15年5月27日同主题写作 issue 13

gzc405933323UID: 3574833

王老师，我这种写法是先否定政策，然后同意政策背后的原因，最后在结论处讨论如何改进政策。不知这种写法可行吗？


Thesis: Although  the college requirement for a broad range of non-major curriculum is not desirable for both the universities and the students of demanding quantitative majors, obtaining knowledge from different academic fields is an ideal way for one to learn more from their major studies and people from other academic backgrounds.


1. It is difficult for colleges to offer a wide range of courses for students, which will increase the efforts of course management and the expenditure of universities. 上述政策需要学校开设不同课程，因此学校同时也要有效管理这些课程以保证教学质量，因此学校必须投入更多精力在课程管理方面。与此同时，学校开设不同课程需要招聘来自更多领域的授课人员，因此开支会上涨。如果该大学财政出现赤字，将会难以承担上述政策。

2. In addition, it is not efficient for students of demanding majors including chemical engineering and physics to focus on their major studies if they are required to take non-major courses. 展开：时间的限制（物理和化学这些理工类的学科需要学生通入大量的时间，因此这些要求也许会剥夺他们宝贵的major学习时间）, 分散注意力(不同领域会分散他们的注意力，从而会影响他们对本科学习的专著度，从而降低他们的学习效率)
       
3.However, seeking knowledge from a variety of academic subjects can broaden the view of the students, which further inspire them on their major studies. 例子1：不同科目知识结构之间存在直接关系，比如数学和物理学的直接关系，历史上许多物理学家都把他们的理论建立在数学模型的基础上，比如保罗迪拉克（Paul Dirac）的迪拉克方程和薛定谔（Erwin Schrodinger）的薛定谔方程。例子2：某些major外的课程能够培养有助于在自己上major取得成就的能力，例如修辞学（rhetoric）和商业管理，修辞学能培养表达和沟通能力，而表达沟通能力是一个商业管理精英必备的能力，因此UC Berkeley的Haas School of Business鼓励学生去上一些修辞学的课程。

4. Taking a variety of non-major courses can expose them to a broader social circle of students and professors from different academic backgrounds.学习不同课程可以认识不同领域的教授和学生，交到更多朋友，从而从不同人身上学习到不同东西，而且对未来职业发展也会有帮助。

4.        Conclusion：先总结，然后提出其实大学可以建议而不必要求学生去学主科以外的课程，同时在不超出能力的情况下开设尽量多的不同科目的课程，以供学生选择。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

gzc405933323 发表于 2014-11-12 01:54
王老师，我这种写法是先否定政策，然后同意政策背后的原因，最后在结论处讨论如何改进政策。不知这种写法可 ...

ISSUE 70
Claim: Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's major field of study.
Reason: Acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.




王老师，我这种写法是先否定政策，然后同意政策背后的原因，最后在结论处讨论如何改进政策。不知这种写法可行吗？


Thesis: Although  the college requirement for a broad range of non-major curriculum is not desirable for both the universities and the students of demanding quantitative majors, obtaining knowledge from different academic fields is an ideal way for one to learn more from their major studies and people from other academic backgrounds.

感觉似乎应该先肯定reason也就是前提，然后可以对claim提出保留意见  这样似乎更make sense


1. It is difficult for colleges to offer a wide range of courses for students, which will increase the efforts of course management and the expenditure of universities. 上述政策需要学校开设不同课程，因此学校同时也要有效管理这些课程以保证教学质量，因此学校必须投入更多精力在课程管理方面。与此同时，学校开设不同课程 需要招聘来自更多领域的授课人员，因此开支会上涨。如果该大学财政出现赤字，将会难以承担上述政策。

不觉得这个理由说得通 因为每个院系都要给本专业的同学开课 开公选课不会有太大的问题
如果要说实施的难度 或许对于某些没有相关背景的同学 比如数学不太好的同学 理工科的课程或许读不了
而理工科的同学读文科或许也有困难



2. In addition, it is not efficient for students of demanding majors including chemical engineering and physics to focus on their major studies if they are required to take non-major courses. 展开：时间的限制（物理和化学这些理工类的学科需要学生通入大量的时间，因此这些要求也许会剥夺他们宝贵的major学习时间）, 分散注意力(不同领域会分散他们的注意力，从而会影响他们对本科学习的专著度，从而降低他们的学习效率)

