in) Korea several years ago for consideration.(这里好像又少了什么。最好展开说一下。如果不好表示那就把少的放后面。后面突然跑到中国去了，让人感觉不舒服。) Through painstaking of several decades, China has learned enormous experiences from its own failure and stands as a paradigm of the entire socialism world.（题外话：现在的社会主义阵营中还有些谁呢？唉~~~） The improvement on the life levels and the productivity proves that market-oriented economy would be better than the planned economy in the terms of stimulating the motivation of citizens. However, North Korea would not like to take the experiences from its neighbor and as a result, it suffers from several years of starvation and its people have to live on potatoes.（北朝鲜的问题也不是简单的用经济原因可以概括的。国际制裁，强硬僵化不合作的外交态度，和南韩的长期军事对立以及度意识形态的问题等等。而且现在小金也开始实行经济改革了，搞了好几个开发区。） We would not draw a conclusion to other countries but the facts would prove who is right and wrong.

几个例子举得挺有个性。不过就你的论点而言有些牵强附会了。论点是过去经验成就可以避免现实实践中的失误。但你的例子体现的不是很明显。中国的经济改革是基于以前的“成就”还是“失误”？韩国的economic construction又说明了什么？也没讲清楚。
改了这么多文章，最大的问题还是论据。这个问题第一反映的是平时的积累，第二反映的是思维的严谨全面。一是也不好提高，慢慢练吧。

还有一点，不赞成结尾用一种不肯定的说法：facts would prove who is right and wrong.
到底谁对谁错？一定要说清楚。

To sum up, I would claims（不用单三形式） that everyone should make a significant contribution from the excellent mastery on past achievements with （within）his or her field.

15:49(548 words)
主要问题在文中已经说过了。语言上没什么问题，主要是逻辑乱了。是不是限时后不习惯了？
例子的问题一定要注意，切记切记！
加油！

fortitudesagUID: 139374

谢谢coolwits！
谢谢genie05！
谢谢木耳！

To genie05: On the contrary, the foundation of the gravity theory would not be an accidentally one just as any momentous theories （语法，有用WORD检查吗？）are based on the painstaking labor. 我的文章上载之前都用word检查，我有体会，会尽量让高手指出我真正的缺陷，而不浪费别人的宝贵时间。那句话我还是体会不出语法错误，你能详细指出吗？
To 斑竹：我这两天写不出来，一点感觉也没有，是不是改别人的太多了。我要急坏了。
To others: 例子太少，我在找牛顿时发现这个网址，有科学家的简介，详细，可以看一看，但不是英文的，而且不能直接用于举例。
http://www.cpus.gov.cn/kxrw/index.asp

genie05UID: 30358

上午在机房看的，当时在WORD下确实是有语法问题的，自己看也认为是。现在回来发现找不到问题了。：P 很抱歉，BOW。

还有这个是昨天看的时候还有一点东西今天没有注意的，当个建议吧。Simply put, without the aid from past achievements, new accomplishment would be a superficial one which would stand no challenge. Everyone could not master everything due to the limitation of the time and energy, even in his（/her） own field，in which a small aspect of the whole world would be discussed, such as cardiology, critical care medicine, as well as other subjects like that. Therefore, it is necessary to understand the development in (a ？) certain field before one is going to set up some research on this field. Based on the limitation of geography, people might research the items others have studied, which means the waste of money and time, as well as energy. Yet with the appearance of the internet and computer, the limitation of geography decreases to a degree which would be ignored. In this case, the science and technology make the process of understanding of past achievements convenient, and why the scientists and researchers enjoy it?

Furthermore, without the consideration of past achievements, people might have great chance to make errors in their practice. （换用chances are that …..如何？）Take the economic construction on Korea several years ago for consideration. Through painstaking of several decades, China has learned enormous experiences from its own failure and stands as a paradigm of the entire socialism world. The improvement on the life levels and the productivity proves that market-oriented economy would be better than the planned economy in the terms of stimulating the motivation of citizens. However, North Korea would not like to take the experiences from its neighbor and as a result, it suffers from several years of starvation and its people have to live on potatoes. We would not draw a conclusion to other countries but the facts would prove who is right and wrong.


再次表示歉意

fortitudesagUID: 139374

你太客气了，我不会伤心，在任何情况下，更何况花费了您宝贵的时间，谢还来不及呢！