寄托天下
楼主: ClaretZ
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[备考小组] 14年秋季提纲互改小组-Issue1 [复制链接]

Rank: 2

声望
51
寄托币
209
注册时间
2014-7-11
精华
0
帖子
28

US-applicant

16
发表于 2014-10-17 17:44:53 |只看该作者
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-16 21:30
Issue1 As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to th ...

非常感谢王老师详细的评价和建议!对于你提到的问题,我的回答如下:


第一段
1.什么叫做think freely不太清晰?

A:我想表达意思是科技的进步(比如MOOC)可以促进思考,比如更加方便的提供了思考所需要的材料(Ipad可以存上千本书),更加方便把人们聚集起来讨论问题,更加方便获取知识(通过学习公开课),因为有了一定的知识才可以进行更加深入的思考。这里我偷了个懒,想用think freely 来一词概括以上意思,确实有问题。

2. Moreover, with the development of technology, much more complex problem are created by it.   最后这个点和题目有什么关系看不出来
A:这里确实应该加一句:And human beings must spend much more time thinking to handle these problem.


第二段:
3.不太确定画画和思考的关系是什么。 主题句说的是certain ability 和题目说的ability to think 并不一样  

A:这里我想说的是由于电脑辅助设计的出现,设计师们手绘能力被削弱了。我当时觉得手绘能力也是一种思考能力,不过现在想想确实有点牵强。

第三段
2.不太确定这里free thinking指的是什么 关键概念不清晰是很致命的  

A:已经回答


第四段
3.不太明白为什么要在这里加几句可能的挑战 题目并没有要求 如果加应该另开一段  

A:这里加几句可能的挑战(One may argue that ...)是我看了OG的Issue 说明里面说的“考虑别人会用怎么样的观点来反驳或者削弱我的观点”,所以我在这里提到别人可能会问如果互联网技术这么发达,人们搜一下google就能找到问题的答案,那还用得着思考吗?接着,我再提出我的观点来驳斥这个观点。不过,我刚开始准备issue,我不知道这种论述有没有问题?还请老师指教!

第五段
另外,想问楼主几个问题
1) 你是先想例子还是先想观点?
2) 你在写中间段分论点时有没有关注这个分论点与题目本身是否符合?

A:  1)计算器和计算机辅助设计的例子是先有观点再想例子的,MOOC的例子是边写边想的。Anyway,计算机辅助设计的例子确实没有表达好。
2)我写之前列了一个提纲,但是显然自己觉得合理了,表达上却没有选择合适的词汇,有点文不达意。

总结:这是我第一篇issue,还有很多要学习的地方。再次感谢老师的批改!

举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
41
寄托币
569
注册时间
2010-8-4
精华
0
帖子
80
17
发表于 2014-10-20 16:21:21 |只看该作者
Along with increasing reliance on technology to solve problems, an issue whether the thinking ability of humans surly deteriorates naturally invites. However, a widely recognized consensus on this issue has far from been established. Admittedly, to some extent, more dependence on technology causes people’s thinking ability deteriorating. However, in most cases, more reliance on technology does not bring negative influence on people’s thinking ability and even help people do some intellectual work.

Actually, in some cases, more dependent on technology people are, more evident the tendency that human’s thinking ability is deteriorating will be. For instance, people has increasingly used computer to type words instead of hands. As is well known to all, Chinese character has powerful meaning in its structure. But, as people unduly utilizes screen to type words, they has less chance to rethink the structure of Chinese character, not to mention calligraphy. Following this, the ability of understanding the traditional works and culture will deteriorate, because character is an important carrier of traditional manuscripts. Even worse, some people may reckon that knowing the structure of Chinese character is fundamentally unimportant and they only need to know how to type words on screen, because computer can well cope with relevant affairs. If so, those people thoroughly serve as salves of technology.