这个作为反对的理由可以成立

       
3.However, seeking knowledge from a variety of academic subjects can broaden the view of the students, which further inspire them on their major studies. 例子1：不同科目知识结构之间存在直接关系，比如数学和物理学的直接关系，历史上许多物理学家都把他们的理论建立在数学模型的基础上，比如保罗迪拉克 （Paul Dirac）的迪拉克方程和薛定谔（Erwin Schrodinger）的薛定谔方程。例子2：某些major外的课程能够培养有助于在自己上major取得成就的能力，例如修辞学 （rhetoric）和商业管理，修辞学能培养表达和沟通能力，而表达沟通能力是一个商业管理精英必备的能力，因此UC Berkeley的Haas School of Business鼓励学生去上一些修辞学的课程。

还是建议你把这个点放到前面去
而且你这个点和上段不是自打嘴巴么


4. Taking a variety of non-major courses can expose them to a broader social circle of students and professors from different academic backgrounds.学习不同课程可以认识不同领域的教授和学生，交到更多朋友，从而从不同人身上学习到不同东西，而且对未来职业发展也会有帮助。


其实感觉你3-4两段的例证都不错 为什么不考虑写全面肯定呢  




4.        Conclusion：先总结，然后提出其实大学可以建议而不必要求学生去学主科以外的课程，同时在不超出能力的情况下开设尽量多的不同科目的课程，以供学生选择。




基于你的提纲 我建议你可以这么写

中间段1 同意 reason  truly educated就是要多学不同课程
理由可以是3-4段那些

中间段2 不同意claim的第一个理由是 部分学生课业繁重 未必有时间读这些课程 如果强加的话 会不尊重学生的资助权 同时也会影响主业

中间段3 不同意claim的第二个理由是 学生未必有能力修读部分课程 比如数学不好 或者 阅读速度不够 强行要读 会给老师和学生带来麻烦

gzc405933323UID: 3574833

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-13 02:12
ISSUE 70
Claim: Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside th ...

谢谢老师点评！

qinjichunUID: 3544209

ISSUE 70
Claim: Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's major field of study.
Reason: Acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

If we define “true education” as to help student realize their future goals, get students prepared for their future path and enable them to contribute to our society, then students should take a variety of courses to acquire an inter-discipline background. In a modern society, only focus on your own major is no longer sufficient to become truly educated.

Firstly, Students will benefit from the chances of navigating in the sea of different disciplines and it is favorable for them to find where their passion and talent is. So they can determine their future goals.之后使用思维实验论证，如果他们不喜欢现在的专业的话，没有选这些课，他们可能很难找到适合自己的专业甚至可能对自己的未来产生怀疑以及缺乏明确的未来规划，而这肯定不是教育的目的。,

Secondly, an inter-discipline background will be beneficial for students to prepare for their future path.不管你的计划是什么，在现代社会， 学理工科的需要掌握基本的语言知识，经济学知识，哲学知识从而他们能更好与人交流以及适应社会变化。而学人文学科的需要掌握一定科学知识以跟上时代变化。

Thirdly, contribution to society requires mastery and proficiency in their own major and learning knowledge from other fields will facilitate their performance in their own field. 学习各科可以拓宽视野，提高写作以及思维能力，这都对专业表现有助。比如我自己选修了一门科技写作的课，这有助于我更准确更客观的表达我的观点。

aiyinUID: 3542062

In my opinion, the claim that students should be required to learn varied courses outside their major field of study is reasonable. With broad background knowledge, students could study their major field more efficiently and work more confidently in rapid development of the occupation. Likewise, students will be more likely to get innovative results if they acquire different academic disciplines’ knowledge.

To begin with, a comprehensive knowledge system will help students learn in their major field more efficiently. 人类知识体系是相互交叉的，在学习一个领域的时候往往需要另一个领域的知识做基础。比如，学习物理的时候，没有数学知识将寸步难行。或者，学习法国文学的时候，没有法语知识将无从下手。

Moreover, consider the rapid development of the technology, acquiring diverse kinds of knowledge will help one work more confidently in rapid development of the occupation. 随着科学技术的发展（包括政策变迁、产业转移等其他因素），一些新的职业会不断产生，同时旧的职业会消亡。在过去十年里，柯达胶卷停产了，唱片公司纷纷倒闭，各大报纸争先推出网络版本。旧的职业消亡了，新的职业快速产生。如果一个工人只会在胶卷厂工作，或者一个编辑只会对纸质报纸进行编辑，那是有很大的失业风险的。如果有其他领域学习的知识储备，学生在未来会较好地应对变化，并且有信心来引导变化。这就是take a variety of courses outside the student's major field of study的实用性和重要性。

