issue140 第一次限时成功 多谢大家 快烤了

LiunaUID: 150270

Issue140  第n篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：43分6秒     466 words
从2004年2月21日18时46分到2004年2月21日19时43分
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What society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements have often resulted in the greatest discontent.
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At present, people have largely focused on the issue that whether greatest achievements as the society thinks cause the greatest discontent. So far as I concerned, what society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements have often resulted in both the discontent and content. And whether people are malcontent or content to an achievement largely depends on how they use them not themselves.

Some greatest achievements reached by society, politic, and individual resulted in the greatest discontent. The achievement of industrialization which significant boomed the economy and living level several hundred years ago was regarded as one of the greatest achievements in the society. However, it results in the pollution to the environment, which is the most horrible and unsatisfying problem now. The achievement of establishment of Socialism in some eastern countries was regarded as one of the greatest achievements in politic. Yet the people now are complaining about the poorness. The achievement of the finding of the unclear power was regarded as one of the greatest achievement in both individual and scientific achievement. But people of all over of world are facing the problem of the unclear-bomb war now.  

Many other greatest social, political, and individual achievements resulted in greatest content at the same time. The esteem to each other built in the society now can be called one of the greatest achievements. And so far, everyone is enjoying it and proclaiming it as a virtue. The democracy in political field is being established and it is an effective and efficient way by experience. People are busy with struggling for it presently. As the first bulb was burn in the hands of Edison, the world has no darkness anymore. People are enjoying the brightness brought in by this invention from then on. No one complains that they can work underground or drive in night with bulbs.

Ironically, it is just the people who make those achievements that can be content to be malcontent for themselves. Now let us go back to see the achievements that result in discontent. Industrialization does emit gases that pollute the air and water and causes much noise, but all of these can be removed or decreased to a acceptable limit by technology. In fact, many such projects are working now. Whether people are rich or poor also largely depends on themselves. As the old Chinese saying goes-"Only by your hands are you getting richer." How come will we have unclear-bomb or war if we all fear of it? Achievements are made by people, so people are the best masters of them.

In a word, what society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements can be both malcontent and content. The key depends on how people use them.

maniacUID: 155886

At present, people have largely focused on the issue that whether greatest achievements as the society thinks cause the greatest discontent.（别扭，还不如直接改成设问句） So far as I concerned, what society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements have often resulted in both the discontent and content. And whether people are malcontent or content to an achievement largely depends on how they use them not themselves.（不通，我想你的意思应该是whether achievements are considered to be discontent or content by people largely depends on how people use them, but not themselves, themselves 指代achievement,你主语却用people,前后好像不一致）

Some greatest achievements reached by society, politic, and individual resulted in the greatest discontent. The achievement of industrialization which significant boomed the economy and living level several hundred years ago was regarded as one of the greatest achievements in the society. However, it results in the pollution to the environment, which is （one of）the most horrible and unsatisfying problem(problems) now.(环境问题只是当今众多问题中的一个，不要说这种太绝对的话) The achievement of establishment of Socialism in some eastern countries was regarded as one of the greatest achievements in politic. Yet the people now are complaining about the poorness.（这例子不太好吧，你要说是中国，可中国不是人人都喊穷，要是朝鲜，中国又是反例；总之你没提供总够令人信服的证据表明poorness是Socialism导致的，不足以说明Socialism的achievement是discontent的）The achievement of the finding of the unclear (nuclear) power was regarded as one of the greatest achievement in both individual and scientific achievement. But people of all over [of]（the） world are facing the problem of the unclear (nuclear)-bomb war now.

Many other greatest social, political, and individual achievements resulted in greatest content at the same time. The esteem to each other built in the society now can be called one of the greatest achievements. And so far, everyone is enjoying it and proclaiming it as a virtue. The democracy in political field is being established and it is an effective and efficient way by experience. People are busy with struggling for it presently. As the first bulb was burn in the hands of Edison, the world has no darkness anymore. People are enjoying the brightness brought in by this invention from then on. No one complains that they can work underground or drive in night with (without) bulbs.
这段完全就是例子堆砌，且之间没有任何过渡，衔接很不自然，如可分别加上：“说到社会方面，…。而对于政治方面，…”等句。其实具体应谈一下是怎样让人满意的，一方面深入即可，而不要每方面都浅尝辄止。

Ironically, it is just the people who make those achievements that can (should) be content (naturally) to be malcontent for（by） themselves. Now let us go back to see the achievements that result in discontent. Industrialization does emit gases that pollute the air and water and causes much noise, but all of these can be removed or decreased to a （an）acceptable limit by technology. In fact, many such projects are working now. Whether people are rich or poor also largely depends on (people) themselves. As the old（ancient） Chinese saying goes-"Only by your hands are you getting richer.”How come will we have unclear (nuclear)-bomb or war if we all fear of it? Achievements are made by people, so people are the best masters of them.

