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[文书] 教你如何写出PS的灵魂第二弹！用1个具体例子让你明白正确的PS长什么样！ [复制链接]

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发表于 2014-1-3 14:36:19 |显示全部楼层

之前发了一篇帖子讲了PS究竟是表达一些什么内容，正确的PS应该怎么写。
具体看这里：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1691950-1-1.html
这次我拿了一个具体例子给大家看一看，可能更加能启发大家的思维。这是我帮一个师弟修改的PS中的一段，已征得他同意，拿出来给大家分享。
Version 1.0：原文，很多时态错误、叙述啰嗦、词汇简单
In high school, although the experiments in class become more exciting, I start to become unsatisfied with the school work. That is when I set up my own chemistry lab at my home. From the first day that I cleaned the store room and bought my first test tube, I began my beautiful journey with chemistry. I strive to enrich my little lab with every opportunity I have, either getting reagents and labware from the school laboratory or buying chemicals from the local store. In the beginning, I was only doing some experiments extended from class work. After a while I began to do some senior experiments like organic synthesis. Once I was intrigued by the reagents the police use in television to examine blood stain. I looked up on the internet and found a way to synthesize that reagents---Luminol. Although it takes a long time to prepare and synthesize the reagents, I was so excited to see the blue light glimmer from the dark. The joy I obtain from the experiments in my lab is enormous, which led me to a pursuit in chemistry after graduation.
Version 2.0：精简内容、删去多余的细节和描述、用更准确的词
In high school, the in-class chemistry experiments could no longer satiate my curiosity. That was when I set up my home lab in the storage room. I strove to enrich my own chemistry lab by getting reagents and lab-ware from the school laboratory and buying chemicals from local stores. Not only did I carry out experiments extended from class, but I also tried more advanced ones like organic synthesis. Once I was fascinated by the Luminol used in crime scene investigation on TV. I looked it up on the Internet and figured out a way to synthesize it. Although it took lots of efforts, I was so excited to see the blue light glimmer from the dark in the end. The joy I obtained from these experiments was enormous, and it led me to a pursuit of chemistry thereafter.
Version 3.0：语言深度润色、句式变化丰富、更多动词和高级词汇的使用、使细节更生动具体
When my high school in-class chemistry experiments failed to satiate my growing curiosity, I resolved to set up my own lab at home. I cleared out a corner in the storage room for a makeshift lab and furnished it with labware and chemicals that I ran across town to collect. From there I carried out experiments extended from regular curriculum and gradually ventured into more advanced ones like organic synthesis. Once I was fascinated by the Luminol used in crime scene investigation on TV. I combed through the Internet for its synthesis method, trying to assimilate from online tutorials the experimental techniques that were still new to me. Hours were spent on practicing the synthesis procedure and becoming adept at each step. After numerous trial and errors, I succeeded in producing the Luminol and was overjoyed to see its blue luminescence upon reaction. The sense of achievement accumulated from these early day endeavors had inspired me to pursue chemistry thereafter.