ISSUE55

fenghua8385UID: 137789

55• “Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all
levels of education."



There has been,on the campus,a general debate of competion for high grades,which,undoubtedly,seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education.

Competition for high grades,as is known to all,can greatly circumscribe and weaken the quality of teaching.In order to get a higher grade,students tend to study
perpously,which would only help them to be more competitive in a certain test or examination.For the other fields of learning,however,they hardly pay any attention
to.Statistics show that,nowadays,only 27% of people consider learning as a self-development process while the remaining 73% think of learning merely as a tool of getting higher grades.Therefore,authorertives on education say that it's quite
worrying that the quality of teaching has been decreasing drasticly,for people generally lack the interest of learning on various fields.

People are losing their enthusiasm or at least,limit themselves for learing for their interest and hobbies due to the concept of "Competition for high grades".History isaboundent with examples.There was once a King named Liyu,in China,of about 2500 years ago,who loved poems very much.His enthusiasm for poetry was so great that he enacted a law that said anyone who could write wonderful poems would be entitled with a high rank in his court.Millions of millions of people,poets and nonpoets alike,gavedup their old jobs and started to write poety that catered to their king's taste.Not mentioning the decreasing levels of essays,music,dancing and choreography of the society as a whole,the supposed mushroom of great poems did not happpen for most of the people were not in real interest of poety.So,it can be concludedthat "Competition for high grades" seriously damages the prousperous development on all kinds of fields and inderectly limits the quality of learning at all levels of education.

Furthermore,competition for high grades is bound to influence people's overall abosorbment of knowledge as well as the muti-development of the society. Confucius,one of the Chinese greastest educator and philosopher,once said,"It's of key importance that one should learn as widely as possible." The lack of a basic knowledge on general education will absolutely hinders the sound development of one's education.Since the
society is consisted of people and is propelled by the collective brilliance of all thepeople in it,the hinderment on every person's education is surely going to undermine the society's pace of progressing.On the conterary,however,if most of the people can educate themselves on various fields,like Confucius' expectation,the unprecedented fast and prosperous development of both the people and the society cannot be far away.

In sum,competion for high grades limits the quality of learning at all levels of education.But,if people can pay a little more attention to the concept of overall education,the benefits from it will be as great as one can imagine.



我写了1小时20分钟。。。觉得字数有点多了。。。

请大家指正：）


:rolleyes:

so猫UID: 148633

哎呀呀~~ 你和偶是一个地方的呀
不过你的发帖标题的格式什么的不正确
这样不会有人给你改的 快点去看看要求然后改正吧~~~

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

这篇文章你没有在WORD里编辑吧，拼写和词法的错误太多了。虽然平时练习是绝对不建议在WORD里写，但这不是说就不可以写完之后放里面检查一下。都是很平常的错误，但是非得注意才行。

还有另外一点。英文标点后要有空格的:-) 你一直没有加……

第一眼看你的文章，发现有一个明显的特征：你似乎正在尽力把每个成分都变成插入语。插入语的 恰当 使用能够明显增强文章的逻辑感和严密性。但我感觉这篇文章中的插入语很多都没有必要，是硬凑出来的。让人感到多少有些别扭（尤其第一段，像是朗诵诗歌——不过这开头的简洁我喜欢）。


第一段逻辑上有些很麻烦的问题哦。这一段的论点Competition for high grades can greatly circumscribe and weaken the quality of teaching。但通篇的REASONING和例子都在讲Learning的问题。
这数据仅仅能说明学生对学习的态度是普遍如何,这并不能得出这种态度或现象对学习（或teaching）有害的结论。如果这个数据仅仅是为专家的态度做铺垫底话，那就不应该放在如此主体的位置，也不应该用“Therefore”
这一段的逻辑问题比较明显，其实你只要写完以后用做argument的态度检查一下，就一目了然了。

