【独立写作】神气小猴的作业贴

神奇小猴UID: 3487781

请狠狠批改！！ 绝不留情面！

fantasy_y1UID: 3462878

加油啦。~

神奇小猴UID: 3487781

fantasy_y1 发表于 2014-9-14 13:33
加油啦。~

谢谢！

lilyeulogisticUID: 3482493

不好意思来晚了。。



刚开始改，干得不好多多见谅哇

神奇小猴UID: 3487781

lilyeulogistic 发表于 2014-9-15 12:45
不好意思来晚了。。

打滚感谢！

DorieUID: 3518115

FYI

神奇小猴UID: 3487781

Dorie 发表于 2014-9-15 18:11
FYI

谢谢谢谢！！

神奇小猴UID: 3487781

huangxj9 发表于 2014-9-15 15:11
改好啦~

昨晚没来得及看 辛苦辛苦！

sokillerUID: 3446082

童鞋，9.15的作文是没写是吗？

范春杰UID: 3537117

When you get into trouble, among peers and elderly predecessors who do you prefer to ask for advice? As far as I am concerned, the elderly people are a better choice.(TS
)

Firstly, the elderly people can give you more comprehensive advice.(P1) Since most of them have already experienced many issues which may trouble them a lot when they are young. After solving the problems hundreds of times, for instance,(用例子支撑观点更有说服力) the elderly aircraft repairmen will be so skilled in handling faults of airplanes that they can have a more thorough thinking and a more concisely way to solve problems. On the contrary, because the people of my age are usually full of energy but lack of the ability of being objective, the advice from them may easily become reckless which may put us in a worse position.

Secondly, you can get more time saving and more accurate suggestions from older person.(P2) Same or similar problems may have occurred on the aged person before so they can use their own experience to guide us; while the people of my age have no such advantages thus suggestions from them are made only by imagination which may spend more time by using their proposals. Obviously, there are too many aspects to consider if you want to get a good choice so just by imagination, some details can easily be ignored and the advice from elderly people seems more convincing and more accurate.

The last but not least, most of advice from the people of my age just focus on the current state, however, the elderly people can foresee what will happen in the future. (P3)Taking the phenomenon of losing weight for example, most of my peers may tell you that the less you eat, the better your statue, which is obvious without thinking of harmful to your health. On the contrary, in the elderly people’s opinion, doing exercise will be a healthier choice and can temper your willpower.这里不用让，强势一些，说优势 The advice doing exercise from elderly people can help you get healthy in a long way, but eating less and less can otherwise damage it.

All in all, the advice from the elderly people is more valuable. So as a young man, we should often consider the advice from our predecessors carefully rather than thinking them as two out of fashion people.

文章整体上写的不错，主旨清晰，观点明确，有骨有肉。 唯一欠缺的是用词上重复太多，有很多的the advice, elderly people, the people of my age,还有rather than后接名词

神奇小猴UID: 3487781

sokiller 发表于 2014-9-16 20:58
童鞋，9.15的作文是没写是吗？

对 而且我对此非常抱歉...那天临时有事。。

神奇小猴UID: 3487781

范春杰 发表于 2014-9-17 00:49
When you get into trouble, among peers and elderly predecessors who do you prefer to ask for advice? ...

谢谢谢谢啦！！

sokillerUID: 3446082

神奇小猴 发表于 2014-9-17 14:39
对 而且我对此非常抱歉...那天临时有事。。

没关系！加油！

抹小茶UID: 3559126

小猴童靴，我跟你一组昂，但是我新手上路改的比较慢，如果在DL之前木有见到我改完，那我就是还在奋斗中，会尽快补上的，提前跟你打个招呼吖