求点评

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要考雅思。求点评。求互点评。
补：题目是6月某次真题（根据网上说）

题目: Nowadays some countries encourage people to buy more and more products, while others believe it is bad for the society.
补：discuss both views and give your opinion.

原文：
Contemporary lifestyle has forced us to live in consumer society. However, there are opposers repel consumerism and argue it is causing problems in terms of both environment and society.

For politicians who promote commodity culture, purchasing products and services is the only path to stable economy. When transactions are made by customers, money starts to flow in society. it goes to service provider, to manufacturer, and to other upper streams, and most importantly, to workers at all levels. This flux is as important as blood stream to human body; it maintains fundenmental health, or stability in a nation.

Leading a country to prosperity again demand consumption. It is the same mechanics that at work in stablised world. Yet it is much larger in scale and much spreaded in business area.

One inevitable consequence is, particularly for commodity production, a worsing environment. In aforementioned prosperity, citizens may find their living standard increased. This prejudice is prevalent among city dwellers who have not yet realised to what extend the damage has been made. For example, packing materials in one single day needs arcs of deforestion. Such damage is likely to be irreversable.

Socially, consumerism is also problematic. High volumn capacity in mass production dictates workers to perform single task repeatedly. It has been proved this would have effects phsiologically and psychologically in long term. Dispite many measures are taken to aliviate these effects, it is clear a complete elimination is unlikely to achieve.

In my opinion, achiving economic prosperity is not easy, however trading sustainability with momentarily happiness is unwise. The government should not actively encourage purchase.

To summerise, active governmental engagement is undesirable due to profound consequences.



如果没法读懂上文，下面是我读了一次后的修改版, 只修改了拼写和一些暂时发现的用词不当。继续求点评/

Contemporary lifestyle has forced us to live in a consumer society. However, there are opposers who repel consumerism and argue it is causing problems in terms of both environment and society.

For politicians who promote commodity culture, purchasing products and services is the only path to a stable economy. When transactions are made by customers, money starts to flow in society. it goes to service providers, to manufacturers, and to other upper streams, and most importantly, to workers at all levels. This flux is as important as blood stream to human body; it maintains fundenmental(fundamental) health, or stability in a nation.

Leading a country to prosperity again demand consumption. It is the same mechanics that at work in stablised worlds. Yet it is much larger in scale and much morespreaded in(over) business area.

One inevitable consequence is, particularly for commodity production, a worsing environment. In aforementioned prosperity, citizens may find their living standard increased. This prejudice(illusion) is prevalent among city dwellers who have not yet realised to what extend the damage has been made. For example, packing materials in one single day needs arcs(acres) of deforestion(deforestation). Such damage is likely to be irreversable(irreversible).

Socially, consumerism is also problematic. High volumn capacity in mass production dictates workers to perform single task repeatedly. It has been proved that this would have effects (on physiology and psychology) [strike through]phsiologically and psychologically[/strike through] in long term. Dispite (Despite that) many measures are taken to aliviate(alleviate) these effects, it is clear a complete elimination is unlikely to achieve.

In my opinion, achiving (achieving) economic prosperity is not easy. However trading sustainability with momentarily (momentary) happiness is unwise. The government should not actively encourage purchase.

To summerise, active governmental engagement is undesirable due to profound consequences.