Likewise, if the students acquire different academic disciplines’ knowledge, they will be more likely to get innovative results. 不同领域之间的合作可以为创新提供思路。比如，爱因斯坦酷爱小提琴，他曾经说过，他的理论的部分灵感来源于音乐的美感。苹果创始人乔布斯曾经研习书法，他表示，在当时很少有人能看到学习书法的价值，但实际上他正是通过学习书法掌握了不同的字体，在设计Mac计算机字体的时候加入了书法的创意。乔布斯说：“如果我没有学习书法，可能是Mac计算机一大缺憾。”

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

qinjichun 发表于 2014-11-19 09:59
ISSUE 70
Claim: Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the  ...

ISSUE 70
Claim: Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's major field of study.
Reason: Acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

If we define “true education” as to help student realize their future goals, get students prepared for their future path and enable them to contribute to our society, then students should take a variety of courses to acquire an inter-discipline background. In a modern society, only focus on your own major is no longer sufficient to become truly educated.

inter-discipline 词性
尝试界定truly educated确实很有必要
但是我不认为你的这个界定对你的文章有太大的帮助


help student realize their future goals, get students prepared for their future path and enable them to contribute to our society,

界定的目的是为你后面的讨论奠定基础 因此需要比较具体
而你的界定很空泛 未来目标 未来路径 贡献社会 这些的内在含义完全因人而异
或许你可以把truly educated 定义成 become an expert in a given field as well as a generalist with broad horizon  

这样你就可以先讨论要成为本领域的专家有必要修读其他课程
这里可以分两段写
先写理工科的学生应该学写作课程 就是你的最后一段
再写文科社科的学生应该学写代码 大数据时代 你懂的
最后一段写成为generalist的重要性 对不同学科、领域的涉猎 帮助我们从不同角度认识社会与人性 有助我们处理人际关系和人生问题等等




Firstly, Students will benefit from the chances of navigating in the sea of different disciplines and it is favorable for them to find where their passion and talent is. So they can determine their future goals.之后使用思维实验论证，如果他们不喜欢现在的专业的话，没有选这些课，他们可能很难找到适合自己的专业甚至可能对自己的未来产生怀疑以及缺乏 明确的未来规划，而这肯定不是教育的目的。

你这里的前提条件是学生专业选得有问题 这个似乎会严重限制你这个点的适用范围




Secondly, an inter-discipline background will be beneficial for students to prepare for their future path.不管你的计划是什么，在现代社会， 学理工科的需要掌握基本的语言知识，经济学知识，哲学知识从而他们能更好与人交流以及适应社会变化。而学人文学科的需要掌握一定科学知识以跟上时代变化。

这个点相比较下一段的内容 显得不那么具体

prepare for their future path. 具体怎么理解呢   
比起下一段所说的 帮助更好地学习专业 这个点显得很模糊



Thirdly, contribution to society requires mastery and proficiency in their own major and learning knowledge from other fields will facilitate their performance in their own field. 学习各科可以拓宽视野，提高写作以及思维能力，这都对专业表现有助。比如我自己选修了一门科技写作的课，这有助于我更准确更客观的表达我的观点。

这个点是关于修其他课程对专业课程的好处
或许可以放到中间第一段来写  
例子不错

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

aiyin 发表于 2014-11-19 21:27
In my opinion, the claim that students should be required to learn varied courses outside their majo ...

In my opinion, the claim that students should be required to learn varied courses outside their major field of study is reasonable. With broad background knowledge, students could study their major field more efficiently and work more confidently in rapid development of the occupation. Likewise, students will be more likely to get innovative results if they acquire different academic disciplines’ knowledge.


the occupation指代不明
likewise的用法

get innovative results (of what?)  
’s -> of
或许你在观点句中要回应一下题目中的关键词 truly educated  




To begin with, a comprehensive knowledge system will help students learn in their major field more efficiently. 人类知识体系是相互交叉的，在学习一个领域的时候往往需要另一个领域的知识做基础。比如，学习物理的时候，没有数学知识将寸步难行。或者，学习法国文学的 时候，没有法语知识将无从下手。

