GRE作文6分教学博客

ruixueer201510UID: 3663489

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-10 10:31
我已经刷完整个GRE作文题库，写了issue范文53篇、提纲30篇，argument范文42篇、提纲41篇。可通过查看以下的 ...

老师太赞了！！！！！

Rebecca.DUID: 3622356

第一篇全文，求怒批，看王老师博客很有启发，但要真的吸收转化为自己的还是需要磨练，还有十五天考试，尽力而为
ISSUE 57.

==========
请保留我的批注。

The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.



Given to a variety of aspects of society, it is hard to put the statement that the study of history is to eliminate different between modern life and earlier times life. To a large extent, I disagree with the statement that the main goal of study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly from people who lived in earlier times, since no one can deny that modern life defer from the earlier times life. And for different fields, the study of history plays different role.


请考虑在主旨句后面标注分论点
no one can deny that modern life defer from the earlier times life -这里和题目意思很大的出入  





Firstly, it must be admitted that modern life is different with the ancient life for various aspect. In the old time, people spend all day to search food to meet fundamental needs. And in the ancient time, people know little about the world, there is no room to think about the basic logical principles of the world. However, nowadays, it is the most normal thing to accept education and technology is full fill our life. As modern people, we even can not imagine the world without light and we more and more rely on the electronic products. Nevertheless, for different fields of study, history means is also vary from traditional culture to education.


由于上面对题目同意转换的偏差 导致这里整段偏题
题目说的是过去的人和现在的人不同，你却写成过去的生活和现在的生活不同  

history means is also vary from traditional culture to education
最后一句和前面有啥关系
而且你有没有proofread?


For the scholar who is devoted in national culture study, the main meaning of study history is to inherit the traditional culture. Through researching on the apt history, scholar could understand the traditional culture more comprehensively and profoundly. The foremost important is, in order to make more native understand their history and culture, to spread around the society and make modern common people to inherit the good traditional culture. As a result, on ideology aspect, there is no significantly discrimination between ancient and people living now.

这道题的重点首先是处理illusion  你只用一段就打发了illusion然后分领域讨论 我认为不妥
建议你换一道简单的题目来写
自己写这种难题 建议严格按照我的范文的结构编排来写  不要自己拍脑袋




For science, there exists an obvious difference between now and the past. Scientists explore the basic discipline to explain the phenomena that cannot be understood by previous. Scientists look for inspiration from studying the history, and use modern technology and knowledge lead human to another level of understanding the universe. I will illustrate the specific example. Modern medical therapeutic methods develop rapidly. It mostly depends on studying the previous research and ameliorate unceasingly to realize minimally invasive surgery which can assuage patients’ pain and curtail recovery time. Likewise, for technologist, no one can deny the importance of the electronic products, such as cellphone, pad, laptop. Technologists are working on exploring more possibilities to meet people’s needs of efficiency and convience.


As for education, schools teach student about nation history, sometimes foreign history, which is in order to establish an objective perspective over the world and shape students own world value. Learning to think independently and introspect of the deep reasons about why historical events happened. Then they can better know about the living world and history exerts potential influence on humans life now. for example, human now have much more clearly clues about what policies will be benefits for society and how to improve level of life.
To sum up, it is too arbitrary to put the statement that the study of history main function is to eliminate the different between the modern life and life in the earlier times. Due to different fields have a variety of goals to study history, the meaning of history is also different. It is must be admitted that there does exist discrimination firstly, then what we should do is to discuss based on different the conditions.

冲动是蘑菇UID: 3586028

王老师，ARGU40，这种双方观点都要反驳的，文章结构有点拿捏不好，下面是我的习作，希望老师指导。

拿捏不好就要去看我写的范文和提纲。对于argument，我建议在发习作的同时，应该附上一段文字讨论和我的范文比对后的思考。我拿到你的习作，第一件事也是去回头看我之前写的范文或提纲，你至少要让我这个动作方便一些吧。


ARGU 40题目

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium - substances essential for building and maintaining bones.

Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age.

But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study.

Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
===========================================================

王老师提纲

whether the people with bone fractures actually have osteoporosis  
- bone fractures may also be caused by trauma or falls
- bone fractures as symptoms of other conditions  (certain cancer)  

whether the participants who consume dairy products are more vulnerable to osteoporosis
- age, gender and lifestyles
- occupation
- genetic makeup  

The isolated effects of taking more dairy products  
- people who are vulnerable may take more diary products
- set up control group who do not take much dairy products
- factors mentioned above have to be controlled  

我的思路，攻击分成三部分：

是否摄入dairy product 可以帮助降低骨质疏松
-也许需要摄入其他元素比如VC来帮助吸收，单纯摄入Dariy 没效果

引起骨质疏松的因素
1. 环境 a 饮食缺乏VD等， 摄入Dariy可以改善；b 饮食缺乏帮助吸收的元素，不能改善
2. 基因 不能改善

调查的缺陷
-什么样的人摄入dairy多？可能是本身就易患此病的人
-差距的绝对值多大？差一个人也是higher rate
-骨折因素，如摔伤、车祸等

我的习作

There is a common view among people that a diet rich in dairy products, like milk, can reduce our risks of osteoporosis, since milk and dairy products are rich in two substances which are essential for building and maintaining our bones, vitamin D and calcium. However, as the author mentioned, a long-term study found that, instead of decreasing, the risk of bone fractures increasing for those who consistently consumed dairy products. Although it is plausible, I think more evidence need to be provided in order to make it more reasonable.

开头略长  而且没有指出原作者的结论到底是什么 即使argument提出两种观点 原作者肯定有自己的结论  
下面我不看了 你自己比对了我的范文或提纲后我再看吧
请保留我的批注  


Dec 5- 你第一段改了没  




To begin with, even though milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium, we cannot get the conclusion that a diet rich of these things can help us prevent osteoporosis directly. It is highly possible that the absorbing of vitamin D and calcium needs another substance, like enough vitamin C or something else. The influence of eating more dairy products alone is very limited.


这一段明显偏短
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
你明显没有按照题目要求写啊
我建议你先找几道我写了全文的argument 照着范文逐字逐句同意转换的学习 不要拍脑袋自己想  


Secondly, the main reason to cause osteoporosis is complicated. Both environmental and genetic factors can lead to osteoporosis. Different reasons need different solutions. Using environmental factors as an example, if the reason was lacking of vitamin D or calcium in this region’s traditional diet, then we could make it up by eating dairy products deliberately. But if the reason was lacking some elements helped to absorb vitamin D or calcium, then eating more dairy products would be useless. What’s more, if the reason was genetic factors, then the probability to offset it by a diet rich in dairy products is very small. In order to support the point of view that dairy products can help reduce the risk of osteoporosis, we need more information of the true reason for it.





Finally, there are also some mistakes in the survey. Although the long-term study showed that a higher rate of bone fractures in those who consumed dairy products in these years, we cannot conclude that dairy products can actually increase the risk of osteoporosis since we do not know much details about this survey. One situation which is possible is that a large percentage of those who consumed dairy products routinely are old people who are more likely and afraid of having osteoporosis, while those who did not consumed dairy products very often are younger people who are less likely to have osteoporosis. So the comparison between these two groups are meaningless, a more scientific comparison should be done among older people, using daily dairy product consummation as variable. What’s more, we don’t know the absolute value of people who got bone fractures in this survey. What if the difference between the two groups is just 1 person? It is possible that this guy got bone fracture because traffic accident or other reasons. So, more information about the study is need before we get a conclusion from it.

In conclusion, neither side have a sound reason to support their opinion. In order to persuade others, they need to do more study.