关于例子，尽量别举中国的，尤其是那些中国人妇孺皆知的。不是我不爱国，这似乎历来是一个禁区。我对这个的理解是，外国人对中国的理解和我们大大不一样（而且很少很少），有些时候使用中国例子可能会产生一些难以预料的后果。（举名人例子可能会出灾难性的问题）

关于字数和时间，500字不到不算多，考试时大概也就是这些。1个小时20分钟不算长，如果这是你第一篇文章的话。大家写头几篇文章的时候普遍都是以小时计时间的

不过这是我看到的文章里面论证思路比较清晰的一篇。还能够有意识的去组织论证，加油

fenghua8385UID: 137789

最初由 so猫 发布
[B]哎呀呀~~ 你和偶是一个地方的呀
不过你的发帖标题的格式什么的不正确
这样不会有人给你改的 快点去看看要求然后改正吧~~~ [/B]

格式怎么改啊……是在发贴的时候改，还是在之前？

我用记事本写的，后来用WORD格式后还是象我发出来的一样，分段不正确。。。 汗。。。

:o

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

看一下精华区imong的帖子吧。里面有说明的

fenghua8385UID: 137789

最初由 dawnspeaker 发布
[B]这篇文章你没有在WORD里编辑吧，拼写和词法的错误太多了。虽然平时练习是绝对不建议在WORD里写，但这不是说就不可以写完之后放里面检查一下。都是很平常的错误，但是非得注..

以下省略...... [/B]

非常感谢你！！ :D  :rolleyes:  :cool:  ;)

你提的建议很多都切中要害。
我是用记事本写的，后来我放到WORD稳当里去了，满篇的红杠绿杠。。。
也不知道我单词怎么拼错了那么多：（
关于“英文标点后要有空格”我先还觉得很奇怪，怀疑是不是我的WORD稳当有问题。。 看来是我自己平时没有注意。。 THANK U ！



插入语。。和和。。 因为我现在上新东方，作文老师这2节课一直强调插入语很重要，用好了很上档次，所以我写的时候很注意这个问题。
和和~~~你都看出我是故意的了 看来我要多加练习才行！！~~
高手~~



关于例子的问题  我们上课时老师说外国人对中国文化，特别是孔子 有种很憧憬的感觉。。。说我们可以把一句话说成是孔子说的。  我这些方面的知识贫乏。。想不出什么名言来验证。。就湖编了。。。



关于逻辑问题。
这是我最弱的地方了：（ :mad:  :mad:
其实我这3段写下来我自己都用种说来说去都是说的一个东西的感觉。 没有什么逻辑思辩性。

这个方面好象最难提高了5555   ：（




ANYWAY，多谢你！！
HAPPY NEW YEAR~

fenghua8385UID: 137789

西西~~


请大家继续指正

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

你提的建议很多都切中要害。
我是用记事本写的，后来我放到WORD稳当里去了，满篇的红杠绿杠。。。
也不知道我单词怎么拼错了那么多：（
关于“英文标点后要有空格”我先还觉得很奇怪，怀疑是不是我的WORD稳当有问题。。 看来是我自己平时没有注意。。 THANK U ！

初期都是这样的。还好拼写错误都是固定的那么多单词。收集起来多注意一下就行了。

插入语。。和和。。 因为我现在上新东方，作文老师这2节课一直强调插入语很重要，用好了很上档次，所以我写的时候很注意这个问题。
和和~~~你都看出我是故意的了 看来我要多加练习才行！！~~
高手~~

使用插入语确实是好文章的一个标志，但是也不要把所有成分都写成诗句呃。多关注一下GRE阅读中的写法，就能对什么时候用插入语有感觉了。

关于例子的问题 我们上课时老师说外国人对中国文化，特别是孔子 有种很憧憬的感觉。。。说我们可以把一句话说成是孔子说的。 我这些方面的知识贫乏。。想不出什么名言来验证。。就湖编了。。。

编例子是件好事，用孔子也不错。但是把例子都编成中国特色就不好了

关于逻辑问题。
这是我最弱的地方了：（   
其实我这3段写下来我自己都用种说来说去都是说的一个东西的感觉。 没有什么逻辑思辩性。

这个方面好象最难提高了5555 ：（

多在精华区转转。体会一下范文的组织方式。阅读与作文共同进步。issue与argu一起进步

ANYWAY，多谢你！！
HAPPY NEW YEAR~

客气了，新年快乐 :D

jennyleileiUID: 113742

55? “Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all
levels of education."



