issue108 电视和政府工作(老题) 谢谢先~!!

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

ISSUE108 "In many countries it is now possible to turn on the television and view government at work. Watching these proceedings can help people understand the issues that affect their lives. The more kinds of government proceedings-trials, debates, meetings, etc-that are televised, the more society will benefit."

提纲: 1.通过这些转播,人们的法律和公民意识增强,人们素质提高,有助于社会的
发展进步.
2.同时通过媒体这种监督机制, 政府工作更加有效率, 也防止了腐败事件的发生.
3. (让步) 政府的工作不能全部公之于众, 有的会引起大众不必要的恐慌 所以应当适当的有所保留.

With the invention of television, the proceedings of government's work have become more transparent to public than ever before. I agree with the speaker that more kinds of government proceedings televised will benefit the society including not only citizens but also the country as a whole.

To begin with, more transmission about government work on television will enhance people's standard of consciousness in both law and citizenship. On the one hand, during watching the course of establishment of a law or a trial, people become more aware of what rules people should obey and why they come into being. Although there are many other ways of introduction of law, television has an advantage over others because of its popularity and visibility. As far as I am concerned, without the programs introducing cases judged in court, I would never have any knowledge of some issues, such as the problem of heritage, marriage, property right and the like, while school education seldom refer to these. On the other hand, seeing what the government is always trying people will understand the real situation they face and thus realize the responsibility on their shoulders. For during that course, people become aware that the importance and urgency of what should be done and what should be prohibited. For instance, when people find government bogged down in the aging problem on television, they will spontaneously relate the issue to themselves and realize that taking some duties such as supporting and caring the old will to some extent help the government solve the problem. Such improvement in the quality of citizens of a country will ultimately accelerate the progress of the society.

In the meantime, the government can benefit a lot from exposing itself to public. For one thing, government officials will work efficiently for they know they are in the eyes of public. Any cursoriness or misleading actions will lead them under the risk of being scolded by the public voice and the descent of authority. Also, any form of supervision will help greatly in avoiding the corruption that has long been a problem to all over the problem. Just as one official once said after arrested (and I paraphrase): " It is not any other's fault but mine to have caused this scandal, however, if anyone had ever warn or even mention to me, this tragedy would never happen" Supervision is becoming more and more indispensable, and the exposure to public on television will be an effective one. Simply put, the government will become an efficient and healthy one after their detailed work affairs have been televised.

Admittedly, there are something should be cared before televised. The government should withhold some information if it may unnecessarily scare the public. During the "911 tragedy", if the American government persisted on claiming that they were possible to be attacked at any time or place, the whole country would be suffering over laden panic. According to this, the society will benefit more with some proper reservation.

In conclusion, both the citizens and the government of the country will benefit from the growing extent of the exposure of government working proceedings on television and this will in turn enhance the improvement of the society as a whole.

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

自己顶一下!
大家帮忙啊

lovebrianUID: 157127

ISSUE108 "In many countries it is now possible to turn on the television and view government at work. Watching these proceedings can help people understand the issues that affect their lives. The more kinds of government proceedings-trials, debates, meetings, etc-that are televised, the more society will benefit."

提纲: 1.通过这些转播,人们的法律和公民意识（什么是公民意识？）增强,人们素质提高,有助于社会的
发展进步.
2.同时通过媒体这种监督机制, 政府工作更加有效率, 也防止了腐败事件的发生.
3. (让步) 政府的工作不能全部公之于众, 有的会引起大众不必要的恐慌 所以应当适当的有所保留.

With the invention of television, the proceedings of government's work have become more transparent to public than ever before. I agree with the speaker that more kinds of government proceedings televised will benefit the society including not only citizens but also the country as a whole. （thesis并没有写出body3的冬冬）


To begin with, more transmission about government work on television will enhance people's standard of consciousness in both law and citizenship. On the one hand, during watching the course of establishment of a law or a trial, people become more aware of what rules people should obey and why they come into being. Although there are many other ways of introduction of law, television has an advantage over others because of its popularity and visibility. As far as I am concerned, without the programs introducing cases judged in court, I would never （违心的说法~怎么会有说服力？太夸张了）have any knowledge of some issues, such as the problem of heritage, marriage, property right and the like, while school education seldom refer to these. On the other hand, seeing what the government is always trying people will understand the real situation they face and thus realize the responsibility on their shoulders. For（什么意思？for做什么讲？） during that course, people become aware that the importance and urgency of what should be done and what should be prohibited. For instance, when people find government bogged down in the aging problem on television, they will spontaneously relate the issue to themselves and realize that taking some duties such as supporting and caring the old will to some extent help the government solve the problem. Such improvement in the quality of citizens of a country will ultimately accelerate the progress of the society. （最后一句引入了新意群！怎么总结到这儿了？不是在写提高法律和公民意识吗？什么是公民意识？）

