【独立写作】Archibald作业贴

ArchiChuangUID: 3459191

8.14 独立写作、

8.15独立写作 8.15.docx (12.65 KB, 下载次数: 17)

2013-8-15 15:42:43 上传

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8.16独立写作 8.16.docx (12.74 KB, 下载次数: 12)

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8.17 综合写作   8.17 综合.docx (12.14 KB, 下载次数: 5)

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8.18 独立写作 Archi 8.18.docx (12.74 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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8.21 综合写作 08.21 Archi综合.docx (12.13 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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8.22 独立写作 8.22 Archi.docx (14.66 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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8.23 独立写作 8.23 Archi.docx (12.77 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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8.25 综合写作 8.25 ARchi.docx (12 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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8.26独立写作 8.26 Archi.docx (12.92 KB, 下载次数: 3)

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8.27 独立写作 8.27Archi.docx (12.83 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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8.28 独立写作 8.28 Arhci.docx (12.89 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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8.29 综合写作 8.29 综合写作.docx (12.05 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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8.31 独立写作 8.30 Archi.docx (12.79 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2013-8-30 15:39:50 上传

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ArchiChuangUID: 3459191

8.4

With the booming of global economy, increasingly number of people get out of their village hometown and go to cities to find a job and live there. Actually, most of them earn lots of money, prestige, social status and so on, but are they really happy? The answer may be not.
We all know that, money cannot buy happiness. It is same that happiness also cannot measured by the amount of money. As we all know that, cities’ residents have to face much more pressure than villages' and towns' do. Take population into account that peers pressure of cities' residents forces them to work much harder than the other people if they want to be outstanding. Excessive time of work, fast pace life style even traps between colleges lead cities residents to loneliness, desperateness, and psychological problems. Many money though cities residents' earn, they are not happy as people generally assumed. In native villages or towns, people have a slow pace lifestyle, more precisely, villages' and towns' residents are enjoying the lives instead of managing to complete with others. So, people who don't move out of native villages or towns couldn't be happier.
Different people have different definitions of success. We cannot deny that money can give people a sense of proud but it just one facet of our lives. There are lot of things in our lives can be regarded as success such as lovely families, healthy body even peaceful lives. All these things is that money cannot provide. So we cannot say that people who live in city area are more successful than people who live in native villages and town for the different definitions of success. Moreover, we are not sure about that people who live in the villages and towns are correspondingly poor. So, there is no evidence that cities’ residents are more successful.
In practical life, environment is a key factor of happiness. In city lives, people are more easily to develop different kind of illness including physical and psychological illness. If people cannot live long, what can he do with the accumulation of wealth that he have worked for? The people live in the native villages and small towns where the environment is good for health, so they may be pretty healthier than people who live in a city area to some degree. There is no doubt that health is on the first top of life concerns. To some extent, people who live in native villages and towns are happier and more successful than their peers in cities.
Concerning all factors written above, people who move out of native villages and towns face much more problems, difficulties in their lives than their counterparts who don’t move out. Besides that, cities’ residents tend to develop vary illness. Though they make lots of money, there is no evidence show that happiness and success definitely belongs to them.

ArchiChuangUID: 3459191

写作速度上不去！怎么破破破破！！！！！！！！！！30分钟写不完，下回加速啊！！！！！

hxy2013yxhUID: 3447148

楼主，改完啦~
字数是强大的存在！然后论证的很充分，尤其是标黄的那段，写出了我的心声，给人娓娓道来的柑橘。其他的一些小错误标注在了word文档中。
感觉下一步，可以通过一些句型的变换，和更高级的词汇来点缀一下。
然后有的地方要注意换一下表达方式，真的会审美疲劳，比如cities residents，出现了无数次，可以换成 people who live in cities等等。

ArchiChuangUID: 3459191

hxy2013yxh 发表于 2013-8-5 23:48
楼主，改完啦~
字数是强大的存在！然后论证的很充分，尤其是标黄的那段，写出了我的心声，给人娓娓道来的柑 ...

猛谢！develop真的可以用来描述得病。

hxy2013yxhUID: 3447148

ArchiChuang 发表于 2013-8-6 07:51
猛谢！develop真的可以用来描述得病。

我鼓楼寡闻啦，楼主请忽略我。楼主记得给我改8.4的独立写作啊~

ArchiChuangUID: 3459191

30min内完成了独立写作474字。极大地进步，快乐将近100个字，可能这次的作文比较有思路。下次还要提升，为检查留出时间。

LTTTUID: 3459971

有点事，8.4抱歉改的太晚了！都是拙见 同时谢谢楼主帮我改的文章！

ArchiChuangUID: 3459191

30分钟463，看样子速度开始稳定了。 加油，今天匀出来2分钟检查了，虽然墨迹了一小会。

ArchiChuangUID: 3459191

LTTT 发表于 2013-8-6 16:12
有点事，8.4抱歉改的太晚了！都是拙见 同时谢谢楼主帮我改的文章！

Fast-pace life是固定用法
Many money though cities residents' earn ,是强调倒装，
这篇文章是我第一次写综合，怒谢为我改作文。第一次特别捉急，就乱说，毫无头绪没有逻辑。。。。。谢谢提出的意见。确实就是我文章的缺点。

necromancyUID: 3461052

抱歉交晚了……写得很不错！！论证非常有力，思路也特别广，最最重要的是字数很多啊啊！
标黄的表达很好！！
8.6 独立.docx (16.05 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2013-8-7 22:10:54 上传

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cactusJeanUID: 3364293

不好意思改晚了

ArchiChuangUID: 3459191

8.6综合写作。
The passage say that using Hydrogen and fuel-cell engines can solve the present problems that automobile have brought. But professor didn't agree.
First, passage says that, Hydrogen is easily available. But professor say not. To use the Hydrogen for fuel-cell engine, Hydrogen must be obtained as liquid state, and that is a highly artificial substances requires technics and many sophisticated methods. Besides, it's must be stored in -230 degree, that requires cooling technics. So, Hydrogen is not as available as passage have indicated.
Second, passage say that using hydrogen as fuel is an environment-friendly choice but professor say that using Hydrogen will not solve the problem of pollution for manufacturing Hydrogen will cost numerous energy. Purification is costly. During the manufacture process, burning coals and oil will emit pollution gas as well though the car using Hydrogen doesn't pollute.
Third, passage say that fuel-cell engines is so efficient that customers will benefit from them but professor say that cars that use fuel-cell engines will not save the money because the engines is made of a kind of material. The material is hard to obtain and very expensive. Hence, using fuel-cell engines will not save money.
So that professor don’ agree with what passage have said.

星尘想去看极光UID: 3457009

楼主的词汇真是敬佩，这么短的时间想到这么多点膜拜一个。水平有限，很多都是个人意见不对的地方请楼主留言告诉我啊，谢谢啦，星尘上

单词君ronaUID: 3459403

:lol   个人意见~有问题或者不对再告诉我哈~