冲动是蘑菇UID: 3586028

6号考试，只恨没能早看到老师的作文教学。刚写的另外一篇习作ARGU22，请老师指点。

题目
ARGU22) According to a recent report, cheating among college and university students is on the rise. However, Groveton College has successfully reduced student cheating by adopting an honor code, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced a system in which teachers closely monitored students; under that system, teachers reported an average of thirty cases of cheating per year. In the first year the honor code was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey, a majority of Groveton students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. Thus, all colleges and universities should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's in order to decrease cheating among students.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
=============================================================
我的思路，攻击从如下几点展开
1. recent report中学校不具有代表性，都是相对差学校，学生为了及格而易作弊； GC是top学校，学生本身很好学，不需要作弊来毕业。
2. honor code实施效果：仅通过学生报告来判断。学生之间关系好，可能不报告。
3. honor code的真正影响：可能cheating下降是由电子监控普及、学校政策更严格了导致的，而非honor code；且文末提到的调查，应是新老系统对比，而非有没有新系统对比。

老师思路：
students agree not to cheat
students agree to notify faculty
replace teacher monitor- report 30 per year

21 cases under honour code
5 years later- drop to 14  
survey- less likely to cheat

all colleges and universities

从老师文中提炼出的几个点
GC特例
-学业压力大小
-学生发现cheating的能力
举报的详情
-学生是否会举报同学
-是否因为总学生人数减少
===============================================================
我的习作
The author of this argument said that all colleges and universities should learn some experience from Groveton College and use the honor code system to replace previous teacher monitoring system in order to reduce the rate of cheating. While the report did show a better result in Groveton College, a number of questions about the details of the report, the applying of honor code system and the real influence of this system have to be answered to justify whether honor code system is better than teacher monitoring system.

To begin with, we need to know some details about the report. The trend of cheating is rising rapidly according to the report. However, we do not know what kind of universities was chosen for this survey. A common sense among us is that students in better universities are more hard working and are less likely to cheat in an exam, while students who do not have much talent in learning may choose to cheat in order to pass the final. So if the survey was done in some universities with ranking beyond 100, let’s say, and the Groveton College is one of the top colleges, then this result is useless. Maybe the cheating rate in top universities is decreasing among these years.

Another important question need to be answered is the exercising effect. The only way for us to get the data of cheating is other students’ notifying. However, the relationship between students are usually much sounder than that between students and teachers. It is highly possible that students would not report cheating behavior even if they knew it clearly because this kind of behavior will bring nothing but the risk of breaking the relationship with other students. Anyway, no one wants to make friends with a traitor, even if you are doing the right thing.

The last issue need to be solved is about the influence of this new system. We cannot conclude from the cheating number difference between the old system and the new one, since everything is changing these years. Something unrelated to the honor code system may play an important role in decreasing cheating number, like the development of electronic monitoring equipment and the more rigorous rules about cheating. Students are afraid of these changes instead of the new system. And what’s more, the survey of students would be less likely to cheat with an honor code is meaningless. We should compare the honor code system with the teacher monitoring one, instead of comparing it to nothing.

In conclusion, the conclusion of diffusing the honor code system to all colleges is not very sound. In order to make it more reasonable, the questions mentioned above need to be answered.  （字数451）
==============================================================
老师原作
It is argued that all universities and colleges should follow the example of Groveton College to adopt an honor code in order to reduce the cases of cheating. A number of questions about the cheating cases, the reasons why fewer cases of cheating were reported and how representative Groveton is among universities have to be answered in order to decide if the recommendation and the argument are reasonable.  

To begin with, we need to know more about the details of the cheating cases among Groveton students to decide if the honor code is likely to be effective.  For example, we need to know if students are likely to keep their promises not to cheat during their studies given the pressure of performing well.  If the students are under great pressure to do well academically, they may cheat despite their promises under the honor code. In addition, we need to know if students are more likely to detect the cases of cheating than teachers. For example, in close-book exams, maybe students can discover cheating cases of their peers around them more easily; but in paper-based assignments, teachers will detect cheating more easily with anti-plagiarism software such as Turnitin.