这个点不错

法语知识这个点 要说清楚一些 是语言学的知识和研究方法对研究文学的意义



Moreover, consider the rapid development of the technology, acquiring diverse kinds of knowledge will help one work more confidently in rapid development of the occupation. 随着科学技术的发展（包括政策变迁、产业转移等其他因素），一些新的职业会不断产生，同时旧的职业会消亡。在过去十年里，柯达胶卷停产了，唱片公司纷纷倒 闭，各大报纸争先推出网络版本。旧的职业消亡了，新的职业快速产生。如果一个工人只会在胶卷厂工作，或者一个编辑只会对纸质报纸进行编辑，那是有很大的失 业风险的。如果有其他领域学习的知识储备，学生在未来会较好地应对变化，并且有信心来引导变化。这就是take a variety of courses outside the student's major field of study的实用性和重要性。


感觉你有一个倾向就是一段里举多个例子
虽然也有范文这么写
我个人倾向每段深入讨论1-2例子
例子里应该回应观点的几个部分
这里的例子里应该有学生、学的某个领域、领域外的课程、将来面临的职业挑战等等
这样你的例子才能有效的论证观点
按你目前的写法很有可能不能紧贴题目


Likewise, if the students acquire different academic disciplines’ knowledge, they will be more likely to get innovative results. 不同领域之间的合作可以为创新提供思路。比如，爱因斯坦酷爱小提琴，他曾经说过，他的理论的部分灵感来源于音乐的美感。苹果创始人乔布斯曾经研习书法，他 表示，在当时很少有人能看到学习书法的价值，但实际上他正是通过学习书法掌握了不同的字体，在设计Mac计算机字体的时候加入了书法的创意。乔布斯说： “如果我没有学习书法，可能是Mac计算机一大缺憾。”


这个点也挺好
举例的话 能否还是写校园内修读课程
而且这个点应该紧跟第一个点
第一点是说 修读部分专业外课程是专业课程的基础
第二点说可以帮助在专业学习、课设中创新

aiyinUID: 3542062

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-20 10:16
In my opinion, the claim that students should be required to learn varied courses outside thei ...

1.occupational market
A：能够改成occupational market？
2.likewise的用法
A：likewise 不能用于句首？已改成Besides,
3.’s -> of
A:已改
4.或许你在观点句中要回应一下题目中的关键词 truly educated  
A：我是看到truly educated 这个词的，但我对这个词的把握不是很自信，所以就避开了，我下面抄了你的半句话来回应这个词。
In my opinion, the claim that students should be required to learn varied courses outside their major field of study is reasonable. With broad background knowledge, students could study their major field more efficiently and more likely to get innovative results of research that are important parts of education. Besides, students will be work more confidently in the rapid development of occupational market if they acquire different knowledge of academic disciplines.
5.感觉你有一个倾向就是一段里举多个例子
虽然也有范文这么写
我个人倾向每段深入讨论1-2例子
例子里应该回应观点的几个部分
A：我确实爱用例子，我觉得多个例子比较生动，而且可以缓解一些篇幅的压力。不过在例子的有效论证上确实还要再改进一下

qinjichunUID: 3544209

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-20 09:58
ISSUE 70
Claim: Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside  ...

谢谢老师，您的提议真的很好，一下文章就显得有条理有逻辑多了，受益匪浅。之后写下全文，找找中间段的感觉

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

qinjichun 发表于 2014-11-21 05:23
谢谢老师，您的提议真的很好，一下文章就显得有条理有逻辑多了，受益匪浅。之后写下全文，找找中间段的感 ...

我开了一个全文修改的转帖 你看看
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1786997-1-1.html

chrishong119UID: 3412641

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-8 12:54
这个提纲和你7楼的区别不是很大 我说的例子偏题了你还是继续用 那我就没什么好说的了

写了13的，都差不多了


    The speaker claims that universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the students` field of study. Should that be the general code? Well, it would be quietly necessary for arts students to take various courses, especially students in business school. While, for science students, medical students in particular, it would be better to tightly focus on one`s filed of study.
   