Nonetheless, in most cases, using technology does not certainty impose negative effect on people’s thinking ability. People consider technology just as tools to accomplish some tasks that they do not incline to pay much attention to, especially burden tasks. Furthermore, not only can improve work efficiency, but also they can devote relatively more time and energy to creative works. For instance, in factories, more and more different types of technologies are used in assembly line. Humans use crane to lift heavy goods out of humans’ reach from one place to other. Reproducing and printing technologies are widely used in office room. In sum, using technology for solving tasks is flooded with in every corner of our society. But, the emergence of such technology is no more than substituting humans’ hands and cannot exert negative effect on human’s thinking ability, and instead, largely increases working efficiency.

Moreover, providing effective instruments, technology can even help people do intellectual work.
For instance, astronomers from the High-z Supernova Search Team and Supernova Cosmology Project used the Hubble Scope Telescope to observe distant supernovae and uncovered evidence that, far from decelerating under the influence of gravity, expansion of the universe may in fact be accelerating. This finding cast doubt on theories about the universe. But, this acceleration was later measured accurately by other ground-based and space-based telescopes, confirming Hubble’s findings. Hubble’s finding further facilitates the people’s understanding on the universe. It is the assistance of such technology as the Hubble Scope Telescope that makes people achieve progress in a wide range of research fields.

In sum, to some extent, reliance on technology can deteriorate people’s thinking ability. However, in most cases, it is not the case, and even technology can provide assistance for people engaged in intellectual work.

写的很快,希望压缩时间,一般字数多少较为合适

举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
912
寄托币
6214
注册时间
2006-2-26
精华
4
帖子
2367

寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

18
发表于 2014-10-20 18:38:18 |只看该作者
麻烦你编辑本楼加上英语提纲和汉语解释

举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
41
寄托币
569
注册时间
2010-8-4
精华
0
帖子
80
19
发表于 2014-10-20 19:37:02 |只看该作者
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-20 18:38
麻烦你编辑本楼加上英语提纲和汉语解释

某种程度上依赖技术解决问题确实会导致人thinking ability 下降
但是更多的是 不会受到影响,甚至有助于人们做intellectual work.

第2段说明第一层意思,依赖技术会导致thinking ability 下降。举例人们依赖电脑打字,而不是用手,对于汉字的认识和传统作品的理解力下降,甚至有可能成为technology的slave

第3段 说明依赖技术不会影响,更多的时候人们是用来做工具使用,完成一些人们不太愿意花太多精力去完成的东西,他们的存在只不过是代替人的手, 为人类节省时间,提高效率。

第4段 说明 依赖技术甚至有助于人们做intellectual work. 举哈勃望远镜的例子,帮助人类认识宇宙实在加速。推动人类对宇宙的认识。

举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
912
寄托币
6214
注册时间
2006-2-26
精华
4
帖子
2367

寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

20
发表于 2014-10-20 23:30:28 |只看该作者
raikkonen36 发表于 2014-10-20 19:37
某种程度上依赖技术解决问题确实会导致人thinking ability 下降
但是更多的是 不会受到影响,甚至有助于 ...



某种程度上依赖技术解决问题确实会导致人thinking ability 下降
但是更多的是 不会受到影响,甚至有助于人们做intellectual work.

第2段说明第一层意思,依赖技术会导致thinking ability 下降。举例人们依赖电脑打字,而不是用手,对于汉字的认识和传统作品的理解力下降,甚至有可能成为technology的slave

第3段 说明依赖技术不会影响,更多的时候人们是用来做工具使用,完成一些人们不太愿意花太多精力去完成的东西,他们的存在只不过是代替人的手, 为人类节省时间,提高效率。

第4段 说明 依赖技术甚至有助于人们做intellectual work. 举哈勃望远镜的例子,帮助人类认识宇宙实在加速。推动人类对宇宙的认识。

Along with increasing reliance on technology to solve problems, an issue whether the thinking ability of humans surly deteriorates naturally invites. However, a widely recognized consensus on this issue has far from been established. Admittedly, to some extent, more dependence on technology causes people’s thinking ability deteriorating. However, in most cases, more reliance on technology does not bring negative influence on people’s thinking ability and even help people do some intellectual work.