In addition, we also need to know why the number of reported cases of cheating was reduced after the adoption of honor code. We need more evidence about how likely students are to report their peers’ cheating cases. Maybe the students are reluctant to report the cases under peer pressure, thereby reducing the number of reported cases when the actual number of cheating cases was higher. If the decrease of reported cases is a result of the students’ reluctance to report, the honor code would actually be ineffective in deterring cheating.  Another possible reason for the decline of cheating cases could be the reduction of enrolments of the college, which we need to explore with more evidence.  

Finally, it is important to ask to what extent the other universities and colleges are comparable to Groveton and the honor code would be acceptable among the students and faculty members. Maybe the honor code is effective in Groveton as students there are not under great pressure to perform well or most of them are strongly motivated and well prepared for the assessments. This may not be the case for students in other universities or colleges. Moreover, for the honor code to work, both students and faculty members need to accept it as a legitimate and viable system. Groveton students and faculty may find the system acceptable but those from other universities and colleges may not.  

In conclusion, we do not know whether the recommendation would be effective and whether the argument is reasonable until we can gather more information to answer the questions discussed above.  
16:58  

Y_BeanUID: 3616819

学习当中

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

冲动是蘑菇 发表于 2015-12-4 20:20
6号考试，只恨没能早看到老师的作文教学。刚写的另外一篇习作ARGU22，请老师指点。

题目

意见同上 先照着范文的思路和内容 用自己的话写一遍

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

205953
本博客点击次数已超过200K

苏去疾UID: 3661626

练了一篇issue 89 感觉不是很好写  感觉很容易写矛盾  
求老师批改一下我的提纲和全文~

89) Claim: Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system.
Reason: Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
------------------------------------------------------------------
提纲： 开头   部分同意  
         个人问题   法律没法解决因为改变不了想法  吸毒
         公共问题   可以解决   比如偷税漏税  雇佣童工
         无论是哪种问题  法律并不是解决问题的唯一方法 其他 道德标准
         总结
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is claimed that laws and the legal system cannot solve many problems of society because it fails to change people's minds. I agree with the assertion if the problems only relate to individual freedom. However, when it comes to the public problems, laws and legal system play essential roles in solving social problems.

On the one hand, laws have nothing to do with problems concerning the individual because it cannot change what people think. It is beyond argument that humans have rights to decide what they like and what they want to do. Even if the behavior may violate the law, some people would still try all the means to meet their needs because of the intrinsic impulse of desire. For example, people who take drugs have been addicted to it and they cannot just abandon the excited illumination which brought by drugs. Although they realize the drug has great detrimental effects on their body and mind, they would still keep taking drugs. Thus, in terms of the unchangeable minds of the individual, laws are not as effective as expected.

On the other hand, in solving problems about the public, laws and legal systems may exert their powerful effects since it can regulate the behavior of public associations. For instance, the objective of companies is to gain more interests. Sometimes the greedy businessmen may employ underage workers to reduce the cost of operating the business. Thus, they could benefit more from the increased profit. In this situation, the law regulating the business and companies is extremely necessary. With the aid of law, the businessmen dare not to employ underage works again because they could not bear the severe punishment and heavy fines.

No matter what problems exist in modern society, laws and legal system are not the only way to cope with them. Other methods should also be taken into consideration when we are struggling with social problems. Just look at the human history, in no time did the legal system eliminate all the problems. However, the rate of crimes is never increasing without bound because the moral standard limits people's evil minds. In addition, as the civilization degree of society is higher and higher, people become more and more aware of obeying social rules and moral standards. Thus, they would commit less crimes and social problems would be effectively solved in this way.