In a word, what society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements can be both malcontent and content. The key depends on how people use them.

题目中说的是discontent,不知你为何文中全用malcontent?

水平有限，不当之处请指正。

tinyscintillaUID: 150098

At present, people have largely focused on the issue that whether greatest achievements as the society thinks cause the greatest discontent. So far as I concerned, what society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements have often resulted in both the discontent and content. And whether people are malcontent or content to an achievement largely depends on how they use them not themselves.这是什么意思?

Some greatest achievements reached by society, politic, and individual resulted in the greatest discontent. The achievement of industrialization which significant boomed the economy and living level several hundred years ago was regarded as one of the greatest achievements in the society. However, it results in the pollution to the environment, which is the most horrible and unsatisfying problem now. The achievement of establishment of Socialism in some eastern countries was regarded as one of the greatest achievements in politic. Yet the people now are complaining about the poornesspoverty. The achievement of the finding of the unclear power was regarded as one of the greatest achievement in both individual and scientific achievement. But people of all over of world are facing the problem of the unclear-bomb war now.

Many other greatest social, political, and individual achievements resulted in greatest content at the same time. The esteem to each other built in the society now can be called one of the greatest achievements. And so far, everyone is enjoying it and proclaiming it as a virtue. The democracy in political field is being established and it is an effective and efficient way by experience. People are busy with struggling for it presently. As the first bulb was burn in the hands of Edison, the world has no darkness anymore. People are enjoying the brightness brought in by this invention from then on. No one complains that they can work underground or drive in night with bulbs.

Ironically, it is just the people who make those achievements that can be content to be malcontent for themselves. Now let us go back to see the achievements that result in discontent. Industrialization does emit gases that pollute the air and water and causes much noise, but all of these can be removed or decreased to a acceptable limit by technology. In fact, many such projects are working now. Whether people are rich or poor also largely depends on themselves. As the old Chinese saying goes-"Only by your hands are you getting richer." How come will we have unclear-bomb or war if we all fear of it? Achievements are made by people, so people are the best masters of them.

In a word, what society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements can be both malcontent and content. The key depends on how people use them.
discontent是指不满,而malcontent是指不满者,两者有区别.
个人觉得ironically这一段不应该要,如果你要写1000字的文章可以接着说下去,而且你也没论述好,你要说无论怎样的成就,都是人民群众自己创造的,但我感觉你在这段到后半部就成了如何取得成就了,如In fact, many such projects are working now. Whether people are rich or poor also largely depends on themselves. As the old Chinese saying goes-"Only by your hands are you getting richer."

你主体段的例子举得很贴切,这么短时间里想到真不错,不过第一段3个例子太多了,如果只详细地写一个,最后再照应中心句,就会更漂亮.

有空帮我看看,谢谢,
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175752

LiunaUID: 150270

The achievement of establishment of Socialism in some eastern countries was regarded as one of the greatest achievements in politic. Yet the people there are complaining about the poorness.（这例子不太好吧，你要说是中国，可中国不是人人都喊穷，要是朝鲜，中国又是反例；总之你没提供总够令人信服的证据表明poorness是Socialism导致的，不足以说明Socialism的achievement是discontent的）

我觉得这个例子还行 因为政治制度的确立是和经济有关系的 只是不是主要 我没有写清楚 而且中国不论怎样大多数人还是贫穷的 大家说呢？

其实具体应谈一下是怎样让人满意的，一方面深入即可，而不要每方面都浅尝辄止。

有时间限制 我具体了怕写不完 这个和第一段和题目的3个方面照应的 大家说说这样写好 还是 详细写的好？？

题目中说的是discontent,不知你为何文中全用malcontent?

faint ,我查字典说discontent只有名词的意思 又查多本才知道 第一本在胡说。


多谢指教

LiunaUID: 150270

tinyscintilla  首先说多谢

them not themselves.这是什么意思?
这个themselves 是指achievements 这句写的有问题 应该为 them not achievements themselves.

应该用discontent 我还是费了一番脑筋想出了malcontent, 都是那本该扔的破字典搞的

第三段 我想说的就是 Achievements are made by people, so people are the best masters of them. 时间问题 可能没有写清楚  大家说说这段该不该要呢？？
我想写出三段来 以前写过复杂的论述 也能在两段中达到字数 但是觉得有些罗索 所以改成点到即可了 应该结合一下大概 大家出出主意吧 我有些晕

Whether people are rich or poor also largely depends on themselves. As the old Chinese saying goes-"Only by your hands are you getting richer."
这个现在想想是不妥 应该说“not all people in socialistic countries are poor and not all people in other countries are rich. Even there are rich people in abandoned acient  regmies. People turns to be rich by thier hands to adjust themselves to surrounding  ”