issue114 三月机经最高频作文大演练、请大家狂批谢谢

菜丸子UID: 158771

最初由 juliozhao 发布
[B][QUOTE]
语言很好，就是感觉你一写起来就思绪万千，写着写着就写到别的方面去了，建议不时的回头看看论点。
BY THE WAY 强喜欢你的签名图，！虽然本人水平一般，我会多帮你看文章的
一点建议，仅供参考！！！[/B]

谢谢各位呀，什么时候请你们吃丸子。
呵呵，签名图是我自己画的，如果你喜欢，我的叶子里还有啊~~~随便拿好了   
http://home.future.org.cn/eroad

yanneUID: 142348

Take a brief glance at the history of the humanity over the past century or so, we may be proud at the tremendous technological progresses made by human beings. Whereas it is true(whereas 和it is true都是让步，重复了，好像) that technological innovations have brought great impact towards the whole society, the fact remains that some tough problems, like war, violence and poverty, still exist or, to some extent, become tenser and tenser. In my opinion, technology cannot essentially improve the condition of humanity, as it is not the technique that truly determines human's behaviors.

First, it is sometimes the high technique that endows terrorism the approaches to powerful destruction. Nuclear weapons, biochemical experiences, and clone-man technique, which are the horrible results of technique, are threatening us everyday. No one can imagine what would happen to us if these techniques were one day acquired by some evil people for their ill intentions. Take the nuclear weapon for example, it is the chief criminal that brought the calamity to Fukuoka during the World War Two, leaving the whole Japan in grief and indignation. And some assaults are taking place day and day. Like hackers' attacks, which would be the most familiar one of all, have run risks towards the information safety and brought great loss to either individuals or the nation. For example, the CHI virus, created by Chen Yinghao in Taiwan, had once almost paralyzed the whole Internet. Another famous virus called "The Blast", is still dynamic in Internet at present. They both partially result from the abnormal development of the technique and are made use of by the malefactors who, maybe initially just want to show their proficiency in computer science.

Another reason why I dispute the given statement is that, the technological development has never cured of（cure sth. 不要加of） the internal evil of the human beings, not alone to make real progresses in spiritual civilization.“Human may found cure for most of their illnesses, but they have found no remedy for the worst of them all--the apathy of human beings.” What Helen Kelly said is just a profound admonition to us. The indispensable tasks we need to accomplish to prompt the progress of a society are not only fast technological innovations, but also the ways to rescue people from walking towards an apathy and cruel trap.（这句话和这段的TS有矛盾的，TS说得过于绝对－never。这里说not only, but also那就是说还是需要technology的啰！） The latter one would be more significant and urgent according to the phenomenon existing among the human beings now.

Finally, the development of technique has based on the sacrifice of some precious moral characters of human beings, such as love, amicability, sympathy and so on. As we know, the real progress is measured by both material and spiritual civilization, rather than only by the technological development. But the fast pace of technique has always reduced the whole society to a disorder that, everyone there squeezes themselves into pipelines and machines, missing their valuable virtues when confronted with money and reputation. It is known to all that there always some instances showing people intriguing against each other on account of his own behalf, regardless of others' feelings and conditions. How could the society make a real progress under this kind of atmosphere?

In sum, with respect to the fact that there are still many problems existed in accelerating the essential progress of our society though the technique innovates rapidly, the condition of the whole humanity has not be improved much until one day, we attach more importance on some radical issues.

我觉得语言挺好的，例子也比我丰富多了。
第二段例子多了一点，而且由例子写发散了，没有好好扣住TS。
第四段我觉得写得很好，如果加个例子就更好了。
结尾段感觉作者是想提出一个解决，可是又想不出来，所以写得很模糊，不如，干脆提出这个问题来？有待后人解决？？
总之，比我写得好多了。Sigh～～～～～～～

PS.MM的画很PP，我很喜欢。

xiangUID: 138532

看到那么多牛人帮你改文章,我就不详细的做论述拉
提几点个人的建议吧,
1.关于例句,你的例子很多也很充分,本人比较欣赏原子弹那个,但会不会犯老美的忌,就不知道拉.关于恐怖注意的例子很好,只是你的关于病毒的例子似乎有点多,可以说一下克隆啊 ,911什么的吧
总之不要在一个问题上做太多的文章让别人以为你无话可说就惨了
2.最后一段,我觉得论证的不够充分,让人感觉你的论断缺乏事实依据,最好能具体一下吧
谢谢你昨天帮我改作文,我今天的文章在
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175489
欢迎批评指正

lovebrianUID: 157127

丸子也热了阿~~呵呵~~~~~~~

fishergirlUID: 152325

小丸子的文章写的好，画也画的好哦：）

菜丸子UID: 158771

最初由 lovebrian 发布
[B]丸子也热了阿~~呵呵~~~~~~~ [/B]

谢谢，没办法，快考了，早知道这个论坛就好了。：）
帮我看看最新的文章吧。
http://edu.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175551

菜丸子UID: 158771

最初由 yanne 发布
[B]Take a brief glance at the history of the humanity over the past century or so, we may be proud at the tremendous technological progresses made by human beings...

以下省略...... [/B]

谢谢你们~~~~好感动，丸子会和你们一起加油的

菜丸子UID: 158771

最初由 xiang 发布
[B]看到那么多牛人帮你改文章,我就不详细的做论述拉
提几点个人的建议吧,
1.关于例句,你的例子很多也很充分,本人比较欣赏原子弹那个,但会不会犯老美的忌,就不知道拉.关于恐?.

以下省略...... [/B]

呵呵，谢谢！
这个文章我是下了很大的工夫写的，然而败笔就在例子的援引上。我现在在努力收集资料，填鸭填鸭呵呵

菜丸子UID: 158771

最初由 fishergirl 发布
[B]小丸子的文章写的好，画也画的好哦：） [/B]

谢谢~~~~~~~我的个人主叶里还有好多画呢，喜欢就自己挑吧：
http://home.future.org.cn/eroad
欢迎光临