In the meantime, the government can benefit a lot from exposing itself to public. For one thing, government officials will work efficiently for they know they are in the eyes of public. Any cursoriness or misleading actions（any actions??） will lead them under the risk of being scolded by the public voice and the descent of authority. Also, any form of supervision will help greatly in avoiding the corruption that has long （put long here?）been a problem to all over the problem. Just as one official once said after arrested (and I paraphrase): " It is not any other's fault but mine to have caused this scandal, however, if anyone had ever warn or even mention to me, this tragedy would never happen"（这个人在找借口） Supervision is becoming more and more indispensable, and the exposure to public on television will be an effective one. Simply put, the government will become an efficient and healthy one after their detailed work affairs have been televised. （相反，我认为政府工作的透明化会变成形式主义或者作秀~~恰恰会导致幕后腐败~~媒体真的是自由的吗？）

Admittedly, there are something should be cared before televised. The government should withhold some information if it may unnecessarily scare the public. During the "911 tragedy", if the American government persisted on claiming that they were possible to be attacked at any time or place, the whole country would be suffering over laden panic. According to this, the society will benefit more with some proper reservation.

In conclusion, both the citizens and the government of the country will benefit from the growing extent of the exposure of government working proceedings on television and this will in turn enhance the improvement of the society as a whole.

小批一下~~水平有限，仅供参考

时刻准备着UID: 148861

On the other hand, seeing what the government is always trying people will understand the responsibility on their shoulders, 我觉得理由牵强，要是改成on the other hand, seeing what the government is always trying, people will trust their government more than before, thus will support the work of government. 展开来就更好说了。
其实都是仁者见仁，智者见智的事

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

对的 我实际是跳了一步 谢谢提醒 自己没有发觉!

caleUID: 150437

With the invention of television, the proceedings of government's work are become(become 和are要去掉一个) more transparent to public. I agree with the speaker that more kinds of government proceedings televised will benefit the society including not only citizens but also the country as a whole.

To begin with, more transmission on television（这个词组表达不出你的意思，第一，和政府工作没关，第二transmission 不知道用的合适不合适，televising governmental proceedings） will enhance people's standard of consciousness(我感觉把standard 哦of去了也可以，否则有点chinglish) in both law and citizenship. On the one hand, during watching the course of establishment of a law or a trial, people become more aware of what rules they should obey and why they come into being（他们怎么生出来的？有歧义）. Although there are many other ways of introduction of law, television has an advantage over others because of its popularity and visibility. As far as I am concerned, without the programs introducing cases judged in court, I would never have any knowledge of some issues（这句话有点太绝对了吧，加个better也许会好一点）, such as the problem of heritage, marriage, property right and the like, while school education seldom refer to these. On the other hand, seeing what the government is always trying（价格逗号） people will understand the real situation they face and thus realize the responsibility on their shoulders. For during that course, people become aware that the importance and urgency of what should be done and what should be prohibited. For instance, when people always find government bogged down in the aging problem on television, they will spontaneously relate the issue to themselves and （加个become）aware that take(assuming) some duties such as supporting and caring the old will to some extent help the government solve the problem. Such improvement in the quality of citizens of a country will ultimately accelerate the progress of the society.

In the meantime(meanwhile?), the government can benefit a lot from exposing itself to public. For one thing, government officials will work efficiently for they know they (be aware of their exposure to) are in the eyes of public. Any cursoriness or misleading actions will lead them under the risk of being scolded by the public voice and the descent of authority( 请问decent of authority是什么意思？). Also, any form of supervision will help greatly in avoiding the corruption that has long been a problem to all over the problem（problem to all over the problem?）. Just as one official once said after arrested (and I paraphrase): " It is not any other's but my fault(建议改成it is not anyone else’s fault but mine) to have caused this scandal, however, if anyone had ever warn(ed) or even mention(ed) to me, this tragedy(?惨剧？) would never happen" Supervision is becoming more and more indispensable, and the exposure to public on television will be an effective one. Simply put, the government will become an efficient and healthy one after their detailed work affairs have been televised.

Admittedly, there are something should be cared before televised. The government should withhold some information if it may unnecessarily scare the public. During the "911 tragedy", if the American government persist on claiming that they are possible to be attacked at any time or place, the whole country will suffering over laden panic. According this, the society will benefit more with some proper reservation（谁的reservation）.