In conclusion, whether laws and legal systems can solve social problems depends on whether these problems involves the individuals or the public. What's more, in order to achieve the harmonious society, other methods such as moral standards should also be considered to reduce social problems.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

苏去疾 发表于 2015-12-6 14:25
练了一篇issue 89 感觉不是很好写  感觉很容易写矛盾  
求老师批改一下我的提纲和全文~

不太看好你将问题分作个人问题和公共问题   个人问题法律解决不了这个观点很难自圆其说
中间第三段基本上偏题了-这是很严重的问题，要好好反省杜绝再犯
你针对reason并没有正面回应  
我建议你选择一个比较简单的写法  
同意reason 但是不同意claim  然后分个人和社会层面讨论 法律可以有效解决个人和社会层面的问题 主要通过提供incentive和disincentive  虽然不能改变人的思想 但是却可以改变人的行为  

苏去疾UID: 3661626

tesolchina 发表于 2015-12-6 20:45
不太看好你将问题分作个人问题和公共问题   个人问题法律解决不了这个观点很难自圆其说
中间第三段基本 ...

写的时候也觉得中间第三段不太合适。谢谢老师的建议！我换个思路再写写！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

为什么作文版总有人来发不雅广告？

FreyaDicaprioUID: 3487114

满分啊=-=老师真厉害！！

Rebecca.DUID: 3622356

谢谢老师上次的点评，这次换一个稍简单的，针对characteristics具体分类三种情况讨论，请王老师点评
2.To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
题纲：基本同意
1.        大城市是经济发展历程的代表
2.        一些大城市是文化历史的传承地
3.        大城市如首都是政治中心
4.        要更深入全面的了解一个社会也需要进一步了解一些小城市。

To a largely extent, I agree with this statement that if one want to understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major city. Because major cities mostly stand by the economy., culture and political features. This is also why these cities can be entitled the major cities of the nation. Nevertheless, others cities of the country play important roles in the nation which should not be ignored.
To begin with, it is true that major cities can represdentent the main characteristics in economic area. Like New York to the United States, Shanghai is the most important city around the country that can illustrate the economic development of China. Taking advantage of its location, middle of the China and near by the sea, the economy of Shanghai develop rapidly during the new times of China. More and more business men would like to establish their company at Shanghai, since its convenient location and more free market than other cities. Therefore, Shanghai express the  the  progress of development economy of China represdentatively.
Secondly, as for culture, there is no denying that some major cities’ rise is based on its thick and profound culture accumulation. Some cities keep the old age architectures still and heritage the culture more overtly and comprehensively than other smaller cities. Roma is the most representatively city to illustrate my point.  As the captain of Italy, Roma protects its history culture carefully and comprehensively. Rome give the birth of ancient Roma, and heritage its history arts and culture to make people come rome to appreciate the great ancient times. It is still keep the culture of Renaissance, Baroque architectures, and the famous The Colosseum or Coliseum,which  make Rome famous as the largest outdoor museum in the world. Therefore, if one wants to understand the foremost important culture, there is no better choice than some major historical culture cities like Rome.
Thirdly, in general, the most important political city of the country is the capital, such as Washington, London, and Beijing. It collects the most important institute and government officers. Also it must be the first city to execute the policies,as a result, it may become the most representative city of the country’s polity. On the other hand, some major cities are also the large education cities, concentrating largely young and elites. So major cities embody the most important characteristics of polity and education.
However, if one want to understand the society overly and profoundly, it is not enough to only study its major cities. Some smaller cities has their own typical history, culture, economy and policy which also contribute to shape the society. For example, for China, it contains 56 very different minority nationalities constructing the whole China,effecting the Chinese political determination culture construct and even history development.
To sum up, it is undeniable that study the major cities is the inevitable way to understand the most important characteristics of a society. However, this is not the only way, in order to understand the society deeply and comprehensively, one still should study some small cities also.

来回晃悠UID: 3673942

这个帖子竟然真的长期有效！先来mark一下，感谢楼主无私奉献！

lolcatUID: 3550066

这贴超棒