首先说一下你的开头,似乎是在用某种模板。但是有几个明显的问题 issue和invite搭配有问题  far from being… 不是been  

再来看你的主旨句 似乎在用1+3的模型 但是你的主旨句面临一个无整合立场问题 题目问对科技的依赖会否使人思考能力退化 你说在一定程度上会,但大部分情况不会。这样的观点让人搞不清楚你到底是什么立场。

你的主旨句里要说清楚在什么情况下会,什么情况下不会,你的观点才算是整合的。
比如我说对于搞科技开发的人来说,依赖科技解决问题不会使他们思考能力变弱;对于搞研究的人来说,依赖科技查找文献和与同行交流,不会使他们思考能力变弱;但是对于广大依靠电视获取资讯和娱乐的人来说,他们的思考能力会变弱

虽然在我的观点中也有不同的态度,也是具体情况下命题成立或不成立,但是我说出了具体的情况,后面就比较好展开。
  

Actually, in some cases, more dependent on technology people are, more evident the tendency that human’s thinking ability is deteriorating will be.你这个句子表达很有问题 起码是the more.., the more…  不明白你为什么要用这种句型 写简单有把握的句子不好吗  
For instance, people has increasingly used computer to type words instead of hands. As is well known to all, Chinese character has powerful meaning in its structure. But, as people unduly utilizes screen to type words, they has less chance to rethink the structure of Chinese character, not to mention calligraphy. Following this, the ability of understanding the traditional works and culture will deteriorate, because character is an important carrier of traditional manuscripts. Even worse, some people may reckon that knowing the structure of Chinese character is fundamentally unimportant and they only need to know how to type words on screen, because computer can well cope with relevant affairs. If so, those people thoroughly serve as salves of technology.

这就是我为什么要你先写提纲 不要直接发全文
你这例子完全不行


Nonetheless, in most cases, using technology does not certainty impose negative effect on people’s thinking ability. People consider technology just as tools to accomplish some tasks that they do not incline to pay much attention to, especially burden tasks. Furthermore, not only can improve work efficiency, but also they can devote relatively more time and energy to creative works. For instance, in factories, more and more different types of technologies are used in assembly line. Humans use crane to lift heavy goods out of humans’ reach from one place to other. Reproducing and printing technologies are widely used in office room. In sum, using technology for solving tasks is flooded with in every corner of our society. But, the emergence of such technology is no more than substituting humans’ hands and cannot exert negative effect on human’s thinking ability, and instead, largely increases working efficiency.

题目说的是rely on technology to solve problems 不是accomplish task


Moreover, providing effective instruments, technology can even help people do intellectual work.
For instance, astronomers from the High-z Supernova Search Team and Supernova Cosmology Project used the Hubble Scope Telescope to observe distant supernovae and uncovered evidence that, far from decelerating under the influence of gravity, expansion of the universe may in fact be accelerating. This finding cast doubt on theories about the universe. But, this acceleration was later measured accurately by other ground-based and space-based telescopes, confirming Hubble’s findings. Hubble’s finding further facilitates the people’s understanding on the universe. It is the assistance of such technology as the Hubble Scope Telescope that makes people achieve progress in a wide range of research fields.

这个例子挺好 但是你没有通过这个例子说出 人们的思考能力没有下降  
你可以说望远镜提供了更多的数据 挑战和鼓励科学家更深刻的思考 等等

不管举什么例子都要切合题目提出的问题和你要表达的观点


In sum, to some extent, reliance on technology can deteriorate people’s thinking ability. However, in most cases, it is not the case, and even technology can provide assistance for people engaged in intellectual work.

举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
41
寄托币
569
注册时间
2010-8-4
精华
0
帖子
80
21
发表于 2014-10-22 11:14:47 |只看该作者
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-20 23:30
某种程度上依赖技术解决问题确实会导致人thinking ability 下降
但是更多的是 不会受到影响,甚至有 ...

谢谢王老师的意见。

主旨句:With reliance on technology to solve problems, people’s thinking ability not necessarily deteriorates and even enhances.