In conclusion, both the citizens and the government of the country will benefit from the growing extent of the exposure(谁的，这样写好像把人民也算进去) on television and this will in turn enhance the improvement of the society as a whole.

dezhiUID: 156141

ISSUE108 "In many countries it is now possible to turn on the television and view government at work. Watching these proceedings can help people understand the issues that affect their lives. The more kinds of government proceedings-trials, debates, meetings, etc-that are televised, the more society will benefit."

提纲: 1.通过这些转播,人们的法律和公民意识增强,人们素质提高,有助于社会的
发展进步.
2.同时通过媒体这种监督机制, 政府工作更加有效率, 也防止了腐败事件的发生.
3. (让步) 政府的工作不能全部公之于众, 有的会引起大众不必要的恐慌. 所以应当适当的有所保留.

With the invention of television, the proceedings of government's work are become 出现问题了,have become more transparent to public than ever before. I agree with the speaker that more kinds of government proceedings televised will benefit the society including not only citizens but also the country as a whole.
首段很简洁,不过既然最后一个body是让步,是否应该在首段中有所体现呢?

To begin with, more transmission on television 这个地方说的不是太清楚,应该是有关政府工作的消息的发布,而非一般的节目 will enhance people's standard of consciousness in both law and citizenship. On the one hand, during watching the course of establishment of a law or a trial, people become more aware of what rules they should obey and why they指代不清,用these rules,避免误认为是people come into being. Although there are many other ways of introduction of law, television has an advantage over others because of its popularity and visibility. As far as I am concerned, without the programs introducing cases judged in court, I would never have any knowledge of some issues, such as the problem of heritage, marriage, property right and the like, while school education seldom refers to these. On the other hand, seeing what the government is always trying to do,这个说法如何:Aware of intention of the government people will understand the real situation they face and thus realize the responsibility on their shoulders. For during that course, people become aware that多余,去掉,换成of the importance and urgency of what should be done and what should be prohibited. For instance, when people always有些绝对吧 find government bogged down in the aging problem on television, they will spontaneously relate the issue to themselves and aware形容词,应该换成像realize这样的动词 that to take或者改成taking,我觉得这样更好 some duties such as supporting and caring for the old will to some extent help the government solve the problem. Such improvement in the quality of citizens of a country will ultimately accelerate the progress of the society.

In the meantime, the government can benefit a lot from exposing itself to public. For one thing, government officials will work efficiently for they know they are in the eyes of意为在…的心目中,放在这里合适吗?—来自金山词霸上的翻译 public. Any cursoriness or misleading actions will lead them under the risk of being scolded by the public voice and the descent of authority. Also, any form of supervision will help greatly in avoiding the corruption that has long been a problem to all over the problem有些别扭. Just as one official once said after arrested (and I paraphrase): " It is not any other's but my fault to have caused this scandal, however, if anyone had ever warn or even mention to me, this tragedy would never happen" Supervision is becoming more and more indispensable, and the exposure to public on television will be an effective one. Simply put, the government will become an efficient and healthy one after their detailed work affairs have been televised.
这一body写得不错,例子也很好,不知道是不是楼主编的,呵呵

Admittedly, there are something that should be cared before televised. The government should withhold some information if it may unnecessarily scare the public. During the "911 tragedy", if the American government persist on claiming that they are possible to be attacked at any time or place, the whole country will suffering 为何加ing? over laden panic这一句为何不用过去时的虚拟语气?. According to this, the society will benefit more with some proper reservation.
这个段落展开不充分,可能时间不够了吧

In conclusion, both the citizens and the government of the country will benefit from the growing extent of the exposure of government working trivials这是形容词,应该用trivia on television and this will in turn enhance the improvement of the society as a whole.

dezhiUID: 156141

读起来很流畅,写得不错!
一点建议:首末两个段落都没有提到body3中的让步,这样合适吗?

楼主继续努力!加油:)

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

这个问题我的确没有想到 谢谢!!
可是我觉得一旦在论点中出现了让步,观点就会变得vague了 感觉自己容易两边倒了啊
毕竟只是一个小补充啊啊

dezhiUID: 156141

可以只提一下,当然重点内容还是你前两个body论述的内容,
比如用without或者其他从句顺便提一下,或者用although等等

我的观点

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

哎呀~~你不说我还真发现不了那么多语言上的纰漏啊!!
郁闷 我本来没有这么糟糕的阿!
现在感觉思路比以前开阔了一点
但是文字上越来越平淡 很闷 很闷
苦啊~~

jianguoUID: 157933

我觉得你现在的重点应该放在思维上了. 语言已经不成为问题了.呵呵,有时间多帮帮我这样的菜鸟吧.呵呵