我的第一篇TWE－欢迎大家指正[重要]

背对月光的旅行UID: 151698

Topic 4:People should be realistic rather than romantic in order to live a better life. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

I disagree that people should be realistic rather than romantic in order to live a better life. On the contrary, I consider that moderate romantic can improve people’s living standard and it is essencial to a better life.
First of all, being romantic can make people more relaxed. It is well known that with the development of society, the competition among people has become more and more intense. Most people have to strive hard for buying house, purchasing car, being educated and so on. People suffer much more pressure and always become very tired after work. The pursuit of material things often makes them exhausted. But if you are a bit romantic, such as having a picnic by the sea at weekend with some friends, having a short trip during vacation or joining a jazz music club in your spare time, I believe that you will become more relaxed and energetic.
Secondly, I think being romantic is benefit to people’s relation especially that of  couples. Quarrels between couples are inevitable in realistic life. For example, a husband is so busy with his work that he neglects his wife. Then the wife feels angry and has a quarrel with him, hence they get into a cold war. At this moment, if the husband buys a bunch of flowers to his wife and invites her to the summit of a hill to visit star, I believe the wife will be happy at once. In addition, often seeing a movie with her in free time or giving her a big surprise on Saint Valentine's Day also can make the couples more harmonious. But if the husband knows nothing about romantic, their relation will tend to be cool and recovered slowly once  geting troubled .
At last, I believe that being romantic can make people more active and hopeful. We are often in trouble in our study and work life. If we only know the reality instead of romance, we may just feel very disappointed, and thus have no courage to go ahead. For a romantic man who believes that ‘no pains, no gains’, as far as I am concerned, he will be still optimistic and make great efforts for a better life.
In summary, being realistic maybe stimulate people to work harder and study harder, however, the romantic is still play an important role in our life. It can make us totally relaxed and in a good condition, and therefore have more energy to strive hard for a better life.

mazuomin@sohu.com [U]刚开始准备托。这是我的第一篇作文，写了N久，也很烂。欢迎大家指正。BOW//...[/U]

xqmelissaUID: 140370

总体而言，第一篇写成这样还不错

不过，存在一些小的语法问题。但是考试时候，语法问题、拼写问题的存在都在所难免，细点心就行，不要犯太大的错误就OK了

另外，觉得你的开头比较单薄，可以再适当扩充一下。建议你可以参考一些模版中开头段的写法，然后弄一个你自己的出来

rainlannyUID: 68597

“ it is entitle to a better life. ” 语法有误

“Most people have to strive hard for house, car ,education and so on. ” 我觉得这句话受汉语的影响比较严重。如果后面是 for buying house, purchsing car, being educated and so on 感觉好一点（但是这个是我自己的感觉，或许是错觉也不一定。其它人再看看）

“I think being romantic is benefit for people’s relation especially for that of couples. ”如果没有记错的话，我觉得be benefit to好像顺当一点。还有，后面的especially 直接跟that就好了，不需要介词

“People afford much more pressure and always become very tired after work” 这里用afford不合适，用suffer

“pursuit of material things often make them exhausted” 后面的make是第三人称。物质需求是否这样说我不知道

“Quarrels of couples is inevitable in realistic life” Quarrels between couples is inevitably in realistic life

"he neglect his wife" , "Then the wife feel angry" 自己找找有什么问题:)

"if the husband buy a bunch of flowers for his wife and invite her to a planetarium to visit star" 有上面同样的问题，而且，是buy ... to his wife。  visit star 是什么意思? 看星星是比较美妙的事情，想去星际探险更加吸引人，但是目前这个阶段，一般天文馆不提供这项服务:p

"once troubled in quarrels." getting / being troubled.

“ We are often frustrated in our study and work life” frustrated---> in trouble 比较好

"For a romantic man who believes that ‘no pains, no gains’" 没道理。 这个和romantic没有什么必然联系。而且整个这一段，逻辑上没有根据。比如“If we only know the reality instead of romance, we may just feel very disappointed”这个和现实与浪漫没有什么联系。

“maybe can” 如果我没记错，两个情态动词一块出来会打架吧

总体的感觉，对题意的把握不够。具体的比较层面是浪漫与不浪漫，而不是浪漫与现实。听说，以后作文的语法错误会记入语法单项，因此应该时刻注意。这里的语法错误不少，而且是很明显的，我想这种错误的影响可能会很大。

非常感谢你对寄托的信任，你在这里迈出作为GTER的第一步，这里将会是你的家，不管遇到什么困难，这个家庭的兄弟姐妹都会努力帮你的。

背对月光的旅行UID: 151698

衷心感谢xqmelissa 和 rainlanny 的指正。尤其rainlanny给我提出了这么多具体的意见，让我不胜感激。我的作文的毛病太多了，多的让我自己都觉得很不好意思。不过有错误我不怕，关键是要有进步。谢谢你们对我的帮助，我会经常来这里的。BOW//....

winbirdUID: 130529

太模板了，基本不会高出平均分
多读多看，要创造出自己的风格来，不要和大家一样firstly secondly
已经练过一片了，下面就是练时间。字数够了，要看用多长时间写出来的。加速，形成自己风格模板，但不要心存糊弄老外的心理，因为人家英语比我们好……

背对月光的旅行UID: 151698

thanks.
感觉你的要求对我而言现在很困难。所谓的自己的风格，我都不知道是什么东西。。。。。
不过我会努力的。

littlewitchUID: 147697

,being realistic maybe stimulate people to work harder and study harder语法错误

开头太单薄
结尾差点气势
第一个理由陈述为什么我们Exhausted太多了，后面陈述Romatic的作用好像少了点
其他还好。
加油！！^_^

建议在以后少用First，Second之类，用点过渡段，过渡句，效果好的多

我都提的意见，呵呵，不要在心里骂我  ^_^