第一段:依赖技术会导致thinking ability 下降。Admittedly, it is true that reliance on technology to solve problems can bring negative influence on people’s thinking ability. 举例说明:人们选择放松解决压力,有些人选择看电视,但是有专家指出,看电视会导致思维下降。另一个是人们倾向于天气预报,来判断天气,导致人们自身在判断天气变化的能力下降。

第二段:依赖技术不会对thinking ability 产生影响。Nonetheless, when people attempt to solve problems using technology, people’s thinking ability not necessarily deteriorates. Sometimes, it seems to be no close relationship between reliance on technology and their thinking ability. 人们常常把他们看着代替手的工具,例如流水线作业,办公室复制打印技术,起重机转运货物。这样人们可以不仅提高效率,还可以花相对多的时间和精力在其他creative work。

第三段:依赖技术甚至会对thinking ability 产生积极影响。With the support of technology, people can deal with some problems in intellectual work, with their thinking ability enhancing. 举例哈勃望远镜,哈勃望远镜的反馈的数据证实宇宙是在加速,这与科学家的理论有点冲突,但之后,通过科学家在反复思考之后通过other ground-based and space-based telescopes,证实了哈勃望远镜的结果。It is the assistance of such technology as the Hubble Scope Telescope that facilitates people’s thinking ability.

举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
912
寄托币
6214
注册时间
2006-2-26
精华
4
帖子
2367

寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

22
发表于 2014-10-22 11:28:14 |只看该作者
raikkonen36 发表于 2014-10-22 11:14
谢谢王老师的意见。

主旨句:With reliance on technology to solve problems, people’s thinking ab ...

我觉得你这个提纲比之前的有了很大的进步,三个段落都在回应题目的核心问题,但是在概括整体观点的时候对几个不同方面的例子的总结还做得不够。你的观点变成在某些时候无影响、有些时候有负面影响、有些时候有正面影响。你这个观点对于我们认识这个问题没有什么指导作用。

你或许可以更明确的指出
- 当科技帮助人们节省体力的时候,对思考能力没有影响
-当科技代替人们的认知能力时,对思考能力有负面影响
- 当科技扩展人的眼界提供更多信息或数据时, 对思考能力有正面的挑战和影响

然后你可以用你的例子来分别说明以上的观点,这样你的论述就会对理解这个问题具有指导意义 你的观点就可以算是Insightful  

举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
41
寄托币
569
注册时间
2010-8-4
精华
0
帖子
80
23
发表于 2014-10-22 11:57:34 |只看该作者
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-22 11:28
我觉得你这个提纲比之前的有了很大的进步,三个段落都在回应题目的核心问题,但是在概括整体观点的时候对 ...

你的意思是论点应该抽象点,需要一定的高度,然后再用例子说明,对吗?

举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
78
寄托币
289
注册时间
2014-1-21
精华
0
帖子
46

US-applicant

24
发表于 2014-10-24 20:52:15 |只看该作者
TS: Our human beings are always looking for more efficient technology to solve our problems and those technology we find figure out our questions. On one hand, we cannot omit that we become to prefer using technology to solve problems before we think and be indolent. On the other hand, we should notice that technology provides people with effective instruments for intellectual work and use this to face unsolved problem.

1、All the time technology has been truely sovling our problem.比如计算机的发明解决了科学计算中之前难以计算的问题:发明的初衷为了计算导弹弹道(missile trajectory)大质数(big prime number)的寻找、数值积分(numerical integration),汽车的发明解决了出行困难的问题,
2、We should acknowledge that there are some possibilities that we may become lazy and spend less time to think as the development of the technology.(对应1段中举的例子)计算机使得人们遇到问题不喜欢自己思考而是用计算机寻找答案,青少年沉溺在computer games(简单重复性活动)中,
3、However the trueth is that after solving some problems by using technology, there will be some more difficult problems that are waiting us to solve. (依然对应1段中的例子)运用计算机去模拟宇宙大爆炸寻找未知的粒子。并且科技使得我们对于原来的一些问题的思考变得更加全面
已有 1 人评分声望 收起 理由
tesolchina + 1 加油!

