issue1 菜鸟第一篇文章

jessie1023UID: 154071

1.题目We can usually learn more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhabit learning.
正文
Some people think we will learn more from the person who owns the same opinions than the ones hold different views, because they suggest disagreement bring barrels for people. In my suppose found different views sometimes provide more information and a new concept which may guide people to an absolutely different world, which would just the truth. People hold different ideas may debate with each other, what will let both of them get to the truth. When people do not agree with each other, they would try their best to demonstrate the position one holds is just the right one, in the process of discussion, they may found the fact. May be it just is the principle of the universe. A numerous of people know a story of a great Chinese mathematician name Chen Jingrun, who figure out Gedebahe(歌德巴赫猜想) Guess. Many years before he became a scientist, he was just nobody, people first know him was because of a letter which he write to Hua Luogeng who is another quite famous mathematician. In the letter Chen pointed out that he found something wrong with one book which Hua wrote for mathematical, that was a piece of different idea, Hua pays close attention to the young student `s view, and he found himself do make a mistake, and he appreciate for this young man. In this story the tow scientists learned from each other, and work out an important mathematical problem.

Disagreement not only can help people work out the truth of science, but also can it help people find the fact. For instance, when lawyers help their agency to win a case, they have different ideas, they will debate to each other, in the process of their debate, most circumstances they will find the real fact, or the real criminal. Another noted disagreement is people represent their different ideas in mass medium, Those disagreements are very useful for the security of the society, and they may prove the lever of moral among citizens .

All in all, I think people can learn from both the one shares same views or different views, and in some sense, different views may teach people more.

木耳UID: 123036

该之前先提几点要求:

首先是发贴一定要注意格式,最起码体号一定要写.

其次,你没有写题号也就说明你没有好好看置顶文章,希望你好好看一下那几篇文章,起码大概了解一下这里的情况

还有,就是希望你多看精华区.

木耳UID: 123036

shit!!
改了一大半,电脑死机 :(

木耳UID: 123036

Some people think we will learn more from the person who owns the same opinions than the ones hold different views, because they suggest disagreement bring barrels for people. In my suppose found different(不通.However,I hold different view that sometimes disagreement may provide...) views sometimes provide more information and a new concept which may guide people to an absolutely different world, which would just the truth(which 指代的是different world,但世界怎么可以说是真理?不通.). People hold different ideas may debate with each other, what(what 用的不合适.用which) will let both of them(both 只能用在两个人之间.改成both sides)  get to the truth.(怎样就get to the truth 了?只是debate一下?) When people do not agree with each other, they would try their best to demonstrate the position one holds is just the right one(前后人称不一致),(改成句号,另起一句) in the process of discussion, they may found the fact(用复数). May be(用副词maybe) it just is(it is just,注意顺序.这样的比较低级的问题一定要避免) the principle of the universe.(?不懂.什么东西怎么就成了the principle of the universe?如果你要说是争论然后提出事实论证那也太牵强了一些). A numerous of (删掉of)people know(用过去时) a story of a great(他还称不上伟大) Chinese mathematician name(named) Chen Jingrun, who figure out Gedebahe(歌德巴赫猜想) Guess(他也没有证出歌德巴赫猜想,只是往前走了关键的一步). Many years before he became a scientist(不要用科学家一词,科学家和数学家还是有差别的), he was just nobody, people first know(过去时!) him was because of (这个because of 用的不顺)a letter which he write(我最后一次说时态问题,后面的就不指出了.按说这样的问题不该出现.其实不只是过去时,将来时,完成时,过去完成时,被动态,虚拟态等等一般常用的事态语态都要熟练掌握) to Hua Luogeng who is another quite famous(华罗庚可以说的上伟大,你这里又用的不很合适) mathematician.[ In the letter Chen pointed out that he found something wrong with(用in) one book which Hua wrote for mathematical, (指代不清,另起一句)that was a piece of different idea, Hua pays close attention to the young student `s view, and he found himself do make a mistake, and he appreciate for this young man.] (数一数用了几个and,再看看这句话有多长,是否通顺符合语法规则?不能说你这句话就是错了,但读下来叫人很不爽.重写一下吧)In this story the tow scientists learned from each other, and work out an important mathematical problem.(不要信口开河.他们两个解决了什么问题?是歌德巴赫猜想吗?事实不是这样.就算是,那你前面也已经说了这是陈解决的,那么这里怎么成了他们两个人的共同工作?)

我不知道你的第一段为什么要写这么长,或者说你没有写开头,再或者是你在排版的时候没有把段分出来,但我没有看出前面这一段有明显的段落的痕迹.再怎么说也要把开头和主体分开吧?

