[习作点评] 新人求好人改第一篇作文issue [复制链接]

georgelee9111
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发表于 2015-1-25 00:11:42 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-1-25 09:22 编辑

Question 1:
A nation should require all of its students to study the same curriculum until they enter college.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

正文：

Nowadays, different countries have embraced different varieties of educational systems, with each single system being consistent with its economy and political development. Developing countries and developed countries, however, have the same goal of using education to boost economy growth, to strengthen its political defense and also help contribute as much as they can to push the development of its country so that people living in it would live up to its healthy living-standard. Therefore, the knowledge that they will be using plays a significant role in how to put them into empirical using. In order to let one national to flourish in every different way, a great variety of national curriculum ranging from natural science to humanity education could be both conducive.

consistent 选词有问题意思不太清楚
economic growth
and also to help ...
整个开头除了最后一句都没有提curriculum
最后一句也没有全面回应题目
require all of its students to study the same curriculum

楼主试下用汉语归纳中间各段的重点自己检查一下有没有回应题目

   The reason that adding great variety of subjects into national curriculum varies. The most consequential argument would be that it gives students a chance to embrace and rediscover what they are really good at and hence may have the competence to use that as a potential to make contribution to the society. For example, if a student only have the tendency of studying history for his entire life, however one day, when he found that he is really fluent in cracking math problems with logics, but he was too old and was unable to accept any more professional tutoring in math field since he wasted much of his youth studying history with dated events where he could be out of being a precursor helping boasting mathematical science. Therefore, a great quantity of choice given to students to study different subjects help to see what they are really capable of.

   The famous saying that' interest is the best teacher' is never too dated to cite in every way concerning our whole new world still needs younger generation to explore. If one country have chosen the same curriculum for every single one of the students in their country, I am afraid to say they have executed the "interest' of student at very first hand and hence will be innocuous to diversification. For instance, one country is poor at its economy, the leader intended to help the economy grow put out the announcement that every single student should make studying economy as a prerequisite. Even though its national have seen a great growth in economy, however, its other perspective ranging from political stability, science advancement or basic necessity e.g food production are remaining stagnant simply because people are not good at making them better because they are lacking the knowledge of how to maintain a good society, make simple mathematical analysis and how to use technology automatic work. And this seems to do more harm by simply emphasizing on just economy as its curriculum.

   In recent world, every country is taking every possible ways to progress its own strength and at the same time, try to identify it's weaker side and figure out how to make it better by improving. Personally, by simply concentrating on mandatory one curriculum wouldn't either fit in the category of helping to strength the better or to improve the weaker not unless the same one were within one single subject, which I highly doubt in that no one country is perfect as they are improving, not the same, but still at different increasing degree. Hence, by simply exerting mandatory one subject would harm and confuse its students more.

   To the very least, despite all the things we have learned, at least what I have learned is that every single subject has the innate correlation with one another. By pursuing only one, which I argue, would probably slower the pace of the learning process due to its correlation with other subject will simply help understanding the subject better. What would circuit analysis would be like without mathematical analysis, or say what would the economy base their assumption on without concrete mathematical data analysis?

   Therefore, consider all the perspective and reasons given above, a better and wilder variety of curriculums for nations to proffer will definitely give benefits to students learning and knowledge obtaining, which I am sure that will help one full society to develop in every different aspect.