总评分: 声望 + 1   查看全部投币

举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
912
寄托币
6214
注册时间
2006-2-26
精华
4
帖子
2367

寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

25
发表于 2014-10-24 22:31:41 |只看该作者
ikow 发表于 2014-10-24 20:52
TS: Our human beings are always looking for more efficient technology to solve our problems and thos ...

Issue1、As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


TS: Our human beings are always looking for more efficient technology to solve our problems and those technology we find figure out our questions. On one hand, we cannot omit that we become to prefer using technology to solve problems before we think and be indolent. On the other hand, we should notice that technology provides people with effective instruments for intellectual work and use this to face unsolved problem.

句子中的表达问题不少
those technology we find figure out our questions 不懂
we become to prefer 语法
omit that表达问题

你的主旨句也是自相矛盾的 未能整合观点
还有你的主旨句中完全没有提到the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate的问题
到底人类思维能力会因为依赖科技解决问题提升还是退化

我建议你看看楼上我点评其他同学的作文

后面的例子挺好但是不管什么例子 都要讨论一个具体的技术
1 如何帮助人们解决问题 形成依赖
2 这个技术队人类思考能力的正面或负面影响


1、All the time technology has been truely sovling our problem.比如计算机的发明解决了科学计算中之前难以计算的问题:发明的初衷为了计算导弹弹道(missile trajectory)大质数(big prime number)的寻找、数值积分(numerical integration),汽车的发明解决了出行困难的问题,


2、We should acknowledge that there are some possibilities that we may become lazy and spend less time to think as the development of the technology.(对应1段中举的例子)计算机使得人们遇到问题不喜欢自己思考而是用计算机寻找答案,青少年沉溺在computer games(简单重复性活动)中,
3、However the trueth is that after solving some problems by using technology, there will be some more difficult problems that are waiting us to solve. (依然对应1段中的例子)运用计算机去模拟宇宙大爆炸寻找未知的粒子。并且科技使得我们对于原来的一些问题的思考变得更加全面

举报

Rank: 4

声望
75
寄托币
494
注册时间
2013-11-18
精华
0
帖子
170

US-applicant

26
发表于 2014-10-25 19:00:47 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 黑白沉默 于 2014-10-25 19:32 编辑

王老师,我尝试使用您的1+3写法,但因为我对这道题基本持负面态度,所以采用您1+3写法中的复杂的主旨句,总感觉没有把我的观点表达明确。。。求指教。。。谢谢!!

Technology can either positively or negatively affects people's thinking ability in different situations. While the development of cars and other kinds of vehicles provides new problems than before which force people to think more, the Internet makes it easier to find answers for questions on the Internet than to figure them out by ourselves. Moreover, although it is true that people sometimes tend to be more dependent on technology and thinks less, it is not technology but people's own laziness that should be blamed for.

The development of cars and other kinds of vehicles provides new problems than before which force people to think more. 科技的发展使汽车普及,使各种不同交通工具被发明运用。当我们的生活变得更加便利的同时,空气污染问题越发严重,这是以前所没有的。新问题的产生迫使我们寻找解决问题的方法,因而科技进步在很多时候也促进了我们的思考。

The Internet makes it easier to find answers for questions on the Internet than to figure them out by ourselves. 在过去当我们想要解决一个问题,因为我们没有足够的资料参考,就只能靠思考来想办法解决问题。但是,由于网络的出现,我们进入了一个信息爆炸的时代。就比如Wikipedia上有各种别人总结过的信息,我们只需要搜索问题就能得到我们想要的答案,因而,科技进步使我们确实有可能不像以前那样勤于思考了。

Moreover, although it is true that people sometimes tend to be more dependent on technology and thinks less, it is not technology but people's own laziness that should be blamed for.虽说科技有时候确实会影响人们思考,但事实上这只是人们为自己的懒惰所找的借口。只要我们愿意去思考,就算网络上有很多某个问题的解决方法,人们也完全可以通过思考想到更好的;如果因为科技发展帮你解决了某些问题,只要我们愿意思考,也可以利用节省下来的时间,去解决其他问题,就像我第一段所说的那样,问题总是有的。因而,只要解决了懒惰的问题,科技不会使人们的思考能力退化。

举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
78
寄托币
289
注册时间
2014-1-21
精华
0
帖子
46

US-applicant

27
发表于 2014-10-25 22:19:23 |只看该作者
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-24 22:31
Issue1、As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to thi ...

