求批改~~~Issue 1

Knoxmao92UID: 3491210

The statement attempts to build the relationship between technology and thinking ability. We have to admit that technology has influenced people's life dramatically since 19th century. Technology has become more dominated in human's life than ever in human's long history. It is not hard to realize that technology already becomes the necessity in human's life. With the revolution of technology, cars, trains and metros are three main transportations for people to commute to work everyday; television and Internet are meant for people to gain the newest information and latest news; scientists send spaceship into the universe and even send people landing on the moon, relying on the high-technology. All of these activities above have to be based on advanced technology. To some extent, technology has promoted the improvement of human history.
The statement points out that advanced technology might bring out the negative outcome for humans. It assumed that technology might preclude the ability for people to think for themselves while they rely more and more on technology. It is true that technology makes people's life much easier and simple, that there is no need for people to think more. For example, the typing software helps people save a lot of time when they are typing, because people won't type whole words. All the people need to do is to type the key part of the word and software will pop out several choices for people to choose, which saves the time but also guarantee the rate of correct, eliminate the error for people. However, with this new software, people won't spend time in thinking about how to write the word by hand, and even some people forget how to write some words already. Furthermore, GPS is a newly invented tool for people who have cars to give direction while they are driving. With GPS, drivers have no worries about getting lost since the GPS provide the direction all the time. Nevertheless, this seemingly convenient tool is also problematic. After getting used to the GPS, drivers are not able to tell the direction without GPS and it would be difficult for them to reach the destination without given direction, which may cost more time for drivers to arrive.
However, looking at the other side, technology are able to promote human's thinking ability, by providing technological support for scientists to create new products or update their current products. Take the mobile phone as example, from the simplest phone that appeared in the late 1990s, to the IPhone that nearly every one are using. The functions have been increased. At first, mobile phones are merely used for calling. Now, people are able to use mobile phone to surf the internet, listing to the radio, watching video and receiving email while they are not in the office, getting ride of their heavy computer.
Furthermore, technology brings out the problems while they provide the opportunities. People need to tackle the issue that caused by technology, which requires the thinking ability. Industries are main economic sources for most countries in this world. Nations changed their economic forms from agriculture to industry, which lead to another problem: the environmental problems. For example, in order to protect environment, companies not only need to deal with the gas emissions but also need to think about how to build up a green and environmental friendly energy for cars to use. Also, with resources are less and less, it is urgent for people to create renewable energy in order to satisfy the growing needs for all humans.
To sum up, technology is a two-side coin. On the one hand, humans need to appreciate the opportunity and benefits that technology brings to us. Life becomes easier and convenient because of the advent of technology. On the other hand, we must be cleat that technology can't replace everything. Thinking is still need to keep thinking and use technology to make our world better and more beautiful.

ok111222333UID: 3490817

In general, always write an outline at first and how you want to flow your text.  
1. The first paragraph goes too far.  Too many repeated words/meaning.
2. The second paragraph writes too long, causing unbalance in a whole
3. Third paragraph.  iPhone is not a precise  example.  You pointed out technology might help people's thinking, but it seems you just described it has more functions.  No direct relation with improved thinking.

Knoxmao92UID: 3491210

ok111222333 发表于 2013-12-18 05:48
In general, always write an outline at first and how you want to flow your text.  
1. The first par ...

谢谢~~改之。