    ts1
    To know something about almost everything is of critical importance for arts students to make a difference in the future, major-related courses only are not enough to prepare them for the future. For instance,商学院学生，宏观微观经济学、金融学、高数等等之外，还得熟知历史、国际政治、国际外交、地缘政治、民族学等等其他学科的知识，同时，还得对演讲、交流、礼仪等熟知，要是想有更大作为的话。

    ts2
    While, for science students, it is of critical and direct importance for them to dig deep into major-related courses to be proficient about related knowledge. 比如说医学生，因为所学科目比较多，也很深奥，而时间比较有限，那么，主要精力必须用在关键方面，就算是这样子，在大学几年里能学到的也只是皮毛，而医学等科学学科的更新非常快，在其毕业之前，很多相关的知识早就又出来一大堆了，所以，更别说让其在大学时候多花些时间去学其他的课程了。

    ts3
    Some people may argues that an absent of various courses in universities would significantly cripple students`s common knowledge and thus cripple their capacities to adapt to the society and succeed in the future.常识性的东西可以在日常生活中得到，包括与别人的交流，以课外活动，或看书，或外出旅游，而且，在大学中，除了专业课程之外，学生还会有一些相关的基础课程及选修课程，这些，早已足够让学生跟上时代步伐了。而且，学生都会自己去思考，综合起来，并不阻碍其在社会中的生活，更不妨碍其日后的成功。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

chrishong119 发表于 2014-11-30 21:40
写了13的，都差不多了

第一段中的语言表达问题颇多
拼写 选词 句子结构 请尝试修改
arts student是文科生 但是你的汉语展开却是商科生？
不太明白你的TS3在说什么

以后列提纲请列完整的题目

ee_stoneUID: 3573213

1220考场上遇到Issue 140, 悲剧。哪里跌倒就要从哪里爬起来，恩，重新写提纲。

抄题:

Some people believe that universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study. Others believe that universities should not force students to take any courses other than those that will help prepare them for jobs in their chosen fields.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

开头段：
Recent years have seen the contention that universities should require students to take courses outside the major field of study, or require them to focus only on the courses which potentially help them to prepare for jobs. In my point of view, the courses outside the field of study are equivalently important to the success of a student, while students should be free to make the decision on whether to take the courses and which courses to take based on their future plan.

With the increasing interdisciplinary exchanges between fields of study, some propose that the courses outside the specific filed should be a must to take for students to get the degree. While others are concerned with the limited bandwidth available for students, and want them to put the courses helpful for future jobs at top priority. I agree that most students should take extra courses in other fields, to inspire the new ideas and build great personality. Although it may take some bandwidth of students, the courses should be required to give the proper guidance and direction.

Recent years have seen the contention that 这样开头不好 太模板了 （已改）

he courses outside the field of study are equivalently important to the success of a student 这里equivalently important 表达有问题 我想知道你从哪里看到这种表达

我布置一个练习给你做做
找5篇我写过的范文 提取其中第一段的主旨句 用谷歌翻译成汉语 帖在论坛上 然后总结一下可以学到什么句型


Point 1:
General courses, such as music, PE or history which are outside most students' fields of study, help to build a person's personality and health, which are very important to the future success.
一些在专业领域之外的通识课程，如音乐，体育和历史，能够很大程度上影响一个人的个性和健康，而这对一个人的成功也是非常重要的。可以展开说现代社会的高强度工作需要越来越强健的体魄，而音乐可以陶冶人的情操，在浮躁的社会中安静下来。而一个人的修养和情操在今后的生活中也会给人带来更多的乐趣，也会帮助事业的发展。

注意题目说的是require 而你这里却变成了provide和encourage 这明显偏题啊  (已改）



Point 2:
Some specific courses in other fields can also help to inspire the ideas in the major field of study, and facilitate the cooperation with experts in that field.
其他一些专业的课程也可能对本专业的学习和研究有所启发帮助。例如计算机科学的学习，能够帮助学生解决可能发生的大量计算问题，生物学的基因组测序就是依靠计算机的帮助来进行大量的计算，如果没有这方面的知识，就很难和计算机专业人员进行问题的沟通和合作。

同上 （已改）

Point 3:
The bandwidth of students are one of major concerns of opponents. However, the bandwidth of college students is in general feasible for more versatile courses.
学生有限的时间通常是反对者的主要理由。但是目前大部分大学生的时间是可以容纳更多样的课程的。可以通过在不同的课程中间切换也是一种休息和放松，以及现在学生在业余时间大量浪费时间在游戏和网络上来进行例证。


so that这里用得不对 (已改)
这个点也没有回应题目
请看看我的范文 严格按照1+3模型来写  

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感谢王老师

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