当时一开始写的时候没有仔细看题目,没有注意到对人的思考的影响,自己感觉也是观点表明的不是很明确
今天看了老师的点评和前面同学写的提纲,我又重新写了个提纲,希望老师过目


As the technology playing a more and more important role to solve problems in people's life, although we rely more and more on it ,our thinking ablitity will not deteriorate.We will spend less time on already solved problems and pay more attention on unresolved questions. Meanwhile, we will think to make our existing technology more efficient and suitable.

1、 The development of advanced technology have setted our mind free from repetitive work.比如我们越来越多利用计算机处理实验数据,中间繁琐的计算、统计过程不需要我们再去思考,节约了我们的时间。

2、 Then we will think about the more difficult and unresolved questions with the help of advanced technology.比如在物理研究中,计算机可以帮助我们计算,但是需要人们思考更加合适的模型,例如我们已经利用计算机得出了描述电磁、强弱相互作用的模型,但是仍然需要寻找描述引力相互作用的模型。技术只是一个辅助的手段和工具,创造性的工作需要人脑去完成。

3、 It still needs us thinking to improve extant technology and fix its shortcomings.燃油发动机需要我们去解决环保问题,电力发动机需要我们解决续航问题



老师,我有个想法不知道对不对:
例如在这题中,对于中庸的看法:认为对于科技的依赖削弱了人类思考的能力在某些方面成立,在某些方面不成立,那么我在主旨句中就应该明确表示在那些方面成立,哪些方面不成立,然后下面的分论点根据这个展开
对于其他题目,如果有中庸的观点,也应该把具体的适用范围在一开始明确的表示出来?

举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
912
寄托币
6214
注册时间
2006-2-26
精华
4
帖子
2367

寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

28
发表于 2014-10-26 00:18:40 |只看该作者
ikow 发表于 2014-10-25 22:19
当时一开始写的时候没有仔细看题目,没有注意到对人的思考的影响,自己感觉也是观点表明的不是很明确
今 ...



当时一开始写的时候没有仔细看题目,没有注意到对人的思考的影响,自己感觉也是观点表明的不是很明确
今天看了老师的点评和前面同学写的提纲,我又重新写了个提纲,希望老师过目


As the technology playing a more and more important role to solve problems in people's life, although we rely more and more on it ,our thinking ablitity will not deteriorate.We will spend less time on already solved problems and pay more attention on unresolved questions. Meanwhile, we will think to make our existing technology more efficient and suitable.

语法和表达问题很严重   
不太明白你这里说的already solved problems和unresolved questions是指什么


1、 The development of advanced technology have setted our mind free from repetitive work.比如我们越来越多利用计算机处理实验数据,中间繁琐的计算、统计过程不需要我们再去思考,节约了我们的时间。

第一个点很好  


2、 Then we will think about the more difficult and unresolved questions with the help of advanced technology.比如在物理研究中,计算机可以帮助我们计算,但是需要人们思考更加合适的模型,例如我们已经利用计算机得出了描述电磁、强弱相互作 用的模型,但是仍然需要寻找描述引力相互作用的模型。技术只是一个辅助的手段和工具,创造性的工作需要人脑去完成。

第二个点要讲出其中的道理来 技术究竟提供了怎样的帮助  
上一点讲负担了复杂的运算  很具体
这里就不够清晰

3、 It still needs us thinking to improve extant technology and fix its shortcomings.燃油发动机需要我们去解决环保问题,电力发动机需要我们解决续航问题

我觉得这里或许强调带来的社会问题更准确 shortcoming不太准确 严格来讲不是技术的缺陷
也就是说科技促使我们去思考科技与社会 人与自然这类哲学问题  




老师,我有个想法不知道对不对:
例如在这题中,对于中庸的看法:认为对于科技的依赖削弱了人类思考的能力在某些方面成立,在某些方面不成立,那么我在主旨句中就应该明确表示在那些方面成立,哪些方面不成立,然后下面的分论点根据这个展开
对于其他题目,如果有中庸的观点,也应该把具体的适用范围在一开始明确的表示出来?