Disagreement not only can help people work out the truth of science, but also can it help people find the fact(只看第一句这两者有什么本质的区别吗?看了后面知道你要强调不同领域,但这里要表达清楚).[ For instance, when lawyers help their agency(单复数的问题,后面不再单独指出了) to win a case, they have different ideas, they will debate to each other, in the process of their debate, most circumstances they will find the real fact, or the real criminal.(?findthe real fact, or the real criminal这是律师在打官司还是侦探在破案?这里有个概念性的错误.而且这里的行为结构和上一段几乎一样)](又是一个很长的但不通顺的句子,数数你用了几个逗号.心理想着中文然后往出直接写出的句子在新手来说十有八九是不通的.以后要避免这种chiglish) Another noted disagreement is people represent their different ideas in mass medium, Those disagreements are very useful for the security of the society, and they may prove the lever of moral among citizens .(最后这个例子我看的不是很明白)

All in all, I think people can learn from both the one shares same views or different views, and in some sense, different views may teach people more.

通篇都再说怎么向持有相反观点的人学习,可结尾却来了个I think people can learn from both the one shares same views or different views.原则是这样的:正文主要写什么,结尾就强调什么.你在这里却正好相反了.

木耳UID: 123036

总的来说写得很一般,要走的路还很长.

主要的问题前面都说过了,这里再总结一下:
1 基本的语法问题
2 长句问题
3 文章结构问题:起码要有开头.
4 例子问题.用任何例子前都要仔细考虑.首先是这个例子是否符合客观实际,像你文中最主要的例子严格说就是错的.再有就是是否符合文中的论点.
5 写起来不要信笔游疆,要注意句子与句子的关联和逻辑性

先说这么多,把这些都该了再说其他的问题

jessie1023UID: 154071

多谢斑竹，
你所说的问题我以后会注意。
其实写文章之前，头脑里很清楚应该明确文章得结构：开头要精彩，中间主体2~3段，每段要有足够的连接词，并且有明确的主题句，结尾要呼应主题，并且不可以太短，不可以虎头蛇尾。但是，一写起来就完全不是那么一回事了。
这篇文章我花了好大的力气才想到这两个例子，后来，是想从科学和人文两个角度去考虑。我感觉这两个例子还不是很有说服力，是否还有更多角度可以去思考？还有语言方面，也很需要提高。

imongUID: 140258

木耳辛苦！好多好多的批注~（还外加死机）

QQsugarUID: 136441

木耳很负责的哦，辛苦了：）

jessie1023UID: 154071

Issue 1:We can usually learn more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhabit learning.

Imagine that you was at Flower Square in Roman, you saw a person who was ugly dressed was binded on a column waiting for being burned in the fire. The citizens were crowded around, and regarded him as the   author of heresy. What were you thinking?  The man was Bruno who found one principle of the universe, but was burned not long after his discovery. He was holding a new concept of the universe which is a reversal point of view with the contemporary recognize, that has been commonly accepted these days. Some people think we can learn more from those share the same position than those opposite ours. That is based on the experience they have suffered that a disagreement brought obstructs to them. However, though the suffering of Bruno, I have a different idea. I think we can learn more from people who have contrary views.

Firstly, different or opposite views help us uncover bias and prejudice of our perceptions. Each of us grows up in a quite different background, receives different education, encounters different people. It is truly difficult that we can always hold the same views on affairs. So we need to learn to accept other people’s opinion. When you view the world from a new angle, you may form a new picture of the world you live. With adopting different views we may observe our surrounding thoroughly. Hundreds of years ago, Galileo watched the universe with his telescope, and claimed that the earth was not the center of the comical. His ideas could not be admitted by most people at that time. As a result, he was punished by the inquisition. After many years of exploring, we were now brought up to know that the earth is spinning around the sun. If people can watch the universe in a different position hundreds years before, or they were not filled with revulsion of the mathematician’s claim, they would get a better understanding of the world they live.

Secondly, in the process of debating with contrary opinions, we may get more information. After debating, one may adopt a new thinking, or at least hold our views in a different way. We will greatly increase our understandings as long as we accept the different views of others.  For instance, in some newspapers or other mass media, there are some programs where people debate with one another for lamplights. People will give a great deal of information to illustrate their views to be more correct than others`. Nemours people prefer watching these programs, because many useful messages will be provided among the discussion.

Although, disagreement may bring stress, the learning of it is up to the attitude one hold. The more you take considering of different views, the more you will get from them. Those views contradict our own can help us beyond our conventional thinking, and can overcome the limited of our consideration. Also, we can get information from debate.

galaxysongUID: 152834

An issue is not a literary passage, which appeal to reader's emotion other than intellect. Reasoning is the core of an issue. The beginning of your "issue" makes a mini story, which misguides and even confuse s your reader who anticipate your opinion and standpoint whether for or against the speaker. If you read this "issue" again after you have learnt a host of model issues marked 6 points, you will surely find how strange this story of Bruno is.

jessie1023UID: 154071

多谢你的建议，经过这两天的学习，我也发现自己的想法太幼稚了。
其实，之前有同学建议过，GRE写作，逻辑结构是最重要的，而语言要求反而不象TOEFL那么高。特别是对于我这样的菜鸟。
希望还能收到你的建议：）