Issue15 听了IMONG的意见看了一些别人的文章，这是第二篇写作，

ivylaujUID: 140844

谢谢大家上次对我的第一篇习作的批评，我已经采取了大家的意见，这里是我的第二篇ISSUE写作，我知道写的很烂，大家不要手软，狠批吧，先谢过拉，：）

ISSUE: "The stability of a society depends on how it responds to the extremes of human behavior."
   
    It is true that a society's atitude  to the extremes of human behavior will effect the stability of the socity ,but this is not to say it is the only factor responsible to a socity's stability.

    Extremes of human behavior such as crime and drug will harm the stability of a society,and, in some term, are the reflection of some social problems . In every society , crime is a big problem *that hinders the stability of the society. People living in an envioroment filled with murder, violence and drug can not feel any security at all . After the second industrial revolution, values and moral belief of human being have changed greatly. Some people who can not follow the faster and faster pace of technology society, try to find some extreme way to show their hatred to this society. Some of them began to abuse drug to excite themselves . All of these do harm to the stability of a society.

    The customed ways for a society to handle such problems are suppression and compromise sometimes. In a democratic society, if the extreme behavior does not break the law, governors always respond to it with a tolerating attitude. Some extremes of human behavior (such as alcohol intemperation, homosexual behavior ) are treated as personal behaviors, and under such condition, compromise has been proved to be  a better way to handle the problem . But if the behaviors break the law, such as drug abuse and  violence, the government should take some suppression means to keep the stability of the society.

    To keep the stability of a society in the long run, people should give more attention to finding out the roots of the extremes of human behavior, for example poverty, unemployment and racial or gender discrimination, and try their best to solve them. Poverty is a main root of crimes in many societies. People who live under poverty tend to be more violent and have more extreme behaviors, because they always are eager to get rich and don't get enough deference from the riches in a status society. And at the same time, the mainstream of society tends to ignore the needs of people from lower classes.

At the end of the essay, I want to say, if we want to make the society more stable, we should do more to struggle with poverty and to make sure everyone in the society attains equality.

roy_wengUID: 142453

分段不太清楚吧，能不能分得明显一点？：）

realturtleUID: 69047

拼写错误是放到word里改的，包括单词和标点，还有个别句法
It is true that a society's attitude to the extremes of human behavior will affect the stability of the society, but this is not to say it is the only factor responsible to (for) a society’s stability.
Extremes of human behavior such as crime and drug (drug abuse) will harm the stability of a society, and, in some term(s), are the reflections of some (do not use so many abstract “some” here) social problems. In every society, crime is a big problem that hinders the stability of the society. People living in an environment filled with murder, violence and drug (drug abuse) cannot feel any security at all. After the second industrial revolution, values and moral belief of human being have changed greatly. Some people, who cannot follow the faster and faster pace (quickened pack) of (the) technology society, try to find some extreme way (ways) to show their hatred to this society. Some of them began to abuse drug (drugs) to excite themselves. All of these do harm to the stability of a society.举了两个例子说明犯罪，滥用药物危害社会稳定，是社会问题的反映。我觉得在说drug abuse的时候推理不甚严密。
The costumed ways for a society to handle such problems are suppression and compromise sometimes. In a democratic society, if the extreme behavior does not break the law, governors always respond to it with a tolerating attitude. Some extremes of human behavior (such as alcohol intemperation, homosexual behavior) are treated as personal behaviors, and under such condition(s), compromise has been proved a better way to handle the problem. However, if the behaviors break the law, such as drug abuse and violence, the government should take some suppression means to keep the stability of the society. 此处我觉得最好不要把homosexual behavior归入极端行为，这只是人的sex取向不同，本质不太危害社会（参考你上段论述），并且说不定改你卷子的viewers就是gays or lesbians，慎重用之^_^
To keep the stability of a society in the long run, people should give more attention to finding out the roots of the extremes of human behavior, for example poverty, unemployment and racial or gender discrimination, and try their best to solve them. Poverty is a main root of crimes in many societies. People who live under poverty tend to be more violent and have more extreme behaviors, because they always are (are always) eager to get rich and do not get enough deference from the riches in a status society. In addition, at the same time, the mainstream of the society tend to ignore the needs of people from lower classes. At the end of the essay, I want to say, if we want to make the society more stable, we should do more to struggle with poverty and to make sure everyone in the society attains equality.最后一段可以稍微扩充一下，写成两段，并且避免写得太主观。
你整篇是397字，稍显短了点，可以说理充实些

ivylaujUID: 140844

最初由 roy_weng 发布
[B]分段不太清楚吧，能不能分得明显一点？：） [/B]

谢谢你的意见，：）
你说的分段不清楚是指整篇给你这样的感觉还是说第三段？原来我是把第三段的最后一句独立出来做第四段，后来觉得这句话似乎是在强调第三段的意见，所以把它并上去了，看来有不妥的地方。

wallisUID: 111832

As far as I am concerned you'd better increase the lenth of your article!:)