issue226 内文尚可参考 开头重度跑题 by imong

gdhdannyUID: 125843

感觉比上次的好。

第三个body论证的过程用的例子还是有点远

不过挺棒的，加油！

poohUID: 146994

Issue 226
People are mistaken when they assume that the problems they confront arc more complex and challenging than the problems faced by their predecessors. This illusion is eventually dispelled with increased knowledge and experience.
人们错误地认为他们碰到的问题要比他们前辈碰到的问题更复杂、更具挑战性。这个错觉最终会随着知识和经验的积累消失的。


I generally agree with the speaker on the assertion that the problems encountered by people nowadays are more complicated and challenging. Nevertheless, in my point of view, I think it is not an illusion, but a truth which could be solved through increasing knowledge and experience.
用truth不太合适，你想表达的意思是：人们现在遇到的困难的确更复杂更有挑战性，可是这个truth可以被solve又是什么意思呢？是指困难可以被solve吗？然而困难不等于truth,表达有问题！

With the development of the society, problems people confront are more complex than ever, as a consequence of knowledge accumulating and technology advancing. Problems could be divided into two kinds. On the one hand, some are produced by predecessors, but should be settled as soon as possible in order to prevent them deteriorating further, such as the environment pollution.好像pollution不只是过去的人造成的，现在人们也在pollute  As we know, many severe environment enviromental  damages were  produced by our predecessors who were unconsciousness of the threats resulted resulting from deteriorated environments. Consequently, what we confront currently is to resolve these problems, for instance, 前面是to do, 后面是doing是不是最好形式上统一一下  protecting and amending the balance of ecosystem, repairing the ozonosphere and avoiding it further being destroyed, and so on. On the other hand, some problems that appear currently are more complex in that the social situation becomes complicated. Globalization, as an inevitable trend, brings many questions about it 去掉about it. It is a fact that some countries’ sovereignty are harmed and some economic benefits are lost, especially when it comes to/ as for 不加介词不通顺的，前后的成分不一致  some developing countries, while others,去掉  developed countries, such as america and west europe European countries, gain most benefits, inducing a drastic discussion about whether globalization should be further promoted. On the contrary, the relationship among countries, some poor countries were controlled by developed countries, was simple and manageable in the past.这句不通顺，这个插入成分是个句子，而且没有连词，另外，以前很多殖民地国家也受发达国家控制，因此，你的推理不严密， Therefore, problems we confront today are more complex than ever.

What is more, problems also become more challenging today. Since the living condition is continuously improving, people are not satisfied with the creature comfort, but begin to go in for abundant spiritual satisfy satisfaction, followed with many curiosities about the undiscovered world. This process is so challenging (why it is more challenging? You'd better give an answer.) that although there are many failures, many scientists still continue to dedicate their life into this area. I have to say that this point is a little weak   For example, people were just satisfied with dress warmly and ear one's fill in past time, while what they want to pursue is not only this, but also more leisure time and entertainments. Only contemporary people pursue leisure time and entertainment? And it is really the case that people today care more about that than their predecessors? )  Also, the dream of traveling the earth is another challenging tasks. 你这里对problems的界定似乎过宽了，连travel也是？  As for the medicine, many diseases could not be cured now, such as AIDS, then seeking the way to solve them are so appealing to many scientists. 这句的后半句落在了appealing,而不是challenging,有点偏，让读者confused.建议最后还是要sum up一下的。

Although there are so many complex and challenging tasks, all these difficulties could be solved with the increasing knowledge and experience. Some environment problems, such as sewage and greenhouse effect, are partly solved by advanced equipment. The damages resulted in （这里的被动用得不太好啊，过于生硬了） globalization for developing countries are being harmonized through some international unions, such as WTO, regional economic cooperation, whose purpose is try 去掉try to bring maximum benefit for all members. The dreams of exploring universe, as written in fairy tales, are gaining some breakthrough along with getting attention as a challenge in recent years. With the space airplane first landed in the moon, a new prelude for human challenge universe opening.整个句子无谓语 I should say that the last three sentenses are not fluent and clear, though I finally manage to understand what you mean.

To sum up, although the problems we meet nowadays are truly more complex and challenging than ever, they could be solved through accumulating knowledge and experience. (531 words)
The ending para is not good, for you haven't recapitulated the main ideas but rushed to an end. Moreover, I suggest that you shouldn't use too much passive voice which handicaps your essay from clearness and smooth, since I notice that nealy half of your sentences in this essay are in passive voice, though it is not a faulty to use it.

你的例子用得很好，而且用词和语言都不错，虽然有些地方有问题。我提了很多问题，可能我比较critical, 我也写过这篇，至少感觉你比我的强多了 :)

xqmelissaUID: 140370

谢谢大家的批评，我要再改一下这个文章，吸取大家的建议吧！

谢谢各位了！

晚上再过来回复一些疑问，谢谢！

helenalexUID: 158065

小斑竹xqmelissa看看啊，
你说我是没读懂题目还是没读懂你的开头呢？那个"speaker"跟本就不认为人们现在面临的问题比祖先复杂呀，他说那是“mistaken",是”illusion"!
你是怎么同意他的呢？
你跟本就是反对他的第一句话嘛，当然，反对也不是不可以的，但是你不能在反对的时候说你赞成呀。