这样写的问题是如何形成一个整合的不矛盾的观点  
像你上面那个提纲是从三方面来反对命题  就很清楚 观点也很复杂  
如果你要写某些方面如何 某些方面不如何 也可以 但你必须说清楚是哪方面

比如按人分类
- 开发技术的人
- 做学问的人
- 普通人(电视观众)






举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
912
寄托币
6214
注册时间
2006-2-26
精华
4
帖子
2367

寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

29
发表于 2014-10-26 12:42:08 |只看该作者
黑白沉默 发表于 2014-10-25 19:00
王老师,我尝试使用您的1+3写法,但因为我对这道题基本持负面态度,所以采用您1+3写法中的复杂的主旨句,总 ...

Issue1、As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

王老师,我尝试使用您的1+3写法,但因为我对这道题基本持负面态度,所以采用您1+3写法中的复杂的主旨句,总感觉没有把我的观点表达明确。。。求指教。。。谢谢!!


Technology can either positively or negatively affects people's thinking ability in different situations. While the development of cars and other kinds of vehicles provides new problems than before which force people to think more, the Internet makes it easier to find answers for questions on the Internet than to figure them out by ourselves. Moreover, although it is true that people sometimes tend to be more dependent on technology and thinks less, it is not technology but people's own laziness that should be blamed for.

你认为在不同的情况下,人类思考能力可能会上升或下降 这样写可以 但是 你必须具体说明在什么情况下上升 什么情况下下降
While the development of cars and other kinds of vehicles provides new problems than before which force people to think more, 这半句很切题 当然最好能强调 as a result the thinking ability will improve
而后半句he Internet makes it easier to find answers for questions on the Internet than to figure them out by ourselves. 这里对thinking ability造成怎样的影响没有说清

Moreover, although it is true that people sometimes tend to be more dependent on technology and thinks less, it is not technology but people's own laziness that should be blamed for.

讲到laziness的问题有离题的风险 题目是说 As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate. 重点是会不会因为依赖科技解决问题而导致思想能力退化,而不是思想退化的原因是什么  如果思想由于其他原因退化 基本上和这道题是无关的  
不要为了凑字数增加内容而写一些和题目无关的内容

我觉得还是可以考虑将人群分类来讨论这个问题

举报

Rank: 4

声望
75
寄托币
494
注册时间
2013-11-18
精华
0
帖子
170

US-applicant

30
发表于 2014-10-26 17:51:11 |只看该作者
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-26 12:42
Issue1、As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to thi ...

谢谢王老师修改!!!

想再向老师请教下,因为这题我的主旨句可能表达的不太明确,其实这道题我想表达的主旨是科技不会使人的思维能力退化,分情况讨论第一种情况是会导致思维能力上升(第一段),第二种情况是虽然会导致思维能力下降(第二段),但是这种情况随着克服懒惰是可以避免的(第三段),所以得出结论不会使思维能力退化。

老师的点评说提到懒惰有偏题的风险我觉得很有道理,根据老师这个建议,我想把第三段改成:但是这种情况是可以避免的,因为当科技发展帮我们解决了一些问题的时候,节省了我们时间,我们可以用节省下来的时间去探索方法更好的解决问题。比如wikipedia给我们提供了问题的解决方案,我们就可以尝试改进这类方法,从而还是能够不使思维能力退化。

老师觉得这样的思路可以么?

举报

RE: 14年秋季提纲互改小组-Issue1 [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
14年秋季提纲互改小组-Issue1
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1778354-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
进群抱团
25fall申请群
微信扫码
小程序
寄托留学租房小程序
微信扫码
寄托Offer榜
微信扫码
公众号
寄托天下
微信扫码
服务号
寄托天下服务号
微信扫码
申请遇疑问可联系
寄托院校君
发帖
提问
报Offer
写总结
写面经
发起
投票
回顶部