There has been,on the campus,a general debate of competion for high grades,which,undoubtedly,seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education.

Competition for high grades,as is known to all(这是一句主观性太强的结论话，太绝对了,并不是大家都知道啊）,can greatly circumscribe and weaken the quality of teaching.In order to get a higher grade,students tend to study
perpously,which would only help them to be more competitive in a certain test or examination.For the other fields of learning,however,they hardly pay any attention
to.Statistics show that（最好编一个权威杂志或机构的名字，这样有说服力一些）,nowadays,only 27% of people consider learning as a self-development process while the remaining 73% think of learning merely as a tool of getting higher grades.Therefore,authorertives on education say that it's quite
worrying that the quality of teaching has been decreasing drasticly,for people generally lack the interest of learning on various fields.

People are losing their enthusiasm or at least,limit themselves for learing for their interest and hobbies due to the concept of "Competition for high grades".History isaboundent with examples.There was once a King named Liyu,in China,of about 2500 years ago,who loved poems very much.His enthusiasm for poetry was so great that he enacted a law that said anyone who could write wonderful poems would be entitled with a high rank in his court.Millions of millions of people,poets and nonpoets alike,gavedup their old jobs and started to write poety that catered to their king's taste.Not mentioning the decreasing levels of essays,music,dancing and choreography of the society as a whole,the supposed mushroom of great poems did not happpen for most of the people were not in real interest of poety.So,it can be concludedthat（从一个例子就可以CONCLUDED了吗？建议用it is apparent to see that) "Competition for high grades" seriously damages the prousperous development on all kinds of fields and inderectly limits the quality of learning at all levels of education.

Furthermore,competition for high grades is bound to influence people's overall abosorbment of knowledge as well as the muti-development of the society. Confucius,one of the Chinese greastest educator and philosopher（one of 后名词接复数）,once said,"It's of key importance that one should learn as widely as possible." The lack of a basic knowledge on general education will absolutely hinders（will 后用原形hinder) the sound development of one's education.Since the
society is consisted of people and is propelled by the collective brilliance of all thepeople in it,the hinderment on every person's education is surely going to undermine the society's pace of progressing.On the conterary,however,if most of the people can educate themselves on various fields,like Confucius' expectation,the unprecedented fast and prosperous development of both the people and the society cannot be far away.

In sum,competion for high grades limits the quality of learning at all levels of education.But,if people can pay a little more attention to the concept of overall education,the benefits from it will be as great as one can imagine.



1 插入语太多，文章不自然
2 拼写错误太多了，要注意啊LINDA
3 很多地方用语都太过主观太过绝对，不公正客观
4 第二段逻辑有问题，内容和主旨句不相符
5 标点符号的用法要注意，在考试中错误运用会扣分的。

总的来说第一篇这样就不错了，字数不算多，基本4。5分的都这么多字。
关于例子问题，我个人也觉得除非到实在想不到例子的时候，一般都不用中国的例子，这样说服力不强的。
个人建议在最后结尾的时候运用名言，会使结尾刚劲有力些。

加油了~：）

imongUID: 140258

jenny也回来啦，欢迎欢迎:)

jennyleileiUID: 113742

呵呵，是啊是啊。IMONG还记得我啊。：）
现在GT都考完了，还是很怀念这段GT生涯的。
所以还是回来帮大家看看作文吧
尽力而为了。：）