此外，题目是说，随着事件的推移，人们的'illusion"会逐渐消失，而不是说随着时间的推移复杂性会逐渐消失。

总之觉得，跑题，还是我对gre作文的认识太肤浅？（我才准备了第5天）

imongUID: 140258

I generally agree with the speaker on the assertion that the problems encountered by people nowadays are more complicated and challenging.这个assertion是author反对的 Nevertheless, in my point of view, I think it is not an illusion, but a truth which could be solved through increasing knowledge and experience.illusion的指代错误

整篇文章立刻完蛋。

imongUID: 140258

最初由 lionel 发布
[B]本文对题目的观点是部分肯定：
否定这是一个错觉(illusion)，但肯定增加的知识和经验可以解决复杂(complex)和挑战性(challenging)的问题（事实上的消除，而非错觉的消除）。 [/B]

既然“否定”是一个illusion，为什么一开始就I agree with the author's assertion呢？
自相矛盾，太严重的错误了。

helenalexUID: 158065

呵呵，有imong和我的看法相同，我就放心了。

xqmelissaUID: 140370

最初由 helenalex 发布
[B]小斑竹xqmelissa看看啊，
你说我是没读懂题目还是没读懂你的开头呢？那个"speaker"跟本就不认为人们现在面临的问题比祖先复杂呀，他说那是“mistaken",是”illusion"!
你..

以下省略...... [/B]

说说我的理解吧：
People are mistaken when they assume that the problems they confront arc more complex and challenging than the problems faced by their predecessors. This illusion is eventually dispelled with increased knowledge and experience.
人们错误地认为他们碰到的问题要比他们前辈碰到的问题更复杂、更具挑战性。这个错觉最终会随着知识和经验的积累消失的。

那么，我认为，speaker是承认现在的问题比以前的更复杂、更具挑战性的。
而illusion，也就是指的 人们的错误想法仅仅是一个幻觉，可以消失的。
因此，我的观点就是，同意前半句的，否定后半句的。

xqmelissaUID: 140370

不过，看了IMONG的，我彻底晕了

先再仔细看看去，一会找个牛人给我先讲讲，然后再继续和你们讨论啊

闪先~~~~~~~~~~

imongUID: 140258

我说：melissa错误地认为AABBCC... = 我承认AABBCC ？？

差太远了！

xqmelissaUID: 140370

晕！

我觉得IMONG的理解和我的是一样的啊？

算了，找个人过来回答吧

我撤了

lionelUID: 51199

我认为这主要还是受了新东方的“模版”的影响。在写文章的时候，尽量使用贴切的句子，没有必要套用教条的句式。
在这篇essay里，就是错误地使用了新东方给出的模版，其实应该去掉开头的"I generally agree with the speaker on the assertion that"，而直接点明自己的观点，然后再比较自己的观点和题目的观点的差异。

另外，新东方错误地给大家灌输复杂句式的重要性，甚至要求考生背熟所谓的GRE阅读难句，完全是一种误导。我的导师基本上改完了我的毕业论文，其中所有的超长句都被要求拆分了，只保留了普通的复杂句以及简单句。而所有的句子没有超过3行的。

GRE作文的主要考点并不是英语水平，而是分析能力。英语只是一个媒介而已。看看ETS的解释吧：
articulate complex ideas clearly and effectively
examine claims and accompanying evidence
support ideas with relevant reasons and examples
sustain a well-focused, coherent discussion
control the elements of standard written English (this factor plays a role only to the extent that poor writing skills impede readers' understanding of the argument)

显然，ETS认为，只有当语言影响到理解的时候，才是一个决定成绩的因素。实际上，很多GRE难句就是属于“影响理解”的坏句子。ETS之所以在阅读中考到这些句子，只是要考察一下学生在这种晦涩的语言下的理解力，并不能表示ETS喜欢这类句子。

Reference:
http://www.gre.org/faqnew.html

lionelUID: 51199

下面，我们再来看看"issue"的定义：

The "Issue" task states an opinion on an issue of general interest and asks you to address the issue from [B]any perspective(s)[/B] you wish, as long as you provide relevant reasons and examples to explain and support your views.

因此，对于一个观点，并非只有“同意”或者“否定”这种简单的意见。事实上，从其他角度去阐述观点可能更易于发挥。另外，某些经常批评别人跑题的网友，可能自己对ETS这个issue的含义的理解就有了偏差。另外，一个issue，未必就一定有所谓的“题眼”，只要是围绕着题目的观点去发挥和分析，就符合了ETS的作文要求。同时，既可以全面地分析题目的各个观点，也可以抓住一点，不顾其余。总之，只要努力做到观点鲜明、分析清楚、论述得力、行文连贯就可以了。

Reference:
http://www.gre.org/faqnew.html

feier521UID: 109747

呵呵，还没注意这一点呢，
People are mistaken when they assume that the problems they confront arc more complex and challenging than the problems faced by their predecessors. This illusion is eventually dispelled with increased knowledge and experience.
人们错误地认为他们碰到的问题要比他们前辈碰到的问题更复杂、更具挑战性。这个错觉最终会随着知识和经验的积累消失的。

题目意思说，人们认为他们碰到的问题比前辈复杂  是错误的，是illusion。
也就是说 作者 认为现代人们碰到的问题和前辈们是同样的复杂。

美丽杀mm 确实理解错了:)

xqmelissaUID: 140370

最初由 feier521 发布
[B]呵呵，还没注意这一点呢，
People are mistaken when they assume that the problems they confront arc more complex and challenging than the problems faced by their..

以下省略...... [/B]

:confused: :confused: :confused:
考虑考虑再

不过，可能真是模版闹的，什么破模版嘛！
以后开头就亮明自己的观点，管他题目怎么说尼！
哼！
:mad: